I Cannot Believe She Did This!!

I am friends with many people I would not want as babysitters. She screwed up, she knows she screwed up, and she is trying to make amends for it.
I would maintain the friendship and just not ask her to babysit anymore.

You were right to be mad. No one should let a 4 year old be unsupervised by a lake.

As you and everyone else says, cross her off the sitter list. As far as the friendship goes, you should keep it but you might always think of her a little differently now. But you can still be friends. I have a long time friend who did something really weird once with one of her own kids (I won't write what it is because it's so unusual that she'd recognize herself if she happened to read this), and it was so strange and wrong (nothing illegal, just bizarre) that I've never thought of her the same way since. She's still a friend, but not the same way.

Anyway, friendships do change and evolve, even after 25 years.

I would take 10 deep breaths, call my friend and apologize to her. Promise to next time send him to their house wearing a life vest. And then sign my kid up for swimming lessons starting immediately.

Kids can and have drowned with their parents right next to them, then others have fallen from 11 story windows and fully recovered. Driving while in tears was as dangerous to his safety as him playing on the dock.

If I freaked out about everything that "could have" happened to my kids, I'd be a basket case by now. Surprisingly, they have lived to be 32, 29, and 12 with all the dangers that exist in our everyday lives.

I don't understand why you would leave him there in the first place if you knew there was easy, unfenced access to a body of water. Even if your friend had been vigilant it only takes a second for a wily child to slip away when your back is turned for a moment.

I think you bear responsibility here as well. Obviously you were aware of the potential risks, but you still chose to leave him there.

Wow, you are way over reacting. I understand you were scared and that caused your initial reaction, but once you realized he was in fact perfectly safe and sound you should have been able to let this go. Why are you so determined to hold on to this anger? She made a mistake, she called to apologize AGAIN, and you just went on and on about her almost killing your son? If you end this friendship over this then IMO you were not a very good friend to begin with. If I was her I would certainly never offer to watch your kids again.

No one was hurt, let it go.

You are right to be angry and upset. My advice, ditch her babysitting duties, but keep the friendship. People make mistakes. If she is truly your very good friend, you will get over it. Everything is ok. You need to let it go.

I do have to say, now don't get angry, if I had a 4 year old who couldn't swim, I wouldn't have picked a person with a lake and older kids to watch my son. I would certainly go over to a friends home on a lake and supervise my own kid there, but wouldn't leave him there without me being there. Kids can drown so easily - even when adults are right there at the pool or lake.

"I am just worried that our friendship will never go back to the way it was."

Well, the ball is in your court. Here's the thing. You're beating her over the head repeatedly. You've already balled her out. You've already told her repeatedly that you aren't ready to talk to her. To be honest, if you cannot actually forgive her, do HER the favor and drop the friendship. If you're going to continually punish her by not really being her friend anymore, by being cold and unforgiving in manner, than leave her alone.

Yes, she screwed up. She is trying to make amends. You've already said she will never watch your kids again. If that's not good enough, than the rest is on YOU.

Instead of deciding you're going to "talk" to her, DON'T. You've done enough talking. If you think that you've never done ANYTHING that upset someone (and no, I'm not talking about allowing a child to be in a dangerous situation), then you're probably unusual. No more lectures. Send her a note and tell her that you love her and hope that you two will be okay and that you'd like to see her at your house. Quite frankly, if you can't throw her a bone of SOME kind, at some point she should stop groveling and not try anymore with you. Continuing to beat her up over this means that you have too much power in the relationship and she would be smart to pull out of it, rather than letting you hang this over her head.

I hope that you can figure out that everyone is human, and throwing away a 25 year friendship is something that will cost YOU too...

ETA: You have an autistic child and left him with someone who doesn't have one herself? I agree with Swim Sally here, you hold some responsibility as well here. I'm sorry. If you know your child CANNOT swim and your friend lives ON A LAKE that is NOT FENCED or protected? You are partially to blame as well.

Yes, she was dumb as Leigh said. I doubt VERY SERIOUSLY she will EVER make that mistake again with ANYONE's child.

S.,

I don't read ahead so if I repeat sorry.

First off - your son needs swimming lessons - TODAY!!!

Second - you need to breathe. I think you are totally OVER REACTING...I get that you were scared. I get that your child COULD have died. He didn't.

