I Am at My Wits End!!

Hi

I don't know what jurisdiction of Family Court you work in but you must be aware that ( as you told your hubby) it is unacceptable- not to mention neglect if your one daughter got ahold of Fantastic and sprayed it on your baby.
I appreciate your frustration. I too have my 2 yr old watched by his Dad 1 day a week and sometimes I think it would be better to have him in day care the full 5 days. I know men generally speaking are not as attentive perhaps as mothers- but then you wonder what happens when you aren't there. 1 is hard enough & 2 young ones...really trying I'm sure.
If the baby was screaming where was he? Was he responding or involved when you walked in? Or after you came in? It is serious, as you know as the little one could have some damage breathing in or in her eyes chemicals that shouldn't be around her.
Can you have your kids watched by someone else 1/2 the day or the full day(s)?
It is a risk not having them really watched & cared for - if medical attention was required as a result of not supervising appropriately, a call in could go out, as you are aware.
Good Luck getting him to realize and most of all getting the peace of mind you need in order to work away from home!

Hi J.,
(Pretty name by the way.)
Sibling rivalry is no fun to be around; been there; done that.
My first reaction might have been to call the Poison Control Center since I don't know what's in those products your kids found. The alternative to that is to only have products based in citrus solvents and natural ingredients so that you are not afraid to leave them alone with anyone. I stand behind a company that has such healthy products. If this interests you, please contact me.
L. S.
www.LiveTotalWellness.com/L.
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First, you need to lock up all of the dangerous items in the house, including cleaning products. A 5 year old should never have access to it. Also, since your 5 year old plays with your beauty products, those should also be out of reach.
If your husband is unwilling to actively watch the children, then you should consider getting a babysitter. You are very lucky that your 2 year old did not swallow the cleaners, or have them burn her eyes permanently. It sounds as though your 5 year old is acting out for attention.

I think your husband needs a reality check, what if your daughter had gotten into bleach or something like that. I would deffinatly lock up the make up & cleaning products, perhaps an eye lock that is out of reach for your bedroom they make child proof ones i have one on my linen closet I keep all my cleaning products in there. They also make locks for the toilet, how would your husband feel if something bad happened while he was being lazy. Broken arm or worse kids need to be supervised ! Your daughter took longer than a few minutes to do all that so your husband left them alone unsupervised for quit some time. Didnt your husband hear your daughter screaming !

It sounds as ou are writing with my pen in hand! I have the same problem with my 2 and alomost 5 year old. The older one thinks it is fun and sees nothing wrong wit it. She takes her out of her crib when napping, puts make up onher, hair spray in her hair, and so on. You get the picture. The little one is a pip. She is into everything , more than my other 4 ever did. i wish i had the magical ansewr but I don't I have tried time outs but that doesn't work. I know its a phase and waiting for it to be over! If you get some unbelievable advice , please send it my way! Good Luck and try not to pull whats left of your grey hair! I don't have much left to pull! LOL

Child proofing is a priority. 5 and 2 year olds lack the safety awareness and insight to be able to ascertain chemicals from food items. They are into cause and effect, and I am afraid if left alone with your DH, there will be serious consequences. Children can drown in less than 2 inches of water, and if left unsupervised except between commercial breaks.... Perhaps a social worker would be helpful to educate your husband on basic home safety and child-rearing skills if he would like to remain home with the children. However, it may be in your girls' best interest to go to a family day-care or daycare center for socialization, safety and supervision. I wish you the best of luck!!

The first thing you need to do it lock up all cleaning supplies and your room so your child cannot get to anything toxic! The second thing you need to do is make sure your children do NOT play upstairs in their room while their dad is downstairs. A 5 year old is not old enough to know better, let alone watch over a 2 year old. All toys, games, tv, etc. should be moved downstiars where there is adult supervision. And finally, you should sit down with your hubby and let him know how dangerous it is and how your kids could end up very hurt. EVen show him the responses to your quesiton if necessary. Good Luck.

