We moved out of state last Aug. I've not been in touch with my friend Kate since we've moved (and actually very little before we moved) because she became addicted to pain pills and started partying every other night (leaving the littles at home with dad). We'd been "good" friends before all of this, but the addiction was more than I could be around. We saw each other on occasion at non partying events with other friends in common. One of these friends, Sarah, who still live there has told me that Kate has really gone down hill and even suspects that Kate called her(Sarah's) doctor to get a refill of her pain pills (Sarah has real medical issues) and had it filled at a pharmicist she doesn't use (she found out via her dr.'s office).
So anyway.......Kate just sent me a text asking me for my address because her husband just found a bill "I owe for." He fixed my car a year and a half ago!!! I asked SEVERAL times for a bill. I even paid him $300 to cover the part ($200) and at least an hour's worth of work. He filled my car with gas ($30). I tutored their son for an hour (more like a diagnostic test) and applied the $40 I would be paid towards work on my car. Kate and I went on a weekend retreat and I paid for the motel room (another $53 she could apply to the car work). The way I figured it (and since it has been SOOOOO long ago), I thought we were paid up.
I really wonder if we do owe money or if she is just trying to find a source of money for more drugs. (I've also heard she was getting stuff in Mexico and Canada.)
I don't feel comfortable calling her husband to ask. Do I give her our address and see what they send? I know she has access to his paperwork and could make an invoice. She even asked me what he had done and didn't have an amount when I asked (via text messaging). I didn't tell her what was done. In fact, I've ignored the last 3 texts.
Sounds fishy doesn't it??? Ugh. I hate this. I'm happy to pay what I owe (if I really do!), but I'd hate to send money for her to feed her habit. Who knows, this may be the way he is trying to keep her clean....cutting off her money.
Thanks!
Just to give a tad bit more info. The husband does not own an autoshop. He runs a completely different business and did this on the side. I know he did me a great service, but I asked SEVERAL times for what I owed and he said he'd get it from me later. I asked for months. I sent him the check for $300, but don't think I can prove it so easily. We've changed banks since the move and I can't access my old account. I'd have to call the bank and have them fish around for it. Ugh. I'm going off my memory and know I'm not wrong.
I don't feel comfortable talking to him because he is hard to talk to and it was a side job. And honestly, I feel like if they wanted paid, they should have sent me the bill like I asked a hundred times. And yeah, he knows she's in bad shape.
She has my only phone number and at one time she had my address. It really wouldn't take much for her to get it from one of our common friends. I even sent them a Christmas card. She lives 12 hours away. I think I'm good there. We are also on FB together.
I'm just irritated at the timing of all of this. I just wrecked that car last week and have enough stress to deal with. Now I have to dink around with this. I'm still not sure how I'm going to handle this.
Got a text from Sarah (after I sent her a text telling her) and she was surprised, but not shocked. Totally thinking it is for the drugs.
Thanks for your responses anyway. It is just nice to hear different ideas of how to go about it. :)
OMG! Marda! I never thought of that!!!! She could totally use my info! I would never have thought of that, but you may be right.
I would ask her to have her husband call so you can settle the bill with him. Let her know that he knows what was done, and what was paid, and you'd rather talk to him about it all.
I think you know the answer on what the money is really for. Settle with the husband directly if you owe them money. Chances are he already knows about her problem.
After all this time, it sounds to me like somebody is hard up for money.
I would save the texts in case her behavior escalates, but I would ignore them as far as answering them.
I'm not one to duck out on money owed, but this is suspicious to me.
Just my opinion.
Make a list of what you paid all the way through, including the tutoring, etc. Tell him on the phone that your debt is paid. Tell him that you hope his wife is doing better, but he needs to understand that you are not willing to give your address to him because of her drug problems. And reiterate that your debt is paid in full.
He will get what you mean, and hopefully he will leave you alone. I would NOT call him from your home phone. Find a pay phone to call from.
So sorry.
