Husband Is a Jerk on Meds

Is he only being prescribed medication or is he also in therapy as well? If he is not also in therapy for his depression and/or narcissistic behavior, then he should be. I'm sorry he is unwilling to change his medication to something that wouldn't have these highs and lows. When he's doing well, have you talked to him more about changing medication? Could it be more than depression? I have a friend whose husband's doctors diagnosed him similarly and sadly she is coming to realize that there's more going on (possibly bipolar) because his behavior is not improving.

If you have an iPhone... Go to VoiceNotes & hit record.

Then turn your phone "off" so the screen goes black. Just click the top, don't power off. It will record for hours, using very little memory. I record lectures for school, have recorded my husband assaulting me (no good for court... It cannot be used without their consent...but good for other things).

Here's the thing about mood & mind altering drugs = They alter mood & cognitive function.

A CLASSIC ******wrong med!!!****** sign for ADHD meds is tripping a person into rages. It can happen on any med, although Adderall is the one so commonly referenced (adderage), but it doesn't happen for everyone. Just some. AND a lot are clueless that its happening.

Record several days. Then edit them together and do a string of day1, Day2, Day3, etc.

I did this for MYSELF at one point, because my ex was making me feel crazy. SWEARING that I was doing x,y,z. So I recorde myself for a few days. Nope. He was just manipulating me. And, yes, I had other people listen... To see if I was cluelessx2. Nope. I wasn't doing ABYTHING my ex was accusing me of.

If your husband doesn't see it, doesn't believe you, then recording is the ONLY way to have either himself SEE what hes doing, or an objective 3rd party (counselor, etc.).

You could video, but that's harder. Sound you can just set it to recording, drop it in your pocket, and forget about it.

Best of luck.

Just because he doesn't aim his viciousness at the children and only aims it at you doesn't mean that the children aren't enduring it. They have to witness him doing it to you. They have to grow up thinking that this ::waves arm at your situation:: is a normal marriage and they'll end up in marriages exactly like yours. Don't believe for one second that they don't know what's going on or that they're not affected by any of this.

I don't know that you can blame the medication. It seems to me that this has been going on a very long time and it makes me wonder if he needs to have a new neuro-psych exam to make sure that he has the correct diagnoses. If he's been misdiagnosed then he's not receiving the appropriate medications in the first place, and that would be a major reason why the ones he's on aren't working.

His behavior towards you should be non-negotiable. He has a choice in how he treats you. Don't allow him to blame ADHD or depression. If you do, it's being co-dependent. Please go to therapy for yourself. Learn to use your voice and stand up for yourself in confidence. Tell family and friends what's going on as well so that if something happens to you, they'll know who is to blame. Start documenting everything. When he verbally assaults you, that's illegal. It's going to continue to escalate, so be ready to call 911. If you EVER feel threatened you call 911. Tell neighbors what's going on and that if they hear shouting or screaming or anything at all to call 911 for you. Retain a lawyer.

What I'm saying is that you need to start thinking about having an escape plan because you can't force him to change. And THAT means you're going to have to do all of the changing.

They don't see it because they can't recognize the behavior. It's not that he is 'being mean' it's a byproduct of his issues. Therapy is a must when taking med's.

My son has bi-polar and takes three meds: the main medication, one to counter act the side effects and one to extend the life of the medications. It may be possible for your husband to take the meds twice a day. That would probably help.

When my son's are not working right, I try to just repeat that he is not in control. Mental issue's are a hard one to deal with. Good luck momma!

Have you heard of Dr. Hotze in the Houston area? He has a talk show on 700am 12-1pm, not sure what days. Recently, a family had great success going to him to treat various problems, such as depression, tiredness, anxiety, etc. Not using drugs, but I think, hormones and diet. Perhaps its worth looking into. Sorry I don't have any personal experiences with this doctor, but the families success was sincere and they were so gratefull. I hope this helps!

Precisely why I am divorced!

I have been through this for the past 3 years. For my DH, it's depression from PTSD, not ADHD tho.

100% say talk to his doctor again - do it over the phone if you have to, but without your DH present. Mine was the same way - he would track me down to go off on something I did wrong, said wrong, used the wrong word, you name it. I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells. I finally called his doctor and said look, this isn't right, this isn't the person I married, this is worse than pre-treatment. The doctor had NO idea this was going on because hubby would tell him everything was "fine" at his appointments. If the doctor doesn't know the true extent of the issue, he can't fix it.

Things aren't a whole lot better here unfortunately - he just recently had to dose down since his meds were making him fall asleep all the time (at kid's events, on the road, you name it). He's basically my 3rd child - doesn't help with kids, housework, finances, isn't a husband, that's for sure. He brings in a paycheck and that's all. I cope by the fact he's gone the majority of the time at work and I have my freedom. That's what gets me through the day - oh, and the fact he goes to bed at 9 PM every night!

I'm sorry you are going through this. I went through the same thing.

It seems like one medication fixes something and then causes another problem. So it's a roller coaster of which medications are causing what emotions. When he's taking one, he may be less anxious but more sleepy and lazy. But then when he takes something to counteract that, he gets hostile, snippy, etc.

The truth is, there aren't any artificial meds that will take care of his condition. Psychiatrists prescribe meds because they are told to, and the drug companies are making billions off of them.

There is a REASON your husband has ADHD and is depressed and it has nothing to do with a "chemical imbalance." The cause come first, the chemical imbalance comes SECOND.

That means, something in his life caused him to be depressed. Then his chemistry changed. It's never the other way around. Did you know that there is no "test" or medical proof of a chemical imbalance? None.

There are many therapies out there and many causes. Did you know food allergies can cause ADHD, depression and anxiety?

I went through the roller coaster for years, and unfortunately I have no advice to "save" your marriage. I got out, and it was the best thing I could have done. I lost some of the best years of my life to the unhappiness that the roller coaster of medications my ex husband took caused.

I am now happily re-married. I know your husband has problems, and you can support him if he WANTS to get better. But he has to want it. He needs therapy, not just meds. You are NOT a scapegoat for his emotional outbursts, whether he can control them or not. (He probably can't control them, but that doesn't make it right).

There is no "next med" that will work. They will just cause different side effects.

Getting him in emotional therapy is the only thing that will work long-term. He needs to confront whatever is causing his depression in the first place.

Get him to a natural doctor if you can. That really is your best hope. Through testing and supplementation, you might be able to find the root cause of his issues. I'll bet they are physical, and I'll bet it's a food intolerance, candida, or some issue that can be fixed.

Good luck, and I wish you the best.

Keep a journal of what happens and when. Try to be as objective as possible when describing the personality changes throughout the day. Don't wait for the next doctor visit, see the dr. with the journal so he can see the effects the drugs are having over the course of the day. Anger and shortness of temper are some of the most common symptoms of depression in men, so his meds aren't having side effects, their just not working.

The narcissism is something that will require therapy, not drugs, to overcome. If he won't go, go yourself. You need to find a way to either live with him, or get away from him.