I Left My Job to Be Home with the Kids...

Hi E.,

I was in the military and I got out when pregnant with my youngest. So I've been through the transition. Fortunately my hubby got a great job right out of the military and that along with my pension allows me to stay at home with the kids.

I actually feel that our days work out better if I don't make a super structured schedule. We eat breakfast when we get up. We eat lunch when we're all hungry etc... it works for us. Yes it's mostly about the same time each day, but I'm not going to freak out if we have lunch an hour later than usual on one day and dinner earlier on the next.

I try not to plan anything for greater than a week or two ahead of time. I do like to keep our days flexible so if my kids say "Hey, can we do this or that tomorrow?" I can usually say, "Sure, why not!" :) We have a lot more fun together this way since it's a bit more spontaneous.

Don't forget to stay at home and relax every once in a while. That's important too. Take one day every so often and just give yourself the day off. No housework, only food prep. Catch up the next day.

Find something you love to do and do it as often as you can. I love to cook new things, so I try a new recipe on a regular basis and have come across some great ones. It's fun to plan it out and shop for it. Maybe you could pick up a hobby you've always wanted to try. I picked crochet back up when I finally got to stay at home and I've been doing a little bit of sewing too. Crafting, especially when it's something useful around the house, will make you feel very useful and clever! :)

As for my relationship, it's never been better (and it wasn't that bad to begin with! lol!). I have the time to nap with my little one in the middle of the day if I want, so I have the energy for my hubby when he gets home from work. I can also stay up later now since I don't have to get up until we all "fall awake" in the morning, so I can put the little one to bed then put my hubby to bed, then do school-work with my older son before sending him to bed and still have an hour or two to myself at night after they're all asleep and my nightly chores (make hubby's lunch, iron his pants, do the dinner dishes etc..) are done. Make sure you find a way to work in that time for yourself.

Of course, we homeschool so we're not subject to a school's schedule and you are so you may need to take a more structured approach.

Best of luck to you though. Message me if you ever just need to chat with another grown-up. lol!

It's the toughest job you will ever love! JMO!

It comes with risks and difficulties, just as working does and leaving your children in the care of others.

Ultimately you and your husband must decide what is best for your family.

One of my favorite quotes about being home: The days pass slowly but the years pass quickly. It is so, so true.

All the best to you and your family.

I stayed home with my children (now 8 year old will turn 9 in mid Sept and my youngest just turned 6 this June) until 2 years ago. I quit when my oldest was a maybe around 14 months old. I went back to school, I was in banking and the hours were nuts plus I felt like I only saw my baby on the weekends at at the end of a very long workday. I wanted to be more involved in his life. I went to Graduate school while at home and had another baby and just completed my 2nd year in the school system as an elementary school librarian. I would NOT trade staying at home with my 2 boys for anything in the world. Now I am all about structure and keeping busy and that was the hardest part for me, but you will calm down and adjust, it is different. My husband did and still does very little when it comes to helping with the boys, now that they are older he does more but on the big comparision scale, I have and still do most of the work. If we get ready to go somewhere or just daily going to school, I get everyone ready, including myself, breakfast for the boys and then I leave to go to work. It is more stressful trying to rush out the door the smaller/younger they are and you are in a good spot to stay home with your children. If someone is sick, you don't have to explain to your boss why your child/children need you. If someone doesn't sleep all night long, hey, make everyone lay down for a nap! I took a laundry basket full of toys and stuck it in the back of my car and drove from playground to playground. Join a pool if possible in your area, sign them up for every Vacation Bible School in your town-LOL! If possible check out some mother's morning out programs, usually 9-12 with a "lunch bunch" hour until 1pm and see if you can scrap together some dough to pay for that or maybe grandparents can help with the payments. Take them to storyhour at the public library's in your area. ENJOY and CHERISH that time with your children, because NO ONE knows your child/children better than you! NO ONE can be there MOTHER but YOU! Is is hard? Hard as HELL! Do you feel like you're putting your life on hold? Absolutely! Are there days when you are going to feel like a prisoner? YES! Is is worth it in the long run- YOU BET! Children need their mother and need down time at home! Structure nap times and early bed times! See if family members can give you a break now and again...if possible take a night class to better yourself careerwise when and if you do decide to go back. Check out a career that will allow you to work part time or from your home, your child/children will see that you value education and improving your life and mental health! Never regret or question or feel the need to explain to someone why you made this sacrifice for your child/chilren. Is my husband perfect-UH, NO! But he did support me and the decision to stay with our children. You have to keep communication open with him because I do remember days when he blamed me because I seemingly had no adult interaction and wanted to go somewhere on the weekend. He had some money arguments and he did say things like, "I Pay for ..." and he was right he did, but believe me going to work everyday is much easier than staying home with 2 children. You and your husband can work through those kinks and look at it this way, even if you ran to work somewhere everyday and the kids were in daycare, you and your husband would disagree about things because that is how life goes, it's not perfect! Volunteer at your daughter's preschool, I did and it turned into a part time job when I needed it the most. Don't start off doing that because I read you have a baby, and you need time with the baby and really time to rest! Good Luck to you and your beautiful family!