I would not send her your address. She can send you an amount via text message. If she knows your e-mail address she can send the entire bill that way.
It sounds fishy to me because she asked you what you'd had done and because of the time lapse. She could be wanting your address to use to get drugs. She could use your name and address with her on-line orders or with a new doctor. She would just have to change the "ship to" address to her own.
As you suggest she could be angling for money for drugs.
The work was done by her husband. He's the one who should be asking you for money if you still owe. I would send her a text and say that you think you're even, money wise, but if her husband feels that you still owe him money he should call you. Assuming she has your phone number.
I suggest, if you have his phone number, calling him direct. Block your number if he doesn't have your number. Your business was with him and giving him a call is the reasonable way to handle this. If this were a shop and you thought the bill was paid, you'd talk directly with the manager, not the bookkeeper. In this case, that's the husband.
Or I might just continue to ignore her texts. I suggest that since she's an addict it's reasonable to believe she's up to no good. You think you've paid so let the matter go. I'd send her a text stating you've paid and will not consider receiving a bill now, 10months or more later.
The more I think about it the more I believe I'd just completely ignore her. I'd not respond to her texts and I wouldn't worry about owing money. You think you've paid. He's the one who worked and therefore earned the money and he's not calling you. I'd ignore the whole thing.
It does sound fishy especially since she is addicted to pain meds and with all the back and forth services you did for each other, I'd say you are clear of the car repair. I'd text her back and say "Oh, I thought I was all paid up with your husband. Have him call me so we make sure we are on the same page, it's good to hear from you, hope all is well!". And leave it at that. If her husband calls then great, talk to him but if she presses on that you can't talk to him, you know she's fishing for drug money.
Nope. Do NOT give her your address.
Call her and give an itemized list of what you have paid.
Your friend is an addict and a good rule of thumb for you to remember--when an addict's lips are moving, they're lying.
I wouldn't hesitate to call her husband directly and inquire (with your itemized list of payments at hand) as to whether you have a balance due to HIM. (Not her).
IF he asks why you're asking after all this time, simply tell him about the text you received. He knows the drill. You're not going to shock him. He's living with an addict--he surely knows what's going on. He should know. She may be jeopardizing his business contacts. And that's a no-no. Any way you look at it.
If he thought you still owed HIM money, HE would send you an invoice.
You aren't talking to your friend. Her body has been 'taken over' by the addiction. It sounds like her. It looks a little like her. But you know it's not her.
sniff sniff... can you smell that????? smells like B.S to me.
Ignore any and all communication from her and live your happy life.
DO NOT send her any money
Why don't you feel "comfortable" calling her husband?
If you owe him money I'm sure he will be contacting you. In the mean time just tell your *friend* that you believe you have paid in full and if her husband has any questions he should contact you directly.
Direct and drama free.
I know many drug addicts - if she is an addict and you have been able to sever ties - keep them severed. If he wants to persue the money factor than he can take it to small claims, however I agree that she is looking fo a source of funds.
I wouldn't give her your address no. She has a known problem and I wouldn't wants her putting your address on anything of hers.
She's already been using Sarah.
Text her back and tell her that you've already paid up through various things and if she persists tell her to have her husband contact yours.
And go from there.
No need to contact her or the husband, My guess is she's feeling desperate and is trying anything she can and also contacting anyone she can now, and thinks she can "fool".
Don't stress but don't give in either!
Even if you find out its coming from the husband I'd say No. Too late. Come on, really a year and a half later? That's just tacky, not to mention the stuff you paid for yourself.
So it doesn't matter if it's for her habit or they really did just 'come across a bill', I'd blow her off.
Ask if she'd mind if you get her address to send a bill for tutoring their son and the motel room. Ha!
Don't even respond to the text. Just ignore it, and ignore her. The only way I would respond to it is if I got a legal notice, which I doubt would never happen. Sounds like you were paid up long ago, and she is someone who you definitely don't want having your address!!! She's just trying to find some free money for drugs.
