Husband Help - Lexington,MA

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If it's all of a sudden I would think maybe he's done something that he feels guilty about and now it's making him feel insecure. I could be wrong but that's been what I have seen.

Could he maybe have had a small stroke? Is this new behavior for him? My husband had a small stroke & he changed. Others can't see the change, but I live with him 24/7. He became very critical & moody. When I would be on the phone, I would get cross-examined. Please take your husband to the doctor. Go with him & ask questions. It might make him mad (mine was) but you know what is different. Good luck

is he early 40s or older? guys have hormone swings too! make sure he isn't feeling this way as a result of low testosterone levels or other.

Just a thought other than "he's up to no good":)

I have to agree with Heidi. Typically if a guy gets insecure out of the blue.... it's cuz he's up to no good. :-(

I would sit down with him and have a serious conversation. People are jealous for only a couple reasons. If YOU aren't giving him a reason.... then the reason lies with him..... either because he has done something or thought about it. So..... find out what changed.

I hope things work out for you.

Yes, the first thing that popped into my head...he's carrying GUILT.

I hope that really isn't the case. Talk to him about this, because no matter the reason, it's a very unhealthy way to live.

ETA: Something else, is health or mood issues. Could he be dealing with a health or depression issue? Maybe, a full checkup is in order.

I second what Heidi M says....that was my first thought. He's feeling guilty but is pushing it onto you because he knows what he did/thought/etc was wrong.

I totally disagree that it means he could be up to no good. In my case, my husband has a relative and a friend who has "indiscretians" in their lives. One was the friend and the other the in-law. So my husband started directing it toward me. I talked about wanting to lose weight to look and feel better about myself-who was I trying to look good for? I talked about someone at work--if it was a guy, who is he, why are you talking to him? If I went to lunch with a co-worker to discuss something we are trying to resolve or figure out, what did you have to go to lunch with him for? Etc. If I was 5 mintues late getting home-maybe because I stopped for a gallon of milk for crying out loud, where are you? It is very annoying. So many things going on can make him insecure. And yes sometimes I don't bother to tell him details of things because he goes there again.

We've been married 22 yrs. And I do not think he has ever done anything and I know I haven't. And when he does get insecure a little, I tell him I married him and he is stuck with me and us whether he likes it or not. It usually gets him to realize what he is doing and stops for a while.

Agree with the majority here -- my first thought was he's feeling guilty/paranoid because of an indiscretion of his own.

My stepdaughter has been going through this. Her husband wants her to cut her hair lest she look too pretty, he goes through her phone and work emails, and so on. I think you have some good suggestions here - could be his guilt over his own actions, could be fear of aging, could be a sudden medical event (mild stroke or TIA), or a chemical imbalance of some sort (hormonal, clinical depression, anything). If he thinks YOU are the problem though, I think YOU sitting down with him to just talk it over is not going to work. You can't solve his problem if he views you as the cause. So I'd suggest a medical work-up and/or counseling (one professional may refer him to the other) and absolutely get some answers either ruled in or ruled out.

Do not think that this will go away by itself. It will not.

Good luck.

Have there been any major changes in your life together or any changes in you over the past year?

For instance, when a good friend of mine lost enough weight to count as an entire person her husband couldn't handle it. He went from bad to worse, as the marriage was already rocky, but her weight loss triggered the worst in him. Part of it was that her self-esteem rose and as her attitude shifted she became more social and active.

As another instance, when I started attending therapy I know that my own mood and outlook changed dramatically. I started looking for happiness within myself instead of expecting my husband to make me happy. I also realized that I can't "make" someone else happy and it rests on them. But that my attitude and behavior can affect others. It was a tough transition on my husband.

Just a thought but I have a relative with a hubby who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He acts this way when the mood swings hit him. Any bipolar in his family?

We've also been married for close to 20 years, and my husband will turn 50 in a few months. I'm 42. He isn't thrilled about turning 50. He is a very attractive man who is also concerned about his health. He is extremely healthy, but his father died a year ago of a heart attack, and started having heart trouble in his early 40s. It makes my husband nervous about aging.

Well, as his 50th birthday approaches, he has been making a lot of comments about ME aging. He points out the wrinkles around my eyes, and things like that. I don't have any issues with aging, but his comments do get a tad irritating after awhile. I'm being patient with him since I know he's just trying to deal with his own issues, and I really think he'll be better once his birthday passes.

Is your husband going through anything like this? I just wondered if that might be the cause.

He's just being silly! He can find a way to embrace your beauty and not feel as though anyone else is going to have a chance with his bride! Tell him he's stuck with your beautiful self into eternity and that's that!

Sounds like he is starting to feel old and he wants you to feel old too, and act old.

I'd get him to marriage counseling if I were you, before he starts telling you that you can't spend time with friends, or that you can't go to the grocery without him. Or before he accuses you of having an affair...

Good luck,
Dawn