Ok, I know this sounds really bad, but I need advice on a good cleaning schedule. I am not Suzy Homemaker and have never even been close to being one. The problem is that this is one (fairly big) thing that is apparently getting in the way of my husband's happiness in our marriage. Unfortunately, I am a rather lazy type and where my house is by no means unsanitary, it does have a tendency to get cluttered and dusty (I can't seem to sit around and think of things to clean, even when it's quite obvious what needs it). So, what I've done is made a chart, or really more like a daily to-do list for myself and posted it in the kitchen. Basically it consists of vacuuming every other day, kitchen every day, laundry twice a week, dusting once a week, bathrooms once a week and sweeping/ mopping once a week. This schedule is made to run Mon- Fri, so that I can have the weekends off for family and homework. Does this sound feesible or are there things I should be doing more often, or even some things that I'm not thinking about. I stay at home with the kids, but I also go to school 10 hours on Tuesday and 6 hours on Thursday, and both of these classes also need considerable amounts of study time. I am grasping at straws to make changes in myself (that really need to be made anyway) so that my husband will come back home. So, if you have any suggestions for keeping a cleaner house I am all ears. Thank you in advance!!
Just to clear it up, he did not leave for the house being dirty. There's a few other problems that are only his that he's working on with a counselor, and hopefully those can be resolved as well and this will all work out in the end. He just feels that he works really hard all day long and that I am at the same spot on the couch when he gets home as I was when he left (and yesterdays messes are still there), and I do understand his complaints, but definitely don't want to lose my family over this.
He has had the kids for extended periods of time, overnight, several hours during the day, etc. The problem is that he gives them bottles of formula or breastmilk. I added it up and since I was doing about 1/2 BF, I was spending 4-6 hours a day with a kid attached to my boob. He has been able to give a bottle and then go on about his business. I am, however, not breastfeeding anymore, as of today, due to a new medication I'm taking. That's why I'm wondering if this is stuff that may have bothered him slightly before, but has really been festering aver the last 15 months of me being pregnant with twins and going to school and taking care of twins, breastfeeding, going to school and taking care of our older son; housework has been the least of my worries.
I just wanted to add a "here, here!" to the Flylady,net suggestion. It's fantastic information and sounds like just what you need.
The most important thing is to pick a schedule and stick to it for a while. Not only will you figure out where you need to tweak it, you will also get faster at it. Also, I found that picking up the house (toys mainly) everyday makes a huge difference. Just five or ten minutes a day makes the house look much cleaner, even if I haven't actually cleaned anything. Even better if you can get help from the kids or hubby, so it's not just you keeping up with the house. I haven't been very successful with the help part, but it's wishful thinking. The picking up before hand makes cleaning easier and faster because I don't have to pick up as much before vacuuming/dusting. Good luck!
Try to free two days up in your schdule with out the kids if possible and dung your house out...do a really deep clean. Then start a schdule. Ditch the clutter. I clean once a week and then I spend 5 mins in each room everyday. I set the timer and when I am done I move on. My house looks well kept and I am not overwhelmed. Also I only do laundry once a week. I used to do it all week long and it was always in some sort of undone stage and I was stressed out over it.
your new cleaning schedule looks good...it is a lot of work to take care of a household but to throw in school is even more, so good job to you.....i hope your husband works out his issues & sees that you want to get your family back in order & that you are doing so much, i hope he learns to appreciate you better......best wishes
get rid of cable...i got tons done when there wasnt anything to watch on tv. another thing you should do is let your husband take care of the kids. with a 4 yr old and twin 6 month olds, your hands are definatly full. he needs to see where your coming from and your not just sitting on the couch all day. people that dont have kids or dont have to take care of them daily truly dont understand what it is that is done all day. this is a great topic to cover in counciling. ask him to email or write a list of what needs to be clean tell him to be spicific (sp). i would do this all by letter not vocal so not to cause a fight. good luck with your marriage.
Housekeeping is a habit. Once it is a habit, you won't need as much motivation on the things you need to do each day.
