If You Can't Say Anything Nice....

Well, now I'm in a bit of a huff. I named my only child Suhnbeem Sparkellyte. Slightly different spelling. But what makes you think it's a crazy name?

Oh keep venting. My mother doesn't complain about names but she criticizes everything else about me. I have adopted a sub for her. I am afraid there are a lot of us out there.And by the way you have very nice names. I love the name Kara. Tell mom that I live close enough, maybe you can adopt me as a grandmother and make her stay by herself on holidays.

My MIL wanted me to name my daughter Pasqualina, after DD's Dad, Pasquale... LOL!!! I named her Desiree, and she told me that wasnt a name and pronounced it so ugly (thick italian accent too) I just laughed it off, and we still laugh 17 years later. My kid, I'll name her what I like, thank you very much. (she loves her name & is thankful it isnt Pasqualina, though we call her that sometimes to tease her)
I agree, Kara is a nice name. As is Andrew. Much better than Sunbeam Sparklelight!

Maybe if you tell your mom you are planning to name your daughter Sunbeam Sparklelight, then she will be relieved and happy when your baby is born and you decide to name her Kara instead.

Its nice you have chosen something reasonable like Andrew.

I can't understand why people want to give their kids unusual names or spell them like they were illiterate when they spelled them for the birth certificate. I have some nieces and nephews that are now grown and hate it that their parents gave them unusual names and spelled them "unusual" so they are always having to re-spell them or correct the spelling on official documents.
William shouldn't be spelled "Wyllyum"

Good luck to you and yours.

Haha..."Sunbeam Sparklelight!" I think you just named the next Care Bear!

When I told my grandmother what we were naming our son she said, "Oh...you're naming him THAT?" (I'm sure you can imagine the tone she used.) I was very hormonal and told her that was his name and she was going to like it. Let it roll off, her opinion doesn't matter.

My mom told me se "hated" the name we chose for my daughter (Charlotte). I told her I'd make sure to write that in her baby book so she'd always know that her Grandma J. didn't like her name...that shut her up pretty quick. Good luck!!
PS Love the name Kara!

You already said it. Tell her you don't want to to be rude or mean, but you've made your decision and would appreciate her not criticizing anymore.

I'm just happy that you're a good namer and naming your children something they can live with not only as sweet babies, children, teens, but straight through to old age. And you spelled their names correctly. You're awesome.

Just let other people's comments roll off your back. It's more about them than you.

"Sunbeam Sparklelight" - ROFL! Maybe you should tell your mother THAT is what you decided on instead of Kara!

I'm sorry you are going through this - maybe if she brings it up again, you should ask her what SHE thinks you should name your baby, because really, what is her objection? What does she expect you to name the baby? Then ask her how she would feel if her mother criticized the name she gave you. And remind her that she's had her turn to name her children, now it is yours. And if she still keeps it up, just tell her, "Well, thanks for the your input, this is the name we have decided upon." Repeat as necessary.

It's such a trend now to want your child to have a unique stand-out name but IMHO, it's gotten borderline ridiculous. Admittedly, I went with a rather trendy name for our daughter (Addison) but I really loved it more than anything else, and it just stuck on me (her nickname is Addie). While we have run into a few other Addisons here and there, there's not been a ton, but it's not like it's way out there either. My mom loved it - her only thing she said to me when we were mulling over names was not to pick some hippy-drippy name, like Rainbow or Sunflower. There's nothing wrong with Kara or Andrew. My feeling has always been to think about how it will sound when they are nominated to the Supreme Court, or how it will look on their diploma from medical school.

There are websites dedicated to "bad baby names" - just google it and see what names some parents have actually bestowed upon their children, and hopefully you will feel better.

She probably didn't get to name her kids whatever she wanted. She probably had the same pressure you are getting from her. I don't understand why anyone feels they have the right to criticize anybody's name. If I had to pick, I definitely wouldn't have picked my name to be Melissa. My mom is all proud of it though. I've gotten lot's of criticism for my kids names. I'm sure one day they will come and tell me how much they hate it and why couldn't I name them Sunbeam instead. I have come to the conclusion that I can't please everybody, and sometimes anybody, so I might as well just do the best I can and ignore most of the people most of the time.

