My daughter will be 6 in March and I feel like for the past 6-12 months all she does is whine and cry. It's happening mostly when she doesn't get her way, which is the way most kids are. But it just seems to be getting worse. Here are a few examples: we went to a birthday party the other weekend and when I told her it was time to go, she started crying b/c she wasn't ready to leave(this happens at just about every party we go to). When we go to a friends house for a play date and she has been there several hours, she cries when I tell her it's time to leave. If one of her friends comes over on the weekend and she can't play because we are about to leave to run errands, she will cry b/c she can't play. And this all happens in front of the other kids!! It's drives me nuts! Last night we went to the gym and she pitched a fit b/c she wasnt ready to leave. Mornings are becoming a problem as well. All she does is cry and whine all morning long. She goes to bed between 9-10 and gets up about 6:15. She probably needs more sleep, but it's hard to get her in bed before then depending on when I get home from work, going to the gym, etc. We usually let her watch some tv in the mornings, but I think we will have to cut that out b/c of all the whining.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to stop the whining? We try to take things away from her, like no tv at night, no playing with friends on the weekends, etc, but it just doesnt seem to work. I'm a little emotional b/c I'm pregnant and due in june, but I"m at my witts end with this whining! I want my sweet kid back!!
Duct tape? :p
Sorry it is my go to response. :)
I never answered or acknowledged my kids when they whine. Eventually they stop because it isn't effective.
They still whine from time to time if they are really tired but then I whine when I am tired as well.
oh, that is the most aggravating phase!
there's really no magic bullet. taking things away from her doesn't work because it's not really a cause/effect, is it? there's really no good short term response, other than trying desperately not to nut up and stuff her mouth full of packing peanuts to muffle the whine. long term (and that's what's important, right?), the best thing to do is to refuse to acknowledge any demands, requests or even conversations that are delivered in 'whine.' calmly stating 'i don't hear unless you talk to me in a big girl voice' is about the best you can do.
khairete
S.
First, if you are not already I would give your child a warning. I would stop taking things away and keep the consequence more fitting to the crime.
First give a little warning. We are leaving in 10 minutes. If she begins to whine then say something like, "Well, if you are going to spend your time whining we will just leave right now." Then leave unless she changes her attitude fast. If she still whines when you leave then the next time you are supposed to go somewhere tell her, "I would love to take you honey, but I don't want to hear you complain when it is time to go." You could even go so far as to have a babysitter and tell her, "I would love to take you honey, but I don't want to hear you complain when it is time to go. but no worries I got you a babysitter so I can still go." After a few times of this my bet is that she will be afraid to whine. Just be sure to follow through. Don't make idle threats.
You KNOW what the solution is. You even put it in your post. You're hoping we have other suggestions, suggestions that wont effect your life style, suggestions that imply the fault is with your child not your parenting. You are making her childhood harder than it needs to be. You are making parenting harder than it needs to be. This should be a pleasant time for all of you, no more terrible twos, but before the teen years kick in! Change your priorities and you will have a more pleasant life. I work full time, go to school and my son (almost 7) sleeps from 8:00 (8:15 at latest) to 6:30 or 7:00 am. It's your job to take care of her and make sure she gets enough sleep, just like it's your job to make sure she eats healthy when she would prefer candy, cookies, soda etc.
Before you go to a party, explain the party only lasts for so long and when it is over, then it is time to go.
Everyone else will be leaving and she won't be missing anything.
Give her a 10 min heads up "We're leaving in 10 min. Time to finish up what you are doing and say 'Thank you and goodbye'.".
When she manages to leave without having a melt down, tell her how proud you are of her.
Most kids her age need 10-11 hours of sleep.
Is she getting a nap around lunchtime?
My son napped through kindergarten (they told me he really slept very deeply) and on weekends through first grade.
She sounds over tired and over tired kids are prone to melt downs.
My son is 13 and he still needs 9-10 hrs of sleep a night and is not himself if he gets less.
You need to figure a way to move up her bed time to 8pm.
Plan more errands and gym time on weekends.
The scheduling is not going to get easier when child number 2 arrives.
a 6YO needs 10-12 hours per night. She's not getting enough sleep. If you aren't willing to adjust your schedule for the betterment of your DD's health, I would suggest a nap midday to accommodate for the loss. Looks like she'll need a 2-3 hour nap daily to make up for it.
You NEED to get her more sleep, even if it is inconvenient. And definitely cut out the morning tv in favor of sleep. I know I am more emotionally more fragile when sleep deprived and I as an adult have way more tools and practice coping than your daughter does.
She NEEDS 10-12 hours of sleep a night and you are giving her 8-1/4 to 9-1/2 - NOT NEARLY ENOUGH.
I would not punish her in any way until I figured out how much difference sleep made. Then I would probably just ignore the whining and make what needs to happen, happen. Meaning, if it is time to leave, give 5 minutes warning, then tell her it is time to leave and leave. It's fine to sympathize a little while actually leaving ('I know you want to stay longer because you like parties' while you and she are walking to the car).
