In August we moved to a very populated area (from a smaller town) in a different state. The change has been a little hard on our kids (10 and 5), but they are making friends and things are starting to smooth out. My son (5th grade) was in the gifted and talented program at his old school. Mid-October they finally tested him at his new school and they recommended that we apply to get him into an all advanced academics school nearby. They said that this year the entire 5th grade happens to be at a very low level and he happens to be at a very high level. They said that it just is not possible for them to give him what he needs...and that he really should be in this other school. This is a little upsetting because moving was hard for him and he finally was starting to make friends (after some rough times with the other kids). The new school is about 3 miles away and a bus will pick him up to go there. Well, we just found out he was accepted into the new school and can start there in January after the holidays. He himself has mixed feelings. He speaks about going there with pride. But other times he complains saying he does not want to leave his friends and start at a new school. His dad strongly believes he should go to the new school. I actually think he will make friends easier there bc kids will be more like him and he will fit in easier. My son is a little worried about the change. I am too because change is hard for him. What are ways you would try to make this transition go more smoothly?
Thank you for the valuable advice! One poster advises me not to turn this down...don't worry...we will not turn it down. He will definitely go to this AAP school. I am writing for ways to make this transition easier. Our son has a very hard time with transitions. I LOVE the idea of having him follow around a peer to show him around one day before he starts. If it is the right kid, this could be a very positive experience and he will feel he has already made a friend. I will bring this up with the new school.
Could you ask both schools if your son could have a "visit the new school" kind of day, where he shadows a selected student (that the new school knows to be a welcoming friendly kid) for a day? Your son might find out that the new school has some amazing opportunities.
He will make new friends but he doesn't have to loose the current friends. Those friends are neighborhood friends right. You are not moving. And chances are they will all funnel back into the same Jr high a little later anyway.
Please send him. I write this as a parent of a child who changed schools to attend an advanced academic program at another school in the same school system. Send him. He will survive and he will thrive, faster than you or he realize. What he as a child may see as a big deal in leaving friends is -- you as the adult know this -- a tiny blip in the much larger picture of his school life.
Do not let your worries, or his, blind you to that much larger picture here. Very few schools want to admit to parents that they're not up to snuff; yet his current school actually admits that "the entire fifth grade is at a very low level." His current school says he needs challenges it cannot provide. Do you know how very rare it is to hear that? The fact they'd tell you this means it's serious. And things won't change in sixth grade; there won't be any magical change that means your son will be better challenged in sixth if he stays put with this same group in the same school.
He will be bored if he stays put. And bored kids can go many ways, none of them good. He may find academics so very easy that he breezes through everything, gets good grades, is happy as can be, and finds when he hits middle school (especially if he is in an AA middle school program) that he's blindsided by far tougher material and teachers. Or he may goof around to work off his mental energy. Or he may slack off and strangely seem to do worse in school, but not because he isn't smart -- because he doesn't care much since he's so bored.
He needs to be with that peer group in the AA program. You, yourself, write that you think "he will make friends easier there because kids will be more like him and he will fit in easier." You're right; so why second-guess your adult perception and let his temporary qualms make you consider turning down such a beneficial change? He will indeed make friends fine, and will be among classmates who are moving at his speed.
You have time to help with this transition. Call today and get an appointment for you and dad, not your son, with the counselor at the new school, to discuss specific ways you can help your son make the change. Find out what extracurriculars the new school offers -- a school with AA programs may have things like Math Counts, science clubs, robotics clubs, drama club or school play, chess club, and of course plenty of sports clubs or groups....Find out all the things that are available to him there and let him know about them. He will find friends with similar interests that way.
Has he actually visited the new school? Touring it could make a big difference. The instant my daughter saw the library at her new school, when all potential AA students were given a tour there, she was ready to change. Are there other kids making the mid-year change? Ask the counselor if he or she can set up a time for all those kids to take a tour together and meet each other, maybe.
And you should prepare to be pretty active in helping him see new friends outside school. (Fifth graders can't arrange their own social lives yet, so you may need to be proactive at first in getting to know other parents and arranging for kids to get together.) Also help him see old friends some too. Can he remain in some activity he already does? For instance, when my daughter changed schools, we kept her in the same Girl Scout troop that met at her old school; another girl made the same change and also stayed in the troop, and today (six years later) our troop is still together and still has kids from two different middle schools. It's good for the kids to compare notes and to have friends who are not "friends from school." If your son is on some team, or in a Boy Scout troop, etc. that is largely based in his old school, there may be no reason he has to leave it, unless you feel that it would keep his mind too much on missing the old school.
