Husband Finds My Boobs a Turn off Now

Wow, that's just cruel. I don't have much advice, but really, it takes a special sort of man to say that to a woman who's only 3 weeks pp. It always takes me at least 6mo to start feeling sexy and womanly again and it takes AT LEAST 12mo for all of my skin to go back into place. It's a slow process, but if you eat right and work out you'll get back to where you were. Good luck!

I am not going to read what the other women wrote until I answer. Maybe I am repeating.
WHAT A JERK!!
First of all, 3 weeks postpartum is too soon to be having sex.
2nd of all...I can not get over how insensitive, rude, and piggish your husband sounds. You just BIRTHED him his son. Of COURSE your body needs some time to get back to pre baby weight and breasts. Are you not breastfeeding because he said that is a turnoff?? Geez, I just feel so sorry for you to have such a immature husband.
Breasts leaking is natural...my husband and I just laughed about it for about 2 YEARS (I breast fed for 18 months and then it took another 5-6 months to completely dry up).
I don't have a solution for you because I would have been all pissy, rude, and would NOT have sex with my husband again until he apologized AND showed my body and breasts some love!
L.

Wow. If my husband had said that to me, you could bet that we wouldn't be having any more kids, not only because we sure as heck wouldn't be having sex again, but because the necessary parts of his anatomy would be beyond repair : )

No real advice, just wanted to tell you that you have every right to be furious with him. I sure would be.

I am so sorry that you feel this way and that he is CLEARLY not being supportive (no pun intended). You just made a baby, your body did one of the most amazing things that it can do. He needs to relax please, and give you some extra tlc, praise and care. And frankly, he should keep comments like that to himself. You will get your body back, right now you need to focus on yourself and your baby. NOT on a selfish man. Sorry, dont mean to be harsh, but men can be so self-absorbed sometimes. He (and you) need to remember that as "fun" as your boobs are, they are NOT a toy, NOT put there for him and right now. And I am sure that he isnt perfect, no one is. Hang in there, you just did an amazing thing! Revel in it and tell him to go fly.

It takes 9 months to make a baby and at least that amount of time for your body to return to normal. Most doctors say it takes closer to 12 months!

Most OBs don't recommend a return to sex until at least 6 weeks post-partum. Maybe your husband will be more ready by then...

Well, if it were me, I would tell him that his insensitive selfish nature was a turn off for me. Honestly, he needs to grow up. Appearance is fleeting, and after you unwrap a Christmas present, you are stuck with what is inside the pretty box forever. He needs to improve what is inside his box, because it is much more ugly than the body of a woman who just gave birth three weeks ago. Speaking of, did they suspend the 6 weeks untill sex after birth rule?

M.

I

what a jerk! let him have the kid and see how his body reacts. I would be putting him on the couch til he said he was sorry! as for the leaking thats normal it will dry up soon make sure your bras are really tight fitting

I'm sorry because this is a tough hormonal time for you and stressful on you both adjusting to a new baby.

I completely understand where you are coming from (being hurt) and yes he was insensitive with his remark, HOWEVER, I can see where he is coming from (although he should have kept queit). He has seen you as his hot wife not you as a mom. A lot of men have trouble visualizing when wife becomes mom because our bodies do change.

Hang in there, I believe the "turn off" is just the leakage, not your boobs or you personally. He is one lucky man because you had the mindset and willingness to have sex at 3 weeks post baby.

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I am so sorry this happened to you, you can't control your boobs! Why are you having sex to soon? You could get an infection and your body is still healing, whether you had a baby c-section or vaginally. Your husband can't help how he feels, true, but is it the leaking boobs or the weight gain that really turns him off? Can I ask why you aren't breastfeeding? If you are having problems then there is help! The weight will come off sooo much quicker with breastfeeding and you can start feeling confident again. Bras will not prevent your boobs from sagging, sorry. Is your husband usually this hurtful or was it just this one time? I think you should talk to him and get yourself into shape. It will make you feel good and you can be a good mother to your baby. But seriously, you had your baby 3 weeks ago...sex should be the LAST thing you are doing now.