Third - She has stepped up and taken full responsibility. How many times are you going to bash her about it? do you NOT think she's "learned her lesson"???

Forth - at four years old - your son SHOULD be able to listen and follow directions.

What would I do? I would take into account 25 years of a friendship, the fact that she has owned up and taken responsibility and forgive her. And LET IT GO...you have already resolved that she will never watch your child or children again. Let it go.

Breathe. Let it go. Learn from it. Be thankful nothing happened.

One of the things I have learned from being a mom for 20 years is to separate my friendships from my kids.

Yes, it's easy to intertwine both and it happens frequently (and has with me too). But ideally I like to keep the two worlds a little more distinct. That makes it easier to be objective and to be less vulnerable to major schisms in your life.

She is probably more "laid back" than you (not that I am justifying her behavior which I think was very dangerous). But she did recognize her wrong and apologize. She didn't try to defend her actions to you, which says alot.

You are interpreting her behavior as not caring about YOU and your feelings as a mom, as well as your son's safety. And yes those feelings are very important. All I'm suggesting is that her actions (or lack of action) may not have meant the same thing to her.

Again, I'm not defending her actions and I would have been extremely upset too. But given her sincere apology and remorse I would be inclined to give this some time before writing her off as a friend. No, I would not allow anymore baby-sitting either.

Man....I make mistakes all the time with my kids.
That's why they are called "mistakes" not "on purposes"
Your friend of 25 YEARS obviously knows she made a mistake. Don't hold that against her. That's not what a real friend would do.
Forgive her.
L.

I would thank God that nothing happened and let it go. She said she is sorry and took full responsibility. Time to accept her apology and move on.

Ok she knows how you feel, she knows she made a mistake. She apologized. You lost it on her. Apologize for that. They were ok. I would not end a friendship because of this. Really. Maybe it just does not mean much to you. If it does not then end it. 25 years is a long friendship to throw away. Kids drown when parents are there. If you live by water your kids should know how to swim. I would do that first thing.

I totally understand why you are so upset & angry.
She's your friend but obviously not the best choice if babysitters.
You know this now.
When we know better, we do better.
Think if it this way: a valuable lesson learned that *might* just prevent a serious tragedy in the future.

Now that you know about her judgement with childcare, you know not to expect her to act in an acceptable way in that situation in the future.
And IF you place your child in her care again? Expect the same.

In short: keep the friendship and cross her off of the sitter list!

Mommy of 1 put it perfectly! Keep the friendship..people make mistakes. I have some very good friends in my life who I would never have watch my daughter because I don't care for their parenting style. Doesn't make them bad people. Your friend sounds genuinely sorry for disregarding your directive. Forgive her and move on!

Water is a magnet to kids.
That's why people with pools need fences and alarms around them.
Even people who know how to swim make mistakes, swim alone, hit their heads, get a cramp, get pulled out to sea in a rip tide, etc - water can be a major hazard.
Your friend should have kept a better eye on your kids but made a mistake.
Could it have gone horribly wrong? - yeah, it might have.
But everyone came out unscathed this time.
Sign your kids up for swimming lessons this summer.
Don't let your friend babysit till the kids are way older - but take a big breath and forgive her.
Your son wandered where he shouldn't have along with all the other kids.
She thought they'd stay in the yard - she told them to - and they didn't.
The young do not always do what they are told.
This is something to learn from, but it's not something to end such a long standing friendship.
If this is the only panic you ever have in your whole time as a mother, count yourself lucky - and move on.

I have to agree with everyone on this. She sounded super sincere when apologizing to you and 25 years is a lot to throw away. Take some time to cool off and chat with her.
I will say this as well, sign those kiddos up for swimming lessons. So important.
You sound like you really love your friend and she sounds like she really loves you. I hope it works out.
Many many blessings

Now that you've vented all over the place, sit down and take a few deep breaths.

The woman was badly mistaken to let the children - including your son - go to the lake unsupervised after she agreed not to. My confidence in her would be damaged, as yours is. She blew it. She said so. She would have done better to say to her own kids, "Bobby's mother has asked me not to let him play by the lake without my being there, and right now I can't do that. So, until I can, you all need to play in the front yard" (or wherever).

If she had been a hired sitter - an employee and not a friend - you would have fired her, never hired her again, and not given her a good reference. This is the way you see your friend right now, by the way.

