I Am the Only One Who Feels This Way??

We all get like that sometimes....i say "fake it till you make it" start the foreplay and within minutes i promise youll want him for real.

You are exhausted! I am a full-time working mom of a 5 yo and a 12 mo old. I always say my day is just starting when I leave work. We working moms wear a lot of hats throughout the day. Me time does help everyday. Find some time to unwind if just for 1/2 hour. For me, I watch The Young and the Restless everyday on the DVR. It's my little escape. :) Do whatever works for you.

M.:

I'm sooooo sorry!!! My first thought when you said "I'm not intimate anymore" and "I feel disconnected" was depression - you have a 5 month old baby and it sounds like you are overwhelmed with everything...

Please talk to your Primary Care Physician and let him/her know how you are feeling and see if they can either recommend a therapist for you to see to help you compartmentalize and not get loss your temper with your daughter....

I would also suggest that you take a few days off work and take care of you...manicure/pedicure...

Check into see if you can afford a cleaning service to come into your home and clean so that takes one thing off your plate....Ask your husband to pitch in more too...maybe make a chore chart - I know it sounds funky for a married couple - but they do work!! :) so that not just person is carrying the load...

I hope this helps you...you are NOT alone!!!

I think it could be a little of everything you suggested-overwhelmed, depressed, overtired, hormones from recent pregnancy. If you're like me, just thinking about how you feel makes you feel even worse because you feel to tired/exhausted to put forth the effort to deal with it. Based on my experiences with other moms, it is very normal and passes as your kids get older and more independent and as you have more free time.
When my kids were 2 and newborn, I had zero free time and was woken up 20 times a night for about 8 months (colic and eating issues). Anyways, I was a wreck and don't think it was depression. As time has passed, things have gotten better and better. Now, I am not pregnant with a 3 year old and 1 year old and with my nausea and tiredness, I notice I am feeling overwhelmed, tired, snappy, etc again. I just try to do things one at a time and ask others for help. This too shall pass.
I agree with others that said, once it is possible, take some time to do things for fun like answering posts, reading blogs, watching you tube, whatever to help you unwind.
As far as intimacy goes, I didn't really want it until I was less overwhelmed, but luckily, my husband was in the same room with the constantly waking baby and was freakin exhausted too. We both just wanted to sleep most of the time.

You may have postpartum depression or you may just be in a really tough situation. Before you get a script for an antidepressant, I just want you to know that anyone in your situation (working full time with a 4 yr old and 5 month old) is likely to feel overwhelmed and loss of libido. You are trying to do so much. Is it possible to work part-time (or not at all) for a couple years to spend some quality time enjoying your kids? Working all day and coming home to kids that are tired and cranky is very tough. It would suck the joy out of any of us. I'm a SAHM and evenings are the HARDEST. While more "me time" may help a little, it's a quick fix. It sounds like you may need to look at your lifestyle and figure out what can change so you can enjoy this quickly passing phase of very young children. Please talk to your husband about how you are feeling and together figure out what can change so you can enjoy being a wife and mother again. Wishing you joy! Nurse Midwife Mom of 3

You say you don't think it is depression. But you're describing classic depression, possibly post-partum or it could be related to the fact you are doing way too much and are exhausted. You say you feel "disconnected"--another symptom of depression. Depression does not always include feeling sad or blue or crying; it can include feeling disconnected, dissatisfied and angry, all of which you describe clearly here. But please don't go with our diagnoses here -- we aren't doctors. Please get a professional to screen you for depression, both post-partum variety and other. Also, immediately tell your husband exactly what you told us here, and tell him he must do more now to help you get through this; your older child is paying a price already and so is he. I hope you get help and get better very soon! This is a tough time but you don't have to go it alone, and there is NO stigma in getting outside help. Take care of yourself and report back to us how you're doing.

I went through the exact same thing with the short-temper & slight disconnect (though intimacy was never an issue) after I had our youngest. My kids are only 17 months apart & I breastfed both for several months a piece plus worked full time within 6 weeks of having the first & 8 weeks of having the 2nd with a husband who worked rotating shifts. It's a lot to ask of one person whether you planned it that way or not (we did not). It can be overwhelming to anyone. I had gone to my PCP really just because I'd had a plugged up ear & while in there she asked if everything else was ok & I just burst into tears. She prescribed me a very low dosage of anti-depressants which I took for several months & helped immensely. At the very least, it's worth looking into & making an appointment with either your OBGYN or PCP to see what their thoughts are.