So take small steps. If you've been sitting around most of the time, don't think all of a sudden you are going to start keeping everything in your house tidy and clean every single day. Before your feet hit the floor each day, decide when you are going to do that day's chore...and then do it NO MATTER WHAT.
Keep in mind "tidy" and "clean" are 2 different things.
Some things that have helped me keep housekeeping 30 mins or less each day:
1) Keep a basket of cleaning supplies under the sink in each bathroom.
2) Buy as many disposables - Swiffer dusters, sweepers, mops, disinfectants wipes instead of sprays, toilet wands w/disposable heads, etc. No exactly eco-friendly, but convenient when trying to establish a routine.
3) If you have a 2 story, keep a vacuum on each floor.
4) Work to the music - strap on your iPod and listen to your favorite songs (not just random upbeat songs)
5) If you spend all your time with your kids, all the mothers on this board can attest that your children will not die or go to therapy if you take time out to clean and not play with them. So be firm when you are cleaning - tell your 4 YO when you are cleaning he needs to go play by himself, or in some cases, make that video/tv time. This works for us only b/c I've been able to do most of my housework within 30 mins on most days.
6) DE-CLUTTER! As you go through your house, start throwing stuff away. Keep the sentimental stuff, throw out the stuff you get on a regular basis like newspapers, magazines. The less you have the easier it is to tidy, dust or clean!
Good luck to you!
All I can say is check out flylady.net. Changed my life!!
I think you would enjoy flylady. It is ayahoo group that sends out a morning to do list, encourages cleaning 15 minutes at a time,and sends out testimonials of support from people just like us:) Every month there is a theme or area to focus on as well as a weekly challenge. As a guide and support, it rocks! I think it is either flylady.com or flylady.org. Just google it!!
Love, K.
I have the same issue at my house, so my husband does most of the cleaning. I don't know what kind fo work your husband does, but maybe you two can do certain things together. Part of my issue is that I feel so unmotivated. I do great if he is there to talk to me and keep me company while I do something.
Another thing--my husband had to deal (within himself) with the issue of needing for the house to look a certain way all the time. I don't know that it's reasonable, under certain circumstances. It's not in my house. Some weeks just get away from me, and then I want to rest/lie around on the weekend. I have to force my husband not to wake up and just get straight to "doing something". He doesn't know how to "lie around". The deal we make is that for a certain part of the weekend, we lie around, and for another part, we move around. I have a big problem with "all or nothing"--kinda OCD--so it's hard for me to get started on something that I know that I can't finish by my standards. (Example: Hard to mop because I want to move the fridge and everything in order to get it done "right".)
I recognize how important this is to my husband, and I can tell when he's getting antsy because the house is a mess. I had to get a better schedule, but just as importantly, he had to somewhat let go of that control issue. While I certainly make special considerations for my husband, it is not reasonable for him to expect that to mean as much to me as it means to him. Therefore, I won't put as much energy behind it as he will. And vice versa with some of my things.
The schedule that you noted sounds okay to me. Does it work with your daily routine?
Like you need one more thing....But maybe in fact what might help is getting inspired to clean your house for your own sake. I recently realized that my own home is really ill, mostly because of clutter. I got a book from the bookstore by the guy who started apartment therapy dot com, called The 8 Week Cure, or something like that. I have been very inspired by his way of looking at the home -- as a body with a head, heart, bones and breath. And while i have yet to really begin the cure, it's helping me look at cleaning in a whole new way.
Good luck! With everything.
Check out Flylady.net. I've found it very helpful in setting up the routines that you're needing. It's free, very helpful and encouraging.
T., I think a 4 yr old and twin 6mths old, are a job in itself! Bless your dear heart. I think it's good to have a clean house, but nearly impossible with children! Clean what and when you can, and I think the biggest thing is to keep it picked up. a neat house looks so much cleaner than a messy house (All cleaning aside.)I can't help but wonder, if our husband had your schedule for a week, if he wouldn't realise all that is on your plate! As far as your chores list, It looks good, I would maybe cut your vacuuming down to twice a week, and add pick up and put away (toys and other things that gather)twice a day with little ones. I wish you all the best. and hope your hubby resolves his issues! Blesings
Boy, are you sure I didn't write this? Check out Flylady.net. She has really helped me, even though I am not near where I want to be, I am much better than I was and working on it still. She has helped me focus and get a better attitude. I was very skeptical at first, but give her a chance and she will really help you - and for free. She has a book you can check out at the library too or buy- Sink Reflections by Marla Cilley.
