Husband Issues - Corona,CA

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I think you need to go on vacation for a weekend or week, and let him handle it all on his own. It will give him a true respect for all that you do, and hopefully be the kick in the butt he needs to start helping you out! I would have a serious talk with him. If that is not successful, I would consider counseling. It's not fair to function as a single mother, when you are not.

T.

He is a parent too! Just because he is a man doesn't excuse him from the household and parent life. If you are both working full time, then it follows that you should be contributing equally to the household. You need down time too!

This is a tough one. I would be careful about just flat out refusing to do his laundry or cook or anything... doing this seems like it would just start a huge conflict in which both sides get angry. That doesn't mean, however, that you should get stuck with everything you're doing. You're not his slave and he needs to realize that he has responsibilities at home. I would take a night, put the kids to bed, and sit down with him and discuss this like an adult. You cannot live like this and he needs to be aware of that. How he is treating you is beyond unfair, beyond disrespectful, and beyond decent. There is no way that he would put up with that if the situation were reversed. You guys should come up with a list of current responsibilities that each of you have so he can see just how little he is actually doing. Then, you need to have him take some of those off of your hands. Remember, he's not doing you a favor by taking care of the kids... it's his job! Does he ask you to feed the kids and then say thank you when you do? Of course not.

If he doesn't come on board with this, I would seriously consider counseling. You guys are in a partnership. It might be different if you didn't work outside the home and your only responsibilities were the house and kids, but you work full time as well. It's simply not fair, and if he doesn't see that when you sit down with him, perhaps a therapist might be able to explain it to him a bit more clearly.

Good luck!

Well, I think a husband who just wants to plop down in front of the TV and relax after work is a very common problem. This does not work in most households with small children... I work too and from the moment I pick up the kids and bring them home, I am "ON"... no stops at the bar for me, or even time to sit down and open the mail. So I get very offended when my husband complains about the fact he has to do some of the evening work, say, give a bath or clean the dinner dishes, or geez, just supervising the brood in the living room while watching football in the same room. And he can complain all he wants (and he often does) but I'd rather have him helping and bellyaching than not helping at all.
I let my husband choose how he helps out (make dinner or watch kids? Give kid #1 a bath or kid #2 a bottle etc) but he HAS to help. Or I'd be up til midnite trying to do it all alone. Like you...
Honestly the stops off at the bar on the way home would not fly with me. Once a week, a happy hour with pals or something would be acceptable in my book. But more than that sounds like a BAD habit.

If you are working full time and he is working full time then the house work and kid responsibilities should be 50/50. You have every right to be upset. If you haven't tried having a serious talk with him about this issue, do so now or it will only get worse. Sometimes all men need are guidelines. Try giving him a list of all the things that need to be accomplished each evening and let him know that he is responsible for 1/2 of them. That way he can choose which ones to accomplish and when to accomplish them. I know this may sound trivial, but with many men a list helps tremendously. Good luck, and hang in there.

i'd go on strike. if you mention to him and he poo-poos you i'd just stop doing the dishes. I'd start going out more. he's totally taking advantage of you.

I can tell you that in my household, I was doing most if not all of the work - because I set it up that way, and am now resentful with my husband becuase he doesn't offer to help. Why should he, when, for 6 years, I have controlled everything? We recently had a discussion where I told him that I set our home "operations" up to fail and that I wasn't giving him enough credit where taking care of the baby ad house was concerned. We have an agreement now, that we take turns getting up in the middle of the night and we take turns doing the clean up. This makes everything go much more smoothly and I am far less resentful. When I really stood back and looked at our lives - I taught him how to treat me, and now we are teaching eachother how we want to be treated going forward. I wish you luck - I know it's not easy.

How about telling him the truth in a non-blaming way? The fact is that you could choose to go outside and have a beer too, but you aren't because you prioritize a clean house above your own free-time. Your husband isn't prioritizing things that way. No one is to blame here.

