I Am Grateful

Do the best you can with what you have. Enjoy life when you are young and healthy to do so. Whenever I think of the things that I should be doing or how much more money we should have saved up, I think about a story about a woman that I once worked with. She was a hard worker, worked many, many years, and an avid money saver. She always lived frugally and made sure that she put money away for her retirement. Well, her retirement day was approaching and a few days before her retirement party, she died of natural causes. She never got to see retirement. A few years after her death, her husband found a girlfriend and they travelled all over the world and enjoyed the finer things in life--all because of his first wife's diligence and hard earned savings. You never know what tomorrow brings--enjoy today. Even if you spend every dime you earn and don't have save a dime for the future, this is the United States, the land of opportunities--where there's a will, there is a way--even the poor are fed and can find a place to live.

Just my opinions:)

Sit down with a pencil and paper and add up how much it would cost you to go to work. Add up daycare costs, lunches, extra clothes (if needed) car expenses, maybe even take out meals ect show this to him. Ask him how to justify the extra costs of going to work vs staying home and raising your children.

You can tack on the costs of hiring a cleaning service, laundry service ect.

Expain to him that you need to earn XX dollars to pay for the added expenses.

I agree with Dawn he's bullying you. Don't put up with it.

Well, it sounds like your DH is resentful that you are "just getting by" currently & is being very passive aggressive & immature in going about expressing his feelings to you. Sounds like the "talk" needs to happen now. I understand he is frustrated, but being negative & bringing you down is no way to get out of this tough spot.

It sounds like YOU have a great attitude and understand that this is just one of life's challenges and NOT something that's permanent. You'll save for retirement & college once you have stable job - it seems pretty common sense to me. Tell him to either approve of the 7-11 job or quit his bitching. I mean, really, what in the hell does he want from you?!

In the meantime, what is your line of work? Have you tried an employment agency? After several months of applying for job, and getting crappy offers, I finally hooked up with job agency that got me into a really great a company. It was not a job I could've gotten on my own. Have you retooled your resume? Applied to any & every job you are are capable of doing, regardless of pay or position? Asked around?

I agree, all you can do is take it day by day. We, too have been there and it is the true test of a marriage. Either you unify or tear each other apart. I think you & your DH need to unify if you don't want this to affect your marriage.

Good luck!

I am thankful for your gratitude! When times are tough, it's easy to see what you don't have instead of what you do have. Some folks even feel compelled to look for others to blame. Hang on to your good attitude as much as you can, no matter what anyone else (including your husband) says. There are those who just can't handle a hopeful outlook.

I believe in doing your best with what you have. I grew up without a lot of money and I worked from the age of 13 on to get myself through college with no debt.

I also believe in personal responsibility and yes I do have a bad taste in my mouth for the people who CHOOSE to live off the governent. The government programs are good for those who truly need them and I am glad that some people who truly need government help gets it. It is the lazy ones who sit back and complain and do nothing and expect handouts I have a problem with.

Yes we have saved for retirement and for our daughter's college. This has been an ongoing part of our life and something we do not sacrifice.

I am thankful that we are where we are and can do what we do, especially thankful that we are in good health.

I can see where your DH comments are hurtful. Try not to take it personally and keep your chin up. It is OK for you to not be worried about your retirement right now and be focused on your short term plan. You are trying and I do hope you find something in your area of interest so you can get back to work. On an upnote.... there are lots of "now hiring" signs around here and the manufacturing business is picking up!! We are in the raw materials industry and we see an increase.

Best wishes to you.

I've already voted for Romney-literally sent in my absentee ballot on Saturday. I am doing what I am able to do to help all of us-keep your chin up and pray.....a lot!

E.S.

I am sorry you are unemployed. What do you do?

I would tell my husband I'm not worried about retirement right now. I'm worried about keeping the house over our heads and the clothes on our back.

The stress of unemployment is really hard. Especially in today's economy. It took my husband 9 months to get a job - he had one for all of 1 month - then the government (no thanks to Obama) changed some rules on clearances so they had to let him go. Thank God we had investments and savings to rely on. So I can understand your stress.

Tell your husband that he is more than welcome to go out and find a better paying job so that he can help meet those long term goals he in talking about. if he can't do that? he needs to keep his trap shut and continue supporting you.

What am I grateful for?
* that I have a husband that loves and supports me.
* we have a roof over our heads and clothes on our back
* that my husband has job again and we are able to put money in savings again.
* that I have two beautiful boys that drive me utterly insane!!
* that I have a daughter that I love despite the distance between us
* that God has managed to get me through tough deals in life...

Your post has nothing to do with politics so I'm astounded that people think it will help you by telling you whom to vote for! As if the economic situation has all to do with one particular person!

Keep doing what you can, and find other ways to economize. A lot of people use free passes to museums (from the library) to take their kids to educational programs that don't cost a fortune. People are returning to home birthday parties for 5 or 6 good friends instead of big bounce house or gym & pizza blowouts with 30 kids. Sunday afternoon is family cooking day, where everyone participates in meals for the week to avoid take out food. Yard sales and consignment shops help recycle unused items to people who want & need them.

No one can afford college anymore, so all kids are getting loans and getting jobs and seeking out alternatives that are less expensive (example: community college for 2 years and then transfer). And federal grants, and continued low interest on college loans are worth staying on top of.

Be willing to network (lots of ways to do this) and to find other areas in which your skills and talents can be put to use. I can't imagine that your husband beating you down emotionally is helping anyone - not you, not him, not your family harmony.

