How Important Is a Will?

Hi, Mom:

A will is so important because it takes care of who will be the executor of the estate.

Look on Legalzoom.com to see what is involved.

Good luck. D.

A will is critical, even without the kids. It will be much harder for either one of you to deal with all the name change stuff, banks, etc. if one dies before the other if you don't have a will. My dad died of cancer so we had some preparation time to get everything in order. It still took almost a year for all the "business" stuff out of the way for my mom. I cannot imagine how much harder it would have been without a will in place.

My dad died unexpectedly without a will, when he was only 54. I was 31. I can't tell you HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO HAVE A WILL. I could write for hours and still not tell you everything that we went through trying to get things figured out, arrangements taken care of the way we thought he'd want them, his belongings, the list is endless. So, I would say, if you love your kids and whoever it is that will bury you...get a will put together. It is VERY important. If nothing else convinces him, think of this - if it goes through probate (no will), lots of the money will go to lawyers and taxes that could have gone to your children and their care. Please get a will (I'm begging as a daughter whose father didn't have one).

A will is only important if you want to be sure that your wishes are followed upon your deaths. I think it would be vitally important ESPECIALLY if you don't have anyone to leave the kids with. Don't you have ANY family members that would be willing to care for your children should something happen before they can take care of themselves? Any friends at all? Surely, there must be someone.

Secondly, you really don't want some judge deciding on how to dispense your assests. With a will, you get to say what happens. It is the best way to take care of your children should the worst happen. You never PLAN on anything happening. That's why you have a plan in place prior to any tragedy. It also makes things easier for a surviving and grieving spouse. Many of the decisions that need to made have been done so already and the legal transition will be much easier.

You MUST find someone who will care for your children in the off chance something happens to you. I couldn't imagine having them be placed in foster homes because you didn't think you 'had' anyone to be their guardians. Make it a priority. Draw up a will so that your wishes are known and will be followed. I believe it is irresponsible to do nothing.

Good luck with this process. It may seem odd to plan for how things happen after your death but you will have such peace of mind once you do. D.

Hi! I agree that a will is important. We don't have any family we feel comfortable leaving our children with either. As of now their appointed guardians (should something happen to both of us) is their Godparents. We have spent time with these friends and know they'd raise our children in a way that we would want. What about your best friends? Godparents? Anyone you feel would care for your children appropriately? It should be someone you two choose as opposed to having the state (someone who doesn't know your children) decide. Of course you don't plan on something happening, but you never know. It's worth it to have one in place. Likely you'll never need to have it carried out, but it will give you peace of mind to know what would happen should a tragedy occur.

Hi. Good for you for taking care of your children under any eventuality. Please do get a will. My dad died when I was young, and a will was important for a variety of reasons.

Here is what we are doing from the research we have done, and from experience: Your children should be named as the inheritors etc...If G-d forbid you both should die while they are young, you should think which friends etc. you would entrust to raise them.You should also appoint a separate person or persons as executor to ensure your wishes are carried out. (it could be a friend and a lawyer)

I do not know how much money is involved, but you should also decide at what age the money etc. should be given to your children. 18? 21? 30? Many wills give an allowance at an earlier age, and the inheritance later to help ensure that the children learn to earn their way in life and not depend on an inheritance. (They still get the allowance to help)

It is very importance to ensure that if your kids are without you, that money intended for them goes to them, so the executor should be maybe one or two people of utmost integrity (I was stolen from).

I hope this helps.

Jilly

You need a living trust; it is much, much better than a will because upon your death, your assets are immediately in the hands of your beneficiaries and are not tied up in probate court (as w/ a will.) And your estate will not have to go through probate court, which costs thousands of dollars (ensuring that you kids would get less than they would have if you had a trust). Google the advantages; here's just one entry that I found:

http://www.estateplancenter.com/living-trust-4/benefits-o...

Also, I would immediately start thinking about who would take your children should something happen to you or your husband. Close family friends? There must be someone you trust. My guess is otherwise they would become wards of the state and I'm sure you wouldn't want that to happen.

I really encourage you and your husband to do this immediately. One thing that has really hit home lately for me is that everything you have, your life, whatever, can be gone in an instant. An instant.

Very important. If you don't appoint a guardian for your kids and something should happen to both you and hubby, the court will appoint someone if no one steps forward. You also need to decide what will happen to your assets, have an executor to make sure those things happen and decide where your money will go. It's also important if one of you should die but not the other - if there is no will and a court has to determine the money, some of the money will be put in a trust for the kids but you might need that money NOW to raise them. If you should both die, the person who is your child's guardian will need money to raise them.

As a Mom/head of our house, I think we need to take the bull by the horns sometimes. Your husband may feel this is an "unnecessary" process. You can argue your case, but ultimately, he has to do it.

It looks like you've gotten some great advice here, so I'll go at it from the angle of talking with your husband. It seems like he has this attitude of "well we don't have anyone to take care of our kids, so why bother?" No one LIKES to make out a will, plan for their final arrangements or buy life insurance in the event of their own deaths. But the reality is that he has a family to take care of, whether he's alive or not. What kind of legacy does he want to leave his children with?

