Here's my issue. A lot of the time, my kids will do what I ask. They like to help out, and will quite often willingly do chores and other little "favors." However, it's the times when they don't want to that I run into a problem. Sometimes they're upset or whining or tired, but sometimes, they just sit there and look at me, ignoring what I'm saying until I yell it. For example, I'll ask my kids to pick up the clothes off the floor (usually left because they came home from somewhere and just stripped down, throwing their clothes all over the kitchen and family room floor), and they'll sit around ignoring what I'm saying. They hear me. I know they hear me. They just aren't doing what I asked. They'll even sit there and look at me and not move. I can say "Can you guys please pick up your clothes and put them in the laundry room?" Or even specifically ask each child. I'll repeat it nicely. I'll say "Please do ____, or you'll have to go to time out (or your room, or wherever else)." I'll even start counting to 3 (which they know and are familiar with - 3 means time out.). They still just sit there. But when I yell it "PUT YOUR CLOTHES IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM RIGHT NOW!!" They scramble and do it. Of course, then they're all offended that I yelled at them. Like I said, it's not every time I'm trying to get them to do something. It's more the occasional occurrence than the norm. But it does happen more often than I'd like. So here's my problem: I don't like or want to yell. I feel bad when I yell. But it gets the desired reaction. So how do I get them to do what I want them to do when they just don't want to? I want all the suggestions you have. I've probably already tried some, but I'm sure all you great moms have some great ideas that I haven't thought of yet. So hit me! Let me know what you'd do in this situation...
When this happens in my house (my kids are 6, 4, 2, & 8 months), I ask, then count then stick them in time out. After the time out, I ask them again to pick up whatever it is. If they still refuse, they go back to time out. After 3 times of that (if it gets that far) I start taking things of theirs that they really like and putting it away for a couple days. That usually works the best. Good luck!
Have a GREAT rest of the week!
S.
OH I AM SO RIGHT THERE WITH YOU SISTER! :)
I have a 7 and 4 year old. I yelled way too much to the point my kids brought it to my attention. I sat down and had a family meeting. I told them "I ask you once nicely, then a second time nicely, then it is my fault I allow you to get me angry and I yell, it is wrong, however I should only have to ask you something ONCE!", it is normal for kids to see how far they can push you, when I stopped yelling and started enforcing things changed. It is nowhere near perfect I am struggling with my son now but with my daughter what worked was just matter of fact after the second time asking 15 minutes off of bedtime, period. Then it would be another 15 when she didn't do it again. A few times of very early bedtimes she knew I meant business, now the clothes are in the hamper without even asking, she cleans up her messes without me asking, she gets ready for school when asked. It isn't always perfect, my son isn't so concerned and still has issues of just ignoring me but I am working on finding a chart system of smileys for him to work through it.
All I ever say "well I am sorry you chose to ignore me, guess you will take your punishment"...whatever that is for you.
We have a saying around here too, mean what you say and say what you mean, I stopped idle threats I wasn't willing to follow through with it, instead of yelling from another room I got to their level said my instructions, made them repeat it back to me so we are all clear they heard what I said. Then well if they ignore me they get consequences.
I still yell and lose my cool, however it was a habit I am breaking and it is working so much better. If they leave toys on the floor the second time asking it comes to "well if I have to clean it up you won't be seeing these toys for a while" and it is amazing how fast they clean because I have gotten a garbage bag out and put them away for a few days! :)
You have a lot of little ones, you have your hands full, if you approach them with it being part of a family as a whole to help out then sometimes that helps.
I still am there with you! :) Hugs!
I work on the school bus and some days it is a disaster. Most of the time I have it under control. I have 15 pre-schoolers on one run and I talk slowly and get on their level when I want to get their attention. Most of the time they are sitting on a bus seat and I have to get on my knees but it usually helps. I also take all of the other distractions away from them. I really find it helpful to praise the times that they do listen and do what they are supposed to. They love to get special treatment (like being the line leader) for listening and acting the way they should.
Go buy "Have a New Kid by Friday" by Kevin Leman. It is always sold out on audio CD, but you can most likely find the book in a store for around $20. I'm reading it and using the techniques and THEY WORK WONDERS!