Hi J.
Does your husband have a clue about what can happen? and that while he is in charge he is responsible for what actually happens to those children? Does he know what might have happened had a neighbor decided those children must have been home alone and called the authorities?
Had the authorities got there instead of you, they could easily remove the children from the home. They would claim that there was no responsible adult in the household because he was not taking the responsibility. How do I know, because you heard the crying, came in the house and ran to child, took care of the situation, and still you say he never took the responsibility even then.
What did he think he was to be doing? How much did he think a 2 yo could take care of themselves?
Did you know that twin parents are warned not to let children go to their bedrooms alone because they can decide to open drawers, climb on bureau, tip it over and ooops the other twin is underneath injured or worse.
Please consider your work situation.
SAHM of 4, for 38 years
God bless you and help you to make wise decisions

Your Husband is being irresponsible - girls that age have to be watched very closely. Stuff like Fantastic and other cleaning fluids should be be in cabinets with childproof locks. Shame on him. Hire a sitter and make him pay for it - or at least tell him how much it would cost to have them professionally watched and see if he improves.
Good luck you poor thing.
PS what they are doing is very normal and it's not their fault - that's what kids do left to their own devices.

First thing is to lock up everything that is dangerous. If your 5 year old can undo baby locks then get adult ones. Then move all their toys downstairs to the living room. Even move their tv down there. If all their things are downstairs, and everything upstairs is locked away then they will have no choice but to play downstairs where your husband can see them. Eventually he will get tired of their things being in the way and possibly become more responsible. Lock the upstairs toilet as well. That way they can only get to the one closest to Dad. It might also help to come home with some horror stories from the family court hearings so your husband understands just what can happen. Ask him if he wants to be one of the ones having his children taken away (or worse) because he wasn't paying attention. Lastly, if still nothing works, hire a nanny to be there right in front of him. Make him feel worthless since he is already acting that way.

Wow...sorry but I am sure you are not going to like any of what I say!!!

You need to first of all put all of that stuff away, under lock and key if you have to so your children do not get into it!

Maybe you need to find a different sitter for your children.
They are only 5 & 2!!! They should not be upstairs alone "for a while" without some kind of supervision!

Get locks for your toilets!!!
And if the younger one is already potty trained...I don't know what to tell you!

J.,

Hi. You have a tricky situation here. It sounds like both the girls are calling out for attention. First, pull the plugs on all electronic devices, TV included, so no one can watch anything. I have a 3 year-old who knows when we're on the computer we're not paying attention and does similiar things. Get a lock for the plugs and take the keys with you to work. No exceptions. I don't know what your husband does, but what you're talking about seems to be a fairly common complaint. The TV is an easy way to dump responsibility. Don't feel they'll miss anything, becasue they won't. They can watch TV and the computer under your supervision. We make our son earn his computer privledges: if he's bad, he loses the videos he likes to watch, if he's good, he may earn one or two extra.

Next, find a way to keep them out of the upstairs. Move rooms around, even if there's an inconvenience of toys in your living room. At least you know where they should hopefully be playing.

Also, lock up all the cleaning stuff or find some high cabinet your 5 year-old can't reach or climb to. Same thing, take the keys. If they need to clean, vinegar and baking soda work just fine with a little dish soap.

Also, set up a calendar of activities for them to do together. For example, your local library must have story times. Make a list of the parks they can go to. Invest in a few museam passes. Sometimes the only way I can convince my family to go with my son is to say we're wasting the money by not using the pass. I do either a weekly or monthly calendar and say we're going to do this on this particular day. Have backup plans for inclement weather. I have a list of places we can go in a pinch, and the mall isn't on that list. Find a group of stay at home dads for your husband. Make sure you ask daily what they did that day and ask for proof, even if it's just asking what they did. Have them bring the digital camera, your 5 year old can keep some type of journal, etc. Try to cater to your older one if at all possible. For example, if she likes birds, have her start keeping a birding journal. Make a calendar and ask her to write down what she did that day.

Finally, stockpile crayons, paper, etc. The libary should have tons of books on crafts and activities with kids, even basic cooking. M. Katzen is a great author for that. Put that on the calendar too for when they get home or later in the day. Make a meal plan and stick to it. I don;t know who cooks dinner, but your 5 year-old is capable of doing some basic measuring an mixing and it would be a sense of accomplishment on her part to help you do that.

Good luck!

A.

We have had the rule since babyhood that if someone is caught in mom and dad's bathroom unsupervised it is punishment time. Honestly my husband and I are not huge disciplinarians, but when it deals with safety issued - bathrooms, pools, roads - we are super tough. Make the punishment memorable - a couple hours in her room that has nothing - no toys, no books, no art supplies and certainly no TV. Good luck.