I am fairly sure that telling my son something bad would happen on the weekend (6 days away) if he whined now would have zero impact. Kids this age still lack impulse control (so do many adults) and that is too far away.
I agree with Patty W. Give the 10 minute warning and then stick to it. And if she keeps up with the whining, warn her in advance that she won't get to go to events in the future if she can't leave when it is time without the whining.
Secondly, yes, 9-10 pm is WAY too late for a 6 yr old who is waking at 6:15 a.m. My kids were in bed around 7:30 or 8 pm (at the latest) at age 6. And they didn't get up until 7:00 a.m. They need like 11-12 hours of sleep, and your daughter isn't getting near enough of it.
Thirdly, a question for you: How much emphasis/time do you spend focused on your pregnancy? It may be your daughter's way of dealing with the change in how much time you spend devoted to her. ?
Please rearrange your schedule so that your daughter goes to bed earlier. If her internal clock tells her to get up at 6:15, then that's what time she's going to get up, regardless of what time you put her to bed - which, BTW is about 8 pm, NOT 9 or 10. The sleep will make a huge difference in her attitude. It may take a few weeks to see the real difference since she is currently operating on a HUGE sleep deficit.
Once you have the sleeping under control, then address the whining. It may have become a habit by now. Give the 5 or 10 minute warning and stick to it. Then if she starts to cry, say the same thing my mom did to me and what I say to my kids: "If you are going to cry when we leave so & so's house, then you don't get to come back" - even a 6 year old can see the merits of getting to play with friends vs. not - works like a charm.
I've only had to say it to my kids once or twice in their lives. But then again, they do go to bed by 8.
First, I don't think she's getting enough sleep. For her age, she should sleep 10 - 12 hours per night; sounds like she's only getting 9 at the most. Try moving bedtime up to between 8:30 - 9:00. That's probably why she's crying and whining in the morning.
Next, give her warnings before you go someplace like a party. Tell her you plan to spend X number of hours at the party and then it will be time to go. Then, when you are at the party, give her a warning 30 minutes prior to time to go and then remind her when there's 10 minutes left. That way she will know it's coming and hopefully won't be so upset.
My son who is 5 also has been doing that!!!! We refuse to aknowledge him if he is whining. We will tell him one time that when he can talk in a happy voice that we would love to talk to him but until then we have nothing to say. If he is at home he goes to his room until the happy voice is used. For a little while we stopped taking him places until he stopped whining-he loves doing things so it only took a month of him being at home to stop that in public.
Added: I read Dana's answer and she is right! Get her more sleep and then if it doesn't stop figure out a way to correct her.
I'm going though this too!! My son just turned 5 in December, and I'm due in July! There have been a few instances where I whined back at him, then asked if he liked it. However, most of the time I try to use my calmest voice and ask him, "Does whining ever get you anywhere? Is there a better way to ask for what you want? Because if you asked nicely for five more minutes of play time with your frineds, I may have let you have it, but because you whined, we have to leave right now." Then, when he does remember to ask nicely, I make sure to let him know that I appreciate it when he is polite, so we can stay for five more minutes. However, there are times when it just isn't possible to give him what he asked for, and I get down on his level, give him a hug and say, "Thank you for being such a big boy and asking nicely. Unfortunately, we won't be able to stay longer because..." I have learned that if I talk to him like I would an adult, even though I sometimes have to go back and explain what some words mean, it helps cut the whining down a lot, because he doesn't hear adults whining. Good luck!!
When DS (3.5) starts whining, we get down on his level and tell him that we will not speak to him while he is whining.
And then we don't. We've gone for as long as an hour without speaking to him.
He needs to use his normal voice and ask politely for what he wants.
Works every time!
Preemptive strike - before you go in somewhere, tell her if she gives you trouble when its time to leave she'll have to miss the next playdate/party/get together.
Keep your word.
At that age, it should only take 1 or 2 times to let her see you mean business.
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sounds like alot of the problem is when shes leaving friends. so her punishment for acting this way of course is no more friends go a few weekends with no friend sthen say if you cant leave with out crying we will try again. but until then no play dates.if shes talking to you and whining just tell her you cant understand her when she uses that voice and ignore her until she stops the longest i had this last was about 45 mins in the car my daughter finally realized i wasnt going to cave and she hasnt done it since. good luck stay strong!
OK, you are not alone! My 6 yr. old is doing the same. Now, we have moved, I have been sick, and her little brothers are only 2. I suspect a little jealousy and she really does pick up on my moods. She was screaming, so the whining is an improvement. I just try to make some special time for her, when possible, and I don't give into her. I think you are right about the sleep, but understand how hard it can be with schedules. Keep trying and while you are, know that I am too.:)
This too shall pass.......