You can find other places for your child to stay, other people to take care of him. There probably isn't any trouble with that.

Right now you have another problem. You do not want to forgive your friend. You want her to be an enemy. You can end the friendship and be bitter at her forever, if you like. She will get over it. Your son - who, thankfully, did not suffer any harm - will have forgotten the incident by the end of the summer, if not before. You won't. The bitterness will always be inside you, and it will pop out at odd times, directed at various other people - who won't know why you're popping your cork at them.

So it's your call. Meanwhile, there may be other friends with lakes. There are definitely other people who make mistakes. It's time for your son to start learning how to handle himself if he falls into the water. Please investigate today to see if there's a certified pre-swimming water safety teacher in your area.

I would forgive her and not have her babysit again.

I live by a body of water. My kids have had water safety drilled into them and we still bring it up on a regular basis. They know they don't go near the water without permission. Even so, the youngest one isn't allowed outside by herself. Chances are your friend, like she said, made a bad judgement call and forgot that not all children are used to living near water. I don't let young children unattended in my yard because of the water but I could see how someone could easily just send kids out to play thinking 'stay in the yard' is something those children will obey especially if she has been vigilant with water rules and safety with her own children.

It sounds like you have different expectations of children. "He is four years old and not going to listen to you" is not my expectation of a four year old, or my experience.

I don't blame you for being mad. I would be too. But is this really worth losing 25 years of friendship? This is coming from someone who lost a friendship of 22 years, and regrets it...

I would let her know you need some time to cool off. take that time, and try to forgive her for her mistake... Then get in touch with her and resume your friendship. Forgiving her for this mistake doesn't mean you will let her watch your kids again, just that you aren't willing to let that one mistake flush 25 years of history down the drain. Believe me, once the anger is gone all you will have is the pain of the loss of a friend.

S., sweetheart, your feelings are justified – to a point. Beyond that point they are simply harmful, to you, to your friend, and possibly even to your son's future developmental opportunities. You have choices: give them some time to settle (or to take permanent root), or work with them and help heal the situation. Your son COULD have drowned. Your son did NOT drown. Your job now is to work on your end of this.

Yes, your friend broke a promise. She was wrong, and fate allowed this to be one of the billions of mistakes that humans make daily that turns out okay. Is it possible you are redirecting some anger toward yourself for putting your child in this potentially dangerous situation? Really, so many drownings happen with the parent nearby; there is simply no way to guarantee a child's total safety in the water unless you are physically watching and within reach at every moment. So a reliable fence separating kids from water is critical.

There has been an alarming trend in newscasting lately that focuses more and more on the raw feelings of people suffering loss or uncertainty. Feelings inform us, and we are only half human without them. But that's only half the story, right? We are only half human when we ignore our advanced abilities to reason, and allow ourselves to be run by unexamined feelings. Look at the terrible things people do to each other when they allow their feelings to drive them, unchecked by a look at the larger picture.

So feel what you need to feel. Please don't let it take over and become your base of operations into the future. If the "what ifs" continue to plague you, and they are a plague that saps the sweetness from life, you might want to google The Work by Byron Katie. Good stuff for investigating and altering the influences that control our thinking. (And although Katie has her following, this is not a "cult." She's actually just updating the important thoughts of some classical philosophers.)

My daughter had just started walking pretty well and I was with her in the backyard. She started to fall and although I was right there with her, she fell into the deck and chipped her tooth. On another occasion she did a magnificent Houdini act and got out of her stroller (straps and all) and was on her way out of the store into a HUGE mall at the ripe age of 15 months. Had there not been a mom with her new baby at the doorway that she stopped to look at, I don't know what the outcome would've been. I've thanked God for that mom and new baby many times. My daughter is a go getter and although I do my best to look out for her (now 15), I also realize there is only so much in my control (and as I age I realize it is less and less). On my watch my son has had stitches a couple of times and various other accidents. I am very diligent in watching my kids and in spite of that these things happened.

I can understand your anger. I can understand your being scared. The bottom line is yes, it could've ended differently BUT IT DIDN'T. I cannot understand your inability to accept a sincere apology from a "bestie" that you've known for 25 years. If you can't get past this, and I mean REALLY get past this, then you need to end the friendship, more for her sake than yours. In my opinion, that is tragic on so many levels. Last time I checked none of us walk on water. Please be very careful how you handle this. In my experience, my level of forgiveness or not, has come back to me eventually.

