I Was Snubbed....

ask to go along & let them see "who" you are ....away from the family! & no, you don't have to drink to have fun!

EDIT: another way to look at it......you can be the DD!

How about you say "would you guys like to go to the wine walk, since I don't drink I can drive"

I am the designated driver in my neighborhood too & yes I do think that you weren't asked just because you don't drink & not because they don't want you there.

If you found out via FB it's not a secret. Just "like" the post and chime in with a light-toned message about how that sounds like fun and you'd love to join them sometime (even though you don't drink). I'm guessing that they didn't mention it to you because they know you don't drink. I have a friend who hates to exercise, so I would never think to invite her out for a bike ride or a jog with my group of fitness-minded friends. Don't take it personally.

Well, look at it this way. IF they wanted to keep it secret from you, would it have been posted on FB???? unless they wanted to hurt you? now if they didn't and you are truly friends, they probably figure that you don't drink (which is the MAIN reason they all go out) and keeping company with one another is just by-product of that... IF you do want to go. tell them ALL via FB.. hey, mind if I come the next time you all go out.. IF you get the silent treatment and no response from anyone.. then you know you have been snubbed..
otherwise, try to not feel victimized just yet... the ladies may not mean any harm to you...

best of luck

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They probably just figure since you aren't a wine taster that you wouldnt be interested. Now that you know they have this little meeting tell them you'd love to join them if you want to. I'm sure they just figure you wouldnt want to walk into a bar, if that's what they do on this "wine walk", or if they get tipsy before the walk to make it more interesting they probably just don't feel like it would be something you would enjoy. At least they know you could be their designated driver if need be, maybe you should offer that service? You are only being excluded because it's apparently an alcohol related event that they don't think you would enjoy. If the gals are all your friends, just tellem "I wanna come on the wine walk with you guys even tho I'm not a wino" :) I'm sure they'll let you come with.

I am not into sport watching at all, so if I had been telling everyone that and then they plan an outing to go to a baseball game I do not imagine they would invite me, even if we socialize well during walks or bus pick-up time. So you may not have been snubbed at all, but just misunderstood. I like all the advice below, just mention it in some way or another that you would like to join a girls outing, even if you do not like the "baseball game" itself!

Hmm, that is odd, but maybe they were worried about you not being a drinker. Are you pretty religious too? You are in a smaller community..

I know I host a "Witches Tea" each Oct with a friend.. And no tea is served, but lots of Margaritas, wine and punch is served.. My friend really does not drink that often, and we invite all sorts of women. Devout Christians, Alcoholics that no longer drink and then everyone in between.

I have learned it is always better to invite and let the adult decide if they want to accept. But maybe your neighbors are worried about asking you.

Do not feel awkward but maybe mention you read about it on FB and it sounds like fun.

If I was close friends with them I would invite myself lol ! I don't see the problem with inviting yourself along with a group of friends. If I had one friend that didn't drink (and we all knew it) and we were going to a wine event I wouldn't even think to ask her! It would be nothing personal.

make a comment on the fb post about how much fun that sounds and tell them to let you know when they go again :)

Well, to me it really depends on if they know that you don't drink. If you have been quite vocal about not drinking and your disapproval of drinking, then I can definitely see why you have not been invited. I certainly would not invite someone to do something that I know they don't approve of... You could try mentioning that you would like to go to this wine walk and see what happens. Perhaps you tell them that you want to pick out some wine for a friend or relative...

Just invite yourself along one time. Especially in the Bible belt, lots of people who don't drink might be offended when others do, so they might think you'd be offended.

If you have made it known you don't drink, then three things might be happening that are not "snubbing." One is that, if you have made your non-drinking policy public information, they may either assume you have judgments about it, and don't feel comfortable exposing themselves to your standards while they are sampling wines. Another is that they wonder whether you are dealing with alcoholism, and sparing you from temptation. Finally, they simply assume you wouldn't be interested, since wine is the focus of the walk.

Why don't you look for an event, even a coffee hour at your home, that you can invite them to? Relax and show them how friendly you are.

I think you are overreacting. I wouldn't be inviting a non-drinker to an all alcohol event. It just doesn't make sense.

People with common interests usually partake in those common interests together. This applies to anything - coffee, shopping, going to the gym, etc. If all 5 of us neighbors know you don't like coffee, we are probably going to assume that you won't want to come to a coffee date, and won't invite you. I really don't think it's anything personal.

This is yet another reason why I don't like FB, and why I don't post any of my social/personal stuff on there. No matter what you do, someone's feelings are going to get hurt if they see a social outing on FB that they weren't included in. So & so went & did this & I wasn't included. It's just FB. If you like these ladies & get to socialize with them on a normal basis, then I would just be happy with the relationship that exists & not make a big deal out of it.

Also, I don't care for people commenting on an "I had a great time" post with something whiney about how they weren't invited & being passive aggressive.

I wouldnt get too upset about this...my question is WHY you would think they would ask you? I am never asked by my friends to go jog around the lake because they know I don't exercise ( even though I KNOW I should!!), I am also not invited by the girls at work when they go to the local "joint" for drinks and dancing because they know it just isn't my cup of tea. ( The fact that I am old enough to be their mother probably also has something to do with it!!) Relax...if you really want to go...make a comment on FB...invite yourself along for the next time!

Don't worry about it. If you start doing somethat that isn't "you" just to fit in, you're only borrowing trouble for yourself. If you start ruminating about why you weren't invited, you're borrowing trouble.