I get complaints about what I DIDN"T name my daughter. My Mil wanted me to name her elsie after her grandmother. She's also mad that we aren't going to name our son (should we ever have one) Richard. *sigh*
Sunbeam Sparklelight is greatness, lol!

I think it's terrible that anyone voice their opinion on anyone elses name. Sure, they're entitled to it...but they ought to keep it to themselves.

When my mom heard what our second daughter's middle name was going to be, she honestly said "That makes me think of some nightmare where I'm being chased through the woods by a monster." God only knows why she would say such a disgusting thing. And she still can't pronounce our first daughter's middle name right, simply because she refuses to try.

I think Kara is a lovely name, by the way. As long as YOU are happy with it, who cares? But I know how frustrating it is...and you know what? Our own mothers just feel too comfortable with us, like they are entitled to say such stupid things. I don't think my mother in law would EVER criticize a name we chose. :)

Wow, well I guess your Mom, is a negative Nelly.
What a drag.

She will not like anything.
Must've been hard being around her as a kid???

Just IGNORE her.
It is your child. Not hers.

I would get irked, with a Mom like that too.
Geez.

What is your Mom's name by the way?
Something boring or weird?
Does she like her name?

My daughter is due any minute basically and I have pretty much stayed out of the name thing. She is having a really hard time and every time she mentions anything to anyone, she gets shut down.
I love her and don't want to add to any of that.
I worked with a young woman who was pregnant and our office manager asked her if she had any names picked out and when she told her what she was thinking of for a girl....perfectly pretty and normal name, the office manager put her finger in her mouth like she was going to make herself throw up.
It was the rudest thing I have ever seen in my life. I will never forget it.
I think you should name your kids what you want. Kara is a lovely name. It's not super common. I had a dear friend when I was a child named Cara. (I won't say how many years ago that was).
At this point, all you can do is not even discuss the name with anybody but your husband and what you put on the birth certificate is what will be and too bad, so sad for anyone who doesn't like it.
My job is doing birth certificates at a hospital and I never judge anybody or say a single thing about their choice. It's not my place.
I have an unusual name. It took me 4 days to name my first baby.
Names are hard enough without people giving you guff.
Don't think twice about what you want. It's your baby.

Best wishes!

I'm going to edit on a cute note.....
As I said, it took 4 days for me and dad to decide on a name for my first baby. People told me I wouldn't be able to leave the hospital, etc. Well, we finally chose a name and I was happy with it. The day I did the birth certificate, I went to visit a friend who had a little boy, named Jeffrey, who was 4. I took baby in to lay her on the mom's bed to change her diaper and being curious, Jeffrey wanted to come along. No problem. He watched everything I was doing and finally said, "She's a really cute baby. I like her, but I don't like her name. I think you should have named her David."

....Sometimes, everybody's a critic.

:)

I know, I know. When I was a teenager (long ago) I babysat a boy named Zachary it was so different in the late 1970's and I loved it, he was so cute a sweet baby in my arms. I said I loved the name so much when and if I had a baby boy I'd name him the same. Well, I was about 13 then and at 36 I had my first child, it was a boy. I named him Zachary I still love the name but when i had him the name was being used a lot. Oh, well. So I heard it from people his name was being used a lot I should have came up with something different oh, well I promised me that and I full filled my promise to me and I decided if others did like it so be it, don't like it. I liked it and that's all that's important.

You should tell her he's yours and you like the name and P.S. mom you are hurting my feelings and my family, you named your children what you wanted, stop hurting me I take pride in my children and their names. Maybe then if you bring it to her attention she will then keep her opinion to herself.

Best wishes and I love the name Andrew.....the name Kara is lovely just the same.

