I Don't Want to Kiss Your Baby...

I actually dealt with this same type of thing. After indirectly and directly saying things, I had to tell my home daycare provider in private that I did not want my child kissing on the lips. I shared that on a personal level I had uncomfortable experiences with HAVING to kiss family members on the lips when I was growing up and that I never want my child to be in the same position. Plus, too many illnesses (including things like cold sores) can be spread in this manner. When I talked to her privately and directly, it worked. I was embarrassed at first, but I KNEW I had to be strong for MY child. When my child is grown and can ask me, I want her to know I did all I could to protect her. She can't "fight" for herself right now. ONE time after this talk, a kiss on the lips happened right in front of me, and I said something again. It was hard, but it worked. I haven't had a problem since. Good luck!

I don't blame you. Not every person wants to kiss. It's cute, and that may be why the mom likes her child to do this, but if it's affection that she's teaching her child, then a hug would be more appropriate. My Friend, years ago, taught me that lesson with my granddaughter when she was about 9 mths old. She told me because of the germs, that relatives kissing on the lips was ok but not strangers (friends). If you did kiss a baby or older child then on the cheek was better. It's ok to tell her so. With tenderness, in case she is sensitive, avoiding her would cause problems later. Better to solve the problem now before it becomes too much of a problem. Hope this helps. C.

Calmly pull out a clean Kleenex, wipe his nose good, and kiss him if he still wants one.

If nothing else his nose is clean at least for a minute.

An easy way to get around it and get your point across at the same time is to wait for her to do it again. When he child comes up to you tell him, "I don't really like kisses, but I love to give Hi-5's" (enter excitement here) Then tell him to give your daughter a Hi-5 too. The poor kid probably doesn't really like kissing strangers anyway. Then his mother has been made aware that you don't like kisses and she should (with any common sense) not ask you again. Unfortunately most people don't see that their kids aren't as cute to other people as they are to them.

There is no reason to feel bad. I adore my children (most days) but I really don't care for other peoples kids that much. I am good and kind to them, but I don't want to kiss them or change their diapers.

If you have brought it up with your daycare provider and nothing has been done then I would start looking elsewhere. If she can't handle a situation like this then what other situations are going unspoken? This is not only a health concern, but it is inappropriate as well.

Good luck :0)

I would just give him a hug or kiss him on the head or cheek and just be honest that you don't feel comfortable kissing on the lips if you feel the need to explain. I don't see her as being rude. I would say she's oblivious, but her intentions are not to put anyone out. She's just trying to teach her son to be affectionate and caring. I understand your discomfort to a degree, about not wanting to kiss snotty lips. That would gross me out too, but if you have trouble with being affectionate at all with a sweet child (like refusing to even hug him) then I think you need to try to be a little more tender and empathetic. Make sure you are separating him from his mom, and dont take out your annoyance with his mother by rejecting him. He's just a sweet child.

Well, I have to hurry on this one, since nap time is nearing an end. However, I have a daycare and we do NOT kiss on the face. Plain and simple. When each child leaves my care we blow kisses. We have a little song we even sing about blowing kisses and it makes it so much fun. I would just start blowing kisses to the child and teaching your daughter to do the same. I think if you approach it this way, feelings will not be hurt. Give it a try for a few days and if things don't improve be insistent with your provider that she needs to speak to this mother. Best wishes!

I totally agree with you and what the other advice has been. The next time I would just say "No thank you" or "you don't need to kiss me" If the mom is insistant than I would throw in something about "save all those kisses for your own Mommy, I get plenty from my own kids." Good luck!

No! You are NOT being silly! That is gross and germy! Just politely say no thank you....

I know you're trying to justify for the great care your child is receiving by keeping your daughter in this daycare, but I've got news for you...if this daycare provider hasn't said anything (especially after your request)to the inconsiderate parent of this germ infested co-pupil, then she doesn't only "not care" for this particular situation. Get your child out of there as soon as you can arrange for another sitter...for your childs benifit, not yours.

I totally agree with Michelle. For me it has alot to do with boundaries and making sure that the other child is showing affection when they are comfortable, not because they are forced. Of course we don't want to share germs and children aren't experts at keeping clean as we all know. When I pick up my daughter at daycare I say hi to the other children, but that's it. And some of the kids come right up looking for affection. There's a way to acknowledge them without being physical or offensive. I am curious as to whether or not the other parents are thinking the way you are but aren't speaking up. Obviously from the comments listed here, you are not out of line.