You have already been told by almost everyone that you need to put dangerous things out of reach so I will not speak to that. I do think everyone is wrong as to advise about your husband. I assume you are married to an adult and not a teenager. Men can be just as nuturing and caring as women, there is absolutely no reason for your husband to ignore his duties as a father. You should not have to hire a babysitter, they are his kids too. Sometimes it is hard for men to relate to little girls. Maybe what you need to do is show him some things to do with your children. Just because they are girls doesn't mean he couldn't take them outside and teach them tee ball, soccer or any other sport he may be interested in. Tell him to read to them and take them for walks. Maybe then they will get tired, take a nap and he can watch tv during that time. Good luck!

Hi J.,
The first thing I would do is put ALL household cleaners completely out of reach of your girls, that is just dangerous. Maybe swap out a kitchen cabinet if you don't have a pantry or other utility closet to put them in. Second, perhaps you could put a gate at the bottom of the stairs that way the girls would have no access to the second floor without you or your husband. I know I don't like having the house cluttered with toys, but perhaps a designated area for them in the family or den would help, just a few toys maybe larger items if they have them like a kitchen. My daughter, who is four, has one of those collapsable tents; they're about $20. You can put dolls and blankets in there and when playtime is over it's easy to put away. Maybe something like that set up near where your husband stations himself when he's home would help him to keep a better eye on them. I know, my husband would rather be watching a game then going up and down the stairs (God forbid!).
I hope this helps, good luck!
C.

5 and 2 is way too young to be left alone, especially for the two year old. Obviously they need constant parental supervision. Make your husband read these responses. Something seriouse is going to happen and 911 is going to have to be called. They aren't acting out, they are just being curious little kids. STOP LEAVING THEM UPSTAIRS ALONE! I hope I'm not crossing the line here (to each his own) but in my opinion the TV should not be used as a babysitter.

C. R

Oh man, I STILL have that same answer from my husband! Whenever I leave the house and my husband watches the kids, they always get into something....cleaning products, permanent markers, paint, etc....all over themselves!!! When I question my husband his reply is "What??!!" "I don't know, they were upstairs playing" OMG....drives me crazy!!!!

It's a guy thing....not their fault (entirely)....it's a medical fact that they can't multi task (brain thing)...i.e. take a phone call and watch kids or...... sit, think AND keep eye on kids (ha, ha!)

I have now put cleaning products and other haz material in cabinets that they can not get into! I am still alittle nervous leaving with MAN in charge but, I leave a note on counter to remind him and I call to check in!

Good luck!

I have read all of the responses to your situation, my repsonse is a little different. I am a mother of 2 very active girls 7 & 9, so I know what you are going through. They were climbers and got into every thing they weren't supposed to. I found a solution to part of your problem. I no longer use toxic cleaners in my home. I have switched over to cleaners that are naturally based and have no caustic chemicals. I learned that the number one killer of small children in the home was toxic chemicals. I'm talking about chemicals in the things we use everyday. Not just cleaners, but shampoos, soaps, body washes, and even laundry detergent (chemicals absorb through the skin). Most people think about cleaners as being toxic, but they don't realize that their personal care products have toxic chemicals in them too. They usually contain small amounts, but with everyday use it can add up to a lot of exposure. I found a company that has products for the home and body that have absolutley no caustic chemicals in them. The thing about them is they work as well or even better than the products I used to use. The company is called Melaleuca. It has brought me peace of mind as well as a healthier home and body. They also have a referal program that has helped me contribute to me family financially, without sacrificing time with my family. For more informaion check out www.Melaleuca.com and take the guided tour. It is very informative and will give you an overveiw of the company and it's products. If you like what you hear, email me at ____@____.com. I'd love to answer any questions you might have.
Good Luck,
R. F.

yes your hubby needs to pay more attention, but he is a MAN and my hubby is the same way. But I question WHY havent you moved/removed these chemicals from your children's reach? Ours are in cupboards high up where none of the kids can get to them and they are plenty old enough to "know better" but yours still are not. Id be more concerned about a child ingesting those chemicals or worse...Get them out of reach and lock up the things they should not be getting into. Im not trying to be mean, but there is NO reason why after the first time this happened it should of been an option for it to happen again. Please remember, you are as much to blame for leaving those chemicals there for your children to be harmed as your hubby is for not "watching them"

I learned my lesson when DD got into paint and decorated everything in our bedroom when she was 2. I was so angry but the bottom line was I LEFT IT THERE. You are doing the same thing. Please lock up those chemicals and buy your kids a $1 water bottle from walmart to do each other's hair with!

