How to Get the Parents to Help More

I agree with the comments to be specific.

I am leery of requests like "will you help with the party?" because more than once I've found that really means "will you organize, plan, and do everything for the party." So I often don't respond to that type of request because I don't want to end up with more than I can handle.

If someone asks me: Can you plan 1 game for the party? or Can you provide the plates and cups for the party? or Can you send in a snack for the party, and here are some ideas? Then the answer is almost always YES.

As a teacher I used to assign a date to each of the parent. I gave out a list at the beginning of the year with their date and responsibility. If they could not fulfill their spot/duty, it was THEIR responsibility to find someone to cover for them. I found that if you ASK, then everyone is too busy, but when you TELL they will find a way to fit it in. We had many aunts, uncles grandparents etc come and help out. It was great and everyone shared the work load.

B.
retired teacher

Let people bring their younger children. That is always my issue. I can never help out at any classroom thing because I have my daughter with me.
L.

She needs to get on the phone and call people. We get emails all the time from our PTO but I don't always have a chance to read them or to seriously consider whether or not I can help. The year that the officers called us was the year I helped out the most.

Phone calls usually produce the best results.

well, my sarcastic response is that you could pay the wages I'd lose by taking a day, unpaid, off work to help for a couple hours at a party that isn't directly impacting the academic success of the youth of America (which pales in comparison globally).

I'm having *that* kind of day.

I can't be at parties. I tell the teachers and PTA that up front. My job right now is not flexible like that.
What I CAN do is provide the drinks or whatever. But I absolutely don't have any time during the school day to help out. So that means I even have to be able to bring the *whatever* to someone else who can even take it during the school hour (or it has to be something that my daughter can carry with her on the bus).

I actually had the PTA of my daughter's current middle school tell me "no thanks" when I email responded last year that I couldn't physically help, but offered $50 toward supplies. She emailed back that what she really needed was parents who were available during school hours to provide "elbow love" (which I assume is some ridiculous play on "elbow grease" which, I guess, meant if I can't show up then I'm not valuable).

I would say that they need to expand their PTO. I was the treasurer of the PTO at my daughter's school where we last lived and we just established a network that TALKED to all the parents about what they COULD do. And then we organized so that we could use each parent's strength. No daytime hours but access to a color printer for free? Great - check by your name for providing copies. Broke, but available every day from 7:30-9 - you could help with before school playground help. etc etc etc.
Then we had a whole spreadsheet of who to call for what.

But it goes beyond that. That school had a culture of parental involvement. Parents WANTED to be involved. I've seen other schools where there are just a few parents who do everything.... but it's hard to get involved in that because it's a clique or you don't have a say or whatever. So I would look at what the culture is at that school.

One of the ways we made it easier to increase participation is that parties/rallies/ceremonies/concerts etc were first thing in the morning. We found that most parents (at that particular school) could go into work a couple hours later without having to take the whole day off. Also - PTO meetings etc were video conferenced so people could join in from wherever they were if they had either a phone or computer. That way you could assign duties to parents who physically couldn't be present, but could tell you what they were willing to do via phone.

Also - it MAY be lack of information. If they're sending home a flyer with all the other million flyers kids get at the beginning of school - I can't always read through all that and lots of parents don't have a way to organize *all* the information they get. We did a website where parents could go and we had a "pick list" where parents could provide input on what they were willing to do. It would automatically shoot the officers an email and they could contact the parent to follow up.

I think in the world of busy 2 working parent households or even if there is a sahp when there isn't childcare available for the other kid(s) while the sahp is helping it gets tough. This world is not set up to help parents be involved, in my opinion. And then the message that *we* need to make it fun for the kids is a turn off. Like I'm not doing enough already.

I like the setup of the room mom. Each class has one or two parents who CAN be there - and then those who can't provide the "stuff". That is even and everyone provides to what they can.

Get everyone's email address and send out a "sign up genius"....that puts pressure on people because everyone can see who else signed up. If nobody signs up...just keep reminding them via email.

I think it's signupgenius.com

I only have a few ideas for the office working parents, because that's what I am.

Is there any way to break things down into things the 9-5 job parents can do, and things the flexible-schedule parents can do?

Or have chunks of time near lunch where a 9-5 parent can maybe take a long lunch, get to the school and do or drop off something, and get back to work with little hassle? Or really early morning stuff so the 9-5 types can be just a bit late in the morning?