Blessings!
L.

I think you need to relax. My Mom let fear rule her life. She was afraid of everything. Afraid of the water because she never learned to swim. Afraid to pass a bycicle on the street because she never learned to ride a bike. FEAR ran her life.
In this case swimming lessons could help or hurt the situation. If a child knows they can't swim they will be more cautious around pools and lakes. If he thinks because he can swim he can keep up with kids who live by a lake he could drown trying to keep up. My aunt had a house on the lake, my cousins swam like fish when we were kids. My brother and I could swim but nearly as well as my cousins. We knew if they dove in and decided to swim to a distant landmark, we should just stay and watch. They could make it we couldn't.
Swim lessons are important but water safety is more important. My cousins were required to have life jackets while out fishing and water skiing. If something happened they could probably have swimmed to shore but even in the most experienced swimmer cramps can happen, fatigue can set in and the person could drown.
Talk to your friend and take you son out to the lake, have someone watch your other kids and you, your friend, and your son go to the dock the kids were playing on. Get into the water and see how deep the the water is right there. Can you touch bottom? Show your son if he falls in all he needs to do is stand up and he can get out. Explain to him how to get out of the water. You might want to invest in a life vest for him to wear while out by the lake until he is a good swimmer. If he falls in he can kick to shore and get out. He can also yell for help.

I would be upset that she was negligent (and she was negligent). However, I wouldn't let it end our friendship. I'm sure she has learned her lesson and it probably scared the mess out of her. She can only say she's sorry and learn from it, so no need to keep punishing her. And I would probably never let her watch my child again, not at least until he is older.
I would then take a similar lesson from this and get swim lessons started for my child. It's just one of those life skills you can never start too soon. I'm not chastising you at all as I would never, ever let my child swim or play around water unsupervised- even if they were the most capable swimmer. But, I have grown friends who cannot swim. Their response? No one ever taught me. Blows my mind.

You have every right to be angry and hurt at your friend. Now with that being said, she's your friend and you should forgive her. She didn't make excuses, she admitted she made a mistake, one she'll NEVER make again. I don't think you should end your friendship, just never let her watch your children.

I do think it's good for you to have vented, your allowing your emotions out, but I do feel forgiveness is needed and after you allowed some time, mend your friendship again.

Praying for both of you.

Yes, I think she should have kept a closer eye on your child, he is only 4, that's very little. I agree that she's not a suitable person to babysit for your child, especially after you warned her that he can't swim and were very clear that you didn't want her near the water.

However, she lives on the water. Her kids must understand the rules about that, so she's casual about it. She may come to regret that at some point, or hopefully not. But the fact that he's four years old and he won't listen, that's not necessarily everyone's experience and expectation. A four year old who won't listen to an adult in charge is a problem, and maybe cannot be left with a sitter. Perhaps your friend is accustomed to children who obey adult authority and doesn't need to supervise her children as closely.

I hope that you are able to forgive your friend and move on, leaving babysitting out of the future of your friendship.

It sounds like, to me, that you already knew she let her kids go and play by the water. You already knew this would happen. Lapse in your judgement is what I think.

The better thing in this instance would have been for you to ask her to come watch your kiddo at your house or you should have picked a friend who doesn't have a lake in their backyard where all the kids play.

That's too much temptation for any kid. I would have put a life jacket on my kiddo that doesn't swim and told him to not take it off for any reason except poop and that my friend was the only one that could refasten it.

Good for you for confronting her and telling her you need time.

You're right. If you forgive her, you have to mean it. She did a terrible thing and she knows it. Things could have turned tragic. So, you can really let that go, or you can't.

So. Take the time you need. And even if you FORGIVE her, it does not mean you ever have to leave your son with her again, and I wouldn't.

Honestly, you specifically told her he could not swim and you didn't want him unsupervised by the lake and she didn't give a darn. That's CRAZY. I can see if she didn't realize he couldn't swim and she just wasn't thinking (which would have been bad enough..) but to defy you and let him do that. WOW.

So. If she's a nice, good person you want in your life, let it go, forgive her, but don't let her babysit again.

Ditto Doris Day, do NOT say you forgive her and try to still be her friend, but KEEP resenting her. You'd both be better served to just move on rather than have that in the air. People have moved into forgiveness from accidents that really happened..so it CAN be done, but just be honest with whatever you are capable of forgiving.

