How Long Is to Long to Visit with Relatives Out of Town

If she wants to see her that bad grandma can come down to see her. My inlaws are in MD we are in Augusta. A 15 month old is too young to stay anywhere with out mom , unless it was an absolute necessity.

I would only take her to visit when I could go. There's no reason for her to go alone, especially at that age.

NO - she is not even 2. You are the mom, and she's too young. If you all want to visit for a couple of weeks, great. But I wouldn't leave my baby with someone I completely trusted for that long at that young age. It's the whole family or nothing.

I couldn't be away from my child at that age - we wanted/needed each other.
You're the Mama - you call the shots - and your husband should not be brow beating you on behalf of his mother - he needs to remember who he's married to.
Don't try to meet her half way on this - she'll take a mile if you give her an inch.
Tell them it's not going to happen and they need to get over it - you are too protective and attached - there's nothing wrong with that.
You can visit as a family together for a few days and Grandma can have her for the summer when she turns 13.

How close is your daughter to her grandmother? Even with a close relationship I don't think I'd leave my son with my own mom for 2 weeks. That's a long time for a kiddo to be without their primary caregiver. I can see how you are overwhelmed and I would feel that way and I would be resistant to wanting to let my son go visit for that length of time, especially when he was only one!! I think that longer visits like that need to be for when the kid is older and can understand that mommy will be back in 2 weeks and they can call and actually have a conversation on the phone every now and then while they are gone. I don't know how close you are, but I would worry my son (when he was that little) would be wondering where the heck his mom went and would not have the language skills or social skills to deal with that.

Good luck... I felt like my in laws were a bit invasive when my son was born. They did everything possible to get rid of me after I had him. They didn't understand that I was nursing and pumping is a pain, that I was healing from a C section and I just wanted to stay home with my baby. I didn't want to go out and dump my baby off with them. I had no problem with a lot of visiting, but it was my baby and I didn't want to leave him so soon.

Best Wishes!

This is creepy on so many levels.
"She has even gone as far as to say that she wants my daughter to live with her and also has offered that she go stay with other relatives."
I would NOT leave my child alone with someone like that, it sounds like she wants to keep her, CREEPY!!!
If you want to try to "keep the peace" you, your husband and daughter could go TOGETHER and visit for a few days. If MIL doesn't like it then too bad, don't go.
I'm sorry this is causing a problem between you and your husband. I hope he comes to realize that the child is yours, and his, NOT his mother's to have as she wishes :(

That seems odd to me - if it were me I'd go WITH my daughter to visit for a few days, maybe a week, then come home.

I would be very careful of anyone (even a grandparent) who wants to put distance between you and your child, when said child is 15 MONTHS OLD! That's way too young to even consider it, imho.

Good luck - trust your instincts.

AFTER READING MORE RESPONSES AND YOUR SO WHAT HAPPENED: I think you have made a good decision and I also think, as many others mentioned, there is something that does not sit well with your husband's mother.....I actually would not leave my child alone in her care.

I let my son go visit his grandparents in Oregon for about a month in the summer time when he was about 7 or 8. I would never have let him go at a younger age. Your husband's mother is asking too much and he should be respecting YOUR wishes on this issue and talk with his mother.

If she wants to see the baby, invite her for a visit to your home for a week. Personally I don't like to stay with relatives more then a few days.

Blessings......

.

How long can you take off from work? I would suggest that you plan your vacation to go and visit grandma. And tell grandma that you and your husband will be visiting for "X" amount of time. No way would I send a 1 year old for an extended visit by herself. If you live that far apart how many times has your baby met this grandma? I am a grandma I understand the whole wanting the little ones to visit. but not for a long visit the first time with out me and hubby there to smooth it along. It would probably be fine but still I would go along for the first 3 or 4 visits then when she is about 5 send her for weeks at a time without you.

Grrrrrr.... this subject is one that gets my ire up! "Grandparents' sense of entitlement to alone time with their grandchildren...." I may write a thesis.

So, I will tell you, I am *very* close with my mother. Even so, my nearly four-year-old son only spent two nights away from me in his life, and that was after he was two-years-old and it was a necessity, not a vacation. And she only lives two hours away from me, so she is a familiar face and there is a good level of comfort and understanding. (I still wrote a rather lengthy care manual since my son has some rather specific needs and is not verbal.)