I have a reasonably flexible boss, so if I have an event that starts at 8am (my work starts at 8), I will ask for the time, work a shorter lunch for the rest of the week, and help in the early AM. If something happens close to lunch, I can volunteer for 1/2 hour or so, I can drive the 20 minutes to my son's school over my lunch hours, give the 1/2 hour, and get back to work with just a slightly longer lunch. It allows me to help without taking a lot of time off, and allows me the ability to replace the time I do take off.

Whatever you can do to make the volunteering EASY and not costly in work time, etc., that might help.

Make a roster of things that can be completely organized and put together during an evening get-together, and then be passed off to another mom who is available to volunteer during the party.

I can't volunteer *during* a party, but I can completely organize and deliver drinks, snacks, prizes, whatever to the crew that will be there, as long as I can drop it off early in the morning or the evening prior.

Here is what I used to run into. I am a SAHM, but I also had a preschool age child back when my DD was still in a conventional classroom. I actually paid a babysitter so I could volunteer once a week. But when calls went out for help on days other than my regular day there, I couldn't, because I was not allowed to bring my preschooler with me.

It might be good to take a long, neutral look at the school's volunteer culture and see if there are things that can be done to make more parents able/welcome to come forward. Are there barriers to volunteering because of childcare issues? If so, is there a district policy that prevents people from bringing their other children (which is tough to fix), or is it a school or class level issue (which usually CAN be fixed)? Are there language issues that prevent some parents from participating? Inadequate notice re: the class's needs? (For example, if help is needed for a field trip, 2 days' notice is simply not enough.) Does anyone reach out to new parents in person, or is everything done by email? Have the "regulars" accidentally formed a circle of friends that feels hard to break into from the outside?

it's easy to ignore a note that comes home with the kids. It's not to easy to ignore a person to person phone call directly asking them to help with something specific, or even a ring on the doorbell with some cookies, asking them to help with something specific...

Also, if the parents don't volunteer, the kids don't get a party? What are the parties for, are they important? You could just let it go. If the other parents want their kids to have parties, they will start stepping up when they see their actions are directly causing their kids to miss out. I would also wonder how many parties they really need, but I guess that isn't the point of your question.

I find that sign up genius works best for these kinds of things. The organizer can send out an e-mail with the sign up genius link and that will list specifically how much of everything (including people) is needed. You can include not only material goods, but time slots for set up/clean up/party running or financial donations as well. Maybe if someone doesn't have the time to help out the day of or bring an item in, they'd be happy to contribute $10 to someone can buy something needed.

If a request is well organized and specific, people are likely to quickly respond and check off what they can supply - a certain number of mini pumpkins, winter craft kits, utensils, plates, fruit kabobs, water bottles, etc.

FWIW, I'm not going to take a day off of work to actually work at a school party but would happily bring an item in if told how much of what was needed.

If you call or speak directly to parents face to face and ask them to do a specific job, they will most likely say yes. If you email or leave a message, they will ignore it and figure someone else will do it.

I work all day so I usually do not have time to work at the school. But I love to help out how I can. If the room mom says can you please pick up paper plates and cups I'll make sure to p ick them up and bring them when she needs. One year they needed smal halloween rewards and prizes. So I said how many and went to the party store. Just be very specific and do not be shy about asking someone out right. I'm so busy I would not think of asking to help but being asked I surely do not mind at all picking stuff up.

Edit to say absolutely horrible to punish the child for the parent. If the parent does not bring do not punish the child.

If there is someone that I am friends with that is helping and they mention that they are helping but they know x and y still need done, I am WAY more likely to volunteer and help out.

Usually there isn't a problem with people supplying drinks and food unless the community club mom is trying to get people to peel 200 grapes and stuff figs in them or something weird. but a fast stop at Costco or what ever usually isn't a problem. that one stumps me.

Maybe a reminder of what they still need, needs to be sent closer to the date of the event. I'm not likely to sign up for something 5 months out because I have forgotten before that I promised to bring something and looked really stupid.

Is it a question of poverty?? if you are trying too hard to pay the bills you might not be thinking too much of juice and cupcakes for a party.

I have experienced that the people that end up doing everything really getting off on doing everything and not being willing to let go and let others do it with out micromanaging. not saying everyone is like that but there are some.

I also find it hard to believe that kids don't get a party, has that actually happened or has someone - the teacher, or a mom someone always come to the rescue??