Ick! I hate it when kids with goo running down their faces try to smooch you! Blech! (Imagine a little shiver right about now).

First, I'm not saying lies are ok, but maybe in this case a little white lie might resolve this situation. I think direct confrontation will cause a lot of trouble - people get real defensive over their kids and how they are doing as parents (not saying it's wrong - just pointing out fact).

So, what if you say "Gee, I think (your child's name) is catching a cold, and I wouldn't want her to spread it to your son. Maybe we could just blow kisses." And just use that as a stepping stone. Then, if Mom or her son feel the need for bye kisses, they can be blown.

I have a 2 year old. When she says she wants to smooch someone, we blow kisses. If we are leaving, I will ask if she wants to blow kisses to (insert name here). I'm not as worried about germs as I am the invasion of personal space. (I seem to be a bit older than most moms on this site, and grew up with a mother who didn't freak about dirt and germs - and I seem to have adopted her attitude.)

I'm ususally a very direct person who is not at all bothered by confrontation, but I have the tendency to put myself in others' shoes and think how I would feel. And, in this case I can't say that confrontation is best. That's why I suggest the little lie - sorry.

My advice is that when this child comes up to your children say, okay give them your cheek, turn so that so and so can give you a kiss. Also let your child know to turn their head for a kiss on the cheek. I had this happen with me and my in-laws and all their friends. I just make it a point to say okay, give them your cheek so they can give you a kiss. And then afterwards (in private or whisper)I always tell my son make sure you only give so and so a kiss on their cheek, not lips.

I hope this helps, good luck!

Hi L., I have to agree with everyone in saying that your not being silly. This is very innapropriate. I could understand if you all were family members but to be kissing all the kids and parents at the daycare! No, that's not necessary and a little wierd! I mean we as adults don't go around kissing everyone, and by making children do that they just may think that's what we all do. I would simply say "how about a hug instead" and then just turn your head and hug the child and tell your child to do the same.
Your daycare provider should say something to her. It's obviously making you uncomfortable and not to mention the possibility of making you and your family sick. Maybe you should talk to her about it again and say look I need you to do something about this!
I hope this helps! Good luck!

Oh my gosh that is so funny! I think you are completely justified in not wanting to kiss her baby. It is rude and a little weird for her to insist he kisses all of the kids and parents! What a difficult situation though. I say you very politely say that you don't think it's necessary for you to kiss him, if your daughter thinks it's fun and doesn't protest let her (and then quickly sanitize her!)
Good luck!

I agree with you, perhaps you could say just throw the whole room a kiss good bye with his hand, and wave then everyone who probably thinks the way you do but doesn't want to offend her.
Thats a sure way your child doesn't catch any colds at any time of the year.
Especially when they are always advising to keep your hands washed not to spend germs.

J. G.

I think that you have started dealing with this strange situation very well. I find that writing is more effective than verbal communication in the world today. You can refine and really think about what you are saying and it is concrete documentation. I would start with writing a letter to the daycare expressing your concerns and then possibly write one to the mother as well. In any and all cases make sure to focus on your concerns and not pointing the finger at the other parent. Say something along the lines of, "Your son is very sweet to give such affection, however I am concerned about this behavior because of health issues and the spread of germs to all involved. Why do you promote this behavior? I am asking so that I can understand your point of view."
You are the most important person in this life followed by your family. Why should you continue to be uncomfortable? Also this other mother may not have thought about some of the things that you have, like the spread of germs, the fact that it may make some individuals uncomfortable, and that it just doesn't make sense to promote this type of behavior. Even in other countries, you kiss people that are not family on the CHEEK! You could also in your letters offer a solution that you are comfortable with, like a hug or kiss on the cheek instead. Best of luck to you and I hope that this gives you a little useful info!

Aloha L.,
Well I hear your point. As for the other mom, maybe it's in her upbringing to show affection to everyone. I was born and raised in hawaii, and we do hug and kiss. Usually with the family and close friends though, Or when meeting someone for the first time that is close to your family or friend. Also our boys don't normally kiss they shake hands and a quick hug. We also don't kiss on the lips only the cheek. Having him do this at daycare is a little wierd, because not all children and parents are acustomed to that. C.