J.

You might want to consider hiring a babysitter. Children are too precious to wait until something drastic happens. If he asks why, be either blunt with him, or be creative, depending on your situation with him. Some men will take it to heart and change the way that they do things and others might get nasty about it. You know your husband and how he handles things, but the most important thing is to make sure those little ones are safe.

I have a few suggestions that might be worth considering.
1) Have you thought about hiring a mother's helper--a girl who could supervise the 2 little ones and keep them out of mischief as well as entertained if your husband isn't willing to watch them? Now that school is out in most places, you ought to be able to find someone, possibly in the neighborhood, to help. (And if money is an issue--maybe it would convince your husband to be more proactive with the children.)
2) I would scour the house and try to put up high or under lock and key any beauty products, cleaning products, or medications that the girls could get into that might harm them.
3) Perhaps keeping the children in common areas of the house (living room, family room, kitchen) to play rather than letting them be alone in a bedroom or bathroom would help your husband to keep an eye on them. I know it sounds like more supervision, but letting them be alone in another room, on another level of the house, is conducive to creating mischief.
4) While having a television in a child's bedroom might sound like a way to entertain kids quietly, it's better to have televisions as well as computers in a common area, a family space. You will be able to supervise the amount of time they watch TV and you will be able to supervise what they see much better. (Another plus is that when you give a child a bedroom time-out when disciplining, it's not as inviting to be alone to think about what you've done when there's a TV handy to turn on.)

Oh Lady...I know all about the making pretty and stuff going in the toilet. I have to go through it again with my 2 year old. My oldest daughter put both her brothers in pink frilly dresses and used my makeup on them when they were each 2. I had to have a plumber come out to take the whole toilet apart only to find matchbox cars, dog food, action figures, and underware stuck in the sewage lines...it's funny now.

All I can suggest is that you buy kid's hair stuff and pretend makeup your 5 year old is allowed to use on her sister.

Men think that quiet kids are a sign for them to sit back, put their hand down their pants, and watch a ball game. We as mothers know differently. Get a surveillance system (cheap at Wal-mart) so your husband can see what they are doing. Hide it in your daughter's room so they don't know it's there. Let him watch and see what they are doing, maybe he will get a clue.

Nanc

Hi J.,

Sounds like your girls are trying to get your husbands attention. Do the girls do these things when you are home with them? Perhaps you might want to talk with a marriage counselor with your husband to see why he won't spend quality time with the girls over the TV. Perhaps this is really the issue.

In the meantime you might want to consider using Non Toxic household cleaners in your home so if your 5 year old gets creative again you know the cleaners won't harm the baby or your 5 year old.

These are the products we have been using for the past 13 years. Clean without fear.

go to: http:// www.Shaklee.net/cfh/getclean

C.

In case you haven't done so already, re-babyproof that house. Lock up all the cleansers, or put them on high shelves where your older daughter can't get them. Put a lid lock on the toilets and show your husband how to unlock it when your older daughter needs to go. Lock up the kitchen drawers and cabinets, etc. If you can, create a safe playroom for the two of them and put a baby gate across the door so the kids can't get into anything other than their toys. And I am surprised at your husband-he should know better! You are not being overdramatic, you are being a parent, and he should be on the same page, so to speak. I don't know him so I don't know what advice to offer, but bringing in someone outside the family may help, like the kids' pediatrician, for advice on child safety.

Oh, my goodness. I think you need serious talk with your husband. Do you know #1 killer for small children in this country is not guns but cleaning product. They could seriously get hurt. Then he won’t be smiling. It’s kind of strange. I have 4 kids, none of them did that and I don’t know any of my friend’s kids. Maybe they are trying to get your attention since you’re working. If your husband can’t watch them, you may want to keep those cleaning product in one place where your daughter can’t get? I know it’s annoying but it’s better than your daughter gets hurt. I can relate to your husband because mine is kind of similar. Some guys are not good at taking care of small children and if that’s the case, there’s not much you can do about it.

If your baby is screaming in pain and your husband isn't jumping up to check on her and make sure she is okay you have a serious safety issue in leaving the kids with him while you work. I know it is a pain and expensive but short of family counseling/parent education for your husband I would find another child care option. Or both.

