Nudity Front of Children

I don't think the issue of nudity is as important as teaching respect for boundaries and personal space. This is something they will need to recognize when they leave home, but you have to teach them to do it when they are still at home.

I've encountered this a couple times with visiting kids. They don't have space-boundaries at home so they think nothing of barging in when they are somewhere else. Most of the time the parents don't realize they've accidentally created a behavior problem.

Start closing the doors when you change, shower, or just want ten minutes of quiet alone time. Teach them that a closed door means you're unavailable to them for anything short of bleeding to death or the house is on fire. Wanting to chat or ask a non-life-essential question can wait until you come out.

I have a boy and a girl and I wondered about this sort of question, but what i found was that by paying attention to the kids I could tell when they felt the need for more privacy and they stopped barging in on me when it became uncomfortable for them.

Here in America we are really wrapped up in modesty. In many other countries it would be considered totally normal for parents to be naked in front of their children, this is how children learn that, while you can view bodies in a sexual way, naked bodies are not inherently sexual. While I don't run around completely naked because that is outside my own comfort zone, I don't give it a second thought if my boys see me partially dressed.

It is this puritanical view of nudity that has made it such a struggle for woman in this country to do normal things without being slut shamed, like wear comfortable cloths in the summer or breast feed their children.

Your sister is doing nothing wrong.

Is this a question?
Or just a discussion about nudity and kids. Because there's been a few lately about what is appropriate with kids and nudity and sexuality and I don't feel like sharing what my kids do in our house. I think so long as families are fine and have personal boundaries, to each their own.
Sorry if this is genuine. There was a poster recently who I felt was getting their kicks out of asking us to share our kids' experiences.

Must agree with Margie G. I don't think it matters much what the sex of child/parent is, it's all about personal boundaries. God knows no child really WANTS to see their parents' bits and pieces so I've always tried to respect that with my own kids.

while i do tend to drape more now, for no particularly logical reason other than i want to, i never wore clothes much around the house for most of my life. my boys were accustomed to it and like most kids, simply absorbed their norm as THE norm.
if you're not comfortable with it, stay clothed. but you have no reasonable basis to judge your sister.
bodies aren't dirty or sinful or gross. they're just bodies.
geez.
ETA what is with one poster's obsession with kids masturbating? it's not normal and it's not okay. it's like she thinks about it all the friggin' time.
khairete
S.

Your sister is doing what she wants to do and what works for her family. My best advice would be 'don't judge'. I think you have a double-standard, personally. It's really about when either parent/child feel they want privacy and respecting that, period.

For what it's worth, a lock on the door works. I taught my son not to come into the bathroom or up to my room without knocking/checking first. I don't agree with not teaching your children to respect privacy just because they are girls.

I don't think nudity is so much the issue. I think giving you some time to shower and dress without acting like your personal time/space don't matter is much more of a behavioral issue you might want to look at. Why the heck can't you do something for 10 minutes without someone barging in? You're going to need those boundaries when one of them starts barging into the bedroom at night.

Otherwise, I think you take their lead for their own privacy needs and respecting the other one. The 12 and 13 year olds are NOT going to want the 6 year old to see them all the time. So best to establish ground rules before it gets ugly. You also need to prepare for privacy and questions about menstrual issues/care/products, and so on. You don't want a child bursting in during a tampon insertion/disposal without any knowledge that women have periods, you know?

But no, I wouldn't be leaving the door open whether my kids were boys or girls, because I'd want them to be learning to shut the door themselves no matter where they are, and to not be entering when someone else is using a bathroom or even a bedroom for changing. It's not as much about what they'll see as about what they'll do with others.

Everyone is different. When my conservative anti-nudity family was stationed to Germany in the 80's we were pretty shocked to see all the nude families at the pools and playing frisbee in the public parks and full nudity in soap commercials on daytime tv..but also thought it must be nice to be so liberated and un-self-conscious..and here in the USA plenty of people are free spirits who run around nude at home. I'm personally modest and dress out of sight from my 8yo son, less careful around daughters..their dad dresses privately now that they (daughters) are 6 and 9...but I don't think it's wrong to be nude in front of kids in the types of households where that's the comfort level. Sometimes I envy the families that just whip their clothes off to change camping or wherever in front of whoever with no concerns. I've always been modest by nature though. AND mine all know I HATE to be bothered in the bathroom, so they're not allowed to bust in anymore since they outgrew the "can't take my eyes off the toddler who might choke" age. They all knock and the answer is "I'm in the shower" which means "go away".