I think your kids names are great (although Sunbeam Sparklelight has a nice ring to it!)! My youngest daughters name is Kinley and you would have thought I was giving her some strange complicated name by the way my parents kept forgetting or calling her Kimberly! Really, they called her that everytime they saw her for the first few months even though I would correct them ALL THE TIME! So annoying! And they named me Leanne! Not that common, especially the spelling! And THEY had the nerve to give ME a hard time! Sheesh.

everyone will always have an opinion... some just voice them too much.

my sweet boy's name is Andrew...i love it. how rude!
and kara's a cute name.
i'm a HUGE fan of what i call "normal" names. i don't like all the new contemporary names for boys or girls. i like regular names. that's just me though. name's you can, names you can spell, and name's likely to be on a pencil or magnet when you go on vaca! lol :)
don't worry bout her or your sweet son's name. you picked good names! :)

LOL... Sunbean Sparklelight! I needed that giggle. :) Don't worry about what anyone else says about the names you have chosen. You are the mama now and it is up to you. I'm sure they will suit your children perfectly. Your mom will get over it. Don't let it stress you.
Congrats on the coming baby! :)

Yeah, I learned to keep my thoughts on baby names to myself while I was prego...too many opinions :) If it makes you feel any better I love the name Kara! and Andrew is a classically handsome and sophisticated name! If you can, try to remember how much this trait of your mother's irks you so that you don't carry it forward into the next generation :) Best wishes!

Both sets of grandparents fully objected to the name we chose but we squashed that in the beginning. We said, OH WELL! Get used to it, because you're going to say it, hear it, and think it a lot. My MIL gave him a goofy nickname before he was born as her passive aggressive protest and as soon as he was born they forgot about the name debate and love my little guy and his name.

I'd put my foot down and tell her that you'd love to talk to her about ANYTHING else in the whole word. Names, however, are off the table.

On the other hand, my cousin who is due in a few weeks has picked a horrible name. HORRIBLE. The first and last names combined sound like a venereal disease. Seriously. I wish we could stage an intervention, but she's been set on it for months, so to each their own. I'm not going to say anything, but I'll think it. Your mother should do the same.

She should be quiet but most people think its ok to go on and on about the name game. Ugh. I like both names.

hey.... my baby Is named Sunbeam Sparklelight!!!! (just kidding)

My second daughter will be named "Zoie Marie" our first is "Rhiannon Bailey"

When I told my dad about my second's name... he said (sarcasticly) "well you are going to have to tell me how you came up with THAT name..."

Ugh... I simply said "Well, we just really like it- that is all"

Only 2 people have a real say in what you name your babies. You, and the dad. If she says anything again... just say "Mom, you already had an opportunity to pick a name for your daughter... now is mine, and I am going to pick the name that I love... if you don't like it- oh well!" And leave it there.

You know, I have had plenty of people who wanted to name their kids names I don't like... My SIL was going to name her first baby "Tatem" if it was a girl (which when I hear it I think of "tater-tots"----) but instead of shooting it down or criticizing it I said that it sounded like a very nice and original name... and in all honesty, had her baby been a girl rather than a boy, I know the name would have grown on me and I would have loved it!

I know of a baby named "Disney" and THAT is a very tough name for *me* to warm up to, and not one I would ever pick myself... but again, it is not my place, or anyone's place to be rude about it. Honestly, the more I hear it, the less it bothers me... a name is just a name. If a family member wanted that name, I would probably ask them if they are OK with the fact that "Disney" might be a tough name for a baby to have... and if the answer was "yes"- so be it! I would simply be happy that they found a name that they were in love with!

I hope your mom can see that Kara is far from the worst name a person could pick, and will love the name, not for "herself"- but love it because YOU love it!

Good Luck
-M.

I had told my mom the same thing. I was having a boy and I said that I wanted to name him a name. She said that she didn't like that name since it reminded her of a friends daughter that miscarried, and she was going to name her son that. Well of course after that comment I was disappointed and didn't name my son that. I was so upset that people feel the need to put down someone's choice for a name. Oh I wouldn't name my kid that, they would get called all sorts of names, or I had a friend, mother, sister, brother, teacher named that and I hated them. Sometimes I wish people would keep their big mouth shut and just smile. If you don't like it, fine but it's not your choice so keep quite. Sheesh.

Mom really should keep her mouth shut if she doesn't have anything nice to say.

Kara is a lovely name, and Andrew sounds hunky good.

By the way, your Mom chose a beautiful name for you; she should trust that you would do the same for your own babies. :))

THIS is EXACTLY why my SIL said "NEVER discuss your kids names before they're born!" She's a FREAKING GENIUS!