Make a schedule for each week. Make sure to plan something to get out each day. A visit to a park, storytime at a library or book store, the zoo, or to meet up with other mommy friends and their kids. It helps to have scheduled things to look forward to during the week.

If you don't have other SAHM friend's, look into joining a mom's group or playgroup. That way you get social interaction for yourself as well as your kids. Which is VERY important so you don't feel isolated and on your own all the time.

E.,
The thing that surprised me most was how much more housework there is to do. There was no one there messing it up while we were gone to work or my first son in daycare for a while!
The hardest thing was answering when someone asked me what I did. I had been so tied up in my career. And feeling isolated. Check into mom's and play groups for support.
My oldest son is headed off to college next month and the other is in high school. I am so thankful I was able to be with them.
Good luck and God bless.
Victoria

If you are used to working, then approach being a SAHM the same way - as a job, because it is a full time job. Set your self a schedule for the week, I always write mine out on Sunday. Pick certain days to clean, do laundry, take the kids on a trip, grocery shop etc. Organize!

I did the same thing twenty years ago because my husband felt I should focus on our kids and because it allowed him to work unlimited hours and travel as much as necessary to reach the top of his career, and when he did he walked out on me and now contends everything is his and I deserve nothing because he worked and I didn't. Go back to work, now.

My kids were older than yours, and in school.
It allowed me to do more cooking, and to get more organized. I caught up with the laundry for the first time in years. No problem with the marriage. My husband says he likes to see me more relaxed. Financially it is difficult, but I'm not in a bad mood all the time and I am not so exhausted.
But there is always lots to do...

Congrats! This is a tough call. I did it when I was pregnant with my second child. I figured I would go back in a year or two. 51/2 years later I am an stay at home mom/grad student, and loving it.

The first couple of months are hard. I missed talk to adults about "real stuff." There are days I still feel like people don't think I have a brain, which is why I started the slowest master's degree program ever. It is fun to go to class and write papers about intelligent stuff everyone now and then. However, it is hard to fit the classes in sometimes.

Remember to do something for yourself (I still go to my old hairdresser and get my hair colored and cut like I used to when I was working. There are times we talk about saving the money and I think about doing my own color or just letting my hair grow. Hair cuttery looks good some days. But this is my one thing and it makes me feel good.)

Set a schedule/ make to do lists -- it is easy to lose the whole day and get very little done. It is amazing how time can fly.

Stay in touch with your friends -- do lunch-- make sure you socialize. It can be easy to lose touch and end up isolated, if you aren't careful.

At times its the best thing in the world and you will be so thankful you have the opportunity to do it. Other times, not so much. As a few people have said, there is so much more work to do around the house then ever before. You will wonder how you ever worked and still got things done. Definitely find some other moms you can do things with. It is such a life saver to have a few friends you can get together with. You need other adult interaction otherwise you will loose your mind! I also cook alot more being home. But I enjoy it. Its keeps me busy. I love how much I get to be involved with my son and know so much of his day. And I love that he has that sense of security knowing I am here for him. Its not for all M.'s, but hopefully you will love it as much as I do. Good luck,

Make a schedule. If not, you'll get over run with things you want to do, that need to be done, time with the kids, etc........include the hubby in that too.....

Relax and enjoy yourself. Make plans with the kids, things to do, fun things, on occasion, teaching them, loving them and playing with them.

Eventually you will find out that everyday is different, but you'll be ok...........you are where you want to be......and that's a good thing...

good luck and take care.