Truth might look like:

"I feel resentful of your free time. I feel exhausted cleaning the house and taking care of the kids. I don't want to blame you. The fact is I feel jealous of your time away. I don't know how to manage the house, my work, the kids, and still be me. I feel overwhelmed. What can we do? "

And then sit back and let him throw out ideas at you. If he says "I don't know", you say what you feel about that response, something like "I feel disappointed and frustrated. I don't want to figure this out on my own. I feel afraid to come up with a plan because I don't want to be blamed for making it one sided. It would feel so much better to come up with a plan together".

In summary, do a gut check about why you're really mad (it's probably not because he has free time, it's because you don't). And then tell him the truth in a non-blaming way.

How does that feel?

My heart goes out to you! Having a full-time job and being a full-time mother is exhauting! You are right to be annoyed by his behavior - I would be 100%! Do you think there's something else that might be bugging him? I know my husband thinks he can't do things right or "my way" - so I've told him if the task gets done that's all I care about - doesn't have to be my way!

Maybe suggest sharing the bath/kitchen routine - someone gives the kids a bath while the other cleans the kitchen. Imagine having a clean kid in bed and walking down to a clean kitchen then spending sometime with your daughter in the garden!

Perhaps discussing this out of the house while someone watches your kids - sometimes when things are discussed in semi-public you can work out a better solution as both parties seem to be calmer and less heated in public.

Or somehow make it his idea - men are a strange breed and sometimes if they think they came up with something or a solution to a problem they are more likely to go with it :) And they think women are complicated!!

I hope you guys can work something out! You will get worn out if you are doing everything yourself!

So what if he sighs, moans or looks annoyed? Let him know you feel the same way.

Sometimes, I would give my husband a heads up. "After this TV show, Please go and clean up the kitchen while I bathe the our child.".

Or Before the next show comes on, Please swap the clothes to the dryer and start a new load of wash..

I would ignore his behaviors completely.. That doe not fly for me.

I am sending you strength..

I would be annoyed too. You have a family and that includes a lot of work. This is not the 1950's. I would expect my husband to participate. Don't be a nag, but sit down and talk about it. I am getting that you are having some concerns in regard to his drinking. Don't attack him, but it should be addressed.

Find ways to relieve your stresses together. Work out a plan. If he is not willing to participate then figure out ways to make your life less stressful. Scale down financially, quit your job, hire help......ideas.

Sit down with him with a pad of paper and a pen. Tell him that you are getting too tired these days to even have sex and you'd like to change that. Tell him that there are things that need to be done and figure out a schedule with him or write up a list of things that need to be done, then you take turns picking the chores. Explain that as soon as all of them are done, you each get to do whatever you want to do - beer, read a book, etc.

You need to schedule one night a week, where you are off and don't stress about the schedule....they may not be bathed when you get home, but likely, they will be alive and you just got some time for yourself.

Also, your children, depending on their ages, can help out. Our son has been putting away dishes since he was 18 months old. He now vacuums the house and our 4 year old cleans the mirrors in the bathrooms and rinses dishes. Our 2 year old empties all of the trash cans into the kitchen trash, where our 7 year old takes it outside and on Fridays, he brings all of the trash bins out to the street. We sing a song that goes, "Clean up, clean up, everbody clean up...."

When I needed help with cleaning the house, since my MIL did EVERYTHING for this man and he didn't know how to clean, we separated the house in 8 sections and each of us picked 4. I set the timer for 15 minutes for each section and whatever was done, was done. The house was more or less cleaned in 1 hour each week.

One last thing, we have a rule in our house: whoever cooks, the other person has to do dishes that night, otherwise the next night he has to do dishes AND cook. Dishes are done every night in our house. ;)

Well, you most definitely need to have a heart to heart. The kids are not just yours, the house is not just yours and the making of meals, cleaning, etc. is not just yours. I don't believe he should be stopping to have a beer or two before coming home. Does it make him easier to deal with then maybe its ok, but if you are up at that time of the morning, much more needs to be shared. I work part time and my husband is not the most helpful with things either, most men think they married their mothers, not in the sense that we look or act like them, just the fact that we do for them what their mothers did for them. I think you need to set some kind of plan in action and just say this is what I just CANNOT do on my own anymore. Talk it out, this is the only way it will get resolved. You need to do something for yourself, since he gets to stop with the boys after work and out with his friends. Maybe you both need to try to go out together. You need to date each other again.

