Our elderly neighbor lives next door and just lost her daughter last week who also lived there. We have not been able to build a relationship with these ladies (but we did try!). They keep to themselves and are honestly very unfriendly; shouting at young kids in the neighborhood for no reason and have caused a couple unpleasant scenes with me and my kids for no reason as well.
I'm torn between continuing ignore everything at their house like we've learned is best and also wanting to go next door to offer my condolences or any help our elderly neighbor might need since she's now alone. I definitely don't want to be shouted at again, but feel the need to do something. What can I say or do for someone who doesn't like to be around neighbors?? Thanks for any suggestions :)
You can never go wrong with kindness. She may not receive it gracefully or at all. She may not be very friendly, but that doesn't mean she won't appreciate some friendship.
I would leave a card and some flowers or a plant on her door step. You never know, she just might need a friend right now.
Good luck!
Mail a condolence card. I'd hold off on making food or anything else until you get some sort of response that this is welcome. What a tough situation. It's nice that you care enough to be thoughtful, and a card is likely the safest way to express your sympathy.
I would definately send a card. include your phone number and tell her to call if she needs anything. I have my neighbors cell numbers. When I know they're sick, I text them when I'm going to the store to see if they need anything and I let them know they can ask if they ever need anything. They never take me up on it, but at least I know I've done my part in offering.
Just mail her a card. It's nice you're thinking of them.
:)
I would just slip a card in her mailbox, or just mail it outright.
i would send her a card telling her how sorry you are and offering her help when she needs it. then i would pray about it and if she needs you then maybe she will let you know. atleast by sending her a note then she will know that you care and that my help with her rudeness......
I would just mail a condolence card expressing your sympathy.
This really isn't the most appropriate time to bring up her behavior.
If it continues, I would address on an "as needed" basis (if she shouts at your children for no reason, ask her nicely to address any of her concerns to you and not to your children).
Good luck!
Honestly, I wouldn't do anything but pray for her. She's made it very clear that she wants no relationship with you or other neighbors and elderly or not, it's not acceptable to treat people that way and expect to have help from others when you need it. I doubt she expects it. She knows how she's treated others. I would just quietly say a prayer and let her live her life.
Prayers.
Every single person needs them.
Is her grass long? It is an easy ice breaker. Next time your mowing your lawn walk over and say since I have it out it would be no bother to mow your lawn as well.
Well unless you both have huge yards and a push mower.
Leave a small gift and a card on her doorstep, ask her in the card if there's anything you can do to help.
I had neighbors who just never seemed to get past the stranger stage. Living 2 houses away for several years and a couple confrontations with their son and an argument over a baby sitter made it hard to be friends. I tried, but it was hard. A few years ago her husband became very ill and had a huge surgery to save his life. A few days later I baked an apple cobbler and walked to the door and said I knew he had been sick and there would probably be friends and family stopping by and hoped it would come in handy. I told her I hoped he was feeling better soon and then turned around and walked away. Weve been much friendlier since and as the last couple years went by and we all became grand parents it has given us a new sparkle in our conversations. So, maybe bake her some simple thing and go to her door and say you are so sorry her daughter passed away and hope this dish will come in handy and save her some work. Tell her if she needs anything to call. And have your name and number on top of the dish.
I would make some cookies or brownies, or buy some flowers & leave them on her doorstep with a sympathy card. It's a nice gesture, and you won't have to deal with any awkward exchanges.
Dont just mail a card. That might tell her you dont want to talk to her and if she does actually need your help she wont feel comfortable asking. I would do as the one person suggested. Bake something easy put a note with you name and number on the top. Make it a fast visit. Just knock on the door, say I'm sorry about you loss please let me know if I can do anything. Hand her the dish and turn around and walk off.
Keep it short and simple and if she starts yelling just keep walking, dont engage her. Sometimes people soften in times of grief.
Get her a nice card and make her a meal and extend your hand in kindness. I can't imagine the pain of losing a child- no matter the age. She also probably relied a lot upon her daughter for household chores and errands, so I would give her your phone number and offer to help. Leave the past alone. This could also be a chance to buid character in your children by them offering to help with yard work, etc... (if they are old enough).
I would bake something like cookies or even lasagne. it neednt even be homemade, stoffers (mispl) and then put aluminum foil over it to appear as those you did it.. :) I would just walk it over, take a deep.. know that you might get yelled at.. and say I thought you might enjoy this and I am sorry about your daughter passing..
try and NOT have ANY expectations << those are what will do you in.. go over as objectively as possible.. then if after this peace offering you get no where, know that you did your best.. you may want to include a simple card and sign it with your name and your family's..
good luck
Sometimes those that keep to themselves or seem unpleasant need to be reached out to the most. Usually that behavior came as a defense mechanism during difficult life situations. If you feel prompted to doing something out of kindness, definitely act on it. I can't tell you how many people have a complete change of demeanor once I send them a heartfelt card. That's why I use Send Out Cards (it lets me send brownies and cookies, as well as other gifts from their catalog along with my greeting card). If you visit the website: www.sendoutcards.com/15570, you can send a card for free (postage included) just click on "send a card" button. Good luck!
Get her a nice card and make her a meal and extend your hand in kindness. I can't imagine the pain of losing a child- no matter the age. She also probably relied a lot upon her daughter for household chores and errands, so I would give her your phone number and offer to help. Leave the past alone. This could also be a chance to buid character in your children by them offering to help with yard work, etc... (if they are old enough).
It's the thought that counts. Do want you feel comfortable with and what best puts your conscience at ease. Bottom line is you are trying to do the right thing, even if it isn't very well received.
No food yet. DEFINITELY no plants. I hate it when people offer plants or flowers for condolence gifts for a death. I had a plant given to me when I had a mid-pregnancy loss and it absolutely tore me apart when the plant died too two years later. The plant becomes too symbolic.
In this situation, a sympathy card is best. Write what you feel is appropriate inside, address it, and mail it.
leave a small pot of potted pansies or something on her doorstep. a tiny card with "deepest condolences" is perfectly fine. It's a gesture. You don't have to bake her a lasagna.