You'll be surprised at how much more you work staying home than you do at a job! You'll also probably be surprised at how, even in 2010, some people seriously don't value your choices and seem to think you're on vacation (offer the opportunity to those folks to be you for a day so they can see how relaxing it really is)! Everyone is different, and I have friends who would honestly have 15 kids if it meant they never had to "go back to work." I returned to work after 4 years (and wanted to after 3 but the economy has sucked), and it's been delightful! You may love this more than anything, and you may be looking for another job next year. DON'T beat yourself up no matter what happens! I think in this day and age, it's hard for some of us to not go out and be in the work-world. Some love it, so be true to how you really feel and don't try to force yourself to feel one way or the other. Above all else -get involved in a playgroup or something where you have regular contact with other adults! It's imperative that you and your child get out and socialize or you'll go crazy! Good luck!

I stayed home with my kids for 7 years (they are 10 and 13 now). My advice:
1) make sure to discuss with your husband what you are going through. I felt that taking care of the kids was "my job" so I kept a lot bottled up and got depressed after some months. When I finally mentioned it to him, that I was walking through the house with tears streaming down my face but I had no idea why, he took vacation and helped me out and we discussed what could work for BOTH of us.
2) schedule some kind of class or outing for yourself once a week. Whether it is a class or time with friends or time to work out or just time to go to Barnes & Noble for a coffee and reading People Magazine, you need a few hours that you are free to do what you want each week. One of my mom-friends said that if she came back from her outing and the kids were still up she would go sit in her car in the driveway and read a book and come back in later when daddy had put the kids in bed. It was her night off.
3) There are free newspaper-type magazines at the library called something like "Massachusetts parents" that lists all the fairs and events in the coming month, as well as lots of other free events at museums and such. There is an amazing amount of stuff you can do for free.
4) Emerson Hospital in Concord (where I delivered) and probably other hospitals as well, organize "new mom's groups". Even though you may not need the advice, the once-a-week set meeting time was a great way to meet new moms in my area. A portion of that group became part of our weekly play-group.
5) Check with moms in your child's preschool whether they get together for play groups. Play groups saved my sanity, not because the kids needed to play, but because I needed to talk to other adults!
Like another poster said: if you decide to work part-time/full time/stay at home/volunteer in the schools - leave it all open. Just try to enjoy what you can right now and if it does not suit you, change it!
Cheers, Cato

If you ever intend to go back to work, it will be easier for you to keep current with your profession or do something part-time. This said, I quit after my second child and never looked back! It was a difficult transition - financially and emotionally, but I was so sleep deprived it really didn't matter! Make sure you go to library story times, attend play dates, church groups, etc.... It really helps to have someplace you have to go to sometimes! Make sure you give yourself permission to have a bad day - not get a task completed or be in a bit of a tizzy. Being home with the kids is NOT a vacation I need to remind my husband sometimes. My eldest goes to college next month and my youngest goes to full-time first grade.... This stage will not last forever, my friend, so be very contented with your choice and keep the future pathways open! Good luck!

Your life has been very structured up until now. Same with your daughter. Try to keep some structure in place so you don't feel all over the place. Get up at the same time, have planned breakfast, lunch & dinner times. Have an arts & crafts time or music time, whatever she enjoys and you think would benefit her. This will help when going to preschool too.

That said, enjoy SOME new-found flexibility. Find a lake or pond that has a beach, go to free programs at the library, take walks early in the morning before the heat hits, borrow library passes to places like the children's museum, take advantage of other things your town offers. Find play groups or moms' groups (check the library or Newcomers' Club, or one of the churches or synagogues). If there isn't one, start one. Most libraries will let you post flyers, same with some stores especially children-oriented stores.

Make time for yourself - being home can put you in total "mom" mode all the time, and you wind up neglecting yourself. That adult conversation or coffee break you had while working outside the home will now be gone. Set aside a "date night" at least every 2 weeks with your husband where you talk about anything but the kids. I found that I was starved for adult thoughts so when I put my son down for a nap, I made sure to read the paper or watch a news show, just to keep myself in the loop. Also, once your husband comes home from work, be sure he splits the housework with you. You've had just as hard a day as he has. Be sure he does the kids' baths or meals or something to engage him with them so that you are not the primary caregiver all the time. Have a glass of wine or take a walk around the block. Make weekends about family time so that you are not kid-centered by yourself 7 days a week. Just because you are "home" doesn't mean it is just YOUR home.