That was very uncaring of him to say.
Remember you just gave birth and carry a human being around for 9 months, so focus on enjoying your baby and staying healthly. He will come around, when you are not feeding into his negative comments.

It takes 9 months to gain the weight, it's going to take a least that to take it off. How insensitive. Personally, I would have put his head through a wall (okay, not really, but I would have been that mad and hurt!)... you don't make comments about his bald spot, beer gut, saggy butt, nose hair, etc, why does he think it's appropriate to say something like that? I can see a total Homer Simpson moment where he's trying to communicate but it came out SO wrong, but c'mon. Not cool, this warrants an apology. I know how badly that hurts the self esteem, and I'm sorry you're going through this :( I promise though, you will get so busy with your new little one (CONGRATS by the way!) that before you know it, you'll have dropped 10 lbs and when that day comes, you'll feel like you're on top of the world! Tell your hubby how badly that hurt you, and ask him to be more sensitive going forward because you're going through a huge life change and he needs to be your rock right now. I hope things get better honey! Keep your chin up! And remember, he's not perfect either, you're just the bigger person by not rubbing it in his face :)

Congrats to your new arrival; it's truly a blessing to become a mother. I have an eleven month old son and I too were uncomfortable with my body initially. After conceiving, our bodies adjust (weight gain) accordingly to provide protection to carry a child for nine months. It takes time for our bodies to heal and return to its normal (if it returns) stage. Atfer you have gotten your check-up and the doctor has released you from his care, take your time to target those areas you would like to improve. Hopefully your husband will support you and help you meet your goal. Also, in reading your question, you wanted advice due to the insensitive remarks your husband once made... however, after reading your response to the advice given by mothers; you're now making excuses for him. Don't let remarks like those define who you are as a woman. You have done the one miracle many wish they could and the one thing a man can never do. Because of this, he should be very greatful to you and happy he has a healthy baby boy. Lastly, the rule stills applies to not having sex prior to six weeks no matter how you feel. Your hormones are going crazy and I don't know a woman not horny after not having sex for a while (before and after the baby is born) depending on the woman. In summary, three weeks is too soon to have sex after a baby (vaginal or c-section). Sorry, it's true! Be blessed, Be strong. A mother that cares :)

thats mean .. my husband love it. i had 3 girls the last one is y\just 2 mnonths i wear brats 1 month and half and is how i have sex wu]ith my husband just do a lot exercise and drink a lot of water to lose weight it help i promise..

Uh, men. Don't let it get to you--most men just don't get it. He owes you a major apology and an expensive night out for that. Your body went through a major change in the last 9 months and it's gonna take time for everything to readjust itself. And, three weeks is way too soon for any major changes. It may take a year at least. I don't know how old you are, but I had my third baby 8 mos. ago and 40 years old, and I'm having a tough time getting rid of the excess weight. When I was younger, it was easier to get back into shape. So, depending on how much will-power you have, it will take some time to lose that weight. I know that breastfeeding helps with weight loss too.

M

Well I think that was very insensitive of him to say that , and he should think himself lucky that you wanted to have sex so soon after giving birth , my husband had to wait 8 weeks before I felt like it again. I would ignore his comment as hard as it may be , you will be feeling overly sensitive due to hormones , you will get back to normal but it takes a little time , after all your muscles have been very stretched and relaxed and they have to tighten up again. Don't rush into excercise just yet , wait until your 6 wk check up and then start slowly.

I hope your husband realises by himself how awful his comment was , he has some serious making up to do!

My husband is more "cautious" after I have a baby too. I breastfed though. He's scared he's going to end up drinking some milk. LOL. So he's very careful in that area till I'm done nursing.........

Wow! That's odd. My husband couldn't get enough of my boobs after I had our baby. He was only upset because the baby took so much of my time because I breastfed. He was slightly jealous because the baby spent more time with my breasts than he got to. however, he thought it was funny that every time he touched me before and after we were given the go ahead on sex that my milk would let down. I think it was more his sly way of knowing he was causing excitement in me because 2 things caused my milk to let down - the baby crying from being hungry and when I was sexually aroused.