I am guessing from your wording that you and your baby's father are not married. That creates it's own issues. Baby's grandmother wants a relationship with her grandchild, but doesn't see you as family. So sad... for her. She needs to get over it and realize you are a package deal. Perhaps she may get the honor of spending time alone with your child, when you feel comfortable enough to go out for whatever reason and for whatever length of time, but at this point, making irrational demands isn't going to gain her and favors from you.

You need to speak to your child's father. Tell him you feel your daughter is just too young and you won't feel comfortable sending her that far away from you until she is at least 6 years old. Tell him you are open to other suggestions, for instance all of you traveling there together or her coming to visit you, whatever. All conversations should open at least as many possibilities as they discourage.

Good luck to you.

Hi K.,

I would plan a family trip for about a week and let both your daughter and grandma get to know each other while you & your husband are there, then plan something for just you & your husband to do for a couple of hours or so, so that Grandma can take care of her granddaughter. As for staying 2 weeks or the whole summer while your daughter is young, I wouldn't be comfortable with that either. Trust your instincts with that.

I'm lucky in one sense because both my parents and my husbands parents live here, so I don't have this issue. The only time that my oldest son has spent the night at Grandma's house is when he was 5 (he's now 6) and I was at the hospital having my second son. It wasn't easy for me, but my husband was busy going back and forth to the hospital and getting the crib setup (my second son was 3 weeks early).

Good Luck!

I.

I am all for children visiting and spending time with grandparents but 2 weeks + for a 15 month old is too long unless you are with her.

I never stay more than 3 nights when I visit relatives.

My daughter has stayed with her grandmother for a week and she was about 13 at the time. She got pretty bored.... part of that was that we are very active and in the Dallas area with a lot to do and at the time Grandmother was in AL and not so much to do. My daughter appreciated her home after she got home from that trip!!

I would say this is what I offered one week is what I am comfortable with. Then I would not say anything else. One week is a huge amoun of time for a 15 mo to be away from her mom.

Could your mil visit you for a week?

3-5 days tops! She is too young to be gone for more than that unless you are with her. JMO. Hold your ground! As she gets older, she can stay longer...

I just think there is something creepy about a grama who suggests you give up your 15 month old for more than a few hours. If she was offereing to babysit so you could could go out to dinner it would be fine, but at 2 months old she was telling you to give her your baby and walk away. Now she is still hounding you to leave her for a month? Id question her motives and your childs safety with this woman. There is something terribly wrong with her to think you would be willing to turn your back on your small toddler. Id worry about her doing strange and dangerous things to my child. She might have ideas of kidnapping her if you really want to know what I fear. A month would give her a chance to brainwash the baby into calling her mommy, and the child would develop love and feelings for her so in everyone elses eyes she might appear to actually be the womans child. No one would question her if she walked across the border to another country and started life as the M. and child. I know some might think this is crazy and Im imagining things at their worst, but it happens. It gave me a cold chill just reading how she wants your baby to come live with her. Did she say, "oh please, why dont you pack up and move to my town so I can see her more often?". or did she say " I want that baby to live with me and you should just let me have her"...I think shes nuts to assume you would even be willing to leave your child with her. I dont think Id even be inclined to go visit for fear she already has plans and would disappear with her. Now, if you have told her how hard it is to take care of a baby, and how you cant do it every day, and you are so worn out and tired and sick and hate diapers, and given her the impretion you hate motherhood, maybe she is trying to save your child from what she perceives as a bad home life. But aside from that,, I see red flags all over this woman and would run the other way. Its been a long time since I had such strong "vibes" from someones question. It really has me worried. You should be too.

I think a week at that age is gracious plenty! Maybe at age 2 or 3 add a week? It is your child, you birthed her - you decide how long the visit. The older she gets you can judge the length of time by her enjoyment of the visits and your need for a break, because eventually you will need at least one for a time for yourself.
Good Luck!
M.