It sometimes takes husbands time to get the idea that moms' jobs are not taking care of the kids all the time. Back in the day, when more moms stayed home, it was OK...today, with moms working as hard or harder than that dad, it's not OK. My husband used to be this way. It took a lot of persistence for him to change. I had to show him that I was not going to accept his behavior. I started by allowing myself to let go of being in control of everything, and then one day just declaring that I needed a "me day." I took the day off and went shopping. I only had to do this about twice before he started to get the picture. Then, I insisted that today I needed me time and I would refuse to do bath or bedtime, period. He hated it, but soon realized that in order to maintain happiness and order in the household, he needed to let go of his juvenile, bachelor selfishness and be more considerate of my needs to decompress once in a while. It took over a year, but now he's a lot better.

Girl, I'd be quitting my job ASAP. This is a prime example of how crappy it is to work full time. Life would be simpler and easier if you were a SAHM.

There are a million women with this exact same problem. You can turn into his mom and nag him to help, or you can quit and be a mom and he can be a provider, even if you have to move into a tent under the freeway overpass it is worth it! (okay maybe not a tent under the overpass. . .)

Marriage and parenting is TEAM WORK. You need to tell your husband that you've decided since he's unable to help you with taking care of the house, etc and since YOU are also working full time, then you're going to have to hire a housekeeper to help and that you'll be expecting him to pitch in for half of the cost of having someone come in to help if he's unable to get off his backside and be a part of the family. (Obviously this is a just a tactic to get him to wake up but it may work.) Remind him that you two are a team and that he NEEDS to help out - you've worked all day too and whether or not he likes the idea of having to pitch in it's needed. Have him bathe the kids while you clean the kitchen or vise versa and tell him it NEEDS to be consistent. Stop catering to him and coddling him just because you don't want to deal with his responses (sighs, moans, etc) . He's a BIG boy. make him take responsiblity. You are NOT superwoman and can't keep this up.

This annyo's me just reading it my hubby works crazy hrs as a semi truck driver so I know he woks hard but whan he comes home and expects the huse to be spic and span with 3 kids ya right I do have alot of chores done and more the laundry does get built up at times I have to make down time for myself with 3 kids he on the other hand works with no kids puts up with BS at work and has plenty of time out in his garage doing things outside or soemtimes fishing (I put a stop to that fishing all the time yrs ago).In your case you work FT and come home to work FT how do you possinly do it?Ask your hubby to help you especially now when your feeling over whelmed or better yet screw it and go to bed early let everything pile up no clean clothes for your hubby no dishes to eat on ect. when he gets mad and upset let him know that you can't work FT come home and get everything done all by yourself while he is out chatting it up with friends having a drink and watching TV other things need to be done here at home as well.

When do you go out with your friends without the kids?
Stop doing his laundry, making a plate for him, doing the bills, etc.
I'm curious....are his friends (the ones he has a beer with) married? How do the other wives feel? If all the wives start voicing their opposition to the "happy hour" maybe, just maybe, it'll stop ......hopefully.
You might also tell him (when he is in the mood) that you are to fatigued to "fool around" because of the daily schedule and that maybe if you had a little bit more of a helping hand you could be put "in the mood"....

I would be annoyed. I have learned over the years that men don't usually jump up to help. You have to fill them in. Around our house, I give choices. I tell him there is a ton yet to be done, so which job would he like and then I present him with two options. It's then clear that I am working and he has a choice of how he is going to pitch in. I also explained that when all the work is done then we can both get some time. Dishes are a family chore. Everyone pitches in to get them done. I love dishes because even my one year old can get into the act. She hands me silverware and cups. There is no way my husband would get off, on a daily basis, to drink with the neighbor. I would tell him that we can both have a drink once all the chores are done around the house.

I can understand how his behavior would be annoying. I've been there too and have felt overburdened and overwhelmed by the kids and just want some help. Dr. Fillmore's of http://StrongMarriageNow.com has been super helpful to me and my marriage. One of the things she taught me was how important it was to put the marriage first. If you and your husband were closer and more connected it would be much easier to have the conversation about sharing duties. My husband and I followed her advice and spend 8 hours a week alone together and it's so helpful. We have lunch on Mondays, coffee on Wednesdays, turn off the TV and electronics after the kids go to bed on Thursdays and have a date night on Saturday. Spending that kind of quality time together has made us feel more in love and more bonded. We're also able to use that time to talk about how we want to run the household and share responsibilities.