I know some books that can change your attitude toward to your husband as well. Even a good marriage can get much better. Let me know if you're interested.
I completely agree with Nana T's response. You are taking care of 3 children and going to school! Let him do that and see how much housework gets done - really, let him at least take the kids all day and see what he gets done. And he may work all day, but you work all day, all morning, all evening, all weekend, and sometimes all night. So, he needs to get off his behind and clean some of the house himself.
As you said, there are other areas in your marriage that are being addressed right now. It sounds like respect and kindness are perhaps the real issues, not a clean house. Please don't think a clean house is going to save your marriage. How you treat each other is the key to everything.
T.,
That sounds like a perfect schedule. With all you have going on...ie...school, a 4 year old, INFANT twins!!!!!!! and a husband who's left for right now ~ let me just say, I admire your stamina. Please remember not to be too hard on yourself while you're trying to fix things and keep up with things.
It's excellent that you are trying to please your husband and show him that you're listening to his concerns/complaints. I sincerely hope he comes out of his troubles and realises that his wife loves him very much. Keeping a family together is HUGE and so many people just throw it away. It makes me happy when I read notes like yours where you're trying to help rather than condem the man you chose to spend your life with. I haven't read any responses (But I intend to) and I hope that no one criticizes your efforts. Your efforts are NOT meant for the weak so don't let anyone convince you that they are. You're a strong woman who's working at bettering yourself and listening to your husband. VERY important.
You're a great lady. May God bless and reward you and your family.
D.
T.,
I know it's not funny but I was tickled hearing about your homemaker issues. It hit home with me. I look at it like this, it's hard and you are 28 years old, a student, with a 4 year old and 6 mos fraternal twins. you have a right to just SIT on the sofa. I can also understand both your frustration is all this, the kids are a hand full and they do take a lot out of a person. Your schedule sounds great, sometimes people can do these chores everyday each day but with small kids such as yourself, spreading them out is just fine as well.
Some people may frown on you because you are a stay at home mom and on those non school days you should be able to dust & clean. Your new routine makes sense to me and if I was a stay at home mom, I often will I chore habits change.
Best of luck to you & your family on getting back on track...
Anita V.
Oh my friend- Flylady.com- awesome awesome awesome in getting you to move just a little everyday and still be able to be a mom! Your house didn't get that way overnight, and it won't get clean overnight but as you find yourself doing the things that she suggests you will find yourself in your home! The good news is that it has nothing to do with him - it will have everything to do with you feeling good about the chaos. BTW you might remind him that being home with a 4 year old and a 6 mos old is not as easy as it looks and he might want to try it for a day or so!!!
Hi T.,
I felt very compelled to reply to your post. I am just really impressed that you are able to do your schooling and be a SAHM to three young children. Please don't be too hard on yourself. Remember the unparalled importance of the job you are doing. Raising three small children is no walk in the park and there is no greater job that we could be doing. I am a nurse and I do feel that every effort should be made to keep your home a clean, sanitary and safe environment for your children. Maybe you can involve your 4 yr old in this process and teach her some life lessons while you are at it. I think that really it is a matter of taking pride in yourself, your home and the way you are living. I feel that by taking this step in your life you really may increase your own self esteem and self worth. This may really leave your husband thinking....what the heck am I doing....this is a strong, energetic, beautiful woman who has been taking care of my children, my home and herself!! I have a feeling he will be crawling back girl! Just remember, there are only so many hours in the day. I think your schedule sounded really good. I am a clean freak and like to include wiping down door handles and light switches, drawer pulls, etc every few days. This may be something the 4 yr old can help out with. Clorox wipes are such a big help. I try to keep laundry going all of the time. I switch it out daily, that way I don't have so much that I have to devote entire days to it. With the workload you already have, I would say vacuum once a wk! You will figure out what works for you. NEVER EVER feel that raising those babies is not as important or more important that any 8-5. I have to work outside of the home and feel that I am missing everything! I hate the fact that someone else spends 8hrs day with my child and I don't. I didn't see any mention of your spiritual life but I will keep you in my prayers.