ETA: Please ignore the advice to withhold food from kids who don't bring treats. Parent to parent? I'd like to see what kind of war this kind of thing would start between parents. A parent volunteer CANNOT demand that kids at a party have food withheld - who would that parent think she IS? And any teacher who would allow it would get in a huge amount of trouble.

All this would do is insure that there are no more class parties.

This kind of thing is just cruel and I can't believe an actual teacher on this site would suggest it.

Original:
I don't know if this will help or not, but I'll tell you what I did as room mom. I came to Meet the Teacher night, had a sign up sheet that listed all the parties and the teacher asked the parents to sign up for specific parties. She made it clear that they didn't have to come, but needed support for the parties.

I took that signup sheet home and I'd type out in very large and bold font what I wanted from each parent for the party, a week and a half before. I'd take all the notes to the school and ask the teacher to have the kids put them in their backpacks. A few days before I did it again in a reminder note. The parents were always good at doing what I asked. I spread the work out over all of them. If they were stay-at-home moms, I'd ask for help setting up or cleaning when I knew they wanted to come, and the cooked food if there was any. If they were working moms, I'd ask for drinks and fruit because that didn't take much time on their part.

I really didn't have any problems getting people to help, to be honest. I just really kept them in the loop so that they couldn't really "forget". AND I told the kids to help mommy remember about the parties.

Have specific jobs and contact parents directly telling them what you need done.

Two comments:

One time I dealt with something similar, it turned out that the parents did NOT want the kids to have a party!! They were aware that the party wouldn't happen if they didn't help, so they purposefully didn't help. Have you *asked* the parents if they care about these parties?

Otherwise, one thing I have done that worked was to host a [free] cocktail party for the parents. Get them wined up and then ask for party donations. Worked like a charm. (With guest chef from local well-known restaurant to do hors doeuvres.)

I want to second the idea someone posted about online sign-ups. I have used both SignUpGenius.com and MySignup.com and so have other parents at our school. These are good tools but you will need a list of ALL the parents' e-mail addresses (be sure to get addresses for both moms and dads if possible--some families want to list just one). These tools are easy to use and really seem to get people's attention somehow.

It also helps if you are very clear about the fact that certain things do not require the parent to stay, only to drop off an item they're bringing (or even suggest that they get together with other parents and have one bring all their donations).

Be sure to provide help for parents who might like to help but feel utterly at a loss if asked to "organize the games," for instance -- many folks just blank out and are afraid they won't come up with good games, so offer some help at first to get them started. Same with crafts -- many adults just have no clue where to start organizing a craft for a group of kids (even with tons of ideas online, some adults just balk at this stuff so you might need to offer ideas and web sites at first). I think the "organizer" can plan these things but ask other parents just to run it on the day.

Our daughter's class mom used to plan the actual crafts and games (with input from any interested parents) but then got volunteer parents to run those at the party. She would let us know, "We have all the craft materials and will have them there and ready for you," and a parent would turn up early, she'd show the basics of the craft or game, and the parent would just run it with the kids. If you're just saying to folks, "Plan a game," or "Plan a craft," they may feel they're left to come up with 100 percent of it on their own and unless they're a Scout leader or very crafty or great with groups of kids--that can be intimidating for some.

I would not hesitate to send a nicely worded but firm e-mail to all parents along the lines of: "It's the start of the school year and we would like to make our community club parties great for all our children-- but that means we need participation through the year from all their parents. This year we will be contacting you via e-mail and sending you links to MySignUp.com, where you will find lists of what we need for each party -- including parent participation. If everyone pitches in to help at just one event during the year, then no one has to help out repeatedly, and all families get to see their kids having fun." At some point I would also not hesitate to add: "Please remember: If slots don't get filled, we cannot hold the event."

Be polite but also be frank: A small group cannot keep on doing everything, donating everything and attending everything. But also be sure to make it easy for parents who are shyer about dealing with a group of kids.

I think the way they are communicating is dated, especially if the parents are middle to upper class. Sign up sheets and notes sent home went out years ago in my world.

All communication is online now with the schools and organizations we're involved with. They can use google docs or sign up genius to set up a sign up sheet for each event with the items needed. As others mentioned you can see who is bringing what and adjust your donation according to convenience and expense. In order to get those lists filled out email reminders are sent leading up to the event and if things look bad the subject line can say something like "Please help, items still needed for Fall Party!".