I have never made an issue of nudity in our home. There are many occasions when I am nude in front of my boys or they are nude in front of me. For example, sharing one bathroom to get ready in the morning, sharing a tent when camping, sharing a hotel room when travelling. I suppose we could take measure to make sure we are never nude in front of each other in these situations, but why? We do just like people do in the change room at the gym or pool, be discreet when we are changing, and politely avert our eyes, It is such a non-issue.

It is so disturbing how some members here are obsessed with masturbation. That you choose to make this your first question kind of makes me wonder about you.

Still I think it is just as strange that you seem to go out of your way to be naked in front of your daughters as it is for your sister to change in front of her boys. I have two boys and two girls. I do not go out of my way to be naked in front of them nor do I make them feel they saw the face of the devil if they accidentally walk in on me changing. This seems to be the norm

I think you're being a little judgey here, sorry. I agree with those that say nudity is not the issue. We need to teach our kids that our bodies need not be sexual, we need not be ashamed...but that if you want privacy you should have it. I have a boy and a girl and sure, when they were babies we thought that at X age we will no longer be nude in front of them. Didn't happen. We go on vacation, go camping, change for the indoor pool and sometimes it requires us to be nude in the same room. We deal. Don't judge your sister too harshly on that.

I think this is kind of like people who don't have kids who critique parents because they are sure they would do X, Y, and Z so much better if they did have kids.

You are not in the shoes of someone with 2 boys. You have no idea what you would actually do if you did. Why are you judging her?

You know how kids will leave you alone until you get on the phone, and then it's "Mom! Mom!" That's what your kids are doing, and they're way too old for that. You need to be teaching them the concept of giving other people privacy. You shouldn't allow them to interrupt your shower.

My boys saw me in my underwear at times at the age of your sister's kids, but not naked.

Different families do things different ways, but really, you need to teach them to respect your privacy.

There is a time and place for such.

When my children were small (boy and girl) I sometimes was nude. As they got older I wore clothing but sometimes it was just undies while in the house. All was covered up. I did not make a big deal out of it if I was caught nude. As they grew older, rules and privacy were enforced. Privacy became more so for my son as he didn't want to be seen in his undies. It just evolved.

Do what is comfortable in your own home.

I can recall being in the bathroom a few times with the kids and the pets. None of them wanted to be away from me. If the door was closed I could hear crying from the dog or see a paw from the cat under the door.

the other S.

I thought this whole question through while still trying to conceive. I didn't want my child to be body-conscious or to make nudity an issue, so that's how I planned to behave. Well, I had a son, and ended up adapting to things as he grew. (Shocking thing to do, I know!) I stayed covered in our shared spaces - common courtesy. But in the bathroom or during those late night "mommy!" calls, etc, he did see me nude. It was not an issue for us. Even co-ed showering was still OK. He started asking questions at about 4-5, and I answered them as simply as possible, but reinforced the closed door/showering/dressing like a big boy protocol and didn't give him more question fodder. By 9, he was the one that was uncomfortable with an occasional unexpected reveal. Now he's 13, but I still don't make a big deal of it if it happens. I simply say "excuse me" and close the closest door. He is mindful of his own self now. We've taught him that good manners means good coverage. (ie...no, we don't watch TV in the living room in our nekkid!) Our guideline now is that unless there's something wrong with it, no one else needs to see it. So I guess we have had success.

Would I do it differently with girls? Some PC part of me thinks I should say no, of course not, treat everyone the same. But I think you're right - it just IS different with the opposite-bodied parent. It also depends on the individual, and on others around respecting their comfort zone.

I expect your DH would have some perspective on this too, being the only guy in a house full of girls. I know my BF never EVER goes "nikked" if DS is at home. But then he raised 2 girls in his previous marriage.

I wouldn't have said anything to one of my sisters, either, especially if she was just changing clothes. I guess it's just up to your sister how she runs her family, as it is for you to run yours.

For the record, we say my own mom naked (briefly) fairly often (2 boys, 3 girls) and none of us were traumatized by it.

I hope there's something helpful in here.

You're all girls right? A body is a body. Not a big deal.

9 year old boys are capable of having erections and masturbating. Why fill their mind with images that will pop up while they have that feeling? I don't think it's okay for kids to see parents nude after age 3 or so. There just isn't any need.