The fact is, you are NOT alone. There are tonsssss of women who have been through precisely what you're describing & it doesn't make you any less of a wife or mother to seek out help. In fact, it makes you better because you know in order to take the best care of your family that you possibly can, YOU need to be taken care of as well. Best of luck to you, Mama!

I think you do just need some you time, alone. You are a busy woman, working full time, then coming home to do all the housework plus nursing, it can definitely wear on a person.
Doing the same thing pretty much all day will drive anyone crazy!

And it might just be that you feel like you dont get to spend enough quality time with your family. Your always doing something or another and just need to try and make a point in your day to spend a few extra minutes of quality time with each person.

Your kids might be feeling your tension too. Especially your 4 year old, so if they are acting out then this might be why.

Take a deep breath and find some time to go out and be alone. Go get a pedicure, or see a movie, even just go for a walk to get a few minutes to yourself and relax!

Sounds like PPD. I suffered the EXACT same symptoms you are. Not severe, but severe enough to ask about it.

Talk to your OB.

You seem overwhelmed, understandably. Take a day off and go do something for yourself. It could help you and relax you. Being a mom is a hard job, especially when you have a full time second job! =)

Save cleaning for the weekends so you and hubby can tackle it together. Save week nights for playing with the kids, easy dinners and alone time (bath, reading a book, meeting a friend for drinks).

Hubby and I usually divide and conquer. He'll clean up after dinner (including unloading and reloading all the dishes so we start with a clean kitchen the next morning) while I get the kids into the tub. We then read books a family (sometimes) and he'll give the kids a kiss and hug and I get to snuggle with them while he gets alone time. After that hubby and I will either watch tv together or we'll each watch our own shows. I also always (99.99% of the time) chat with my girlfriend at night so that is 'me' time, too!

Once a month I go out with the girls. Dinner, a movie, bingo, etc.

Take a sick day, take the kids to daycare and enjoy a day to yourself. I have done it before and NOT felt bad about it at all!

Breastfeeding takes a lot out of you so give yourself a break. I also have an almost four year old and know they can be demanding. If you are exhausted, spend lots of time on the couch (or floor) reading and coloring with your daughter. Play time does not have to equal a lot of physical activity.

Does the hubby help with anything? He needs to understand that you need 'me time'. He needs to be able to take care of the kids so you can get out and do somethin for yourself. Even taking a walk or sitting outside for a half hour so you can have time for yourself. Start taking care of you so you can take care of everyone else.

I agree that is sounds like PPD. Talk to your doctor. You may need a mild antidepressant for awhile. Best wishes!

I have felt that way. There are 2 ends of the spectrum. From tired and sleep deprived all the way over to depressed. If you feel yourself tipping the balance, it's time to get help. Until then, try to fit in some excercise time. Its a real mood booster. Eat rite, sleep as much as possible, get that time to recharge. You are not alone. I think we've all felt that way at one time or another. Just don't allow yourself to live in that space for an extended period of time. Take action

I think you have too much on your plate. You just had a baby, you have a 4 y/o... you work full time and are STILL expected to do all the household duties? NO WAY!! You need to tell your husband to step it up and take more than just the money making part -= because you are doing that as well already. He needs to do the cleaning, cook at least 4 times a week and get the oldest ready for bed. You are breastfeeding - something he cannot do... he needs to do the other parts that he CAN do.

I'd be a bit pissed and resentful of him too and that may come out as feeling depressed because you just cannot believe why he can't see how overwhelmed you are and why can't he help you without you having to ask - it seems so obvious, but men don't notice things outside their personal bubble. You need to TELL him you require his help daily and what you need him to start doing for the household and family.

If he starts helping - your patience level will increase with 4 y/o and things may get better in other more 'personal' activities between spouses. I also wanted to add - majority of antidepressant meds are breastfeeding friendly - so if you feel you want to go the medication route as well as the other stuff I mentioned, don't worry about having to stop breastfeeding.

Sounds like depression to me. Please visit with your doctor. They will have a survey you fill out to determine if it is depression. You can go from there and get yourself feeling better.

You need me time, also talking to someone professional could help. Try to make time to be intimate with your hubby even if you do not feel like it, it can help relieve stress and keep there from being any extra strain on your relationship. What you are feeling is totally normal with a new baby, so just take it day by day, and don't be afraid to ask for help.