Jacyln,

I'm truly shocked by your question. You work in family court so I'm sure you hear tons of horror stories. Your also 30+, and sound well educated. You should know better. All those chemicals should be in locked cabinets or out of reach.

Some of the behavior you describe in normal. Once when I was in the shower, my oldest decided to style the younger ones hair with cream cheese. However, alot of this behavior due to your children not having constructive activities. Your 4 year old is either board or looking for attention. Your 2 year old needs to learn right from wrong.

Young children, especially a 2 YEAR OLD, NEED CONSTANT SUPERVISION. Why are the children upstairs? They should be in the same room with dad, or within his sight. Also, how can he hear them with the tv on? Why isn't he playing with them? He can watch tv when they nap or at night.

You've already had 2 near misses. What are you waiting for? blindness, chemical burns, family services to show up on your doorstep? Do something about your husband now before it's too late.

First of all, they see you getting ready for the day and they want to be like you(getting pretty) so set up things they can use to do this...save your old bottles and put water in them(or leave empty if they will play with them empty)...have a "beauty salon" for them, then put a lock on the bathroom! they shouldn't have acess to the bathroom(at least not the little one, keep the door closed)...As for daddy, well I wish I could say I had a cure for that but I don't...however you need to remind him that toddlers drown in the potty all the time because they are top heavy and being in family law I'm sure you have some yucky stories, share them with him...do the schedule for him(if he'll follow it)that way they are playing a game instead of watching tv somewhere else.... Good luck!

Sometimes it helps to have rules in the house. And let your husband in on that too. Don't expect him to go along if he knew nothing about it and have his opinions. Say, I have some rules to keep everyone safe while I am not here. Everyone needs to stay in the livingroom where Daddy is and he has to be there and keep an eye on them because they are like animals without discipline. We all needed that when we were children and we needed to know where the boundaries are. Every child wants boundaries to know they are not loose. They are lost without boundaries and they will go crazy. Your oldest daughter is old enough to understand that she can hurt her sister and if she wants to do those things, she can do them with you and you three have girl time together at night or every Saturday night or morning, whatever works for you all. Also, you haveto put your foot down when your second daughter do those things and however the punishment you want to give them warnings and let them know the consequences if not following warnings or rules. Both of them need to know that. Lastly, put all those things high and away and locked if you haveto to keep them from getting into things like that. You may haveto toddler-proof and young children-proof your home. I had to and I have it baby-proofed and I have toddler-proof my home. It's amazing how many things and what they can get into when they are not watched. YIKES!!! Especially the cleansers for cleaning toilets and floors and so forth and medications....no, not in the bathroom cabinets, they can climb up onto bathroom sinks and get into those things. Locked up!!!!!!! Don't be fooled thinking those child-proof things work. My oldest on figured one of them out how to unhook it off the cabinet doors. So, you may haveto get on your hands and knees and look from their level and that is how you can do it with babies crawling and walking. Hope this helped and I will pray for you and that God will give you wisdom too. If you have questions or anything, personal message if you prefer through this program.

First, put a lock on any cabimet with cleaning chemicals. The latches don't keep the kids out it must be a lock that is worked either magnetically or with a key!

Second you are not alone! My 1st child (Sierra) she is now 7yo and the 2nd (Isabella) she is 22 months. Sierra came out with silly putty in her hair after bed when I thought she was sleeping, then the next morning she was in the bathroom and decided to give her dad's shaving brush a hair cut and then to top it all off she filled the front pouch of her backpack with babypowder. these are only a few of the "happenings" around here lately and she is 7yo! Isabella can now climb and get into everything so I found her sitting on the livingroom table the other day. Anything the big one does the little one trys to do!

You will servive this but it takes some planning. I have handle covers on all my door, have moves toys into closets that the little one can't have put locks on cabinets with chemicals and gates to keep Isabella in specific parts of the house so she can't get into too much trouble. I still have a big toy mess to clean at the end of every day but we are working on getting her to help with clean up.

Sometimes when both of the girls are home I feel like crying from the "torture" they can cause but when they are playing nicely together it is all worth it!