First, no way all summer, what about you? Are you to leave her at grandmas house? If so, your daughter is too young, perhaps when she's potty trained and not attached perhaps 9 years old she can do that. Also, thank goodness for distance otherwise she would have you do even more. Just pond it off as she's too young and if she visits you visit and you leave together. 5 days is just enough (speaking from experience). You come together and leave together. I highly recommend never leaving her with the grandparents without you, your daughter will be so stressed out she might start being depressed and feel abandoned and so many other feels you probably haven't considered. Just continue to argue and stay your ground on this issue because if you don't this will happen and it will not be good for you little daughter. I have a 5 year old Boy and a 3 1/2 year old girl, they never want to say at grandmas without us besides they raised kids differently and they have their own ideas and more than likely things aren't the way it was back than so teaching and old dog new tricks isn't going to happen so I won't even go there. Keep her with you and don't leave her w/o you!

Wow, your MIL is something else! I think a week is plenty generous. Her expectations are really beyond bizarre. Just tell your MIL that you feel that anything longer than a week is too long for a 15 month old to be away from her mother. If she keeps pushing, tell her kindly, but firmly the same thing over again.

Maybe this book would be helpful in dealing w/her.
http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/d...

You can also tell your husband that you don't appreciate him discounting your feelings about this and siding with his mother. If he wasn't comfortable with something, I'm sure he wouldn't want you pushing for it.

Good luck!! :o)

My daughter is 4.5 years old and has never spent the night with anyone but us. When one of us was a away, the other was with her. Her grandparents live close by so she definately knows and interacts with them often and I wouldn't allow her to go for a week (or longer). I work full time during the week and she attends preschool/summer camp full time. That leaves evenings and weekends to spend with her and I am not "sending her away" so someone else can spend time with her. They are welcome to visit us or we will visit them but that does not require her to spend the night.

I think it would be reasonable for the three of you to plan a visit with Grandma. While there, plan a day or two of alone time with your hubby when Grandma can have her granddaughter all to herself (but you are still near by if needed). Be sure this is after you've had a day or two there for Grandma and baby to get acquainted and comfortable.

Most grandma's have trouble adjusting from mom to grandma and others feel that grandmas should have more say....especially if their mothers/MILs did with their own children.

I'd be very concerned that your MIL wants your daughter to live with her or any other relatives besides yourselves. If you allow her to stay, will she be willing to give her back, or will there be resistance and possibly some sort of custody battle? That statement was just a huge red-flag to me. What is her motivation here? Do you think she would try to claim you are unfit parents in some way and fight for custody?

I don't think you should ever leave a child that small with anyone unless you feel 100% comfortable with it. Why can't you go with her for the visit? I would never send one of my small kids (5, 3 and 1) away without me....I can't understand why your husband would even want you to. Or you can invite the grandmother to your house. If she doesn't like that, then that's just too bad.

I have a 5 and 3 year old with 2 sets of grandparents out of state. they visit when the whole family visits (1-2 times/year). We are considering letting my daughter stay for a few days to a week when she is 6 or 7 but only considering! They have both stayed at their aunt's apt without my husband or me when our whole family stayed at my parents.

I agree with the other responses that your MILs demands are crazy. The only thing I would do at this time is go for a week long visit WITH your daughter (you going too) and not leaving her alone. We let our 6 year old son stay with his grandparents for a week without us for the first time last summer. We felt he was old enough, we totally trust the grandparents, and he had a great time. I guess I can see taking a week long trip with your husband and leaving your daughter with grandparents you completely and totally trust, but your MIL does not sound trustable AT ALL! If it makes you feel any better, ever since our son was born my mom has been saying she can't wait for him to come stay with her for a month in the summer. But she was never demanding it.

She wants her to stay the entire summer!!!????? Has been asking this since she was 2 months old!!!??? I'm sorry but a "baby" needs her mother. Even IF the Grandmother could tolerate her and fully capable of caring for her I just don't think your daughter could comprehend for that amount of time without her mommy! My daughters are 8 years old and I myself wouldn't even think about setting them off somewhere for 2 weeks family or not. I guess its different though because both Grandparents DO live here and close so it's not a question because IF something happened -I could get there. It's different when they are younger though I realize even with my two that's a bit over-protective but I know them staying with their Grandparents after three days my kids want to come home because they miss mommy and daddy. I think you have compromised enough by agreeing to go for a week which honestly she should be thankful that you are giving up YOUR vacation week for her!!!!! She seems over-bearing and I bet your trip won't be relaxing-thank God you do have family there because I think you just might need it-lol! Sorry but I could be totally wrongand hope I am but geez! I think I would have already tried to tell her to back off-lol!

