You know, if he has resentment about the living/working arrangements I think he would make you feel bad no matter how low or high-maintenance you are. This is something the two of you should try to talk through - possibly w/a mediator to offer a 3rd party perspective. Resentment can really sour things and can seep into all other areas, even those unrelated to the issue at hand.
I'm technically a working mom, but as a teacher I get my summers off to be a SAHM, so it's kind of the best of both worlds. I have some money and independence (which gives me some say over how it's spent) and still have time w/my son. Granted, I only have one so the dynamic is totally different: he still naps, so I have some "me" time and I usually work out after he goes to bed. Other than that, I'm kind of a homebody bc I work really hard and am too tired for much of a life - ha! - so I don't mind not "getting out" for the "me" time. Occasionally (every few months or so?) I'll go out for a girls night and hubby is usually fine about that...maybe because we really are together most of the time in the evenings.
You may not be interested in this and that's totally ok, but would you ever think about working even part time? If your parents or inlaws (or even just trusted friends) are local, they could help w/the boys. I'm thinking this could help w/a few things:
1. Your husband may feel more like you are "contributing" financially and may have a better attitude towards you (NOTE: this is NOT to say that what you do is not contributing or - let's be honest - RUNNING this household. But clearly your husband is having difficulty seeing that in terms of financial value, so I think RR's advice below is also great!)
2. You'd get some "me" time, esp if it's a job you like.
3. You may feel more validated as more than just "mommy" - and have the chance to interact with adults and use your other skills
4. You earn a bit more autonomy and say over how the money is spent since you're making it
5. If it's satisfying, it can actually re-energize you which feeds your soul. You need this to be a happy, patient mommy!
6. The boys see a healthy balance between what women can do, both in and outside of the home. I feel like this helps to develop reasonable expectations concerning their future wives / ideas of what the wife's "jobs" should be.
7. The limited time away is just enough to miss the boys and appreciate the time you have w/them more. This will help you not feel burnt out.
These are just FWIW...you have been a career woman and have made this decision with both sides in mind, I'm sure. For all of the above reasons, working is good for me and our family and I do feel pretty balanced, appreciated, and affirmed in my "purpose" in each setting.
Good luck!