I Feel like I'm a Terrible Parent.....

First off, DO NOT listen to anyone that tells you that the child may be "rebelling" against you because you are away. A 3 year old can only grasp that notion to a point. I have 2 boys 5 and 6, a single parent, and I work about 60 hours a week as a necessity to survive, and terrible 3's are a real thing and that in and of itself is truly a difficult time, NOT because you are not around as much as you'd like to be.

You are doing your best to provide your daughter with a stable environment and you should be applauded for that. We are all not as "fortunate" and have the to marry someone and be able to stay home. Further, don't get into a relationship just because you'd be able to stay at home. You are doing her no harm by working full time, you are doing what you need to to survive.

The time you DO spend with her, just try to be as available to her as you can. That doesn't mean spending every waking minute doting on her either when you are with her. Take a deep breath, relax, and have faith in knowing that "this too, shall pass." You can handle it. Fortunately you have your mom to support you. By the way, it's normal for a 3 year old to sometimes get on your nerves. That's why they call it the terrible 3's. :-)

hang in there!!!

Hi. Do you think that your daughter is "embracing her terrible 3's" because she is rebelling against you? She needs her mom, and I understand that you have to work, but can't you move in with your mom or a cheaper place and save some money-at least until shes in kindergarten? You said that you only have her part-time, and she will only be little once. You should try to spend all the time with her as possible. She really is at an age where she needs her mommy. I understand, as I have been there as well, and my little girl is 4 going to be 5, and I have the luxury of being able to be with her now that I have found my hubby-what I gave up when I was singe and working was NOT worth it. Is she being bounced around from her dad to you to your mom? She needs stability, and if this is a routine for her, then I am sure that she is accustom to it by now. Try to find another job-it is only for a few more years until she starts school. Honestly, she sounds like the most important thing to you, and you think that you are doing whats best, but in the long run, you may be hurting her. Good Luck.:)

Dear A. -

Oh yes! I can completely relate. Whenever I get into Mama Snappy mode, I know I'm overloaded and good for no one. It sounds as if your schedule isn't working for you. Try talking with your employer about changing your shift. Perhaps you could work out a better arrangement that gives you the down time you need. Working 36 hours in two days is NOT restful. Explain your situation. In doing so, you will stand up for yourself AND your daughter.

Best to you!

Hi A., I know exactly how you feel, i used to work the second shift at an emergency vet clinic when my daughter was three and it was hard, i worked 5 days a week from 6-1 on weekdays and 3-1 on weekends and alot of overtime being in emergency. what i would do is whenever i got aggrevated take a break for a few seconds, breathe, and remember she is just happy to be with you. take naps with her and it sounds like it would be good for you to move in with your mom if that is possible. i tried to take antidepreesants and they just made me worse, also talk to your boss and tell them your situation, most of the time they understand that you are a single mom and can only do so much, you can't continue working so many hours on the weekends, it's not good for the both of you.

I hate that u have to work full time and not get to spend much time with your little girl. I am lucky to get to work 1 day a week at my P.O. job. So recently I am working at home and can't wait to bring myself home for good.I am so excited about my job from home, that I am telling everyone I can about it. I want to help people to be able to achieve their goals in life. If you are interested in having more time to spend with your daughter. You can contact my website: www.sydneysmom.fourpointmoms.com

Long response but worth the read if you have time...
I am a mom of 2 boys, Quincy almost 5 and Andre 12 weeks. I work 45-50 hours a week. I have a husband who helps me out but he's pulling the same hours as me. I feel your pain and hope I can help at least a little.
This is definitely a very hard time for you, but remember why you are doing it and know that it won't be forever. You are the primary provider for your little girl. You keep a roof over her head, clothes on her back and food in her mouth. She may not understand why mommy isn't always around at the moment but later on in life she will appreciate all you have done for her. Know that you are blessed to have a mom that is there for you and her grand daughter. Does Lanee seem happy and secure when she’s with Grandma? If so there is one less thing to worry and stress about. When you are away from her you are probably depressed most right? At those times try to think of happy times you spend with her or something as simple as her smile. Think about something you two will do when you get together. I know the day gets busy but stop for a minute and just give her a quick call to say I love you. Don't forget Grandma; let her know how much you appreciate all she does. (It won't take longer than a bathroom or a smoke break.) Give Lanee a picture of you two together or your T-shirt that you've worn for about a hour (so it will have your scent)to wear as a night gown.