I am a daycare provider and I would say that it is your provider's responsibility to bring up issues that affect the people in her care. However, if she won't (as she hasn't), it's your family's health you're watching out for so- speak up. I know it's hard- I don't like confrontation either. But you are not being silly!

maybe when he goes to kiss you turn yor face and tell you you prefer hugs

I personally am a major stress case when it comes to anything like that with my kids! I hate when they are sick so I try to avoid it as much as I can! You have every right to say I really dont feel comfortable with your kid kissing my kids especially on the lips. If anything just have them hug. But you need to speak up if you dont like it. I would definately!

Yikes! I completely understand and sympathize with you. Though I applaud the other mothers efforts to spread love and affection, she is also spreading germs and possibly the Herpes Simplex Virus around!
Cold sores, fever blisters....call em what you want but that's what it is and that is the primary way it is transfered.

Never expose your child to a behavior that you instinctively feel is unsafe. Even if it means you FEEL like you're being rude. Your first priority is to protect your child, not worry about other peoples feelings. Especially today with the onslaught of antibiotic resistant organisms, you are wise to play it safe and keep contact to a minimum. It's just plain smarts

Trust your instincts, and don't apologize for your actions. You can still be polite while being candid and upfront about insisting less contact.

HUGS are always a good alternative!

Good Luck!

Jen G.

I don't think you are being silly at all! I would not agree with this type of behavior either. There's already an increased chance of our children getting sick when attending a daycare, let alone kissing a snot-nosed baby. I really don't intend that to sound mean by the way. I'm sure the little boy is precious, as all children are. I would have a hard time figuring out how to handle it directly with the parent also, especially since most parents do not like to be told how to parent. Maybe you might want to take it up again with the provider. Emphasize that it is a health concern. Tell her that you may want to consider removing your child from the daycare unless she handles the issue. The issue is not only with the boy kissing your child on the lips. If the boy is still kissing all the other children, your child can still end up with sickness because of being in contact all day with those children he kissed. I'm sure the mother just wants the child to learn to be kind and affectionate, but maybe your provider can suggest hugging as a form of kindness instead. Sometimes it's inevitable - and our kids ARE going to get sick, but why increase that risk? Good luck! : )

I wouldn't want to kiss another child, or have that child kiss my son. It's bad enough that the children spread germs in their environment...They don't need the "direct" contact like that. That's inappropriate behavior, and if that daycare provider is not respecting your wishes, then I would report them and find another provider. I would also direct your concerns with that other parent. Also talk with the other parents who's children are being kissed by this boy and tell them how you feel and if they feel the same way, to stand with you when you confront the daycare manager, and that parent. That's what I would do. But I'm a direct person anyway. I don't beat around the bush for nothing, and if this were me, I would not only talk to the daycare staff, but to also that parent because it's not right. They are invading and disrespecting your child with UNinvited affection.
I hope you get this rectified before too long. Best wishes.

i like heather's response, which suggests blowing kisses instead. in fact, maybe the child will take to that & blow kisses to everyone instead!

i completely understand where you'er coming from, and would feel the same way,. to be candid, i think it's a bit odd to have your child kiss everyone daoly - i could see saying "bye bye" imdividually, but kissing teaches nothing to the child about personal boundaries.

good luck!!!

Hi, I would suggest telling the mom and or daycare center that you don't think the idea is so appealing because it could make others sick with spreading germs and also it's not a good idea to get the child comfy with being so close to others. There may come a time when a bad stranger asks the child for a kiss with bad intentions and the child may be too vulnerable to understand that it's not right. I agree that kisses should be for family members and only very close friends.

I don't think you are being silly at all! It's just a matter of fact that when kids get going to daycare or school, there are germs to passed around......and you don't want your child to come home with EVERYTHING passed around so it's sensible to not want to kiss another child who especially has snot running down his nose all the time. As for advice, I am not sure what you would say but leaving before she gets there is what I would do. I am also thinking that kisses on the lips are inappropriate behavior to people you don't know. Maybe if you explain that we don't kiss other's on the lips that aren't family.....or that kisses are special emotions and gestures we set aside for our closest family members. What I mean is, when these kids get into upper grades of school and all, it wouldn't be taken lightly if a kid went to everyone in the school and gave kisses on the lips don't you think.