I think you need to be very specific and keep in mind that many families are struggling with funds and time. At DD's preschool, the teachers organized the games, but they asked for things like filling water balloons (which the school supplied) and divided it up among 3 families. They had a sign up sheet for all the items needed and you signed up for one or more. That way people had a visual reminder every day they picked up their kid. You could ask the teacher to put it in the home folder or something instead. The bottom line, IMO, is to keep it streamlined and simple. I'd rather bring plates to school than be asked to organize a game. Instead of a generic snack, ask them to bring a specific item. You might have the time/energy/ability to sign up for two parties but many people do not and many times it falls to the same people to be in the PTA, etc. It's just one.more.thing. I'm on the PTA and I help when I can, but I can't take tonight to attend their meeting, even with a raffle incentive.

You/she may see the same faces because those are the people that have the inclination to do it. I'd just accept that.

While I was PTA President, our mission was to be Inclusive not Exclusive.

We made sure that moms AND dads were included and invited to help..We also encourage grandparents to help if the parents were not available.

We also sent out a FULL School Year Calender, with "Volunteer opportunities" for parents to volunteer their Time, Send items needed, Or Write Checks, so that we could purchase what was needed for these events.

This "Heads up"for the year, was a way, working parents could plan to take off months ahead of time. Some parent had work schedules that fluctuated.. many times, because they traveled, so writing a check was a great way for them to help. They really appreciated our volunteers taking time to purchase and deliver these supplies, treats, whatever the event needed.

We also made sure if a child belonged to 2 households, these "opportunities" made it to both homes.

And yes, we still sent updates and reminders.

I called it "breast feeding".. You had to put it in their hands over and over.. So notes were sent through back packs as well as email and school calendars, .. The school calendar was included in the school directory and also went out each month. It amazed me how many parents said they had never been contacted.. I told them we tried our best, but if they wanted to be in charge of communications, I would love their help.

This was before texting was a big deal, If I was there now, I would ask parents if they would like text reminders.

I am still involved with my daughter's elementary and Sr High school PTA even though she graduated this past June...

Each of these groups are different due to age groups, etc but one thing they do have in common as far as involving parents is being very specific.

The website will list what and how many of each is needed and people can sign up on the website. As an event get closer, reminder emails are sent for people to sign up. You can log on and see who is bringing what to the event.

The Sr High school provides a casserole day for all staff at the school. Last year there were just under 200 staff members and this year there are just over 250. Emails started last week asking for casseroles to be delivered to the school and sign up sheets are in full force. For casserole day, we also work with a local caterer who offers a chicken, beef and vegetarian choice with salad and bread for about $18. Many people choose to bring in their own homemade casseroles as well. Then we have to staff the room that day with about 10 people to organize, sort, deliver casseroles to the teachers. I LOVE this event and I am very involved with it. We've never come up short with casseroles because we start so early with requests. The staff LOVES this event as well!

Bottom line is being direct and specific with needs and of course follow up.

I realize you are working with classrooms vs the entire student body but most teachers have email addresses of parents and you could send out something like an Evite which has specifics of what you need, when/where to drop off if needed, and pick up if needed.

Best wishes to you.

Get to know the parents personally. Period.

I've been a room mom for my son since he was in preschool and I've never had trouble getting my class parents involved. I have always had an overabundance of supplies, donations and help because I take the time to learn each parent's name, which child they belong to, and even go as far as taking time to introduce them to each other at the parties and other school functions.

The classroom is a sort of community. When you develop a close sense of community, then the parents want to get more involved and help. It takes time but if you start now, I bet your Christmas party will be well funded and be well equipped with manpower.

If the kids whose moms don't bring snacks miss treats at a party, then they will send snacks the next time. I hate the welfare mentality of folk who want to gain without paying their fair share.

When the moms ask why, tell them the dates all of the notices. Leave the teacher out if it, this is a parent to parent issue. If they complain to the teacher, she can say that it's the room parents who plan parties. She directs the learning games at the events.

Although it sounds grim, it teaches children to not expect handouts.

As for those patents who live paycheck to paycheck, a cheap bag of cookies is 99 cents at the dollar store. As long as the parties are not every week, that should not be a stretch.

For the families on food stamps, they have no excuse.

Do you have the parents' emails?? Send them an email and just assign them something. "Hi Mrs. Jones, Our class is having a party on Oct. 31. We would like Sara to provide juice boxes. We need 21. Thank you!"