Here's an exercise that Dr. Fillmore taught us that was also helpful. Each of you write down on a piece of paper all of the things that you do to support the family and the household. Then you review each other's list and discuss sharing responsibilities when they're out of balance. This makes the discussion more based on facts and things to do rather than having it focus on the hurt involved.

Sounds like he's checked out of doing his share. If you don't put your foot down he will continue to leave the burden on you. Stop enabling the guy. Do you suspect he's got a drinking problem? Speak up before you explode in front of the kids. I would be miserable in that situation. Be clear about what you need from him. They are pretty dense at tiimes!

Maybe your husband doesn't get how much the kids would like to have him
participate. Set them up to ask him to come home first.
Why don't you ask him to have a beer at home = with you.
We always have drinks together before dinner. When I had babies, it was sherry in the living room and then I would make dinner while Dad gave the little one a bottle.
You could pull this off perhaps. Make it a fun, date night every day is a party experience.
Life is short so make it fun.

Good luck.
B.

Yes, that's annoying. Maybe you could assign yourself a down-time day with your friends once a week and he'll be in charge! db

Ahhhh the life of the married with children, don't I miss it?
It usually starts as a fairy tale and ends not as one.
Days are full of work; inside and outside the house with financially. physically and emotionally drained parents. Moments of leisure are few and far between and there's usually at least one parents who complaints about the other. When it comes to household chores, women usually feel disappointed with the help they get from their partners. This is your case. I suggest you talk to your husband and tell him how you feel and make clear what you need assistance with. He will either agree or disagree and in the end this will only be a communication issue (best scenario!!). if he disagrees, you will at least know where you stand and his opinion on household chores. It's you decision to take it a step further or leave it as is. Experience tells me that if something is working more than not, it's better left alone as the outcome of us trying to fix something may not be what we expect. Best to you and yours!!

Updated

k

You need to sit your husband down in front of the computer and let him read these responses. In my opinion, he doesn't deserve to be called a husband or a father until he shapes up and starts acting like one.

Lazy Husband.
Common problem.

Solution?
1) Tell him
2) Tell him he is a Dad too, and a PART of the household. That means, responsibility... IN the home, too.
3) You work too... it is NOT fair that you do all the night time stuff with the kids and household.
4) MAKE a "Daddy Do-List", and list down the things that need to get done, daily, after work. Display it somewhere central, like in the kitchen or wherever he will see it.
5) Tell him, that since he cannot organize himself or participate... this "List" is his way to know, what to do.
6) DESPITE his sighs/moans/annoyed looks... you NEED to tell him the problem. That he is not helping. And you are busy too... that a "family" is a JOINT effort... and if he wants to be a good example for the kids, he has to help too.... and be a PART of child rearing. It is not just about playing with the kids... it is about helping with the HOUSEHOLD and family. Chores, bathing the kids, putting them to bed, cooking, cleaning up the kitchen after, washing dishes, doing homework with the kids, etc. THAT is life. It is not an 'option.'

Yes, you are right to be annoyed at him.
He is acting totally childish.
Irresponsible.
AND HE gets plenty of 'down time' which you do not. He goes out with his friends after work. You do not.

7) Make a calendar/schedule. On it, put YOUR activities/outings/outings with friends. Tell him. Then you go out too... leave him at home to babysit. That is his 'job' too.

8) I repeat: you NEED to tell him, what to do, and that he has to help.
He is not a child.
He is an adult.
He is a Dad.
He is a Husband.
He does not live by himself.
There are responsibilities.
If he grumbles, then stop doing his laundry. Stop doing things for him. Stop catering to him. Stop being nice.

