How to Talk to 8Yr Old About Mom's & Dad's Sexual Intimacy

At 8 years old, she's old enough to understand that some things are private, some things are for adults, and that she's not entitled to be in on every single thing that happens.
I told my kids the very simple basics of things. When they are ready to know more, they asked.
Two people were in the shower because they both needed one.

oooo, I'd be careful about what reasons to use for coming through a closed door. Telling them "unless the house is on fire" may prompt them to do just that! Think all reasons through before you hand out the ones you want to use. Kids don't always understand what really happens, they can't work through the whole scenario yet in their brains, it's just not that developed yet.

Discussing puberty, changing bodies, etc, is appropriate. I would find an age appropriate book about sex that explains the differences in the male and female body, things like that.
HOWEVER, mom and dad's sexual intimacy is no child's business! What mom and dad do, whenever or whever they do it is not up for discussion, in my opinion.
We had a lock on our door, but we almost never used it because if the door was closed, it was closed for a reason and that reason wasn't anything we felt we needed to explain. We closed the door when we were arguing, or even just talking, we closed the door when my husband changed his clothes. What was going on was not something the kids even needed to concern themselves with.

This little girl does not need to be in the "middle" of everything the way she thinks she does.
As far as knocking on the door, asking what's going on in the bedroom, letting herself in and pulling back the shower curtain.....her parents need to make her understand that there IS such a thing called privacy and she is old enough to know better. Adults to lots of things in private like talk about bills or an upcoming holiday or even just to have some quiet time to talk about how their days went. Kids don't need to know every single thing that's going on. I would just tell her, when they are in their room, whether the door is locked or not, unless the house is on fire, she can go to her own room or watch TV or whatever....but she can mind her own business.

There were times I heard my parents fooling around even though they were pretty quiet and I'll tell you, I plugged my ears and covered my head up. The LAST thing I wanted to do was see what was going on.

In my opinion, she's being far too snoopy and they should get really firm with her about boundaries now as opposed to later. It doesn't sound like she'll let up voluntarily.

Best wishes.

I understand that she's curious, but it sounds to me like this girl is ruling the roost, so to speak. If my child pulled back a curtain while I was showering (alone or not), I would be furious with her! How rude and disrespectful- especially at eight years old, she knows better than that!

Forgive me if I'm reading between the lines too much, but I think this girl needs to be taught to respect privacy and boundries. It's none of her business what her parents are doing behind closed doors. At this age, she needs to understand that mom and dad want some privacy and unless it's an emergency, she is to not come in or disturb them.

If she needs the sex talk, that's fine and it's mom and dad's responsibility, but I see it as more of a privacy issue first. Good luck to your friend, I hope she and her husband are able to figure this out!

Personally I think this behavior is inappropriate and based on what you've said it has nothing to do with her wanting to know about sex. She shouldn't be walking into their bedroom or bathroom without knocking. If the door is locked, then she should go away. She's far too old for this behavior. She's old enough to know better and her parents don't owe her any explanation about what goes on in their bedroom. I agree with other people who said this is a respect/discipline/boundary issue. My daughter is 10 and even if I'm in my bedroom by myself, she knocks and waits until I say come in. Sounds like your friend needs to instill some respect for personal boundaries in her daughter.

My daugher went through a phase like this as well where she swore that she heard noises coming from my bedroom though there was nothing going on. One time she went as far as breaking a dish just so that I would come out of my room. That was her way of creating an "emergency". I think that your friend does need to talk to her daughter. She is curious and that is natural. I agree with the post that your friend should not go into personal details. It is time though to have the talk and explain that sex is a natural part of life and marriage. She needs to set boundaries and once mom and dad shut their bedroom door in the evening, unless it is a true emergency the daughter should not enter their room. Also even if the door is unlocked she needs to know to knock first and do not enter until she is told that she can do so. This is just a phase but it's definitely time to talk about it.

The shower issue what we told our kids we needed to take a shower together to save water it worked they didn't ask again haven't reached what goes on in the bedroom yet they are to young still but I don't underestimate the power of a childs mind/questions & answers..

She's old enough to begin the discussions. My youngest learned about intercourse at 5, and he's not scarred.

However, my answer to an 8 year old who asked that question would be "Because mommy and daddy like to shower together. Now go away." She doesn't need all the gory details.

When she's banging away outside of the room they can tell her that mommy and daddy are having private time right now. Go away.

Geez. It's not that hard. (But sounds like they're pretty active! Good for them.)

