How to Make My Son Tougher?

Your son came into the world with exactly the personality he is suppose to have so as far as making him "tougher" he will learn and decide for himself what is worth fighting for. I have two sons 7 and 3. The each have developed completly different from each other; my seven year old sounds like your son he was very much a mommas boy and soft at heart. He still is both of those however, as he has grown he has developed as sense of right and wrong and what actions if any need to be taken to guarantee that for him. All children especially boys get this on their own time, your son will probably learn very quickly in daycare how to defend himself. You should tell your husband that you are not raising a bully and when your son feels strongly about something he will see a different little boy emerge. If he has been staying at home with you since birth (good for you!) then he probably has not been in a social setting on a daily basis that requires him to have developed this skill yet. Take it easy it will come.

I had this exact same issue with my husband and my youngest son who is now 8. We still argue about it but I've learned that my son simply has a personality of his own. It's okay if he's not rough and tough. He uses his head and his words and he can hold his own on the playground. I'm very proud of my son and I don't think there is anything wrong with having a child that can empathize with others. I believe we taught him well and you will do the same.

Hi H., I know exactly how you feel but be rest assured that your boy will be ok. My son went through the same phase, now he's 4 years old and he can stand his own ground. We, parents, think we can control how our kids react to other kids, but I think it is innate how they turn out. Some turn out soft, we can't control it while others are just plain aggressive. We, however, can guide them not to terrorize others but also to learn to stand up for themselves, to not let people walk all over you.

You also should have a good talk with the provider who will be taking care of him, to keep an eye out for him. By the time he spends 4 weeks, he would have adjusted to the other kids.

Goodluck and once again, your son will be fine.

Hey there H.,
I haven't read any of the responses so far, but as I sit here typing I am sure that there will be at least a couple who say the same thing as I will. It is so important to remember that 20 months old is a baby still! It is wonderful that he is a sweet, gently, loving boy. Boys so often get a bad rap anyway as being wild and rough. I have two boys, and one is much gentler than the other and has actually had some bullying happen in his life, but he has learned to stand up for himself in a way that is not violent. The other is more assertive and is more of a testosterone ridden kid! But not violent. One thing I have learned is that you get who you get. Be very glad that you have a sweet, loving kid. Hopefully in daycare he will have adults who advocate for him and won't allow him to be grabbed from or bullied.
Lots of luck, and kudos for having a loving boy. The world needs more of them.
xo
~A. - mom to Dominic (9) and Julian (6)

First, kudos to you for instilling in your son a "softer side". All children mimic what they see so, the fact that your son is empathetic and caring are good things and this will serve him well later in life. Second, BECAUSE all children copy what they see, if your husband takes issue with his son being a "mamas boy" then I suggest that dad start spending more time with him. Take him to the park and play catch. Take him out fishing. (Believe me, 20 months is not too young!) Have junior "help" dad mow the grass, wash the car, take the trash out. Toddlers LOVE to help (though my two-year-old often actually doubles my work with his "help"!) Even if they just go out in the back yard and turn some dirt over and look for bugs and worms, your son will cherish the time with the male role model in his life. The "toughness" that you speak of will come soon enough on it's own. Don't be in any hurry!

are you kidding me?!? seriously??? You mean to tell me you and your husband have a problem with him not hitting children when they hit him, or not retaliating when they take his toys!!!! I'am i the only one who sees a problem with this??? excuse me for being harsh, but freaking get real. he's 20 months old and you should be thanking your lucky stars he is the way he is. One day he's going to grow up and stop hugging and stop being a so called softie that you tjink he is, and you will miss it. I can't believe you would rather your kid be tougher! wow people amaze me sometimes, why can't you let children be children and develope their own personality instead enforce your own on them!