At times, my Husband, as most husbands do, did that. I then get real bitchy... and I TELL him... I CANNOT do everything every darn minute AND entertain the kids just so he can watch TV. Mindlessly. My Husband, will and does pitch in... because, ultimately, he rather do that than have me all stressed and bitchy... and the house a mess.
He says, I just need to TELL him... he can't read my mind. If I don't say anything then he assumes I am taking care of everything fine and don't need help. DUH. Husbands... NEED TO BE TOLD.

good luck,
Susan

um, yes, you should be VERY annoyed.
It's time to have a heart-to-heart chat.

Good luck.

It's time to sit him down and have a talk with him.

Sorry, I don't have time to read the other responses, but oh my goodness... I would be LIVID with my husband! So not okay. When my husband's workday ends I expect him to haul his hiney home, just like I do, to be with his family and help out. Husband and wife are partners - partners share equally - that doesn't mean the same, but still equal. The times he's in the garden with your daughter, yes, I'd let it go that night because that time is important. You need to sit down and have a serious talk with your hubby... Annoyed looks and sighs would be received with angry, loud words if they were coming at me!! I'm clearly not as nice or as patient as you are. :-)

The thing is, a lot of men need to be asked to do things and we have to tell them what it is that we need. My husband is wonderful to help out, but ONLY if I tell him what I need... For some reason, he can't see that there are dirty dishes in the sink and just do them, he has to be told that they are there. I had to get over that, but even that made my blood boil for a long time. I bet that if you just said to your husband that you feel taken advantage of, overworked and you needed help and that the eye-rolling made you feel under-valued and hurt your feelings that would be all that it took to make him think about it and want to change it. You don't have to be angry at all - just tell him how you feel because it is CERTAINLY warranted!

I think it's time to sit down and divide up the household/kid/yard responsibilities. Work towards your strengths. If you enjoy cooking, he can clean. If he enjoys yardwork, you can do something else. Make a list and divide it up fairly.

Since boozing with his buddies seems to be high on his list, he can choose ONE NIGHT a week to go out. Then, you choose ONE NIGHT a week to do the same. Set yourselves a curfew ("I'll be home by 8pm" or whatever.) Give yourselves an allowance for each pay period to cover the expenses and agree (no cheating!) that when the "down time" cash is gone, your done. This should be a reasonable amount, but it must be equal. (He may learn the family can't afford to have him drinking every night!) When it's your turn to go out, even if you're sitting at a 24 hour restaurant drinking water, picking at a salad, GO OUT. Make sure he has one night alone to see what it's like.

If he doesn't uphold his end of the bargain, THEN I would go on strike and stop doing his stuff around the house. I'd even consider sleeping in another room, because as the wife in one of my favorite movies exclaimed, "Even a maid deserves a room of her own!"

My husband and I went through this when our oldest was a baby (minus the bar stops each evening...mine just worked 12-14 hours a day). I worked full time, too, and between mommy, household, and yard demands, I was to tired for sex. Any spare energy I had went to my hobby (reading). Needless to say, my husband was not best pleased about that! When we sat down and listed EVERYTHING I did after work and on weekends versus what he did, his eyes went wide and he slowly said, "Babe, I had no idea." We worked out a more equitable division of labor and things have been pretty much on track ever since (going on 15 years).

Good luck!

YES you have a right to be annoyed...although not ALL men are like that, the ones I've come to know seem to become this way after marriage and/or kids. I have no clue why they feel the need to be waited on as if you were their mother. If it were me, and my hubby does annoying things too that he didn't useta do like not help around the house anymore, I began saying things like "are you finished w/that napkin you left on the stove? If you're finished w/it, please throw it away..." and say similar things depending on what the item to be addressed is like "okay it's the weekend, your turn to do dishes/laundry..." or whatever needs doing. As far as the 'looks' & groans you receive, remind him that this is his family too & he helped create this family & his help is greatly needed that you can't possibly do everything yourself. Just be firm w/him & let him know that he needs to help. Get creative or direct, whichever wks best for you. Hope this helps & good luck!

