I Don't Know If I Want More Kids...But He Seems To.

I agree with Laura.
You have to get it out there.
He deserves to know the truth, that you're unsure, but leaning toward "done," so that he can act accordingly and make the decisions he needs to with his eyes wide open, right?
It might be fine with him...or it might be a deal breaker.
I just think honesty, the sooner the better, is probably the best approach.

I also think it's refreshing to hear your sensible dating philosophy--smart Mama!

You need to have this conversation ASAP. It is not fair to lead him on when you are not completely on board with this idea. You have some very valid concerns, especially the deployment possibility. What are his thoughts on that? Maybe he will expect you to leave the military and find a job "closer to home" or be a SAHM. You need to know what he is envisioning and be honest about what your vision is. If you encounter a "deal breaker" it is better to know now than to invest more time and love in this man only to have it surface just before the wedding (or worse yet, just after). If you really care for this man you will speak up and be honest.

Just another thought. If you do decide to have a child, no guarantees it will be a girl. How important is that to him? If you have a boy will he want to "try again" hoping for a girl? Would you consider adoption? If you adopt an older child (2 or older) you skip a lot of the "baby" stuff, can get a girl, and provide a loving home to a child that needs one. Or is he set on having a biological child?

Well, for one, there's no gaureentee he will EVER get a baby girl for starters, even if you do have his babies.

You guys aren't even serious enough for you to have him meet your kids, so he can't even possibly know what a house of children is like with you. Now, my husband and I were discussing these things on our second date, b/c we really wanted to know each other's life plans.

Just tell him up front, "You know, I really don't know if I want to have more children for a variety of reasons." Then tell him the reasons. Tell him you MAY be open to it later, but that you really can't make any promises.

Really, he waited this long to settle and start a family, so don't feel bad about that. Also, he deserves to know the truth. Having biological children could be very, very important to him and may even be a deal breaker. He deserves to know what he's walking into. He may be willing to give up that dream for you, or it may be something he could resent you for later in life if he does give it up for you. He may choose to break up... really you need to be honest with him and communicate openly and freely.

You're not selfish, it's where you are in life. And he is in a different place. But DON'T let it go unsaid, or "we'll see". This falls into the category of 'deal breakers' in my opinion. You have very good justifications for not wanting any more children and you don't owe anyone an explanation nor are you obligated to change your stance. Like I said, this needs to be cleared up before the two of you go any further because I promise you it will become a point of contention down the road.
As far as expressing it to him, simply state what you have stated here. If you're not on the same page, you're not on the same page...... Good Luck.

I agree with Laura. 4 months is very young in a relationship. These things need to be discussed, before your relationship gets very serious, and very real emotions (The serious ones, not the I care about him, and new feelings. This is still in the new stage.)
You know, it may scare him away. I'm sorry to say that. (And, it may not.) Hoover, if it does...this relationship is not meant to be. Better now, then down the road. If he wants or feels he needs children, then he may need to find a woman on the same page. That should be figured out, before you are very committed and your children are involved. Meaning, now.

You have to be smart and prepared. Four months is not enough time to know if he is the one and most importantly to talk about babies :) having a baby should be a mutual decision not his. Now your kids are more independent you should prioritize "you" now it's "mommy" time. enjoy your relationship, I hope things work out for both of you.

Be honest. Tell him you think he wants kids and that's not something you want to deny him, but that fatherhood for him is unlikely with YOU. If you aren't honest about this Big Thing, then you don't have the foundation a long-term relationship needs. Give him the chance to know what's really on your heart, even if he chooses to find someone else.

I started out being a stepmom and was fine with that...but then I wasn't and it was a very hard time til DH came around and decided to have another child. Right now he doesn't want more kids and I do, so you really, really, really, really need to be on the same side of the fence or no matter how nice you think the other person is, they aren't a good fit.

My DD was born when her father was 46 so he has time if he still wants to be a dad, IMO.

Bottom line is that if having children is a "deal breaker" thing for him and YOU DO NOT want more children (for sure), then you need to come out and tell him that. You don't want to get married, buy a house, and start a life together only to have it ended sadly in the coming years.

If you're on the fence, be honest about that too. You're not being selfish. You're being honest. There's a difference. After some conversation you may find yourselves in a different mindset about a lot of things.

PS- you're only 32. I'm 32 and pregnant with my 2nd. That is a big age-gap, but lots of families do it successfully. Diapers and formula last for a couple of years... just some things to think about!

Good luck!

a) you are not a selfish witch AT ALL. Your concerns are valid, and honest. They're your concerns!
b) no matter what, you do not want to get married to him without fully resolving this. If it gets to that stage, you and he need to talk it out and completely decide.
c) you are still young, alot can happen.

Be honest, share your feelings. Write them down if you like. Have a discussion...share what you said here to him!

I don't think I would come out of the blue and make a pronouncement regarding it, but when it comes up again (and if it seems to be taking awhile to come up -you can make it come up -like the next time you see a cute baby and you're together), you may want to say something a little more definite like, "Ahhh, my baby years are all done!" or "I love babies, but quite honestly I'm so glad to be over those intensive care years with my kids," or "I can't see myself ever having another baby." In the right tone, those statements convey the message and could possible open the dialogue up so you can further explain your reasons (which are excellent!). Who knows -he may just let it go! IF it's a true deal-breaker for him, then it's much better to go ahead and get it on the table soon than wait and wait. Good luck with everything!

I know I'm late in answering but hopefully this can help you with your decision. I read that one of your concerns was about the age differences with your sons and a new baby. I've been through that. I raised my son by myself for 13 years. I met my husband and we had 2 children together. My kids ages are 23, 8 and 7. I feel like since I'm older now, I have more patience and I'm not as strict as I was when it was just my son and I. I think it's because I had another person to parent with so it wasn't so overwhelming. My younger kids adore their big brother, in their eyes he can do no wrong! And my oldest does eat that up! He gets a taste of what it is to be a parent without being one until he's ready. And the younger kids have a grown up to talk to but who isn't really a grown up, you know??? I dont know what the future holds for you and your boyfriend, I just wanted to let you know my experience and hopefully that will help you. And seriously, he talks about wanting a baby girl but when it actually happens, he will be happy with a boy or a girl! Good luck!