I Feel Very Unhappy.

I second Christine K's advice. Try www.flylady.net. It has done wonders for my mood as I have battled with depression on and off.

Hi H.,
I think it's great you are reaching out before you get really depressed. One of the best programs I've found for all ages is HeartMath. You can spend a lot on a computer program, but they also have books and pamphlets that teach you technics to relieve stress and begin feeling happy to be alive. Their website is heartmath.org. If old traumas or issues are coming up, you might need a therapist to help, but there are technics now (like EMDR or EFT) that can take only 5 or 6 sessions (sometimes longer) to make major changes.

Good luck, K.

I'm at an international psychotherapy conference as I write this... "Feeling Good Handbook" by David Burns is one I'd recommend. I looked at your profile and it looks as if you have been experiencing a lot of dis-ease your personal life. You mentioned in another post that you were seeing a therapist and I wondered if it was helping? If you are, they will probably tell you that after having a child, marital satisfaction decreases dramatically, and that's in a good relationship. I tell you this because some of what you feeling may be very normal. You state you hate your job, having a toddler ain't easy: ), and from what I've read you don't necessarily feel supported. You sound pretty depleted. Its no wonder that you are not feeling on top of the world. I do wonder why you and your husband were not in therapy together? I also wonder if you have a good social network, your own hobbies, ways in which you feel proud of yourself?

Best to you,

Jen

I make lists. Instead of reading books about how I can get my head on strait I make lists of things that are good about my life, day, week, etc. I find it really easy for the negative things to pile up in my brain making me feel 'unhappy'. I also have clinical depression which makes it harder to identify the difference between the two. 12 months ago I was feeling a lot like you describe so I wrote down all of the different things I thought needed to change in order to make me feel good again.
1. My son is mean and he hates me.
2. My marriage could be better.
3. I HATE my job
4. I miss my family
and on and on!
I then made a list of things about my son I WOULDN'T change and did the same for the rest of my list. I realized the bad outweighed the good with my job so I started working to find a different job. I realize that my son is mean and he hates me because he's 2 and i'm his mommy and the good outweighed the bad so I decided not to give him away, the dog wasn't so lucky!! I also realized that my marriage was something I wanted to hold on to. Just making that choice made it a lot easier to ignore the little things that bothered me and only work on the bigger issues. My marriage won't be perfect but it doesn't have to be flawless for me to be happy. One great book I'd recommend is 'The 5 love languages of love'..it might be 7....haven't read it in a while. It helps you to communicate better with everybody in your life. I loved it. Good luck to you and know that just because you aren't happy now doesn't mean that you won't be. One day at a time!!

I read the other posts and they are very helpful. I guess what I want to portray to you is that a lot of women go through this. I remember some dark times when my children were young, too. I do agree that exercise helps to naturally elevate your mood. The Love Languages books are very good at helping you in your relationship, and there is even one to identify the love language of your child. Sometimes people are trying to show you love, and you don't realize it. If they understood how you prefer to be shown love, then that is half the battle. For example, some people really like gifts, but others like to be told words of affirmation.

But, my heart goes out to you because you are reaching out for some comfort. I do agree that counseling could help, too. Many clergy are qualified to give counseling, or as posted in another response, insurance often covers therapy.

Good luck to you.

Read Jennifer S's post and give SAMe a try. It is not a medication and also not really a supplement. It is an amino acid that is naturally in our bodies. I got tired of the flat feeling of prozac, this SAMe appears to have no side effects that I can find. My sister, who has been hospitalized with depression and doesn't like medications takes it to remain stable.

I think you should try getting some help from an actual person, a counselor or someone. Most insurance does have some sort of mental health coverage. It sounds like you really need to talk to someone, and you also need to make some changes in your life. Seeing a professional would allow you to start moving in the right direction.

I haven't had a chance to review other's replies to your post, but just thought I would throw out there another idea. Have you considered therapy? There are seasons in life when it can be really helpful to have a supportive, confidential place to sort through our lives and begin to make improvements. As well, assessment for depression and consultation for meds can be great. As women, we oftentimes are much better at taking care of others than we are of taking care of ourselves. I wish you the very best and thank you for being so honest!

H.,

It sounds like you are going through a change in direction. It may sound like an odd recommendation but it is an ebook that was recommended to me by a dear friend when I was going through changes in my life. It is very empowering. It has processes in there that reset my emotions and taught me how to set goals that were in alignment with my True Self and heart so that I could get my life back on track. Don't judge the title of the book. Because it is an ebook for sale over the internet it has a really obnoxious title but great content which is really inspiring.
You can find the book here at my site as I recommend it a lot. www.HighestPotentialTraining.com (look at "get the book"

I wish you well as you navigate these signs to make your life as you desire it to be.

warm regards,

M.