If you want to go, ask about it and put the ball in their court. If they act funny or come up with excuses, then you know where you stand, and then you will knock the dust off your shoes and move on.

You wouldn't want to be friends with smile-in-your-face fakers anyway.

I suspect someone didn't think to ask, or they just assumed you wouldn't be interested because you don't drink. Not because they're making judgements in a negative way.

However, I don't drink either, and I have found that when you're not invited to drinking venues because people assume you might feel uncomfortable or won't have fun...they're right.

What I have found usually happens is they want to get totally trashed and don't like seeing you sitting there totally sober. I have had people accuse me of judging them or thinking I'm better than them, because I"m not snockered!

They couldn't be farther from the truth. Short of stopping someone from getting in their car to drive home drunk, I've never said anything to anyone, told them to stop drinking, or judged anyone for imbibing. But it never fails, if there is some serious drinking going on , you'll find, one of the crowd is bound to go there, and accuse you of judging them, and that WILL make you uncomfortable...even though it's all about them and their personal hang-ups..or their judgements of you because you do not drink....not due to any feelings of your own.

IMO where drinking is concerned, if you are a teetotaler, best not go to those things and save yourself the headache. Especially if you get along with them otherwise. But once again, that's just MO.

This is not something to get upset about. So they didn't invite you, no one is required to hang out with all their friends all the time. If you want to make an issue of it then they will probably pull away. Not because of anything they did but your reaction to being left out of one regular event.

No, it's not wrong not to drink...I don't. I'm sorry you found out about this the "hard way"...

Talk to them and tell them you are hurt. That's the easiest way to get through it - COMMUNICATE...tell them you read about this on FB and are a tad bit hurt...

If you can't talk to all of them - talk to one...get it out there..

tehehe, listen, when you go, since you're not going to taste, could you bring your portion home in a doggy bag for me?

:)

Honest, they really only didn't invite you because of the wine. It would be so cute if you took the initiative and said, "Hey guys, can I please come? I'll bring my own sparkling cider, I need a girl's night out!" They would be so happy. They didn't mean to snub you. Just my gut on this.

I agree with Tracy M. You say you don't drink and there is not a thing in the world wrong with that- but how do you respond when other people drink? Do you present a "holier than thou" attitude and make them feel uncomfortable or do you just go with it? I'm really not trying to sound snotty, but I've been around people who have the "I don't drink <nose in air>" and I usually don't care to be around them.

On the other hand, there are people who are the life of the party and don't drink a drop. Love being around them!

Because they know you don't drink, maybe they didn't want to put you on the spot and I think that you can just talk about it with them in a way that says "This sounds like so much fun and I'd love to join you".

ETA: Sue H. - excellent idea!

I'd go when you know they are going to go and bring some new wine. My favorite new wine is made by Welches.

BTW, new wine is wine before it is fermented.

Momof4 has a wonderful idea. When my coworkers and boss wanted to go out drinking I was the designated driver. The only time I didn't drive is when they wanted to go to a strip club or the like. If I wanted to see some of that I'd always ask my wife. Besides why would a guy want to go out for hamburger when he has filet mignon at home?

Good luck to you and yours.

If it's a public event, there's no reason why you just can't go along to see what it's like.
Go with your husband or a friend and you'll see the other ladies there.
It could be if they know you do not drink they thought you would not be interested in attending.
Once you see how they are like after a few drinks, you might not be interested in going again.
I love my neighbors but when some of them have had a few drinks, their behavior is not what I like to hang around with.
They are perfectly fine when they are sober.

I haven't read the answers yet, but my guess is that they think you wouldn't be interested. You never know what people think about people who don't drink. :) They might just be trying not to offend you, even though you know you wouldn't be offended.

If they all know you don't drink, you should not be offended at all. I actually love wine and would probably enjoy a wine walk (is this like a wine tasting?). However, If I did not drink wine, I doubt I would enjoy going somewhere specificically designed for wine drinkers. If I were to go to something like that, I would invite my girlfriends who also love wine and would not even think to invite my friends that don't drink. It is not that I don't enjoy spending time with my friends that don't drink......but since the evening is built around the wine, I would not even guess that the non-drinkers would have any interest in attending.

I haven't read many of the other responses, but after following Grandma T's advice, perhaps you could even offer to be the designated driver? You're now a perfect fit.

Have you ever shown interested in joining them for such activities? Do they all know that you don't drink? If so, they seem to have a valid reason to not invite you - you don't drink. And the event they are going for is all about drinking. It would be like asking a person who doesn't read to go to the library every week. Of course, they are going to assume you are going to get bored. Unless you mention it to them that you are still interested in just hanging out with them every week, they won't know.
I would talk to them and tell them you would like to join them even though you don't drink. Unless everybody in your neighbourhood absolutely hates you for some reason, I don't see why they would not be willing to include you.

"wine walk"......Why don't you start a "coffee/tea walk" on another day? Some of the wine walkers might want to join in on that. If not find some new friends who would enjoy your company.

Blessings.....

I would ask one of them what are you supposed to think when you see on fb everyone being invited out and not you? Its not like you are accusing anyone of anything and its a legitimate question that puts them in the spotlight, not you.

Maybe they just thought you wouldn't want to go. Tell several of the ladies that you would love to go on a girls night out if they ever decide to go out. If you don't get invited at that point... you were snubbed. If you are snubbed don't worry about it. Who needs them? Go back to the superficial reality for your kids sake and be friends with other women!