That was THE best advice I have EVER gotten!

Lol. We didn't tell anyone our names for our three children. In the past when anyone mentioned a name they liked, my mother would say she once knew a prostitute with that name! (no, she wasn't in that industry herself). Our names were a nice surprise and she ended up liking them all (William, Henry and George).

Don't worry. People dont ever like the names i pick out either. My step mom complains that she cant pronounce them. I named my daughter Melania and i'm having a boy. Was gonna name him xavier, but changed to Gavin. Yea everyone has their opinions.

sounds like her issue try not to make it yours. You've picked beautiful names. I'm sad with how this must make you feel and even more sad that your children will overhear and feel the same rejection since so much of our identity is in our names.

Does she understand how much this hurts you? Or how much it will hurt the children? once they understand their own name they can feel and understand peoples intentions before they have the language skills to respond.

protect them and yourself and try (again) to set boundaries or establish some consequences if your mother continues with this negative behavior.

Hang in there.

If you can't say anything nice.....say nothing at all. A. is a pretty name, Kara and Andrew are also pretty names. To each his/her own.

Blessings....

Well I am sure you are not the only one that has a mom that volunteers her opinion. Just say, "Thank you mom for your input, but I like the name and please don't tell my children that their name is boring or strange." Hopefully she will get the hint, if not give her a gentle reminder each time she says Andrew is a boring name. You could say something like. "I prefer a more common name than something that will cause an employer to throw away his resume."

When I was pregnant with my daughter, BEFORE we knew she was a girl, my mom insisted that if we had a boy we name him Nicholas. I have no idea why because it's not a family name or anything like that, but I guess she just likes it. I don't. My husband doesn't. It wasn't even in the running. Ever. But still she insisted to the point where she would call me at work, or once even had one of her co-workers call me at work & just whisper the name on the phone. I totally swear to God this actually happened. She was kidding, mostly, but still, it definitely annoyed me after a while.

It's not your "fault" your mom is being rude! You should be able to tell YOUR baby's name without being subjected to unwanted advice/comments.
Congrats on your new (coming) little girl and all the best wishes to you!

I ended up not naming my child what I wanted. I wanted to name her Lilly, an old fashioned but still pretty name, but a former friend kept saying that she'd like something else & that's what she'd name her, etc etc etc & badgered me til I caved in & named her the name the former friend liked & then she criticized me b/c I changed it up a bit. I've hated myself ever since, for not naming MY child what I liked best. I applaud you in your choice of names. I think it's best to have a 'common' name. First of all, your children won't be made fun of or when you introduce them to ppl, the others won't be confused or taken aback by the name. It's easy to spell! AND pronounce. They won't hafta to spend several minutes trying to spell it out for people when it's necessary to write it down (aka school, drivers license, birth cirtificates, SScard, etc). I think it's wonderful! I think it's rediculous the names people are choosing nowadays. Think of the children! Is what I say. Best wishes & stick to your guns! Name the baby what you think is best, forget about what she says. It's not 'her' baby, is it.

Work with a sense of humor and tell her you've decided to go with Sunbeam. Hey didn't Zappa name his daughter Moonbeam?

Funny story: as a kid, I remember one friend who planned on naming her daughter Felony!!! She just loved the sound of it!

Please tell your Mom you have changed your minds and have decided to name her Sunbeam Sparklelight and defend it and think of it as a game. She will beg you to go back to Kara. It worked for me when I told my friend what the name was and she acted like I named her Placenta kringlhoff. So I told her that was the name and she for the next 4 months tried to get me to change my mind. It was fun when we introduced her to Placenta and saw her face...and then let her in on the real name.

LOL, I won't post what my mother said about my daughter's name but I will tell you that my response was, Oh well, you are stuck saying it for the rest of your life. LOL. Then she said, well at least she has a graceful name to grow old with. Nice clean up job, but I still didn't appreciate her first/second/third reaction.

I'm learning that mothers want to live vicariously through daughters who are now new moms and I think they don't like NOT having complete control over a situation such as a child they didn't birth.

Be proud of her name and say it with glee!!!