I have to chuckle anytime I see the self-help book section. I was once heavily in to those... but it faded... later I found a skit by George Carlin about said Self-help books. You should see if you can find it on youtube.. very funny.
Anyways... I posted not too long ago on here about how depressed I was. I was flabbergasted at the amount of responses that were telling me to go on medication. I am not a supporter of the big pharm companies, but i thought ... I do need some help so I grabbed a bottle of Sam-e. It not only has helped with my moods, but also the joint pain I was experiencing from running so much. (after 165 pounds of weight loss I'm down to my final 25 and pushing myself very hard to get there)
Exercising also helps me maintain my moods a little bit better. I'm a pisces and I do tend to get very gloom and doom. I've been on this for about 2 months.. it's helping. Do some research on it and see if it might be helpful for you. Not everyone can afford counseling and insurance usually only gives you a low amount of sessions... not usually enough to get through anything.
Good luck my dear and hang in there.

One of my favorites is The Woman's Comfort Book by Jennifer Louden. This book has saved me from eating my worries away countless times. It's full of easy activities that help you feel better about everything. I treasure this book.

Good luck! Just know that you're not alone- every mom and every relationship go through those times. I'm a mom of three wonderful kids (5 1/2, 3 and 2 months) and I can say that my husband and I have been through a LOT! We just have to keep finding each other and learning to understand each other. At one point we read the "Men are from Mars" book and both found it helpful just to see that our problems were VERY common. The fights were so like those in the book and we could start to see things from each others' perspective. I think another thing that helps a lot is to find time for your marriage. This is hard- but helps a lot all around. Also, and this is the hardest, try to unload the guilt that comes with being a mom- don't worry that you can't do everything perfect, just do your best and be okay with it! Good luck-- it's not your fault and you aren't alone.

I'm so sorry you are unhappy. Life can get overwhelming in the roles of wife, mom, daughter, sister, employee, friend and we can go on and on... We want to accomplish so much and our own expectations sometimes get the best of us. I know, I've been where you are. I've asked myself, "Where is that fun girl?" The small daily mundane things of life somehow find a way of sucking out what we once where...but have hope! You are being transformed in to something that is SO much more, the fun girl is still there! Cindi McMenamin helped me to realize life doesn't need to be this way, in her book WHEN WOMEN WALK ALONE. It's all about taking baby steps...day by day. Her website address http://www.strengthforthesoul.com. You can purchase the book on Amazon (less than $10). Praying that you find joy! ;)

Hi H.,

The only suggestion I actually have for you would be to find a church you feel comfortable attending (this might take a few tries at different churches) For myself and my family life has never been better since we started attending church and that was 5 years ago.

Many Blessings,
C.

www.flylady.net

I've been following this 'guide' for almost two years and I wish I had known about this before I really had to start being responsible about ANYTHING.

I'm 40 with three kids under 6. I had come across Flylady some years prior to when I embraced it, but I thought it was too hokey. It's not a magic bullet. It's common-sense.

It has helped me be a better person, better wife, better mother, housekeeper, a better mensch.

It's free and I can't recommend it enough. It starts with a shiny sink (you'll see) and you end up with a better person.
Our mood is all about our perspective. Her 'guides' will help you with EVERY day things that make us who we are.

good luck

I don't know about a book, but I struggled through depression several months ago. I am usually a very happy, optimistic person and I couldn't explain what was going on or why I was feeling so crummy. I still don't know if it was life circumstances or horrormone changes that started it, but what helped was to keep a notebook handy-- because when someone/hubby would ask, I couldn't pinpoint anything in particular... so when I was frustrated and down, I wrote my thoughts and what was stressing me out... in a few days I had 3 full pages of lists and semi-random musings. I seriously thought about going to a psychotherapist, but I was able to dig out of it with priority setting and family support.
Good luck, you deserve to feel happy and at peace, -K

Sounds like you are heading into depretion make a n appt with your dr and see if he cant give you something to help you on your way good luck A. no hills

I'm sorry you feel this way. Oftentimes, self-help books don't bring a lot of results. And focusing on self can often make the problem worse. I would recommend a good biography or auto-biography: about someone who underwent great challenges and did great things. This could inspire you in many ways. It has for me. I also encourage you to read the Psalms in the Bible - they are very encouraging and truthful also. As this seems like a sudden mood swing for you, chances are it's just a stage. Your body could also be reacting to the pressures of working full-time w/ a 2 year old. Rest or change of scenery (a good book can bring this about if you can't change your scenery right now) may also help. All the best to you

Its probally stress or hormonal changes that happens to us as we get older. Go to a Dr. and talk about depression. Stay busy and close to your friends. Good luck!