Hi, T. - totally get what you are saying...I do pretty much what you do but also some little extra things. Every night before I go to bed I just STRAIGHTEN out toys, toss blocks back in baskets, etc. I also have long flat baskets where I can put shoes, in a quick pickup for distribution later. Same as hooks by the garage door for hats and caps, etc. so the clutter is not on the floors and counters, Gives a cleaner appearance, and they can be put away as time permits. I also keep products (windex, premoistened dust wipes) stashed in different rooms so if I see something it is not a big deal to grab it. Another thing I did is box up a lot of frames, decorations, etc. Clearer the surfaces, easier and faster to clean. Just keeping the clutter off makes it easier! I also make beds as soon as everyone gets out of them so that is at least done, not perfect, but done!
Hope some of this helps!
With small children in the house, clutter is going to happen. If your house is like mine while you're busy cleaning in one room they are busy messing up another. Sometimes I wonder, why bother? It's just going to get harder as the twins get mobile and start making their own messes.
I like your plan of attack for the chores although I would add in your husbands chores as well so that both of you can see what needs to be done and appreciate the other's contribution. I think when men see a clean house, they think it's magic but when it's messy they think we're lazy. A posted checklist of what was accomplished helps everyone see that you did get stuff done and at the same time that the other stuff is going to get done.
If your husband abandoned his family over this he needs a reality check. Healthy, vibrant children and a happy wife/mother are much more important than a spotless home. Don't let anyone make you feel inferior just because you can use some work in one area of your life. Just work on improving but don't be defined by housework. My goodness it doesn't matter how hard you work to clean, it's just going to get dirty again. Never ending battle so you can always try again tomorrow. Best of luck.
Was he an only child whose mother did everything in the home and for him?! Come on, you also work hard with 2 babies and a child and school and feeding your family - he should be part of the to do chore list - not just you. He should be happy and willing to give you 30 minutes a day of folding laundry or vacuuming, or unloading dishwasher or ....etc. A marriage is a partnership - a home and family is fulfilling work, but it takes a team, not just a wife to make it all work well. Good luck!
T.,
I definitely commend you! You have a lot on your plate. I have a 13 yr old and a 7 month old. I currently work full time and I have to say. Staying at home with the kiddos is definitely MORE work than actually going to work. I think it is an awesome privilege to stay at home...but boy is it a LOT of work. It's definitely not as easy as many people think...and boy I'm just trying to imagine having twins to look after and a four year old. WHEW! You're definitely a busy lady. Keeping up with my two are lots of work...and one of mine is at school all day! Being a SAHM is a tough job....I know you are doing WAY more than what your husband is thinking. I've heard that the flylady website is pretty good. I too need to find a cleaning system for my home. It can get "out of order" soooo quickly. Best wishes to you.
T.-- please forgive me for saying this, but I kind of hate your husband for doing this to you. If my husband left home because of the state of our house, he would've left years ago. I have two little boys, one of whom has autism, and when my husband gets home, it looks like Babies 'R Us threw up in here. There are cars, blocks, crayons, books, coloring books, and Mr. Potato Head parts all over the floor. I admit I feel guilty about it, but I'm so exhausted that I can't stay on top of it. Someti es when he gets home, I'll look around and feel bad that he's walking into a disaster area, and I
l'll say I'm sorry that things are so upside- down. But instead of criticizing me, he jokes around about how he can't imagine how it happened, with our "calm and angelic" little boys. Then he proceeds to help me straighten up. If I put myself down for not keeping a perfect house like some of my friends, my husband will say that it's hard enough to chase the kids around and keep them entertained, much less keeping everything clean. He makes me feel so much better by being understanding and helpful. I want your husband to do the same for you. You're raising three small children and going to school! You're not lazy, you're tired! He may work hard all day, but it irks me that he doesn't recognize that you do, too! I hope that one of the issues he is working on is trying to be understanding about the mental and physical challenges of taking care of small kids all day. You deserve compassion and support. (I am woman, hear me roar! Hee hee!)