As far as your anti depressants go... buy a watch with your daughters’ favorite character on it and set the alarm for the times you are supposed to take the medicine. If you can't find the character watch put a picture of your daughter with the pills and set a regular watch.

Three year olds will try to push you to your limits with defiance. They have learned that they are actually their own little person. They are also attention seekers, whether it's good attention or bad attention. How you respond encourages certain behaviors. Don't let your guilt stop you from disciplining your child when she needs it. But don’t forget to praise her when she deserves it.

More than likely when you are with your daughter her energy level is much higher than yours. You also probably think about all the time you think you should be spending together and about how much you are actually apart. Try not to think about that. When you are with her live in the moment. If you're tired, read her a story and have a short nap time. Watch her favorite show with her. Get some crayons and just scribble on paper. Go for a walk at her pace. Take her to the park and let her run wild. Ask her what she wants to do. Try to explain why mommy is away a lot. If she doesn't want to talk about it, it's okay, try later. If she doesn't seem bothered by it don't worry about it. Children are resiliant and you are setting a good example for her. Remember it's not forever. Don't forget to pray (if you believe in God, even if you don't, I do and I'll pray for you). Don't forget to give her big hugs and kisses and tell her you love her. Last but not least don't feel like a terrible parent, know you are a GREAT parent.

A., I can relate to your frustrations too!! When I was a single mom and my daughter was 3, I used to work 3rd shift Sunday through Friday morning. She stayed with a babysitter from 10pm on Sun night and I wouldn't pick her back up till around 3pm on Mon afternoon so I could sleep when I got off work. I used to drive school busses, motorhomes, cars, etc for safty issues. I was tired, cranky, depressed (I'm not a night person), and sad because I was the one she was supposed to wake up to in the middle of the night, not a babysitter. But there wasn't much I could do. I needed a job to take care of her. I did look for a new one when I could that was day shift but couldn't find anything that paid what I needed to pay the bills or wasn't full time. It was very frustrating!! But in the mean time, I would clean house on Friday as soon as I got home, pick her up early from the sitter and spend as much time with her as I could on the weekend. I know it is hard rasing her by yourself. But know this-you are NOT a bad parent!!! You are doing what you can to provide for your child. I know it feels like she is being short changed, but at least your mom can take care of her while you work. It is not easy taking care of a child by yourself, and if you think about it, you are trying to be 2 parents all rolled up into one!! Relax and be there for her when you can. I'm sure you've looked for a job with better hours for what you do. If the meds help you the maybe get one of those weekly pill boxes and put it next to the coffee pot or some place where you do the same thing every day. That way you'll see it and remember to take the pills. I remember how scatter brained I would get either from the lack of sleep, my body being off from not working normal hours or trying to be super mommy.

Just hang in there, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel!! I promise, mine was my hubby coming into our life 3 yrs ago. Now I have 2 beautiful kids and I'm a SAHM.

S.

A. I feel for you. I too am a single parent and I know it is not easy. I have read some of your responses and they all have given you great advice. I want to reinterate the advice about maybe moving in with your mom to save money and then you will be able to see more of your child and still have support there for you when you feel like you are at a breaking point. Also talk with your employer, maybe they will be willing to work with you on your hours and also find a support group that you and your daughter can attend. It will give you the support you need so desperately and also will let your daughter be able to get out some of her energy playing with other children. Also last but not least, do you have a church family? If not then maybe look into that and some of the programs they may offer to give you some relief and support! It is a hard job being a single mom and I know God never intended it to be that way! Hang in there! You are not a terrible mother simply because the fact is YOU CARE! So many parents out there don't care, so just keep on keeping on!

I am a restaurant manager and work 55+hours a week. Just be the best parent you can be with the time you have with her. Thats all you can do. Be gald that your mom is in the area so at least she is with family. Dont be stressed, I'm sure you are a great mom!!!

A. - YOU ARE NOT TERRIBLE!!!! You are working to provide for your daughter!! You are doing what you have to - we all do!! I take meds as well and I have learned to take them every night when I go to brush my teeth and wash my face before turning in. It is the ONLY way I remember to take them. They stay in my medicine cabinet for that reason!! Good luck, keep your chin up and this too shall pass!