I would watch saying to people she is "not worthy of watching your children". I agree you should have been really mad but that sounds over the top. She was doing you a favor. So if you take a step back, can you acknowledge that and that she made a mistake or now you really see her as a totally "unworthy" person? You know if she's a flake in which case you shouldn't have left him to begin with or she's a good person and mother and made a mistake. After 25 years it's probably that she's a good person and with time then this will likely fade. You may not have her babysit again but she also didn't hit your child or something outright mean that should change your opinion forever.

I was just about to write an answer to this when I read your So What Happened? I didn't realize you also had an autistic child and a four year old is definitely still on my list of those to watch very carefully, but maybe just a moment away from the children was bad timing.And forgive forgive...we have all made mistakes/ and you mention your autistic child-if she has watched your autistic child ever that is a great blessing.
Having worked with autistic children and having taken seminars on this, I commend your friend for actually taking care of them. It is oftentimes high risk to do so, hence why we have been trained.And each is different. Quite frankly I am glad you want to remain friends with her. That is a special gift for you i.e. in both friendship and her willingness to care for your children Now that you had this happen, if she is willing to watch your child again bless her up and down and all over the place. I am sure this won't happen again. And you are right to get him swim lessons. It might bring a lot of joy into his life.

i too would have been very upset and made it clear.
i probably would not have ridden the righteous anger bandwagon and wallowed in it quite to this degree.
i would imagine this friendship is kaput.
khairete
S.

That sucks and I don't blame you for being angry. I'm way more careful with friends' kids than my own... :) You've gotten good advice. Maybe I'd just add to try and remember she didn't mean to do anything to hurt you as a person/friend. ie: talk behind your back etc. She was a bad babysitter. Babysitter vs friend... Hard to separate but given she is so apologetic, try to. I'd tell her your friendship will be ok but you were so incredibly rattled you just need a few days to get over it.

I can totally understand why you are so upset. She basically put her 8 yr old in charge of watching your 4 yr old. That's not cool. But as humans we sometimes make mistakes and I think that's what your friend did. She made a mistake by trusting the kids would stay in the yard.

So no she doesn't get to watch your children anymore and that's ok. But I wouldn't end the friendship over something like this. She knows she was wrong. She's already called to let you know how truly sorry she is. There's nothing more she can do. The ball is in your court so decide what you want and let her know. Don't keep her on the hook and keep reminding her of how she screwed up. Forgive her and move on with your friendship or tell her you can't move past it and let it be done.

"He is four years old and not going to listen to you" - sounds like you unintentionally set her up to fail. (which means you owe her an apology) Why would he not listen to her?

When my kids had sitters (family or otherwise), they knew they had to listen to the one in charge. One of the most *shocking* compliments I got was from my ex-mil -- guess she thought my kids would be the "typical" single parent kids - NOT, she was amazed that they behaved and listened! (one would have been 4 then)

I agree totally w your response to her.
I would need to know more about what your friendship looked like these last few yrs. I don't have any friends that I've known that long. I feel very close to a few people but they Have different roles. Work friends for coffee.work friends who would cover anything for me. Mom friends for playmates. Mom friends for committees and adult stuff. Army friends for kids and husbands. If she can still fit in a role for u. Give her a hug and think of the good things about her.

I have held back responding on this because I am conflicted. I do not think that you have overreacted at all. There is nothing more precious to a mother than her children. This wasn't even an oversight on her part...she knew exactly what your boundaries were with your child...you stated them up front. If she was unable or unwilling to keep your child away from the dock, then she should not have agreed to watch your child.

I would feel exactly as you do...I would feel betrayed. It is great that she immediately owned up to her mistake. That is something, but honestly I would have a hard time feeling the same way about her. I think the dynamic of the friendship needs to change.

I lost a friend many years ago. She did something that deeply hurt my feelings when I was pregnant with my first child...although nothing as extreme as what happened here. I took some time away from her and we eventually reconciled... although I simply never felt the same way about her. I really tried, but I just could not move past what she did. When she married, her viewpoints on things became very radical and completely opposite of what they were when we met in college. She was simply not the same person and we drifted apart. I found that when I stopped making any effort to contact her, she made no effort to contact me. I realized that our friendship had become largely one-sided. This was 6 years ago and I still regret how things happened and I still miss her.