Just with your 4 year old and 6 month old twins your hands are full. Going to school on top of this is mind boggling to me. When your husband was in the home with ya'll did he pitch in and help? Were you expected to cook, clean, keep up the laundry and care for a toddler and newborn twins and go to school without any help around the house? In someone's dream world this might be possible. I think the cleaning schedule you have come up with is fine, but if there is anyway you could have some help like a maid service 1 day a week this would help you out, or maybe a neighborhood teenager could come and watch the kids 1 day a week so you can focus on housework and laundry and not have the multiple interuptions that often get us off track when we are trying to clean and do laundry. When I worked 4 ten hour shifts that would give me 1 day a week that I would take my baby to the daycare and come home and do housework, laundry and mow the lawn, run errands and then pick him back up usually a little early and the house was clean, the laundry was done and the lawn was mowed for the week. It was a marathon day,but it was wonderful that it was all done at one time then I could be available to do what I wanted on the weekends. It gave me more time with family. I now work 8-5 m-f and really do miss that 1 day to get everything done. My housework and laundry is always piled up now and I am exhausted on the weekends and don't get everything done. Good luck and hopefully things will all work out for you and your family.
Ok, wow! I just have to say kudos to you for staying at home with 3 kids and being at school for 16 hours a week on top of homework! It's no wonder to me why yesterday's messes are still there. Personally, I see nothing wrong with your schedule and if one thing doesn't get done one day...it will make it to the next. If your husband can't see what you do all day, everyday in just taking care of the kids and making sure everyone is fed then he does have other issues he needs to work on! I am a firm believer that ALL husbands/dads need to spend a few days in a SAHM's shoes and see how much work they actually do.
Your schedule seems fine to me! What I do is actually a suggestion I got off this board. I just have a calendar on my fridge and I have one room per day. I do a couple loads of laundry everyday just because I can't keep up otherwise! But when it comes to the cleaning side of things, just one room. Like today is the computer room. So I will just see what I think needs to be tackled and do that. I don't even do the same things on the room each week. If one thing looks good from the previous week then I just do other things. Like if the mirror in the bathroom, looks fine, I skip it for next time and maybe scrub the shower a little more. Anyway,that works well for me. Although I am a little backed up right now bc I was doing a new room for my son last week! BUT then I just pick back up on my schedule and within a week or so things are running smoothly again. But did I understand right that your husband moved out over this? That seems extreme and like something else is up. I would try and talk to him and get to the bottom of that bc a messy house just doesn't seem like just cause to move out! But maybe I read it wrong. Best wishes and I know you will get great suggestions on here:)
You said it - "I am grasping at straws ... to make my husband come back home." I am sorry to tell you, but the issues are your husband's not yours & if he is working with a counselor; then let the counselor do their job.
If the house was cluttered but not dirty, did HE do any of the work to help make it clean? Or was it all your job? You don't enumerate the changes you are making in yourself (that need to be made anyway) in order to make him happy. Making changes for the betterment is good - like losing weight and being more healthy; but those MUST BE done for yourself, to make YOU happy - not someone else.
This is not to say that you shouldn't make changes in your life; nor make your house less cluttered - but all those things are cop outs. People who love each other EACH work toward making the other person happy and it sounds to me as if you are blaming only yourself. It reminds me of a woman who when her husband beats her, tries to figure out what SHE did to make it happen. Marriage has to be worked at and it is give and take. If one is doing all the giving and one is doing all the taking then it is going to collapse.
If you are going to school and you have the care and feeding of 3 children YOU DO HAVE A LOT TO DO! If you add the stress of trying to keep man who is sounding much like a supportive teenage boy happy and you are only blaming yourself...
Pray for yourself. Pray for your children and then pray that the counselor helps your husband. Make the changes you need to make to make YOUR LIFE and YOUR CHILDREN'S LIVES better. Your husband has problems that he needs to solve in order to be a good husband. Keep him in the loop and in your children's lives - they will always be his kids; but stop looking at yourself as the problem.