As a full time SAHM to a 3yr old and almost 2yr old I can understand your frustration. Honestly I don't know how you do everything and go to work. Because I stay at home I NEVER ask my husband for help with the kids or around the house. He works hard outside the home for us so I always felt guilty. Well now I am in the hospital for 7 weeks waiting to deliver our 3rd and final child. So he is now learning the hard way all of the millions of things you have to do everyday to take care of children. He has help from his mother but when I was home he would be gone from 12-15 hrs a day and not even think twice about what's going on at home. Now he feels bad leaving his mom with them all day so he's home more. His exact words to me the other night "why don't you ever ask me for help? I coud never do this without help, if you need something ask for it, don't assume you know the answer if you never ask the question". I was dumbfounded. So my advice to you is don't be a martyr!!!! Ask him to do specific things. Most men look past a messy kitchen, you have to say "can you please unload the dishwasher,etc" who cares if he moans and groans those are his kids too and you may need to remind him of that! He sounds very immature. He is not single or in college anymore so going out once a week should be with you, not his friends! Believe me you will end up resenting him in the not so distant future and then all of you will end up paying a much bigger price! Good luck!

you have every right to be annoyed! do not accept this behavior - it is enough work to have to manage a household with 2 kids - he needs to step up and stop acting like kid number 3!

i am so irritated on your behalf - i would never tolerate this kind of behavior from my husband. to the commenter that thinks this is common - could it be? i respectfully disagree, and i think that is a sad perception. neither my husband, brother or father would dream of acting this way. even though my dad was pretty old school, he was still an active participant in our lives as children.

don't allow him to think that life is a big judd apatow movie, with man-children running amok while women take care of everything. you will only get from people what you ask for, and require of them... don't accept this, or it will continue to put a strain on your marriage and you will end up distant and resentful, and headed for divorce. therapy seems like a good step, but from the sounds of your situation, i can't imagine he would be the type who would be up for that.

good luck!!! i am rooting for you, momma.

If you can you should have an outside person a profesional if posiable to help you need it good luck A. no hills

This is pretty common behavior for most men. You are right to be annoyed. My daughter is in college and she sees this in her boyfriend. She says that when he comes over her apartment gets messy and dirty dishes are all over the kitchen. She will ask him to wash his dishes and thirty minutes later when she comes back then the dishes are still there. This is a good example of why women get the label of naggers because men don't do what they are supposed to. I would remind him that it took two people to make the kids and it takes two people to raise them. Give him notice that you are giving the kids a bath and he can clean up the kitchen etc...

it sounds like he has no idea what you have to do on a daily basis. Take a few days off during the week and go away to a spa or a mini vacation with your girlfriends. Let him do it all for himself and see first hand what you deal with everyday. if nothing else he won't take you for granted for all you do and will definitely appreciate you more. he might not volunteer to help you still, but he probably won't sigh or moan when you ask for help.

Sounds like you both have too much on your plate. It's usually the woman who tries to do too many things at once, which makes the man look lazy. But in reality, you're doing too much and he's probably just right. Have you thought about scaling back to part-time work? You would have less money, but you might save your marriage and have more time for fun with the kids and chores around the house. Don't play the victim, try to make the situation better with what's within your power. Do what you do best and make sure you have time to do it well and peacefully.

O.k he needs to assist you in some manner it takes more then one person to be a family therefore all need to help each other. Maybe you need to find some time to find a way to talk to him about it without sounding like (dear lord don't be mad at me for this but I've heard it so many times) like a complaint.

i know, I know it seems like mothers have to always find a powder puff way to tell you husbands we need their help. Instead of just stating the cold hard facts since that's really all the time we have to do it just tell it like it is.

Sorry he needs to help, period and you my friend need some down time, period!

He can choose he was their to make the babies so either clean the kitchen or bath the kids besides he needs to take part now and get used to it. Fathers are being asked now at schools to take part volunteer, eat lunch with their kids class, lots of stuff fathers need to be a big part of a childs life.

check out www.fathers.com dads need to not only be a part of their childrens lives and the daily things they do in life but go the extra mile at prek's, elementary schools, and beyond. So my advise is let him know not only now is he needing to step up after his beer but for many years to come on many things "he's a Dad and this isn't 1955".

hell yea you should be annoyed! i would be pissed lol. and you should let him know how you feel, if you don't say anything how will he know. it isn't fare to you or the kids that he isn't any help with the kids! you better speak up know or forever hold your peace :) good luck! i know just how you feel! UGH MEN! lol

Have you tried to talk to him about this? Sometimes that's all that it takes. I would be mad and upset, because you seem like you are doing everything. Maybe if he came home and there was no dinner and he didn't have anything to wear to work and you were on the couch he would understand more. Might try it and see what happens... Good Luck.