Ack - what a pain. Kara is lovely, and it's different without being completely stupidly "different". A name doesn't make someone "uncommon", who the ARE makes them uncommon. Our first president was named George, the first man on the moon was named Neil, the first American woman in space was named Sally, one of the most famous interviewers on tv - Barbara; etc. She's out of line, and if she isn't going to show you respect, she's setting herself up to not get any back.

I think your children's names are very nice. I just would tell my mother to "f" off and say my children, my decision.

Oh my gosh, thank you for that laugh "It's Kara, not something crazy like Sunbeam Sparklelight. "!!!

I totally hear you on this!! I totally walk around the whole name question for this reason exactly!!

Name her whatever you and your husband decide. More than likely she'll have a nickname that will probably be used more than her first name anyway.lol. Good luck.

My Mom was never this way, but my ex MIL sure was! I feel your pain!! My ex MIL wanted me to name my first born daughter, Lindsay Ann. Lindsay because it has always been HER favorite name for a girl and Ann, after herself. Oh come on now!!! My WHOLE pregnancy she 'insisted' I name her this. I told her I wasn't sure what we'd name her, I would make that decision the day she was born. Needless to say, I named her what I wanted. I figure, 9 mos. of carrying her, 2 days of pain having her, and a lifetime of loving & caring for her entitled me as her Mom to name her!! Tell your Mom to back off, this is your decision solely. BTW, Andrew & Kara are great names! :-)

For what it's worth, I like Kara.

My very first crush in grade school was an Andrew ... very cute 7yr old lol! But really, I have not heard of this bruhahah going on from mothers ... maybe she is just jealous she did not come up with a name like that for her kids ... tell her that if it makes her feel better she can call Andrew "Star Child" instead and baby Kara "Sunbeam Sparklelight" while she is at it if that is what she prefers.

My MIL told me she HATED the name we chose for our daughter, Sophia. She kept on mentioning it... it is annoying but its not up to them... oh well

I will never understand why people think they have a say in the naming of other peoples kids. My MIL tried to tell us how to spell our oldest sons name. My husbands Grandma was upset that we weren't naming him after my husband. When we were prego with our secound the same Gma asked what we were naming our baby and when my husband told her(I was just outside the doorway) she got all nasty and asked why he couldn't name the baby so I walked in and told her he did pick the babys name and we don't want a Jr....Well she got her Jr with our 3rd son because he came out looking exactly like my husband. My BFF's mom demanded she not give her baby this certain middle name wich went so good with the babys first name.

My MIL didn't like the names we chose for our daughters (classic names with familial middle names). She just kept saying but I want you to name her Lucy. It is so cute. How about Leesa (Lisa)? I love it! Could you name her after my friend Jayne? Um, no...she is your friend, not mine, crazy lady. We just ignored her and used the names WE liked.

I think what you said here was perfect "Mom you got to pick out whatever names you wanted for your kids, back off!" Then change the subject, like start talking about something so funny that little Andrew said etc. If she goes back, just say "Ok Mom, love you, catch you later!" and get off. It's not rude to put up a boundary, it's necessary. She is crossing a line here and needs to lovingly be checked in my opinion. You and your husband made this child and get full dibs to the naming! ANYONE who tries to get in the middle of that should be cut off at the knees, well at least that is what I would do :D Good luck, and Kara is great by the way, not that my opinion actually matters ;)

Tell mom she already had the chance to name HER kids. Congrats!

Yes, we made the mistake of telling my mom our first daughter's name and she burst out laughing saying " you cannot name her that, the kids will call her chicken noodle!". BTW, her name is Campbell. Yet, she loves my niece's name, Sahara Rose. The poor kid won't even need to pick out a stage name when she becomes a dancer!
Anyway, this time around we've told everyone we haven't decided yet so everyone keeps making suggestions. Ugh

Don't worry about it, regardless of the name that you pick, parents will alway have an input and most likely say what you don't want to hear. I had the same with both my kids names. the first one is Nathaniel and the second Arianna. Really, how can you criticize either of those name, but leave it to my mom to find a way...With my second pregnancy, for the longest time, I told her we will call her JUICY...you should have seen the look on her face! Priceless!