Deep inside, you know he didn't leave because the house was not clean - nor of because of issues that he has with you. He left because he has problems with himself and he left because he wanted to. Marriage is about working on issues and you were willing to. He was the one who walked out and refused to continue working on making your marriage better.
The ball is in his court now. He sounds like he was blaming everything and all his inabilities on YOU - and you sound like you were accepting all the blame. You can be strong and you can make it if he doesn't come back. He has to want to come back and make it work and whether or not the house is straight is NOT going to make someone stay in a marriage if he doesn't want to. He should be smart enough to know that with 3 kids, all under the age of 5, straight homes are not the norm. Yes, you can pick up the 4 year olds toys; but the washing, folding & putting away may not always get done on his schedule. You have an obligation to do your schoolwork - afterall, you 2 paid money for you to go to school - at least I am assuming that you both decided for you to finish school.
I've been keeping house much longer than you have and my first suggestion is TURN OFF THE TV. There's nothing important or even interesting on during the am hours. If you want to watch the news and westher, that's fine, but make it the local newscast and when it's over TURN IT OFF. I see nothing wrong with your to-do list. It pretty much covers all the basics. At age 4 is a good time to teach about picking up toys and putting them away, thus taking care of a lot of the clutter. You go to school 16 hours a week and probably have another 4 or 5 hours of homework. How many hours a week does your husband work and does he work in an air-conditioned office or does he do hard manual labor? If it' manual labor, then he probably is pretty tired when he gets home, but if he's in an office all day then there's no reason he cannot assume some of the housework. But this laying on the couch watching TV has got to stop. Do you ever attend any of his meetings with the counselor? If not, maybe you should.
Sounds like a good schedule. One good motivation might be to get your house cleaned first by a professional cleaning lady, then you are more likely to keep it up. I have a cleaning lady come once a month and I always keep it much cleaner the first two weeks after she has cleaned.
Well, my 1st question would be does your husband help out around the house? Just because he leaves the house every day for work does not mean he's exempt from helping. Being a stay at home Mom does not mean you should have to handle all of the household duties. You are also going to school. I stayed at home for 9 months with 1st before going back to my job and it was difficult with just 1 to keep up with the housework! I like a clean house & have had a difficult time with this issue. I have a 2yo & 7mo and have just resigned myself to the fact that my house will never be clean like it was before kids. And that's OK (or so I keep telling myself - ha-ha). It is difficult to keep the clutter under control when you have small children. If you are not already doing so, you can teach your 4yo to pick up his toys at the end of the day or after playing. I try to do a load of laundry several times a week just to keep up. As far as dusting - every 2 weeks. We vaccum the family areas as needed since we use those rooms more, but individual bedrooms can usually go for 2 weeks. Hope this helps - don't stress too much over it. As long as the kids are clean and happy... You are probably just an exhausted Mom like the rest of us!
Dear Super-Mom,
I really don't know how you've maintained your sanity with all you've got going on. Hang in there!! You've already received some great suggestions and support from the other moms on this site; but there is one question I'd like to ask. You stated you are finishing school and I am going to presume that once you finish you plan to enter the workforce. Once you start working, was your husband planning to start helping around the house? It sounds like he takes a lot for granted - especially you.
Your husband needs to assume certain household responsibilities of his own. If you think it's crazy now, wait until you're trying to keep up with the kids, the house AND work 40 hours a week.
With the economy as it is right now, being a SAHM for some is not an option. If you can, stay at home with your babies as long as you can. You will be glad you did.
I don't think that you are lazy - quite the opposite. You need to remember that your kids won't remember how spotless the house was (and I'm fairly sure your house is not dirty - maybe just some clutter) but they will remember that you spent time with them. Good luck!
www.flylady.org has a great schedule!
Sounds like you have some great suggestions for cleaning. Be sure to reward yourself with fun time with your kids. Then you all four win.
And if your husband doesn't want to see you on the couch when he leaves or when he gets home, make sure you are not on the couch when he is home, unless it is next to him!