So after thinking about it, maybe what i would say is......I'd be happy to get a hug from you(child) we don't except kisses from others than our family. My husband's advice is to just tell it like it is, men aren't that kind...good luck!

Hi L.,I understand exactly how you feel.I'm an adult who doesn't like alot of people to hug and kiss me.It's not because I don't like to be hugged or kissed,it's because I have allergic reactions to other peoples bath soaps,perfumes,colognes,body lotions,shampoos,etc.I have to watch what laundry & dish soaps I use.I'm really not a germaphobic,I just have allergies.Maybe,you could explain that you also have certain allergies and that's why you can't have anyone kissing you.Just an idea.Good Luck!

What an awkward situation... i think in the protection of you and your child, (and as others will appreciate), although easier said than done, you NEED to talk to this mother youself since it IS YOU who has the urgent feeling to put a stop this--obviously the daycare provider doesn't see the urgency that you do. Maybe you can practice the conversation with someone before you have the "real one" so that you feel more confident approaching her. You may be surprised that she might accept your concern without malice. If she hates you, it's her problem--you have a child to protect! You could even make a joke out of it and reference the "Jerry Seinfeld" episode where he gets ostersized for not wanting to kiss all his fellow residents in his apt complex... or you could try, "Hey, your kid is soooo cute, and kissable, but with colds and flus flying around, i would be sad to see any of these kids get sick from lip to skin contact,(does this mom realize its RSV season?) --good luck!

Sounds like something Mrs. Manners would know just the right answer for.

I would not be embarrassed! I bet you're not the only one who feels similarly about the goodbye kisses. I would start out by saying to the child so the mother can hear, "No kisses today sweetheart, it looks like you have a little cold. Kisses are great, but not when they can make other people sick too."

If the Mom doesn't catch on, I would be direct but always polite. "My child has been getting sick quite a bit recently, and we're trying to minimize his exposure. I hope you'll understand if WE don't participate in the goodbye kisses (ever!!).

Try saying this when the child comes up for a kiss from you or your child. "Let's not share our germs, you blow me a kiss and I'll catch it."

There is nothing to be ashamed of, you want to keep yourself and your child healthy and kissing is a direct way of spreading germs. Blowing kisses is a much healthier alternative.

Okay you mentioned it to the day care provider, sounds like it is at an individual's home, if I am wrong talk to the manager of the day care, or the asst. at best. If it's a private day care have you told her about this web site yet? Tell her about it maybe she'll log on and read all of the responses you've received regarding this problem. I gotta agree it's just wrong to expect a kiss from all, I've done day care before and would never have done that, I prefer healthy children, not sick ones in my home, does she have children too. Does she herself not get sick...Baffles me on what parents will do, if her kid is so sick that he's got such a runny nose, what's he doing there in the first place! Especially if it's the famous "green worm" he should not be there Period.

No, you're not being silly. I wouldn't want to kiss the kid either, cold or no cold. I wonder why she is insisting he kiss everyone. Anyway, I would just say, "No Thanks". Maybe you can say, "How about a high five and make tht your thing with him. I would try and stay away from making anything a habit though.

Eeeeewwww.... I don't blame you! I would explain to her that your kids believe kisses are an intimate form of affection for family members only. My kids know that kissies for Grammy, Grandpa, Mommy, Daddy, brother and sister are wonderful, but they do the "air kiss" MUAH sound for anyone else.

I don't know how you can handle it without offending her, but I DO agree with you that it's inappropriate, and unhealthy, especially this time of year!

I don't think your being to sensitive about this. It's a bit weird. If this women teaches her son that it is okay to just kiss anyone, where is that going to lead him? He will have no sense of acting appropriately with strangers. I would feel very uncomfortable about it as well. The other thing is that you don't know how she will react if you talk to her about it. I would hope that if enough of the other parents would complain as well the daycare center should talk to her, as it is there job to do so. Hope all goes well. Let me know what happens.