As for the husband I have no advice! SORRY!!! I too think my husband lets the girls get away with too much and doesn't supervise like I want him to but I have to let him parent as he sees fit. Don't get me wrong he is a good Dad he just doesn't do it MY WAY! Anyway if you kid prrof as much as possible it may help with some of the kid and husband problems! Good Luck! A.

how about taking the girls out to somewhere like walmart, target or even the dollar store. get them a couple of things to make them look pretty that you know are safe that way they have fun its safe and your stuff wont even matter anymore. i know one of them sells a set that has a toy blow dryer and stuff, even some foam curlers...just a thought...

These children need more supervision. And lock up those poisons! What would have happened if your daughter wanted to have a tea party with the Fantastic?? Sometimes kids get into trouble when they are seeking attention. If your husband isn't on board, make your home extremely child-proof or hire a sitter. This is unacceptable.

I wish I had some real advice for you but I think the main thing is to set boundaries and consistently stick to them. You do have a couple of other things you MUST do or you may be correct in something bad happening. 1) Lock up all cleaners in a cabinet. They have safety locks of all kinds at Target, Walmart, or check One Step Ahead if you don't see what you are looking for at the store. They are more expensive but tend to have more "odd" things. 2) Put your personal products where the girls can't get to them. 3) Your husband either needs to become a responsible father or he needs to not watch the girls anymore. How long was your daughter screaming before you got home? I doubt you would be able to know for sure. Thank God her eyes were ok but what if that had been bleach or something else equally as harmful? She could have ended up blind before you got to her. I am not trying to be mean but seriously. Your husband has some serious growing up to do and he is not going to help you get these girls under control.

I hope you find a way to do this with or without his help.

Hugs,
L.

ok, for starters, take a deep breath and relax. Next, go through your house and baby proof again and again, until you're sure everything is safe from harms way. Put all cleansers in a locked place, they should never have been able to get the fantastic with or without being watched. Next make sure all of your hair, face, things are also away where they can't be reached by either child. they're not acting out, they're just playing, trying to style hair, etc. perhaps suggesting that your husband keep them in the same room as he is in while he's watching them would make it easier for him. Good Luck and Lock up EVERYTHING!!!!!

I think that your 5 year-old needs some dicipline. If you don't punish or give time outs for bad behavior, your litle one will not learn how to/not to behave!

Good luck! And I hear you about the hubby - most don't watch as well as mom. I think that we educate ourselves and join communities like this to improve ourselves. They just think whatever they do is good enough!!

Hi J., Your situation sounds like it calls for all the child locks, safety steps, etc. Just visit your local children's store and pick up those plastic locks so that any hazardous cleaning supplies can be difficult to get to. Include scissors, etc. - my niece cut my daughter's hair once and they were only 4 and 1 respectively. My niece could definitely have accidentally poked an eye or ear, etc. In fact, just google "child safety equipment" and you'll definitely get ideas. Bring home materials for you and your husband, as a couple, to read or watch regarding accidents at home involving children, i.e., drowning in the toilet bowl, etc (which is why you never leave the bathroom doors open). Bottomline, I think, is to childproof your home. Then pray to each of their Guardian Angels everyday as you walk out of the house...so that they be kept safe from harm. I'll keep you and your intentions in my prayers.

I'm not sure where you live, but I would be concerned about losing your children to Social Services. If your husband doesn't step up to the plate, I believe there is only a matter of time before something serious happens and then there will be bigger problems to deal with and much sadness for you. Going by what you shared, it doesn't sound like the kids are receiving any type of correction either (acting out). If sounds like you are trying to work and keep your home going, you have plenty on your plate already.

Tell your husband the facts. Then try to find some other reliable child care. Sad to say it will add a financial burden on your situation but the children are going to be the victims. You didn't say that this husband has a job other than the one he has and that is taking care of his children.

I work for Oneida County Department of Social Services so what I'm saying to you could be considered child endangerment or neglect.

Do what you have to do. Your children want to be with their parents. I'll be praying for you and your situation.

D.
I'm 60 years old, been married 38 years to the same man and have two grown sons.

Well i gotta tell you my first reaction is why are cleaners, toxic stuff at their reach? there has to be a spot up high enof were you can get them and not them?! your husbands not going to put these away so you better, practice what you preach.?

I think you girls are behaving the way two unsupervised children would behave. I wouldn't call this acting out at all. I too have a husband who can't be told a thing, so try managing the situation for him. If he is going to be watching the girls set up a project that clearly involves him like a trip to the park. Don't just leave them together while he is on the computer or watching tv. You are 100% right. Children can get really hurt if no one is paying attention.