I first wanted to send you busy mom hugs. {{hugs}} Hang in there.. just make sure you are not losing you... schedule in some time for you to leave the kiddos, housework, husband, schoolwork..and have alone time. This will be very hard but is so important. Lock the door if needed and take a bath or go out with a friend every other week..
This may sound gross to people who do not have such a busy life but clean less and focus on the clutter. As long as things are not stacked -your house will feel cleaner. Focus on the big things like dishes, counters, toilets, laundry.
You can do it girl!
oh..fly lady is neat..I didn't have enough time to follow and learn..but try it out.
It seems as if you and your husband do not understand that you also work full time. Household responsibilities should be shared between all family members. I'm not talking a 50/50 split - that's unrealistic - I'm talking about all parties helping.
Is all the clutter yours or does it belong to the family? Everyone should help putting things away. Even your 4yo - he's old enough to understand he can put his shoes in his closet, etc.
Does your house need to be vacummed every other day? Do the dishes after each meal, put the mail in one place once you've reviewed it and tossed the junk mail. Give your son 1 thing to do at a time - put your shoes in your closet, put your toys in the toy box, but your book on the bookshelf, etc.
Hubby is not exception. He also needs to have responsibilities around the house.
Hi T.,
I could have written your post! I appreciate your efforts and feel for you in your situation. I have a 3 year old and twin 2 two year olds myself and know about how your day goes, if it is anything like mine. I am priviledged to be able to stay home with my kids right now, but my house is messy too.
As for housework, I have my "standard six" things that I "always" do (wishful thinking, many times.) They are: Make my bed, clean the bathroom, do the dishes, clean the dining room, put away the laundry and pick up all toys. I try to have those basic things done before my man gets home. I don't always succeed, but those are my minimuns; things that are important to me to get done. Find your minimunms and do them first. Do them every day, then take it from there.
Your efforts to make changes in yourself to create a better life are on the right track. It is sometimes hard to do things that are important to someone else that are not so important to you; I applaude your work.
I was alone until after my twins' first birthday. Know that, although this may be difficult, it can be done. Keep asking for help and support. Life is good.
Girl!! I feel your pain!! Welcome to married life with children! That is my life too! It sounds like you are doing what you can. When your babies are little its hard! Men don't know what we REALLY do! I have been married 10yrs and a stay at home mom for 8 yrs, I have a 8yr boy and 31/2 and 1 1/2 girls. I just have been redoing my schedule as well, now that the baby is older and doing more, like climbing on kitchen table while the other one is using my new eyeliner to redecorate the bathroom. And we get tired, so we end up on the couch the same place at the end of the day as the beginning looking like we did when we got up!
The whole thing men can't handle that we stay home and they have to work! Don't feel bad, I think every mom feels the same at some point!
If you try to make an effort, reduce your clutter, you have to make time for your man too! Because the house is the tip, they feel left out of our life. So you need to set one night maybe even every other week, where you to go out alone!
I am in the middle of this same thing, only my man is still here. I gave toys away threw away a bunch of just junk, and it really makes it easier. But Make sure he is not cheating on you as well, men like the romance and loving part, then responsibility comes in and its not fun, then some young thing comes along and so on...I'm not trying to scare you, but don't let him get out of doing his part as well! HE made half of those kids too! It's just not fair to leave you with all the work that goes into raising a family, keeping the house clean and making everyone happy! - I told myself I was going to keep this short! But I just feel your pain! STand your ground, being home with your babies is a priceless thing! They need thier mom and you need them! I told my husband that maybe when the baby is able to talk I can put them in daycare, (so she can tell me what is going on - I just dont trust people) The housework (although alot and has to be done)is just a tool to throw at you to use against you, he could help if he loved you! Go on craigslist or walmart, or thriftstore, and get things to help you organize like shelving or toyboxes. I spend 15min a day in each bedroom/bath and 30min in the living and kitchen (if I empty dishwasher in the a.m. and fill it all day long it keeps sink empty, and at night start the wash)
Good Luck! And if he leaves you for that, he dosen't deserve you!
First off, NO WAY are you lazy!! You should applaud yourself to be able to write a coherent sentence with all you have on your plate. You are AMAZING!! And remember that.