I have to add that we also were concerned about the change for our daughter. Our old elementary school was very warm and friendly and small and had a core of very active, involved, caring parents. It was hard to leave such a warm and fuzzy place at first glance. But that school also had academic issues and student body issues that meant it was never going to offer any enrichment further than a once-a-week pull-out class for one hour with a roving AA teacher who wasn't even based at the school. Over the years I've kept in close touch with friends who had kids there and they were frustrated with things like the friend whose son was very good in math and ended up basically being told to tutor the other kids -- rather than being given more challenging work himself, or being tracked into more advanced math that he would have enjoyed. That's just one example. It was a nice school but had and still has issues that are not going to change after a year or two, so moving was best.
Don't let your son's worries drive this decision. Send him and talk it up positively and be sure he gets a tour and sees some cool things going on. He already is proud of getting in; he's just undergoing typical kid concerns about leaving friends. Frankly he will end up with new friends each school year anyway and by middle school all the friendships shift again, so go ahead and send him -- he will be fine and he will be challenged.
It's a shame this wasn't figured out before he started at his current school.
Starting over again twice in a row in one year is tough but I think this new school will be a good opportunity for him, and he'll get to know some new friends before middle school starts.
Approach it as a wonderful adventure and roll with it!
When our son was accepted into the STEM program he had to start in a high school that wasn't the one he was going to go to where most of his friends were.
He's doing fine, making great new friends, maintaining straight As and has already earned some college credit (he's 10th grade this year).
The only down side as far as I'm concerned (and it doesn't bother our son at all) is his bus ride (which is not crowded at all) is about 45 min where at his old middle school (which is right next to the high school he would have gone to) his bus ride was 15 min.
He says he likes taking naps on the bus.
Your son will be fine at the new school!
I know this will be tough for him - but as a military child, this was common for us. I went to three different high schools (2 in one year) and survived. He will do fine. Encourage him and support him. But he will be fine.
We had a similar situation when we moved 4 years ago. My kids started at our neighborhood school, which was on a year-round track system, with 4 different tracks. Well, there was no room for both kids on the same track, so they "overloaded" my older daughter's class to make room for her. Then, when a position opened up in a different track 4 months later, they moved her. In this type of school, the different tracks don't even have recess together. She was really sad about having to leave all of the friends she had just made, but it actually ended up turning out well, because the new track actually was higher-level in terms of academics. I didn't realize it at the time, but the school tried to organize the kids in terms of honors track, and then progressively lower tracks. So she had really been moved into the honors track, which as you know, is best for kids who are very bright. She fit in better with the kids on the new track, and it went really well after the first week or two of adjusting to the new kids, new teacher, and so on.
Bottom line, just tell him you know that change is hard for him, but after the initial shock of having to make all new friends and learn where everything is at the new school, he will do just fine, and will probably like school even more than he does now. And he can still see his current friends after school and on the weekends if he wants to, right?
I work at a small private girls' school and "day visits" are DEFINITELY a requirement! My suggestion is to have this happen sooner rather than later, and to not wait until he's just about to start.
The unknown is a frequent cause of anxiety. The day visit will help to alleviate some of that because it replaces the "will anybody like me" with "those kids seem kind of nice" a great deal sooner. He can envision where he's going even while he's still in his current school. Then, if it's the right kid, your son may even be able to be in touch and get together before he changes schools.
Just want to say--- good on you for not going the soft route and making this your son's choice. I know that there is a parenting trend to leave things to the kids which shouldn't be left to them, and I'm heartened to see parents who actively make the hard decisions.
You've received a lot of good advice here, esp. about shadowing the new school with one of their students. I'd also let your son know that he can have a pizza party or some other gathering with buddies he's made from his current school. I think it's important that these transitions have some acknowledgement-- it doesn't need to be a 'big' deal and it can be a great way for him to feel like this is a new step forward and deserves to be celebrated. Be sure, too, to have contact info for the kids he does enjoy right now and make those connections happen while he transitions. In late January or February, he can start reaching out to students he connects with at his new school, too.
One last thing: it's often said that when kids have friends in a variety of situations in life (church, school, sports, afterschool activities) it's actually quite beneficial. So, if your son isn't involved in anything extracurricular and he'd like to be, this is a good time to think about getting that started as well.