He needs to think seriously about what would happen if you both died tomorrow? It's most likely the children would become wards of the state, be taken out of their home, school and away from their friends until "things can be sorted out". But with no will, what's to sort out? Not much except that someone from the state would likely be responsible for everything they own - all of their worldy possession will be sold, including your wedding rings, momentos, etc. or thrown away by strangers. No one would have your children's best interests at heart. Nor their financial well being. Your house would be sold, not at the best price and the money, I believe would sit in a bank account until your children turn 18.

So between now and 18 your children may be shuffled from foster home to foster home. Being uprooted. Not knowing who to trust. No security in them even staying together.

This is the reality.

Life insurance, wills and even living wills are in place to protect the ones who live on. To provide for their security. And to attempt to ensure, as best we can, that their lives will go on as seemlessly as possible.

When you talk with your husband about "who would take the kids" just remember that it doesn't have to be family. What about a trusted neighbor? This could ensure that your children remain in their school and with their friends. What about someone from your church? This may ensure they have the "upbringing" and views of like minded people of you and your husband?

After you talk with your husband, you need to talk with the potential "guardians". Ask them if they are willing to take on such a responsibility? Essentially they will manage your children's finances and lives, just as you do now. So the assets and money you leave for your children will be available to this person to assist them in raising your children.

One last point, "Godparents" don't have to be the guardians. Godparents are usually a religiously appointed position of someone who is supposed to be there for your child's spiritual well-being, and as a confidant, in addition to or in lieu of parents. People commit to leading children in the ways of God. Guardians are legally appointed positions. These do not have to be religiously compatible with the child. They can be family, non-family, and anyone over the age of 18.

I hope this helped add some other information to discuss with your husband that maybe other people haven't brought up.

One final point, don't fall into the trap of "well if he doesn't want to do it than WE won't". YOU should be responsible. YOU should take the initiative to get one made. I found that by being non-confrontational, but matter-a-fact that "I" was going to cover myself, my husband got onboard. I went online and bought a "kit" to create a living will. I researched private life insurance, and got quotes for both of us. Once I did my living will, he was onboard. He agreed to get private (not linked to our jobs) life insurance together. Then HE bought software and we made our own wills and had them notarized.

It may be easier for your husband to "just sign it" if you do all the leg work. You can create your own will (I suggest using software or going to an attorney), and then all he has to do is "copy" and "paste" it, changing your name to his and then VIOLA, he has a will!

Bottom line: YOU should cover yourself and your children. Your will should take care of everything in the event both you and your husband go.

Best wishes!

Very important especially since you have no one to leave the kids with. They could be taken into state care or a battle could pop up. It would be very traumatic for them already, but to be placed with complete strangers under the state foster care or placed in a tug of war, would be terrible.

Also you own your home and your kids could end up without anything if a will is not available.

There are free Will kits online.. Look at them so you will know what type of information will be needed if you want to do this through a family attorney.Or use the online will as your actual will.

Do start thinking about how you would like your children cared for, maybe this will help you find a friend to be named guardian if by some very rare instance something were to happen to both of you.

Many people do not even want to think about these things, it is too upsetting for them. Or they think it will bring on some type of disaster. I think it always best to be as prepared as possible, especially for your children.

Unless he'd like your kids to become wards of the state, I would suggest setting up a will. The same applies to any property/possessions you have. It would go to auction unless you specify otherwise.
Very, very important, even if it seems trivial!

I agree with other posters that a will is very important and good for you for thinking of it sooner than later.
We didn't do it until our kids were a little older. And we too really didn't feel comfortable having our kids live with a family member and chose a close friend (with her permission of course) as guardian and then my brother as executor of the estate.
Just to put another spin on it. . . Our son will son be 20 years old and our daughter 16. I recently mentioned to my husband that maybe we should change our will and our son could be 'in charge' of his sister. even my dear husband commented that why would we put that burden on him so he couldn't enjoy his 20's? Good point, so we left things the way they were.

if you didnt have kids, then i could almost understand not caring what happens, but what is more important than the care of your children?? you really want to entrust that to the government?? you need a will, a living will, a health care proxy and a power of attorney. you need to have executors of your will, and a trust for your children to decide if they get the money at 18 so they can blow it all on a car, or later so they have a shot at planning ahead. i know its awful to think about, and it costs some money, but trust me, stuff does happen. and it doesnt have to be both of you, those documents help out if its just one of you. believe me, trying to sort stuff out after you are devastated by a sudden loss is just a nightmare. you will feel soooooo much better after you take care of this. and dont forget the life insurance. if your husband isnt willing to do this, take care of it yourself. i was never willing to deal with any of this stuff, it was much too upsetting. then i experienced first hand what it is to deal with all the red tape when you are totally crushed. so i knew we had to do it. hubby still couldnt deal. so, when hubby and i were going away for the weekend to his college reunion, i told him i wasnt going unless this was all done. now its done and i feel so much better, and so does he.