Are you talking about going with her?? I wouldn't send my kids to anyone's place alone! Not even to my mom and dad's, despite the fact that I fully trust them with my children (not that they would be willing to take on three little boys, four and under for more than a night anyway!). My MIL went kind of kooky when I had my first son. She thought she was coming from Ireland to take over my duties as a mother and this would leave me time to cook and clean. She was constantly busting in the room when the baby was crying, despite the fact that I was in there with him! She would literally jump out of the car and stand with a white-knuckled grip on the stroller so that she could push him around instead of me. Every time I diapered him she was there, pushing the diaper up over his bottom for me. It was horrible! She's such a hovering woman anyway, but this got ridiculous. She even got a chair and set it BESIDE the television so that she could watch me breastfeed while I watched TV. Talk about uncomfortable!! Yet at the same time she was totally incapable of looking after him. We kept catching her washing his bottles in last-night's dishwater (he was 10 weeks old at the time!) and she was always trying to either pull him out of the bouncy chair by an arm or picking him up off the floor by his waist - no head support. Anyway, it was a nightmare visit. She has calmed down with the arrival of my twins, thankfully, but I think it's because she's super out of shape and just can't keep up anymore. haha.
Anyway, I can't believe your husband is thinking she should go without you for two whole weeks! My friend's mom is a psychologist and she has always maintained that you should never spend more nights away than the child is old. Thus one night for a one-year-old, two nights for a two-year-old, etc. I have gone away for four nights from my two-year-olds, but that was definitely enough. I would suggest that you go with the daughter when she visits and maybe leave her alone for a night, but that's about all I'd do. Sounds to me like she doesn't think you're doing a good job parenting her. Frankly I'd find her suggestions and her offerings to have your daughter stay with other relatives more than a little insulting. If your husband can't get over it, then I suggest you both talk to a marriage counsellor of sorts because there is definitely something wrong with your mother-in-law's thought process here!

My children are 7, 5, and 3. My 3 year old has never spent the night anywhere without me and my 5 year old did one night when my 3 year old was born. My 7 year old has spent 4 nights without me, one night when my 5 year old was born, one night when my 3 year old was born and 2 separate nights with my sister and dad at my dad's house about 30 minutes away. Those visits didn't happen until this year. There is NO WAY I would send even my 7 year old much less a 15 month old to spend 2 weeks with anyone.

Can grandma come and stay with you for two weeks? That way you can do things you want to do with hubby (and go to work and do regular things) while grandma stays home with the baby. You're right. She's way too young to be in a strange environment for that long. But maybe if she's at your house.... she could get to know grandma and they could have some good one-on-one time.

On the flipside, I think your MIL sounds like a jerk and I wouldn't want to do much to accommodate her. I definitely wouldn't sent my daughter to stay with a woman like that for a long time. Not until she's much older and can let you know if she's having fun or not. Like, maybe when she's 10.

We moved 9 hours away from grandparents when my kids were 7 and 2. When summer came six months later both kids went to spend a week and a half with grandparents (half with my parents and half with my in-laws).They have done this every summer for 4 years now and we have never had a problem. (They actually looked forward to that visit more than Disney World this year!) However, I do recommend that until she is speaking somewhat fluently and can communicate her needs that your daughter have a parent with her if it's for more than a night or 2.

Sounds like you came up with a solution. Of course they want to spend time with her, but at that age it is tough on both of you. I live that far from my parents and I waited until my daughter was 3 to send her to visit by herself. She stayed a week, but my husband stayed a few days in the beginning and I spent a few at the end so it wasn't a full week. She had fun, but after 3 days or so without us, she got upset. This year it was very differrent as she was older, had done it before and knew we were coming back. She spent a week and wants to stay longer (but she was still really glad to see us and a bit clingy when we got home). I can't imagine how she would have done at 15 months. I also don't like the 'she could live with her' comments - that wouldn't make me comfortable either!