How to Teach Young Children About Gun Safety for Visiting Playmates' Homes?

I would definitely ask, especially if you don't know them too well (ie, a parent of a school friend). It just reminded me of an incident when I was a teen and my parents left us with a friend for the weekend. My brothers and I were in the back seat of her car (or maybe her husband's car) and we clearly were old enough to know what a gun is and what the consequences were. My younger brother, probably at least 12 at the time, was/is obscessed with guns and found what he thought was a realistic-looking toy gun under the seat. He was playing around with it pointed at my stomach saying 'how do I get the safety off?' The sitter almost wrecked when she realized that he'd found her husband's gun and was playing with it! So, even once you teach them about gun safety, differentiating between a real and toy gun can be an issue.

We don't have guns, either. Opted for 2 German Shepherds ;-), but not really for home-invasion protection.

I say to ask, better to be safe than sorry. I have two highschool frinds that just lost a 14yr. old son in a tragic accident, where another child was playing with a gun. My son is only 8 and you better believe that I will ask, we sold our gun a while back got an alarm system and got a german shepard.

I have no answers for you but I just wanted to say "GOOD for you for thinking about this so early!!!" Soo many things we have to worry about.

I don't have any advice for you on teaching gun safety, but I would strongly advise you to ask other parents if they have guns in their house, how they are stored, etc., before letting your daughter play there. If they get offended at your question, then that is not a house where you want your daughter playing. Like you said, you would question pool safety, why not other safety issues like guns? I plan on doing this when my daughter is old enough to go on playdates on her own.

Hi! Great post and great responses. My husband has always done security on the side and became a police officer two years ago so we have always had guns in our home also. When I was pregnant and reading everything I worried that other families would not allow their children to play at our home because of the guns, but this never became an issue. When our daughter was younger (and before my husband became a police officer) she never knew we had guns. We had a gun safe in our garage and my husband put the gun on to go to work and took it off and placed it back in the safe.

Now that he is a police officer, he wears a gun 90% of the time and she is 8 now, so much more aware of it. He is very open with her and we have told her if she wants to see or hold the gun all she has to do is ask, he will unload it and supervise her and answer questions. We wanted to not have it be tabo so she would not seek it out without his supervision. When he is not wearing the gun it goes into a locked gun case on his bedside table. (being a police officer he wants it more accessable that in a gun safe)

Most of our daughter's friends know that her dad is a police officer because she is very proud of him and tells everyone! I can honestly say that NO one has ever asked about the guns in our home. Our close friends have always known but also know us and our priority at keeping our daughter and all children safe.

Our daughter was taught some gun safety at school, but it might have been prior to our move to VA. She was taught if she saw a gun she was to 1)Stop! 2) Runaway 3) Tell an adult. She still remembers this. I think another way to teach your children about gun safety is call to your local police department and ask if you could bring your children in to talk with a police officer about it. They wouldn't be able to hold a gun, but could see one. I also like the idea of going to a gun store.

Lastly, as your children get older, teach them that "toy guns" may look like real guns to law enforcement so to be very careful with them. Police officers are trained to secure a situation that is dangerous. They don't take the time to determine if a gun "is real or not" when it is pointed at them. There are toy guns that look real and can lead to very dangerous situations.

Thanks for letting me put my two cents in! Good luck!

D.

In my humble opinion, I would get to know the parents of any children that my daughter plays with very well before sending her away on play dates. I typically spend at least 4 play dates with my daughter and the child's parents to get to know them. Within this kind of time frame, I am able to determine whether I can trust the parents with my daughter and whether I feel comfortable asking questions like these to their parents. I do not feel comfortable sending my daughter out with friends unless I feel I can have honest, open conversations with the parents first. In fact, my daughter mainly plays with just 4 children. I have known the moms of two of the girls for over a year now and see a third mom about 4 times a week because our daughters are in taekwondo together. I am certainly not trying to tell you what to do, but having had some bad experiences at friends houses as a child taught me to be very protective of my own daughter. Hubby was irate with me when I sent her off to a playdate with a girl who is in her class, but has a single father who he just met one time. Hubby said that while there is probably nothing wrong with the father in question and while he holds no bias against single fathers, it's just a matter of preference to get to know anyone male or female first before trusting them with our daughter. I do know of a 6 or 7 year old first grader, for example, whose parents allow him to play outside at a park belonging to our old apartment complex without adult supervision. I would not trust my daughter into their care not because I think that they would harm my daughter, but just because she still (at 6) may sometimes cross the road without looking and get hit by a car or something. I know this is not all related to gun safety and I hope you do not mind me sharing my opinion about general safety.