Dear Momto2,

In most states, children can not be willed away; however, your will can state your wishes as to who the two of you would like to care for your children. If your children are minors at the time of you and your husband's demise, the court will be involved in investigating and checking out the individual(s) that you named to care for your children to make sure that they are suitable and are willing to carry out your wishes of caring for your children. In Michigan, if children are left heirs to an estate that totals more than $5,000 (five thousand dollars) the court will appoint a conservator who is required to report to the court regarding the children's finances etc. That individual must also get permission from the court to spend money on the children's behalf (in most instances). This was put into place because so many children were broke or never got the money that was left them when they reached age majority because the relatives/caregivers spent all their money. So mechanisms were put into place to secure their financial interest. Sometimes attorney's can be expensive and can bill the estate and get paid if the court approves the expenditures. So you want to make sure that if you get an attorney that they don't over bill you or the estate. You may want to know up front what their fees would be. You can also set up a trust fund for your children with a trust fund administrator. The trust will dispense money in the amounts that you state and at what ever age you decide. The most important thing is to make sure that the caregivers that you entrust your children with has a full understanding of the morals and values that you want your children reared in. Make sure that you provide funds for college educations and or business investments (children's ability to start their own businesses) if you are okay with them starting businesses and delaying college. The nice thing is you can dictate your wishes. In Michigan, you would be required to name a personal representative of your estate. This person is required to administer your estate and probate your will. You can also file a Will for safe keeping in Michigan. This means the Will will be on file at the probate court. This keeps people honest. They can't claim there wasn't a Will or that they couldn't find one. Upon your demise the Will will be provided and serve as the Last Will and Testament unless you have voided it and wrote a new one. If you should change your will always remember to change the copy at the Court should you file one there for safe keeping. You may want to check your state's laws to see if you have similar requirements. I hope this helps.

God Bless

A WILL is very important.
If you do not have anyone to leave the kids with you might want to think about picking out God Parents for them.
In the WILL you can leave the house to them so that if something does happen the state wont try to take it away from them because they are under age.

Good Luck.

So...do you want the children to become wards of the court if something happens to both of you? You need to make some sort of decision about what you would want to happen to your children if the worst were to happen...or the courts will step in and just make a decision based upon the law. Of course you aren't PLANNING on having anything happen to you but as a parent you need to be prepared to look out for the best interests of your children if anything were to happen!!! I would say that you need to go and see a lawyer and write up a will immediately! If you can't afford to go to a lawyer, check and see if one of the law schools in your area has a student run law clinic that can do it for you at a much more reasonable rate.

YES! Get a will! No one plans on having something happen. That's why there's accidents.

First, you must find someone, even a friend, to take your children because if there's no one listed then they go to the state and they could be split up, sent from one foster home to another, because people like to adopt babies, not older children, and they don't like adopting groups, only one child. You must list someone! Both of your parents are dead or are totally unsuitable where they would beat your children or something? Neither of you have brothers or sisters who could give them a home? You don't have one friend who could give them a decent home? You need to make friends fast then. You can change your will at any time. I would put down someone for now and as time goes by you can change it.

You also need to have a will so that the courts will know where your assets will go. Your home can be given to the children and the person who will raise the children will be in charge of the house. Or you can have it liquidated so the money will go to the children to raise them or for college. What about your TV? Your furniture? The chidlren's furniture? Your kitchen table? You can ask that everything be sold so the money will go to the children. You can list what is NOT to be sold and kept by the children. What about your precious heirlooms? Photographs? Your wedding dress? Who will get those? How will they be disposed? They will go to the trash if you don't tell someone to save them for your children. Do you have life insurance to cover funeral expenses? Who will be in charge of that? Where does the money left over go to? If you're totally estranged from family, your children and belongs can automatically go to people you don't like or approve of due to the law. You can also list the "don'ts" in your will. Your wishes can be stated in your will, like not wanting your children to visit or be around certain relatives who may have harmed you in the past and you want to protect your children. For example: Uncle John molested mom as a child. Mom doesn't want the children around Uncle John at any family functions in the future. Another example: Grampa used to beat Dad as a child. Dad doesn't want the children raised by Grampa for fear of the same thing happening to them. Do you have pets? What happens to your pets? Do you want them sent to the pound or put to sleep because no one wants them? You can request a special adoption agency take your animals. Who will take your vehicles? Example: You know your nephew is a maniac behind the wheel or your aunt drives drunk. You can request that they do not get your cars.

There are many tiny details that need to be thought about, things that hubby is not considering and mainly your children will be wards of the courts and that can be a sad thing. Things aren't "automatic" when both parents die. It's a mess! And with court costs your children could end up with nothing and someone paying a bill, and if someone steps forward to say they want a peice of something you have, you're not there to say "no way". Write it down, everything. You'd be amazed how crazy people get when someone passes.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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