I am surprised that this mother lets her son kiss all the kids on the lips...cute, perhaps, but not when the health of so many are at risk. Also how would you like to be the last person kissed...Ewww! Children will get sick but it doesn't need to be exacerbated in this manner. You mentioned that you spoke to the daycare with no results and that you only see this mom when you pick up your child. Well then maybe it's time to speak directly or indirectly to her.
There is a lot of good advice given! Maybe the following may help you:
1. Let her know that although it's "so adorable" the way he kisses everyone on the lips, you'd prefer that he wave or blow kisses good bye to you and your child.
-OR- Mention to the daycare provider(s) that you know they practice good hygiene but you have noticed that "some" children kiss good bye on the lips. Perhaps they could teach all the children how to say good-bye by blowing kisses thus hopefully preventing the spread of germs.
-OR- Next time you see the offenders mom, stand next to her and ask "Do you think it's okay for so and so to kiss good-bye on the lips? With all the colds and flu going around, I'd hate for him to catch something."
Lastly...sometimes you have to put on your big girl panties and just deal with it. The way I look at it, she's not someone that will be a prominant person in your life five years from now. So maybe you hurt her feelings or offend her but you are only asking that her child not kiss you and yours on the lips. Perhaps another form of saying good-bye. You are just trying to keep your child well, plus you are the one that has to tend to your sick child, not her! Let the others deal with it accordingly.

Am a pediatrician and would NOT find it rude at all if you told me "fear of cold and flu season" ... but even better to say that you are planning for the teenage years and hoping that kisses on the cheek stay there well into your child's thirties! ....jokes and honesty always seem to be the best, ...

Hi L.,
I don't think you are being silly, you have a right to your personal space, My own uncle had to ask me to stop kissing his babies all the time and it did not offend me in any way, he explained that he didn't want the babies getting sick, and I guess I hadn't ever looked at it from that point of view! If you speak up I'm sure the mother will understand and the other mothers might feel the same way you do and not be able to say anything about it. If that doesn't work I like the kleenex idea that another mother had mentioned!! GOOD LUCK!
K.

My sister-in-law was the same way! She made her girls kiss and hug everybody.
I NEVER "made my kids kiss and hug" ANYBODY... I feel that it is wrong!!! They can decide what feels right and wrong and how can they have control of their own body if they are made to make physical contact with EVERYBODY!!??
My in-laws were offended that I didnt make my kids kiss and hug them when we arrived or left. I told them that we just dont make the kids show affection.. That is someting if they feel it they will do on their own... I did however make them act polite and respectful... Please and thank you, hello and good bye....
This boy needs to be told that "we dont kiss at school" Kissing is for your mommy and daddy only. Plain and simple. Shame on your day care provider for not stepping in.

Beyond the germ issue, the mother is teaching her son inappropriate boundaries with strangers. It's not socially healthy for him to expect everyone to want to kiss him. And it's not psychologically healthy to insist he kiss people he has no actual desire to be physically close to. You are not silly to not want to be a part of this. He has the right, even at two, to have control over who he has physical affection with, and as an adult, so do you and so does your child and every other child in that classroom.

I'd have to say this is a touchy subject. I agree with you, I believe you should come out and tell her the truth. You don't have to be rude or mean about it, just plainly state, " I'm not trying to be rude or mean, but i'm not comfortable kissing your child on the lips or my children. Children get sick enough from germs and things and I would prefer to not the kiss goodbye" The reason I say be honest, is maybe she not aware that it could be doing any harm.

With my first (son 3) when we left daycare he kissed and hugged all of his friends and sometimes parents that wanted kisses too. Also, my son is a TOTAL NEAT FREAK too and will let you know when he has green enemies coming out of his nose or freaks out whenever his hands get dirty, and gets upset when his hair gets messed up. I never saw a problem with it, just thought it was friendly. It was never brought to my attention until my daycare lady said " it's flu season" or "that kid is sick or something" that I realized that this kissing thing may not be such a good idea. So we just only continued hugs and waves goodbye. I believe if you just confront her, be honest and simple she will understand. Besides, she is a parent to and I'm sure she wants the best for her child and his friends.

P.S. Now I realize why parents always looked at me funny when it was time to leave or try to rush out. I just never knew, if someone would have told me earlier I would have changed our goodbye habits sooner. I never meant to make anyone feel uncomforable in anyway, but now I know I did .