That's just plain odd. I expected my husband to be squeamish but he was just the opposite. Our youngest is 13 years old now and even now, he misses my having the breasts I had after she was born through the time when I weaned her off the breast and onto a cup.

Your husband needs some major talking to and it needs to be soon. Please feel free to tell him about my situation and how my husband enjoyed the time we had together when I was nursing after our baby was born. He even used to tease me when we ran out of milk for coffee. (I'm not going to go into my response of where I told him to step but you probably get the idea... LOL@!)

Maybe men are different. I thought with my husband's views that most men were like that because he seems to be so different in other aspects when compared to husbands of my other friends. This was one time when he actually followed the same path as my friends' husbands after they gave birth and began nursing.

I'd start by letting him know that your breasts were put there to serve a purpose and it wasn't for him although he's had the opportunity to do so until now. If he can't handle the milk then he doesn't get sex or anything else. He needs to grow up and be a man and stop acting like a little boy who had someone take his candy away from him. Your child, the child you made together needs your milk to become strong and healthy and if he doesn't want that then he doesn't deserve to see you naked or anything else....

Personally, I'd be pissed off if my husband acted that way. The house roof would literally blow right off the top before I got done b*tching. BTW, the reason you gained weight was to ensure your child was protected within your body as well as well-nourished while in there too. If he can't handle this part of parenting, I'd seriously wonder if he can handle the rest.

I'd suggest that he go to a family/parental counselor until he can get his head on straight and not come back until he can be kinder and more understanding. I'd have tossed my husband out of our bedroom for acting that childish. MOF, I HAVE tossed my husband out of our bedroom and even out of our house for acting childish!!!! He always come back with his I'm sorry and please forgive me and thankfully, he never acted the fool again - at least over the situation that got him put in the doghouse.

He truly does need a major taking to about this and I'm afraid it will take a therapist or another understanding husband with a child whose gone through what you have to get through to him.

I really hate that your husband doesn't think you are at your sexiest right now because that is exactly what my husband told me. He said that he thought I was at my sexiest while pregnant but somehow, after our child was born and he watched as I nursed her, I became even more sexy in his eyes. Now, he says something as similar because we are middle-aged. Our oldest is 23 and within months of getting married; our youngest is a teenager and if she holds her grades and everything else she does she will have a shot at a scholarship to a college of her choosing by senior year yet he still finds me beautiful even though I have a bit more weight than I would like, I'm not as young as I was 20+ years ago, and our health isn't great at all yet he still thinks I'm beautiful even through all the fights and arguments and making up and talking to hold our marriage together, which we have managed to do all these years.

I wish I could put just a bit of the sweetness in my husband inside yours. I'm not saying that my husband can't be a turd because he can be and I am the first one to call him on it. Over the years, he's got used to be calling him on it so it's no surprise He usually knows he's been a turd long before I have to tell him but I tell him anyhow. We have this brutal honesty between us that has grown over the last 2+ decades. I hope you get there but I'm afraid you may not until you learn to use your voice and let him know just how badly he makes you feel when he makes comments like he is making. Tell him and then tell him if he can't accept the way you look to put a freaking blindfold on and sleep on the freaking couch until he can muster up a true and heart-felt apology that you will believe and he actually means!

P.

PS: If you're still leaking, I'd breastfeed at least for 6 weeks. That way the baby gets all the antibodies from your milk to make the baby healthier. I'd personally breastfeed longer but if you are set on not doing it, at least go 6 weeks. Le Leche League can help you with the latching on part. It's easy once you get the hang of it and you can get the entire areola into the baby's mouth. once they latch on, the baby goes to town on the milk supply and they literally fall asleep full and content. I had to burp mine while she was asleep because she was out of it by the time she was fed. LOL! It was great. I slept better and felt better and it helped me lose weight, contracted my uterus to its former size, and I all around felt better about me. Plus, the baby got all the nutrients and the antibodies her big sister didn't get and she didn't get sick like her older sister did - nowhere even close to as sick. She was sick 1x a year if even that while her older sister stayed sick. I had a problem with my milk, which is why I couldn't breastfed the first time. I regret not buying from the breast-milk bank. It would have helped my oldest considerably if I had. She was sick all the time.