I think you are very wise to focus on as many positives as you can. Your husband is stressed, but it would make more sense to get into some couples counseling to work out the problems and find solutions than to have him beating down on you. It's a waste of time, and demoralizing you could have a detrimental effect on your ability to interview with confidence.

And to those who are looking for a political scapegoat, look at it this way - if the politicians some 6-8 years ago (yes, more than 4!) had succeeded in privatizing social security, and all that money had gone into the stock market & banks, the situation would be a lot worse after the melt-down!!

Who knows what tomorrow will bring. Even if you were employed and had the money already in the bank it could all be lost tomorrow. You do what you can do when you can do it. In reality, we could more than double our income if I took a position outside the home and I don't think it's worth it. As a result of this I may very well end up working until the day I die. I would love to have a big fat retirement fund and pay for my kids' college, but I think it is even more important to be with them during this time and raise them to the best of my abilities. Tell your husband to knock it off. Prodding you isn't going to make some job fall out of the sky.

My husband and I have very different out looks like your family does. If I hear doom and gloom all the time it brings me down. I have expressed this to him and when he goes there I put up my "talk to the hand" hand and he knows to stop. If he hears you are not doing it right or you messed up, he takes it and just puts it to practical use and works harder. I internalize it and get depressed. It it just our different personalities. After 25 years we still have to talk about these differences and yes, have signals, that tell the other they are trodding on your feelings. I tend to make all my decisions and go through all my analysis in my head and then just do something. Sometimes, unfortunately, that something is explode when I just needed to express it earlier. He, on the other hand tells me every loving thing that is going on in his head! I want to scream shut up!!! It could be that your H is just going through his analysis out loud and not really expecting you to do something about it. Talk about it and see if that's what's going on. Good luck!

I think you have the right attitude. In the great scheme of things, this may just be a bump in the road for you and your family. Why make things worse by blaming or complaining? Hopefully, things will turn around and you'll be able to catch up, or find another way to help your daughter through college. In the meantime, you are doing all you can and you're keeping your family's spirit afloat with your gratitude and perserverance.

Tell DH to go sit in a bucket of ice. He sounds like one nasty guy. Perhaps you might him that he ought to be grateful you don't coat his head with flour while he is asleep.(Changed my original wording by the way, it was really bad). At any rate, join the world with your predicament! We are among many in that same situation. People who planned fantastic retirements are possibly or are losing them (see our states government plan going down the drain and I have and family members). There are real estate owners, whose million dollar homes have gone the way of foreclosures and that was supposed to be nest egg for them. Research or contact AARP for the millions of not only jobless but homeless AND MIGHT I ADD ALL ALONE BECAUSE THEY ARE TOTALLY INSENSITIVE TO THEIR SPOUSES!!! DH. I am going to drop the D part and yes I was yelling. It is not your fault and he better understand this. grrrrrrrr AND DAWN IS RIGHT HE IS BULLYING YOU. GRRRRRR AGAIN.

Tell him how his comments make you feel. I bet he has no idea that you are hurt by them. Please don't let this build resentment. Talk it out. And hang in there - you're doing a great job being so positive.

I am long term planner and goal setter, like your husband, and it would stress me out to no end to feel financially insecure. I just don't deal well without a "plan" to meet my longterm objectives. I completely respect your ability to live in the moment, and I work at what seems to come so naturally to you.

However, if someone were to tell me to just be grateful for what I have today, it would be provide me with no comfort. I think its a balance. Be grateful for what I have/everyday slow down and appreciate what is going on today...AND have a plan, however rudimentary, to reach my goals for tomorrow.

What about sitting down and doing a budget with him? Work out how, even on one salary, you are putting (however small) something away for retirement? Is there something you can cut out, and instead put that small amount toward retirement? Or work out your budget so you can live day to day on his salary, but that everything you bring in goes toward retirement? Look into scholarship plans for your child together? Reconfirming that you have common goals may bring you back together as a team, and make you feel less like the one "responsible" for not meeting HIS financial goals?

Good luck! It sounds like you two have all the right elements for a bright future...you just need to get back to working on that future together.

I'm with you to an extent. Life has gotten extremely hard for us too. While not unemployed, my husband's hours have been cut quite a bit. Fortunately our kids are grown but we do raise one of our grandchildren.

I remember the day Obama was inaugurated. He talked about how we had to start thinking outside the box. I took that to heart and started my own side business which has helped a lot.

We just need to keep looking outside the box and doing the best we can day-to-day. The only thing that saves my sanity is knowing that there are a lot of people in the same boat and some in a worse boat.

One day at a time!

I'd sit down with him and watch that old movie, "I remember mama"

I think of it often whenever I feel like we're in a big hole and will never get out. It's helped me survive.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/B0004Z322O/ref=dp_...

Retirement?? College?? I know it is important to save but sheesh...I am like you lets just be happy we are surviving in the moment for now and know we will do our best to make it up later when things are better.

I feel for you...I really do...we put so much pressure on ourselves already and I know I can think positively and it doesn't seem so bad, but once my husband dooms and glooms me a while I just want to crawl in bed and not get out.

I don't think a year or two on a day to day basis is going to hurt anyone...if we are still doing that a decade from now then we will be in real trouble.

We are facing two huge unexpected bills and our property taxes coming due...so I understand the pressure to find employment...but you are right you can live happy or live worried and sad...I say stay as happy as possible.