Resist the urge to make everything perfect. Give yourself permission to not make beds or vacuum. Just put the food away and throw the dishes into the dishwasher, keep the "public" areas of the house somewhat presentable (more or less) and forget about the rest. Enjoy the flexibility that this new situation gives you, and experiment a bit until you find the right blend for you.

Well, your brain is going to start to feel like it is changing into applesauce. And don't be surprised if you feel like you're in the movie, Groundhog Day. Every day can melt into the next, all are very alike.
BUT, set a goal for every day--maybe O. household task (cleaning, laundry, cooking) and O. "outing" (supermarket, park, errands) and you should be able to hold onto most of the brain God gave you! LOL
Seriously, I worked for almost 20 years FT before I had my son, and I never expected it to be so hard to be "at home"! But it's also a very rewarding experience. Enjoy!

I've been a SAHM now for 5 years. Before that, I worked full time. I thought that staying home would be boring...not! Aside from having tons of housework, the thing that I find difficult on a daily basis is entertaining the kids especially when they are not in school. No one told me about being the entertainment director too with this job:) My relationship didn't suffer, but I do miss being part of the workforce especially when it comes to getting breaks, talking to adults...not to mention a paycheck:)

M

Congrats! That is a great decision! We were in a similar situation, but it was before the birth of our child. I chose to stay home after her birth because we knew it wouldn't make sense for me to work and give most of my earnings to a stranger to raise our child (she is almost 18 months now, and we're will be homeschooling). It is very hard financially, but we're making it work. It is completely worth it and I have no regrets! Here are a few tips:
1) Do everything in your power to get some alone time with your husband at least every couple of weeks. We did not do this for a long time and it's been taking a toll on our relationship.
2) Understand that your spouse will be feeling even more financial pressure now, try to expect as little from him as possible. I work from home part -time, so sometimes I don't get enough time for housework. But if you are staying home full time and not working at all - I imagine a clean house and homemade meals will soothe your husband's worries at least to an extent. He needs an oasis to come home to.
3) Don't expect your husband to understand just how hard it can be to be a SAHM! (though I am sure some do) They're just wired differently :)
4) Make sure to spend a lot of time outside the home where you can have adult conversation as well as other babies for your child(ren) to play with. By this I don't mean going places everyday and putting financial strain on your family even more. But at least once or twice a week.

you've gotten some great advice, so the only thing I will add in is, check out your local MOMS club - google it! They offer playgroups (free), monthly meetings, and all kinds of activities for the 5 and under set. it costs around $20-$25 to join for the year, and it's well worth it!

I find it tricky to manage sometimes betweent juggling the kids schedules (one is up early, one needs to nap early, one is ready for lunch when the other is ready for play, etc.) but - you will enjoy figuring it all out!

For us, I feel that I need to get out at least once a day (even if it is a grocery run), just so I don't go crazy. My hubby gets that it is much harder to stay at home than to go to work - I don't get a lunch break or any bathroom breaks - I always have company :-). And I miss the paycheck!

Seriously, I find that I need the adult companionship and the commiseration I get from connecting with other moms who are in the same space.

good luck to you, enjoy your kids!
p.s. - my best friend left work to be with her baby, and she went back 6 months later...each person has to do what is best for them, you will find your own way!

GOOD FOR YOU! If you can manage - it is a good move.

You have a lot of advice offered up so far, but if this has not been mentioned Moms Groups are the best way to survive! other moms with kids near or the same age as yours meeting up and making friends for you and your kids is a lifesaver. Here is some local info:
http://www.newcomersclub.com/ma.html

Hello E., Congratulations! That is a huge decision, and I wish you all the best. It was many years ago when I made that same decision -- while some things are of course very different now, many things remain quite similar generation after generation. It gave me time to really keep my house clean (which made me very happy), keep up with the laundry so I wasn't always doing it in the evening instead of spending more quality time with my husband, and most importantly gave me unhurried time to watch, admire and share in special day-to-day moments with my children. The thought of a Day Care Person having that privilege instead of me was tearing my heart out. We struggled a bit financially, but I would absolutely not make a different choice if I had to do it over again. Today, I enjoy the benefits of a home business with Shaklee, a 50+ year-old company whose products are all natural and non-toxic. I do wish I had known about this back then, as it would have taken away that financial burden with only putting in about 6-8 hours per week right at home. But, that was then and this is now. Please try to enjoy your decision and your time with your most precious gifts - your children. Feel free to contact me anytime with other questions/comments at ____@____.com E. Taft