Why sit down with him and discuss what needs to be done each night to get the house cleaned up and the kids ready for bed and discuss how best to divide the chores and then write the list up and post it on the fridge. That way he knows exactly what he has to do each and every day -- the very same items that he agreed to -- and hopefully you will not have to feel as if you are being put in a position of feeling like you are being a nag. You may have to remind him of his chore list a number of times -- old habits are hard to break and some men don't appreciate a clean home as much as their partner does -- but I think that if knows exactly what is expected of him and it is the same thing each and every night, eventually it will all become rourtine for him (hopefully). But these are definitely issues that the two of you should discuss. Communication and division of chores are just part and parcel of being married.

Wishing you the best of luck in getting your husband to be more cooperative with you.

I agree with Carrie. My husband is very much like yours, except that I am a stay at home mommy. But, when he is off from work he is worthless. My husband works 6-7 days a week 12 hour shifts so that I can stay home. So, he his zombie-like. Most men think "you have it covered" (the mess, the kids, the clothes) unless you say something. Most ladies reading that my husband works a lot would think that I shouldn't expect anything from my husband, but he chooses to work a lot because he really hates being home. He can't stand the constant chaos at home of having little ones running around. So, you have every right to be annoyed and I think your husband has it made.

Okay, I don't know the best way to handle this situation, but I can tell you I would probably freak out (not the best way to handle it I know). I would probably say that having 50-50 responsibility of what needs to be done would be perfect, but at least say 30-70 would be acceptable. He needs to do more - it is his children and his home too and so he needs to step-up and do the right thing. It's okay to hang with friends or whatever, but only after everything at home is taken care of.

Good luck!

You have a right to be annoyed. He's dumping the traditional women's chores on you, but you don't have any more time than he does because you work too.

See if you can get away for a week (or at least a weekend). Leave the house and leave him in charge. He needs to see what you do and appreciate how very hard it is to get everything done.

If that's not possible, try to make an exhaustive list of all the things that need to be done in the house, and put them into the columns of who does them. Then have a list of all the fun things (having a beer with the neighbor, etc.) and put them into the columns of who does them. This will let him know how very unfair he's being.

He can plop down on the couch and/or have a beer with the neighbor when the kids are down.

Good luck to you!

He is being totally selfish. You need a sober husband and your kids need a sober dad. Here is the link to what usually happens to children of alcoholics.
http://aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/children_of_a...
I don't mean to sound harsh but it's not fair to you or your kids. I am sorry you don't have the help you need. I agree with Kate H. answers from Tempe on August 17, 2010

Start having him watch the kiddos once a week and go out drinking with your friends. It may wake him up a little. Leave all the cooking, eating,bathing, cleaning, etc. for him. If he doesn't like it, maybe he'll change. And maybe you should think about working a little less. It has to be awful only being around your kids in the evening.

You absolutely have every right to be annoyed by your Husbands behavior. Maybe he needs to be reminded that you didn't make the kids alone he did play a part in that. In order for a relationship to work successfully is to remember everything should be 50/50. If he goes out once a week with friends, then you in turn should also get to go out with friends once a week. Sometimes men have a way of forgeting important things in life, like they are no longer single, their Daddys, THEIR MARRIED. Remember ladies 50/50

yes you have every right to be peeved that your man lays all the chores on you...that must be the way he is..b/c my ex was like that..he would moan every time i asked him to do anything and put it off as long as possible..he was terrible with our son..my new boyfriend..works all day..and i don't..i'll be off at the gym and i come home after he gets home from work and all the dishes are done..1/2 my chores are done..he's just that way..helpful..he even folds the laundry! ...maybe you need to talk to your husband and tell him its not a turn on when he leaves all the work for you ..that's actually disrespectful and taking you for granted ..maybe you shouldn't work since you're working so much at home..tell him if he wants to not help out you're going to need to quit your job??? or make a chore list for him and say that he should have these chores done before he goes for a beer with the neighbor.

xo