A. - now that's a pretty name!
I am sorry your mom is making you feel bad about your choice of names. I know that it is hard to have a mom like this. My mom is very odd. She has strange ideas and makes some of the most absurd comments. BUT when I was having my kiddos I did not listen to her opinion at ALL! I went with what I thought were good trendy names. 1st son -Layne Anthony 2nd son Nicolas Ian and my daughter Bria Taylan (pronounced TI-LEN). I love their names and they fit them perfectly! BUT we can NEVER find anything with their names on it!! No key chains, no necklaces, nothing has their names on it!! My kids have never compained about thier names except when it comes to finding stuff like that!! LOL!! SORRY!!! Have it custom made!
Stick to your guns girlie!! It's your baby and whatever you decide EVERYONE else has to deal with it!!
Good luck and GOD BLESS!
D.

I really don't think andrew is that common of a name anymore lol. people are always trying to go for different names that these "different names" are now the common ones. I like the traditional names. My sons name is Nicholas and I love it. My cousin named her son Samuel. And Kara is a lovely name

I once told my friend that if our second baby was a boy, we'd name him Damian, and she flat out told me that I shouldn't name him Damian because it means "demon" or something like that. I was really surprised by that, because she was serious! I guess it's also the name of the son of Satan in "The Omen" movies, which I wasn't aware of until we had already decided on it. But my husband and I both loved the name, and when our baby turned out to be a boy, we went for it. So Damian is now 6 and I don't regret his name at all. Go with whatever makes you happy, and ignore your mother as much as you can.

Plus, even if she didn't complain about the names you gave your kids, she would probably find something else to complain about. She might just be one of those people who likes to criticize (my dad is the exact same way).

By the way, I think Kara is a beautiful name. Congratulations on your baby! :-)

Ha! This is why we don't tell ANYONE the name until after the birth! My father in law is like this....always has a comment about the name....even AFTER it is attached to the baby! He told my sister in law (his own daughter) that the name she chose for her daughter isn't really a name (it is Mattea - Italian female version of Matthew....created but not unheard of). I married into a 100% italian family. Anyway- this time we decided not to tell a SOUL! We told a few select people with babies #1 and #2 but this time it is just us! Kind of nice to keep that part a secret since we already know the sex and shared that. I would probably (and have at times) tell my mom off :) ha! Good luck!

I didnt have this issue, but I can only imagine how irritating it can be. They are YOUR children, you made them, you carried them for 9 months, you pushed them out, therefore its your choice. Not hers or anyone elses. If it was me in that situation, I would kindly tell her all of the above, and that you are sick of her criticism, because no matter how much she criticizes, the names will remain the same. Tell her in the most respectful way...

Oh don't get me started on this one! When I was pregnant with my first daughter, my husband and I wanted to name her Kacie Ann. Well, stupid me told my mohter. UGH! Every time she would see me, she would rub my belly and go oh, my little Kacie Ann. It was then Kacie Ann this and Kacie Ann that. I got so sick of the name I couldn't stand to hear it. So, needless to say we did not name her Kacie Ann. We named her Koryn Elizabeth. So, I wised up and when I became pregnant with my other two children, no one knew the names until after they were born!! :)

Some people just can't help themselves. When my sister was pregnant with her first, she decided to name him Cooper. My stepmom became so focused on changing her mind it was ridiculous. She went so far as to send her literature on how naming a child can affect them later in life. She made up horrible nicknames she said kids would call him. It was horrible.

I still think if my sis would have just said, "that's the name we picked and if you don't like it, don't name your next child that" she would have stopped. Because she actually thought she could change her mind, she gave it all she had.

Ya we got a lot of issues when we told family what our top name was for our son (middle child) but you know what we loved it and went with it. Sry but not up for sharing the name but it is totally his name and I love it! Go with what you love. I Love the name Kara, that name was on my list but hubby didn't like it! We have a mix between more common names and a lesser common name, but each of our little ones has the perfect name! :) Congrats on your pregnancy!

Well, I can one up that. Last year, I met a child named Sunshynne Moon. Moon was not her last name either.

I think it's so common! My kids are part African American and part Greek, so we tried to accomodate by giving them (what we thought) were Greek names that were easily translatable to English. Apparently that still wasn't good enough. Someone will ALWAYS have something to say. But it's your kids, and you name them what you want!