Ignore her and block her from FB. Good luck.
What Dawn said.
Do you have yoru old cell? If you do they still have the number, use that.
Write everything down and speak to him.
Call him and tell him what you received from her.
That you are just checking with him to verify, that you thought everyting was paid, list what you did pay and what you did for them.
Send a bank check written to him only, not his company.
Send it to his office.
Do not use a personal check. I assume your address and home phone are on it.
I would ignore her texts and block her from FB. You dont owe her any money. You moved 12 hrs away and probably wont be seeing her anytime soon to have her question you. Just ignore her and move on. OR text her and say you beleive you took care of that bill over a year ago and will not be paying them more money. wish her luck and be done with it.
I would not give her money, nor would I give her an address. I would only contact her husband to declare that any money owed has been paid... write a list of what you paid in total. You were never given an exact amount at the time, she can't just decide to demand more money a year later, especially without ever having given a proper invoice at the time of service. Her husband probably has no idea that she is contacting you for some cash.
Yeah, no - don't send her your address. Remember your friend Sarah's prescription.
If she really wants to send an invoice let her email it to you.
But do contact her husband about it if you feel you do owe him money.
Heck, contact him anyway and express concern for her and let him know what is going on.
What a tough situation.
I would call her husband to find out for sure, regardless of how uncomfortable I felt. I would say that I found out I owe for the car and how much do I owe? Then you will know for sure one way or another and have no doubts.
I agree with everyone saying ignore her, it's the only way to protect you and your family. If the husband knows all about her then he is obviously an enabler. You don't need to contact him either, she is fishing for money and now using him as an excuse.
Ignore it. Let her know you paid up by sending that paragraph you wrote to us.
She can take you to court if she gets sober enough to do so.
pray for her.
I would call the hubby, its the only way you can know for sure.
Stop wondering, you don't owe them anything. I think at this point I would just block her number and forget it. You know you paid them, you know she is doing things she shouldn't be. Just let it go.
dont give her your address.. if it continues and she insists you owe her id get in touch with her husband and ask what is going on.. pain pills are a horrible addiction.. been there done that (&quite a few of my friends also) .. getting clean over 3 years ago was the hardest thing iv ever had to do in my life.. and i can tell u from experience that if she has no money and needs some pills she will do anything to get them, the physical sickness you feel from going through withdrawal is torture itll make people do crazy things... if she doesnt get help it will just continute to get worse.. she'll move onto stronger pills and need more and more to not feel sick.. its a vicious cycle
J.:
I'm sorry this is happening..
1. DO NOT GIVE HER ANY INFORMATION!!! She could use your name and address to get more drugs.
2. Contact the husband directly and ask him if he is seeking money for the work he did on your car. If he says NO- then she may be trying to get money to subsidize her addiction.
Other than that - the best thing you can do is stay away from her. Addicts will do some pretty low stuff in the search for their next high....I'm sorry!!
I would not give out the address. I would call the husband and say " hey just touching base about the bill for the car. I paid X amount up front and then X towards whatever those other things were" I can tell you though that she might not have told him that you were paying and it was to come off the bill. So it might be a he said she said thing. But if he fixed your car and you owe him money give it to him not her especially if he is the one with the kids
Girlfriend, suck it up and ask the husband. No sense in playing a game of telephone and letting hte details get distorted. Tell him exactly what you told us-you asked for a bill several times, sent a check that he cashed and then detail how you tutored their son and paid for the hotel and because you never heard from him otherwise you assumed it was settled up.
Take her drug use out of the situation and tell him you are coming straight to him becuase he is the person who provided you the service and he is the one you owe money to IF you owe money at all. If he says that you do then he better prepare a detailed statement with an accounting of the outstanding balance.
I would wait for the bill, find the date the check for 300 cleared and go from there and stick to the facts. If his bill is slightly over 300 hen pay the difference and be done with it.