My advice, take one day at a time with the house. Do what you can when you can. Never refuse help, from your 4 yr old, family, friends, maid service (don't know where u r or if $ possible but I clean on the side, very reasonable), and yes miracles do happen maybe your husband can help on the chart. If he is bothered by the cleaniness of the house, then he should feel free to pitch in, anytime.
Stay organized, which is very apparent you are. And most of all BREATHE. Even if that means you sit on the couch to do it!!
Go to flylady.com. I was in the same boat with the housework, working 20 hours a week to get my required practicum hours done, work\study hours (15) and taking 12 hours (4 classes) of college, with a 100 mile a day commute, 3 kids and a husband. The program on this site helped me soooo much. Read it and then do it!! Babysteps!! You can do it.
B.
Hi T.
I read Becki's advice and fly lady can be a great help.Pat yourself on the back first you seem to be doing great as is with all you do anyway.I have a couple cute signs in my kitchen "a clean house is a sign of a mispent life" and "housework makes you ugly".Okay seriously another mama said get your 4 year old involved cleaning up his toys after he is done can make a huge difference.Vacuming shouldnt be done everyday as long as it isnt obvious.Your list sounds effecient as I cant see your house I dont know what shape it is really in.Within a couple weeks it will be second nature.A great help to me is to turn on my favorite music.Another suggestion is to ask your husband if there is anything that he wants cleaned more than usual.As another mama put it he can do some cleaning also.If that just is not an option at this time then let it go.Also clean as you dirty for example when you are cooking wash the big spoon or bowl you used to mix the meatloaf.Take those little opportunities when you are waiting for the coffee to brew wipe down counters when you are on the phone with a pal fold or put away laundry,you catch my drift.
Good Luck to you and yours everything will fall into place and you will soon forget when you even needed advice.
I am not suzy homemaker either. You should add to your list changing the beds at least 2x a month (I change mine every 2 weeks and I know some people will find this gross). I dust when I think about it- usually once every 6 months or so (shameful, I know, but it honestly does not bother anyone in my family).
Enlist the help of your 4yo. He can do more than you think.
Please do not burden yourself with your DH problems. All you can do is work on what you can do yourself. He has to work on his own stuff.
Good Luck!
Oh my dear, a 4 yr old, 6 month twins, & school! No wonder your house isn't clean. I would suggest 2 things. First, leave your husband ALL day (or more if possible) with the kids and see how much housework he gets done (and he won't even have schoolwork in the mix). I've left my kids for the weekend with my husband and believe me ANY complaining of the condition of the house has stopped. Lately I have needed to catch up on schoolwork on the weekends, so I will get up and leave in the morning and come back after dinner time in the evening. I know you want to spend the weekend with the family, but believe me it is a sacrifice that if done a couple of times will pay HUGE dividends. My husband now tells me almost daily that I am amazing and he has no idea how I do it (even though the house is a wreck). Second, figure out a way to hire a housekeeper, even if it's only once a month. If you give up cable or some other unnecessity you can probably find $100/mo to afford some help. But don't suggest help UNTIL you've had him spend time as a mommy, otherwise he won't understand. Hang in there mama. I'm also a stay-at-home mom with three, and in school, so I feel your pain.
Hello girl, I've been there. I moved here to El Paso in 2006 away from family and friends and did not feel like cleaning and got into the depressed mood. My husband lit into me that I need to be cleaning the house and taking care of the kids right or I can be the one finding a full time job and he can quite the Army if I can't do it.
I also did my online college at night when the kids went to sleep, but mine are a little older.
So I decided to start a dry erase board and put a "chore" on each day of the week. Sundays I put the laundry away, Mondays I clean the bathrooms, Tuesdays I vaccuum the whole house, Wednesdays I dust the window sills, fans and clean windows and tvs, Thursdays I clean the kitchen counters, microwave, toaster, oven and Fridays I sweep the floors and mop floors and Saturdays is laundry day.
I find that doing only one or two items a day helps keep me from feeling like a maid at the end of the week with all this housework piled up. I also have my 6, 5 and 3 yr old sons help with dishes and doing laundry already.
Hope this helps and good luck!