Yeah...she screwed up and she admitted it. No way would she ever babysit my kids again. But think long and hard before you completely write her off.. you might regret it later. Maybe she is just the friend that you get together and have coffee with or go see a movie.

Someone said you over reacted. NOPE! No you didn't! I would have had the exact same reaction as you! To think that one of my besties could have been responsible for the death of my child is a dealbreaker, for sure.

I know she gave you a sincere apology and took full responsibility, however, in my opinion, sometimes that is just not enough - as in this case. She could have KILLED your son, and even though it would have been unintentional, that is still completely unacceptable!

I don't know how any friendship could get past this. If I were in your shoes, I would either call her or text her (probably text, b/c I wouldn't want to have a possible altercation), explaining to her that she could have been responsible for the death of your son, which is a dealbreaker for you. Tell her you will always cherish your 25 year friendship, and will be nice and civil if you ever bump into her, but that your close friendship is over.

Did you not know what a dumb flake she is? She sounds very young - and definitely not mother material! People change, people grow apart. This is one of those times. It's time to end this friendship and move on. You can mourn the loss of your friendship if you need to, and then move on without her (as long as you let the anger go). Definitely let the anger go, but move on without her. So sorry this happened!!!! Best wishes.

You took an autistic child to a home of a long time friend who lives on a lake and gave her your rules?

I don't know the whole story, however, from where I'm sitting? You need to take 50% of the blame for this.

You took your son to a home where the water/lake normal for them. They know their rules. Your son does not. Yes, your friend should have supervised more.

Nothing bad happened. Yes, something bad could have happened. It didn't. Thank your lucky stars nothing did.

I would talk to her and apologize for losing it as I had culpability in the situation as well. I would tell her that I'm not going to lose 25 years of a friendship over this. I will tell her that she won't be caring for my children again. Then move on.

You were NOT overreacting. Not only did she directly violate what you clearly told her before the babysitting, she is dumb enough to let her own two kids roam unattended near a lake. Dumb, yes, I said it. Four kids and teens have drowned in our area in the past two weeks. Warm weather, kids, water, lack of supervision. It does happen, every single day.

Swimming lessons will not necessarily help. Yes, he should have them. But they can make kids overconfident and parents (and sitters) overconfident that kids can cope in the water. Many kids have lessons but still panic in water that they can't stand up in -- and they'll drown, lessons or not. Lessons ARE important and do get them, but do not depend on them to save him if he gets out of his depth, or panics, or is playing near water and falls in suddenly.

This is from the Centers for Disease Control:
Children ages 1 to 4 have the highest drowning rates. In 2009, among children 1 to 4 years old who died from an unintentional injury, more than 30% died from drowning.1,2 Among children ages 1 to 4, most drownings occur in home swimming pools.2 Drowning is responsible for more deaths among children 1-4 than any other cause except congenital anomalies (birth defects).1 Among those 1-14, fatal drowning remains the second-leading cause of unintentional injury-related death behind motor vehicle crashes."

If you like her as an adult friend, see her as an adult friend only -- no more play dates with all the kids and without question, never, ever let her babysit again even when your child is older. If she won't corral her own eight-year-old near water, when the kids are all older, she will feel even more relaxed about letting them "play on their own" -- and it might not be near water or near the busy road but at the mall or at the house of some random neighbor YOU do not know at all.

I would never speak of this again to her but -- IF I could get past the breach of trust and really did like her as a person, just not as a parent -- I might see her for coffee when the kids are all in school and preschool. But family play dates, or sitting? No, never.

I don't think you overreacted; I'm the same way around water with my kids, and they're both excellent swimmers. My in laws have a pool in their backyard, and I have observed that they do not watch children around the water as closely as I do. There are too many drownings every year to mess around with water, and I always watch my children like a hawk. That said, I have also drilled it into my children since they were toddlers that they do not go near a pool, lake, etc. without a responsible adult nearby and watching them. I have also explained to them who in our family is a responsible adult and who is not. :) I don't think that four years old is too young to know your rules about water, and I think it's important to explain the dangers early. I don't mean to scare him with horror stories, but there are ways to explain it to him appropriately. My 13 year old's friends laugh when I make them get out of the pool for 2 minutes while I use the restroom, but I'd rather be safe than sorry!