I congratulate you on being smart! I have not seen the video, but it would probably be a good. My ex was a police officer so we always had a gun. Teaching them they are dangerous is helpful, but it is usually curiosity that gets them into trouble. Perhaps you could go to a local shooting range and speak to them so that they can learn a little more. My children are involved in shooting sports in 4-H and there they teach 1) never point a gun at someone, even unloaded, it is always carried barrel up this is the most important thing - it does not matter whether it is apart or the safety is on, you just do not point a gun at someone, period. 2) keep them secure at all times, if you are not on the firing line it is unloaded and the safety is on. 3) tell them to never tough a gun without an adult present and if someone suggests it they should leave and get an adult. Do not be afraid to ask the parents about where it is kept, most gun owners are aware of the dangers and keep them properly secured. You had a great point about water safety being like gun safety and if you used that point I am sure the conversation with them will go well.

About me: SAHM of five, aged 21-15. Two already in the service and I am busy homeschooling the others.

I feel that asking the other parent is necessary...and if they feel the way that you do about guns in the home and gun safety then it won't be an issue for them to give you an honest answer.

I can give two perspectives, that of a parent and that of a gun owner. I can tell you that in our home, our 4 year old already knows gun safety. He understands what guns can do, that they are not toys, and he is aware of the strict and swift punishment that comes if he touches a gun. Also, we have gun locks on any gun that is not locked in a cabinet and do not keep any guns loaded. However, I am very aware that not all parents/gun owners are as diligent. So I make sure my son is aware of the same thing, that not all kids know what a gun is or what they do or how to be safe with them.
My advice for introducing your child to guns would be to take her somewhere she can see them. Many gun stores would be very happy to explain to you and to her the dangers of a gun. Explain to her that these are not toys and that ANY time she sees a child (of any age) touch one she should IMMEDIATELY leave the room and RUN to an adult! You asked how to do it w/out scaring her, I took the opposite approach. Although my son knows all the parts of a gun and can tell you where they are, where they go when the gun is taken apart and even how to clean them, he has a healthy fear of them when they are in the wrong hands. They SHOULD be frightened - if they aren't a little scared they may be tempted to be curious - that leads to too many deaths. If she were at a 'friends' and they wanted to show her their daddy's gun, she should be scared and run away! The thing you don't want is for her to be scared of going to peoples houses, so I wouldn't associate the lesson with going to friends ... just a lesson on safety, like crossing the street or talking to strangers.
Hope this helps.
Oh - and as far as asking, I would personally not be offended or upset at all if someone asked us about our guns, and in fact when we have new friends over w/out parents I do inform the parents of our rules and include the guns, where they are and how they are stored. You definitely shouldn't ever feel embarrassed or ashamed to ensure you daughters safety, if you don't feel comfortable enough with the parent to ask the question then perhaps you don't know them well enough to leave your daughter there alone.

The NRA kid video is a good place to start. I find that the best way to deal with the situation to begin with is to simply ask the other parents whether or not they own a gun and if so, how it is stored. I have four children of my own that were taught gun safety from as early as they could understand it. The way to make them unafraid of guns would be to refer to it as a tool and not a weapon. We all know that pretty much anything can be used as a weapon and guns are not excluded from that category. My kids were taught how to shoot, carry and clean a hunting rifle between the ages of 6-10 -- girls and boys.
Since you do not own guns, I would begin by teaching your child what guns look like and that if you see one, you should tell an adult.
Again, any responsible gun owner will tell you if they have a gun in their home and how it is kept. Don't hesitate to explain why you ask. Let them know that you are just watching out for the well being of your child. No parent would begrudge you that.

Great post! I have a 3 year old and a 6 year old and I have been thinking about this recently. I have not brought it up with any other parents yet, but I think that I will start. If anyone is offended by you asking the question, its a bad sign, and you probably don't want your child playing there. I'd like the parents to be just as concerned about safety issues as I am.

it's a scary thought. It is one of the reasons I do not let my 5yo go to playdates without me. One of the first playdates he ever went on-he was 3 & at a new preschool, the Mom went over a few 'do not's' and one was "the basement is off limits because that is my husband's space and there are guns". There was no lock on the that door. Completely freaked me. Needless to say it opened my eyes to the dangers. So he just doesn't go without me, unless it's really good family friends. Then you have a general sense of safety, because you have closer knowledge of where you are and what they have or believe in. BUT you also have to worry about any idiot that might stop by and visit while your child is there.
It is too scary out there these days, you're right to be concerned. Gun violence is glamorized constantly on tv. Maybe talk to your local police station- they all have a "Community Relations" person. Surely they can direct you to an age appropriate safety course of action. Good luck and congrats for staying on your toes.