I Need Help - Hopkins,MN

Have you tried putting a baby gate at her door? That night help.
You just have to (calmly and patiently) keep putting her back in her bed. Over and over and over and over.

Well, it took our daughter until she was 8-9-10 yo before she was able to consistantly sleep the night in her own bed. Don't sweat it, it will happen. Try every night to reset the expectation! We had a 'family bed' from the start and it definately had is plusses and minusses. Many times I/we would start her in her own bed, lay next to her, and then move to our own bed. GL!

She is 5.
What does she tell you when you ask her why she likes to be in your bed instead of her own?

Does it interupt your sleep terribly?

If this might help, try to sleep in her bed every so often.
You can leave in the middle of the night.
Try to set up a night for her to sleep in your bed, like a girls night where everything revolves around her. This way she knows she can sleep ther, she is free to tell you anything, and you are forming a stronger bond with her.

For how long has she been going to her Dad's to spend the weekend? For how long have you been trying to get her to sleep in her own bed? I suggest that she's feeling insecure and needs your presence during a transition time. How long is that? Depends on how secure she feels. Does she look forward to being with her Dad? Where does she sleep there? Is coming back home easy for her?

And.......perhaps she's just started school or a new school year. If so, now is not a good time to try something else that is new.

Once going back and forth feels like a routine for her, I suggest you could try transitioning her to her own bed. It's a process and can't be done in one night, nor probably in one week even. I'd expect it to take a month at least, during which she'll go to her Dad's twice.

1) wait until she's comfortable going back and forth.

2) put a mat on the floor in your room and have her sleep on it.

3)gradually move the mat closer to the door and then into her room.

4) talk with her about what you're doing. ie. easing her into her own room and then into her own bed.

All the while, make sleeping in her own bed exciting. If you haven't already, have her help you pick out bedding. (whatever you can afford) Have her help you decorate her room. ie: she decides where to put the bed, hang a couple of posters or pictures she and you draw. Put a source of music in the room and listen to it together.

Find a book or two at the library about moving to a big girl bed in your own room and read it together. Have her talk about moving into her own bed. From this you might get a clue concerning her not wanting to move.

Emphasize being a big girl and the advantages of being a big girl while reassuring her that you'll continue taking care of her.

I want to add that if possible it might be a good idea to continue co-sleeping. My grandchildren slept with their mother for a couple of years after her divorce. (She has a king size bed) Their life was fairly chaotic during that period of time and they needed that security.

As an adult, during sad times, I still wanted to sleep with my mother and was able to do so after the breakup of my first love relationship and after a couple of my surgeries. There is nothing like sharing Mom's bed to help us feel secure.

I think it will help both of you, if you focus on her need for security and find ways of helping her feel loved and secure while she's in her own bed.

My opinion is that it will be extremely hard to change if her father isn't on board with keeping her in her own bed. However, my best suggestion is to be consistant and keep taking her back to her own bed. It may help to lay down with her say 10-15 mins at bedtime and tell her "mommy is going to lay with you for 10 mins and then you have stay in your own bed for the rest of the night, but If you dont stay in bed Mommy won't be able to lay with you anymore". Just see how it goes. Good luck!

I think there was another question like this recently but it was for a younger child. At 5 years old they are more than capable of being laid down in bed and left alone. They are old enough to know what they are doing, and that when you say "it's bedtime, I love you, please stay in bed." My oldest stays at his father's and he doesn't make him sleep in his own bed. When he comes home, he knows the routine, he knows the rules, and he knows that whining or repetition won't make us give in. Bed time at our house is fast and painless.

My daughter, who is now 12, visited with her Dad every other weekend when she was that age.

She co-slept with me until she was 6 y/o. Personally I loved it. What I did when she turned 6 was put her twin bed next to my bed (the mattress sat on the floor). She started out there in the beginning of the night and would come into my bed as she woke up. Eventually she made it through the whole night without waking up at all.

At age 6, almost 7, she said she wanted to try sleeping in her own room. We decorated it exactly as she wanted. For the first few months in her own room she would wake up, but just called for me. I would cuddle with her until she fell asleep.

She is a great sleeper, and she still at age 12, loves for me to cuddle with her and tuck her into bed.

I miss it when she was little and slept with me. Those days are gone forever!!

Can you put a bed next to yours? Maybe what I did will help your beautiful little girl…

Remember too that she is only 5. The back and forth is hard on her little soul. Be patient and don’t rush it.

I may sound a little crazy for saying this, and I have no idea if this would work, I'm not to the 5 year old stage yet! lol

Does she have a twin bed, or toddler?
Have you made the idea of sleeping in her own bed "cool" like have you laid down with her, you guys "girl talk" she could be scared of sleeping in her bed by herself, ask her why she doesn't like sleeping in her bed?
Be very casual about it, and if you stress out she's winning. Make a game of it, for every night she sleeps in her bed, you guys can do something really fun, like go for a walk, or go to the zoo, little things that kids love to do.

I really hope this helps!!