This is a discipline/respect issue not a sexual one. My kids would be in some mighty big trouble if they continued knocking on the locked door my husband and I were behind. They know if we say give us a minute, even just to talk, you better believe they would not continue to try to get in. She's eight and needs to learn some boundries. Separate from that if she's curious about sex in general by all means the parents should be talking to her in an age appropriate way about sexuality. Not about their own sex life!

Yes, it's appropriate within boundaries. At 9 puberty begins, so it is not too early, however I would avoid speaking "personally" with any detail. I would probably answer the "two people in the shower" question with something like, "when people are married and in love they don't mind showering at the same time." It's okay for her to know married people also sometimes need privacy.

Tell her that mom/dad's room is for mom/dad and sometimes they want to have some time alone - to do whatever they want (she does not need to explain this). IF she asks about sex, I suggest being honest and open because by hiding it, she is setting her daughter up to be secretive about that herself!

You do not have to go into detail and tell her the everything. Respecting privace is good, but you also need to be more careful and respect that she is in the house and will naturally wonder what is going on. You and your husband need put more respect out there for your 8 yr. old daughter if you want her to learn to do the same in her lifetime. As parents, our job is to set good examples for our children at whatever it takes. The rewards for this will come back to you in time.
Good Luck! S.

It sounds like she might have an idea that something goes on between men and women and she's curious about the details. She very well could have heard something at school already, trust me kids talk and spread rumors. I remember in 3rd grade one of my friends told me that babies grow in the belly and come out through the belly button. I really believed this for quite a few years. So they should definitely sit down and talk to her about sex, probably just the basics, and emphasize that it is a very private thing that doesnt' involve her and she needs to respect her parent's privacy. She absolutely shouldn't be barging in their room every time she hears a noise, that's just a simple rule about respect and privacy. I bet if they start a discussion about sex and ask her if she has any questions, she will have some sort of question that has been bugging her lately.

Tell the kid they're making sandwiches.

This girl needs to have strict boundaries put in place. At 4 years old, we taught my son (now 7) that if the bedroom or bathroom door are shut, he knocks first and waits politely for an answer. He knows that mommy is a girl and she looks different, so it is inappropriate for him to walk in on me changing, bathing, etc. (On the other hand, between my husband and 2 boys, it's like a cattle call for the shower... if they aren't getting in together, they are one after the other. We don't even have time to shut the water off. lol)

I agree that the specific details about the parents sex life needs to be kept out of the conversation, but they could tell her that mommy's and daddy's need special private time to keep their marriage healthy. So far, I have not answered any sex questions unless my son asked them first. I don't offer more than what he is questioning about and I stop talking when I can tell he is satisfied with the answers.

And kudos on the healthy sex life!

Little Nosey Nellie ;)
Yes, she's curious, but she also needs to be told that mom and dad sometimes need some alone time. Mom and Dad have the right to set boundries. If the door is locked then, unless it's an emergency or she's had a bad dream, then she is not to find her way into the bedroom...the door is locked for a reason.
My 8 year old son went through a phase recently where he was very fearful of every sound he heard during the night...he'd come into our room very soon after going to bed or shortly after midnight and sleep between us...fine for a couple of days but after a while we had him identify the sounds on his own and instituted a rule that unless it was an emergency (feeling sick), loud scary storm or bad dream he wasn't to come into our room to cuddle (or sleep) until it was starting to get light out.
So yes, slightly different situation but maybe your friend can institute the same sort of rule...unless sick, scary thunder storm or bad dream their daughter is not to come in and sleep w/ them until it starts to get light out.
Then Mom and Dad will have no trouble getting their intimate time.
Also, possibly something that makes gentle noise in her room to block some of the sounds mom and dad may make...radio playing soothing music, fishtank, sound machine (the kind that has ocean sounds). May help her sleep deeper.
As far as discussing exactly what's going on between mom and dad...I think that can be explained in the vaguest of terms (they need some alone time). Details can come a little farther down the road in my opinion.

First off, mom and dad need to be a little more careful with their sexual intimacies in order to both ensure their privacy and to protect their daughter from inadvertent exposure to someone else's private moment.

Beyond that, I think it is simple. Eight is certainly old enough to begin to explain human sexuality to a child. In fact, I thing it is a little late. I have two daughter's who are nine and ten and we having been talking for years. I want to be sure they get their information from me and in a few more years they will probably be pulling away from me.

People have different moral/religious values regarding sexuality and that needs to be a part of the discussion in addition to the "plumbing". Eight certainly is old enough to demand she respects your privacy with consequences if she does not. A closed door should mean "knock" for both the adult and the child. Everyone needs their privacy. As far is the noise is concerned. I recommend keeping it down. I would find it quite distracting and frankly impossible to ignore a noisy sex act occurring on the otherside of the wall.

J.