How Do You Regain "Womanhood" After Motherhood? Let's Share Our Tips!

I get ready everyday after breakfast and try to pull a cute outfit on and do makeup. Even if we have no plans I dress like we do. I make the kids look cute so I think I should try too. Online shopping is key when you have toddlers at home. We've been doing group date nights without the kids. So nice to be out and just concentrate on friends and not the little ones once in awhile.

Many traditions have the three stages of womanhood: maiden, mother, and crone. Each is honored for her strengths.

This culture has largely defined womanhood as the maiden: young, strong, independent, thin. Then we drive everyone who is no longer in that stage of her life crazy trying to get them back into it. This is silly. We change over time. Let's embrace this instead of fighting it.

My 14 year old is not the same person she was when she was 8. She has grown from a child into a maiden. I celebrate that.

I am not the same person I was when I was 23. I have grown from a maiden into a mother. I celebrate that too.

In about 15 years, I will pass into the crone stage of my life, offering wisdom and supporting mothers. I will celebrate that too.

There is, of course a dark side to each stage. Maidens can veer from independent into frivolous and selfish. Mothers can veer from being well-balanced caretakers into self-destructive martyrs. Crones can veer from being the community source of wisdom into bitter and selfish hags.

So the question is not "how can I get back who I was?" The question is "how can I fully express who I am?" The answers to that will vary.

For me, the biggest thing I need is getting the house to myself once a week or so. Having some time to think and work uninterrupted is golden in my life. This has not always been easy to arrange, but I keep trying!

I didn't wait, as soon as I had my children I never wore sweat pants or even "juicy couture."(they look terrible on a woman with big tussie and belly) Why? I didn't want to fall into the frump. I immediately got myself into the gym, regained my original body weight, partially due to genetics too, and bought me some well fitting clothes. I would go to the park with my little ones in a cool pair of sandals, or pants and tops. Never wanted to fall into the stage that, well, I'm a mom so I'm allowed to let myself go. I even made the time to apply makeup as needed. Besides, I lived in Italy for a decade and people there were always well put together. What a difference in mentality. It took me a while to adjust.

Oh geez! I'm still lost and my kids are 3 1/2 and 10 1/2!! I get so excited when I get coupons/gift cards and all I can think is what I can buy for the kids! Even though I need clothes and at least one new bra, I get way more excited about shopping for the girls. Can't wait to hear some advice!

I find a gym with a daycare....and i wear makeup to it.

I would look at a makeover with your hair and nails and a massage.

You are number 1.

Start treating yourself like it.

Have a great weekend.

N. Marie

Get your hair styled, somthing simple but girlie. Do your nails weekly, I give myself a manicure every week. I use cuticle remover, nail polish, shape them with a nail file or emery board it takes about an hour but my toe nails and fingernails match and always look good. Wear girlie shoes. I have a few pairs of sneakers but many pairs of heels everything form 1 inch heels to 4 inch heels in several colors. They really dress up a pair of jeans and a tee shirt. Wear belts,earrings, necklaces and bracelets they put a finishing touch on your outfit.
Buy only girlie tee shirts, I don't like the boxy man cut tee shirts. A girlie tee shirt that flaunts your curves really helps. Also a few buttoned down blouses with jeans dresses them up and looks more girlie.

I try to keep my hair colored, make some time to read or watch tv for 1/2 hour or so before bed, and to wear perfume. For some reason smelling good makes me happy whether it's at the grocery store or out to dinner. Doesn't have to be big stuff, just so long as it makes you feel good about yourself.

There are two answers to this question. One you declared your womanhood totally when you became a mother.
Two there has to be a life with yourself in the middle of all your mothering.
My daughter and I went to dance class together. She was five. I was a bit older. I also took time to visit friends of mine or invite them over during the afternoon. This was very important for me as my husband did not like all my friends and so I met those women he disliked for lunch.
I got dressed up and went into the city with a friend to an art gallery. We went together with our babies every Thursday. Our babies were in the baby carrier each of us wore.
I took a refresher course in Spanish while my husband took care of the children one night a week. That turned out to be brilliant as when I returned to work the language was what got me the job over the other applicants.

dang, i didnt do for me until in my fifties. got all caught up in family. i to would buy for hubbo or kids and not myself. at meals i would be the last to eat.

so young ladies, think now about training ur family for 'the me (you) time', and get over the guilt as well.

That is the ultimate question! Yes, it's important to take care of your kids and be there for your family, but if you don't care of yourself first, who will be there for your family if you're unable to be? I learned this the hard way and have since done things that make ME feel good. My kids (4.5 and 18mo) actually enjoy doing many of the things I enjoy, so that's a plus.

Here are some things I do and have done:
- Joined a gym. Their child care has a 2 hour limit, so I get 2 hours to work out, sit in the jacuzzi, take a class, or just sit in the lobby and read if I want.
- Signed my son up for camp. I'm a SAHM, so no, I don't need the care, but he enjoys it, and it gives me one-on-one time with my daughter.
- I cook what *I* want to eat, not necessarily what everyone else may want. I do family recipes, new recipes, or just something thrown together that sounds good to me. I'm actually surprised at the dishes my kids enjoy!
- I take time for me during the day. My kids are good at playing by themselves, so I "reward" myself with computer time.
- I played volleyball in a league (before they had to fold due to the economy) every Monday night.
- I'm a peer breastfeeding counselor with Nursing Mothers Counsel. I'm also the Assignments Chair, a Speaker, and am on the publicity and recruitment committees, as well as helping out with Orientation and whatever else I may want to be involved with. It requires my time, but I don't mind. I actually LOVE my "job!!"
- I like to have my hair colored, and my sister does it (saves time and money).
- We get out of the house EVERY day! Something big, something small, we get out every day.

Hope some of this helps! One of the biggest factors in being more able to take care of myself is the support of my husband. I didn't have it until our 1st (son) was almost 3, and now that I have it, I'm runnin' with it!!! :) Doing even small things for yourself will make you a better person, better mother, better wife, etc!!

Hear ye! Bravo!
It took me until my son was 2 1/2 years old but I finally have begun "doing fun things for myself":
went out to dinner w/a friend Fri night
my girlfriend came into town Sat night. We shopped, went to dinner and caught up. All much needed and I felt like a different person.
I've begun walking for 1/2 hr after dinner when hubby can watch baby.
I've recently gone to the mall twice, bought myself some makeup and bought a couple cheap pieces of clothes at Ross. Yay me!