I wonder sometimes if I am making the "best of it" with my kids (ages 4 - 12). I'm more concerned about the week days, over weekends. But everyday I get off work and pick them up from school and we are home by 3. I have my 2 boys, 2 of my step kids (girls), my 4 year old daughter, and my husbands ex wife's step daughter (my step kids other step sister). On Monday's and Tuesday's my step kids and their step sister get picked up usually by 4:30. Wed - Fri, just the step sister goes home around 4:30, everyone else stays here. Anyway, the routine is we come home, have a snack and gab about their day, then they all work on homework (I help where needed), then they usually go off and play. They are usually playing in their playroom or outside if it's not too hot. I usually do chores, like laundry, dishes, overall kitchen cleanup, etc. For the most part they all get along well and seem to be enjoying themselves so I leave them be. They also will play on the computer, watch TV, or play on their tablets. It just depends. Then before I know it, it's time to start dinner, or take them to karate, or to church Tuesday nights. After dinner it's showers for the kids, me cleaning the kitchen, packing lunches for the next day, then they read (1st graders read to us, the older ones, to themselves), and it's off to bed (for the kids and alone time with hubby). Sometimes we'll hang out and watch a show together, or just goof off, or play a round of acey ducey before the kids go to bed. I guess I just wonder, is this normal? During the week, do you sit down and "play" with your kids? If there is harmony among everyone playing nicely, do you leave them be and do your own thing? On the weekends, we usually try to do something as a family, especially on Saturday. We may go see a movie, go hit balls at the park, take them for ice cream, etc. I just don't want to grow old feeling like I didn't spend enough time "playing" with the kids.
I don't know where this notion of "playing" with kids has suddenly come from. Adults have rarely ever played with children, because adults are busy, making a home, paying bills, taking care of things. Children have each other to play with.
You are taking care of them, spending time with them, having meals and talking to them every day. That's plenty, and more than my own parents ever did for me. RELAX, and enjoy!
sounds like you have a hectic schedule, and that you are doing a great job! i wouldn't stress about playing WITH the kids, if they're getting along and enjoying each other. it'll be nice for YOU to hop in every now and then when you have time, but family togetherness is much, much more about parallel harmony than tons of nose-to-nose interaction.
khairete
S.
i wanted to add that you are very lucky you are home by 3pm with your kids. imagine not getting home til 6pm on the weeknights & having the same routine :/ so even if you are not "playing" you are THERE which is awesome.
Harmony? They are siblings, no, there are moments of harmony, I think to lull me into a false sense of control. That is usually when I review my homeowners policy. :-/
I couldn't tell you how much time we actually interact, I don't track it. I am always available when they need me. I guess I am just not one to plan a mess of family stuff or stuff with the kids just so at the end of the weekend I can say look what we have done!!
Mostly it is hey mom, can we....and generally the answer is sure. Some weekends we do nothing. Some weekends we float in the pool ignoring the yard needing to be mowed.
I guess we are a relaxed bunch that kind of goes with it.
Whats important is that they know you are there if/when they need you. There is nothing wrong with them entertaining themselves.
Even as toddlers I didn't play with them. We'd interact and do things of course, but play where I thought it out and did something...not my style.
Sounds like you have perfect balance!! I have a 2 yr old that still requires more attention and a 5 year old that loves sports and usually needs someone to play with him but am sure as mine get older it will all change.
sounds pretty typical to me. There are always chores that have to be done. You can try to create some special time with the kids. Game Night Tuesdays? The reality is that as they grow older the more difficult it becomes because they are involved in activities with their friends. That you do your best to have quality time on the weekends is enough to create happy memories.
you will always think you didn't spend enough time with them because the years fly by quickly and they create their own lives. Just the way it is.
We follow a very similar routine to yours. I have two boys ages 5 & 7 who play very well together and after a full day of school, that's their preference. However, I try to make time for them when they ask me to. If they want me to watch them ride bikes, or if they want to play a game (they're obsessed with Memory) or do a puzzle, then I try to always do it. There are many times when I have other pressing matters or don't feel like it, but I remind myself that those times are precious and it makes the choice easy.
Sounds like you are on the right track. And I agree with Layne that just being THERE really is so wonderful for them. :)
I think you are doing great! If you talk about how their day went, that is the best thing you could do. We used to have a family night once a week, but other than that, they played together, etc., like yours do. You're doing great!
Life.
And kids are in our life.
We are with them everyday.
You are.
I am.
But some parents may not be with their kids or even know their own kids, even if they are home with them everyday.
But that is another topic.
In normal everyday life, we are with our kids and doing, life.