Sounds like me when my kids were younger. It'll get better! Taking some time to go do something for yourself will help but I found that to only be a short-term fix. For me it was just the kids getting older that made things better. And actually - maybe it was the zoloft! I did go on it for awhile...

Its just the monotony of it all.
ALL Moms feel like that sometimes.

Find something that is just for YOU.
Take time for yourself and leave the kids with Hubby to babysit.

You GOTTA have "me time" too. To do anything you want.

Try not to take it out on your Eldest. She is innocent in all this, just being a kid.
Sure, I've felt like that sometimes. But it is a CHOICE. And don't displace those feelings onto your kids.
Its not the child's fault.
Try to BOND with her... she is so young, and being an Eldest child is NOT easy.... soo much stress too, upon an Eldest child... and expectations.... that are not fair.
Keep expectations, age appropriate.
She needs her Mommy.
That age is hard.

Look at your Eldest, through a child's eyes.
A kid, is not perfect.
We are their rudder... to guide them.
Not just react to, them.

Remember, the Eldest child.. is trying to get a grip on life too.
There is another baby now.
The Mommy and life is busy.
Even for a child.
They feel, that.
Kids, don't know how to automatically "cope" with their concerns.
Not even adults know how, but children... are a bare slate.
They don't come neatly packaged with automatic skills or feelings.
We, have to teach them that and guide them.

In a moment of agitation... take a deep breath, and look at your Eldest, with new fresh eyes. Life is not easy for a child either.
So much, expectations upon them, and they don't know how... to just be perfect.
But it is we Adults.... that can choose... how to react to them.
So that, they feel comforted and so they KNOW, we are their soft place to fall... when they need us.

Tell your Husband.. you need time to yourself and are going BONKERS.
ANY human, and a Mom, NEEDS that.
It is a necessity.

Have your own hobbies or something too.
See a friend and just hang out.
THINK of things... to make yourself feel better.

Your HUSBAND HAS TO HELP IN THE HOUSE TOO AND WITH THE KIDS.
Make a "Daddy Do-List" for him... for the things HE needs to do, in the house and for the kids, TOO, every darn day.
It is only, fair.

The Husband can do EVERYTHING a woman/Mom does... except breastfeed.

Tell your Husband, that in order to feel happy and relaxed, HE has to HELP TOO.
It is only, fair.
He's a PART of the home too and is a parent, TOO.
Not only you.
TELL him you are BURNT-OUT.

Explain to your Eldest, it is NOT HER FAULT. But that Mommy just gets stressed sometimes and you are sorry..... then hug her.
That is what I do with my kids... when "I" am... not myself or am PMS'ing and in a bad mood.
It is NOT the child's fault.

Sounds like you need a good old fashioned "break" to me. Life's a grind. It's easy to get caught on the hamster wheel. Go get a coffee or something on the weekend--alone--with a book. Two hours alone will feel like a cruise to the Bahamas!

The disconnect you feel sounds like post partum depression and that is especially bad for the newborn. The infant needs happy stimulation and connection with the mother. Please get it checked out ASAP with your doctor before you assume you will get better over time. The other posts have lots of good suggestions for after the meds kick in, which is usually 6-8 weeks.

i have a mood disorder and without my meds, i can fly off the handle, get super ticked off over every little thing. i take medication, 1 pill a day, and i'm fine.

get on zoloft, my friends swear by it....and yes they took zoloft while nursing......i wish i had taken it when i had my 4th & my husband was working 14 hours a day, 6 days a week

also your husband needs to step up but the zoloft will help you deal with him too

This is sad to hear. It sounds like you need some time and/or rest. What does your husband do to help? The other thing you could try is a little daily gratitude journal, writing down 3-4 each day you are grateful for. When you find yourself losing your cool with your 4yr old, think of your gratitude list. You could be extra emotional/hormonal too because you just had a baby and you are nursing. Try a count-to-ten before responding to your 4 year old too but whatever you do, do something because you should not feel this unhappy. It sounds like you have a lot to be grateful for.

You do sound a little depressed. Talk to your doctor about it and consider medication. When my kids were young I had PMS. Meds made me nice and content again.

Another way to go is to really pump up your supplementation, nutrition and exercise.

You have a 5 month old........ this is not so weird, but there are things that can make it better if you are willing.