And even if we are not PLAYING with our kids, we sure as heck, as a parent... at least for me, observe my kids well while interacting with them in the midst of doing life.... in order to KNOW them. For who they are. Because, just playing with kids, does not mean that we are learning about them or learning who they are and what makes them tick.
And even if we are busy doing life.... how we interact with our kids is a 2-way street. Meaning, we are not just there to talk "at" them or give them orders or tell them our expectations. We also try to, stay aware... of our kids cues and gauge, them. Seeing... HOW they are, going about their day. And HOW they tell us things too or express themselves to us, or not. Or if they do feel they can, talk to us, too. It is not a one-way street, parent to kid. But kid TO parent, too.
Hence, "playing" with our kids, is not just playing to play with them.
In a car driving somewhere, me and my kids can have the best of times while driving... because they are telling me things, about their life, and asking me what I think. Even if we are in a car, driving, versus playing.
Anytime, anywhere, can be quality time and a fact finding time and a learning time... about our kids, and a fun time.
And for myself, I don't load my kids up with a heavy schedule or classes/lessons to the point that they have no time, to be a kid or have no time for downtime. Because, doing nothing... is also very good for a kid. And a family.
And sure, doing things as a family together too. But it should be relaxing. Not timed.
I know some families, who are so busy, their kids are in SO many activities besides school... that literally they have told me that "My kid has never even had a 'play-date' because we are too busy....." and the kids are in things during the week and weekends.
Uh uh.
That is so sad.
What kids? Oh, thanks for the reminder, better go make sure they are showered and are prepping for bed...he, he.
Kidding, I think most of our time is spent eating meals together, mainly breakfast and dinner, and me driving them to and fro, and folding the never ending loads of laundry. Tonight we watched a little Youtube action together. And vacations are very family oriented.
I don't "play" much with my kids, they are too busy! I was trying to get them to play a game with me this afternoon, and they blew me off!
I know it's popular to spend tons of time engaging with your children, but from day one, mine get put down and left to entertain themselves. This is vital to cultivating independence and creativity, if you ask me.
I fear too I will regret not spending more time on the floor with them, but overall, I don't worry about it. They seem happy and content.
With 6 of them, they don't need to play with you. You have other things to do with your time, like keep that household running. Your family sounds perfectly normal and pretty ideal to me.
Getting home with them by 3:00 is huge so right there you're getting more time than most working mothers. And even SAHM's don't get much more bc kids are in school. One thing I consider is how much more "scheduled" and "structured" our kids are than we were or at least I was. So sometimes I almost make myself let them be on their own or they will never have time to figure things out, entertain themselves, use their imaginations etc if I step in to play with them all the time. It obviously depends on age but with elementary school kids, I almost view totally free time for them as a gift. I do play board games with them sometimes but I suck at imaginary games and fortunately my two girls can play those together pretty well and we have kids in the neighborhood. But as a kid I was alone a lot and I think it was good for me. So I want my kids to have to be alone some... Between school and some camp and soccer, scouts, music lessons etc, there's not a lot of free time. And I think they need it. So it sounds like your kids are having fun and that actually may be BETTER for them than if you tried to manage their play by being involved all the time... (or maybe this is how I convince myself not to feel too guilty that I'm not playing American Girl dolls with them :)
Sounds like you are doing great! We are not home until about 5:15, then its dinner, off to sports/lessons, shower, snack, finish homework if needed, MAYBE 20-30 minutes of "togetherness" then bed. The weekends are family time, after any sporting events. I would LOVE to be home by 3pm every day. Like others have said, it is just being there and creating the feeling of a home.
When I can play with my kids, I do, although they are 11 and 13 so it's more like "hanging out." When they were little we played. Some posts seem to imply that playing with your kids is a bad thing--" I'm not their friend, why would I play with them." Playing has helped me to understand my kids as people, not just as a young person I am responsible for. When you know them as a person, it helps you be a better parent to them.
Sounds lovely. I wonder the same thing, often. When I'm feeling like I'm missing out on fun, I announce that it's time to play. The other day we played a pick-up game of 'mother may I' outside and I felt much better. On weeknights, we do snack, homework, pick-up the house, dinner, reading together, with the occasional spontaneous fun thrown in. Mine go off and play most days and seem to really enjoy it. I think it's me that really craves the bonding time with them and I try to break free from the grind and make it happen a few times during the week.
No, I am not the child's playmate. They have siblings for playtime. We do an evening per week where we spend quality time together. We play games, watch a movie, do stuff at home.
Sounds like you are doing great...you get to be there and that is huge! I am a working parent and do not have the luxury of being home after school. My evenings pretty much consist of the same thing when I get home around 6. Homework is usually done but, the rest is about chatting, making dinner, sharing social media stuff and getting ready for bed...if you are concerned about it though, you could periodically do something fun with them and break up the monotony!
