how do you keep things interesting in your marriage? My husband and I have been married 18+ years and together for 23. Other than the standard date night out to eat we need some more ideas, especially things we can do at home so it's not so much $$. He thinks watching a movie together doesn't really count. He wants to do active things like kayaking or bike riding which I don't mind but require a little more coordination for child care, etc. I'd like some simple ideas too. He thinks we should be doing something together most days of the week after the kids are in bed but sometimes I just need my alone time too to wind down from the day! I frankly think his expectations are too high on the frequency of a "date night" type thing but he gets a lot more alone time than I do if nothing else on his commute b/c it is about an hour. Our intimacy in the bedroom is not a problem so I'm looking for other ideas besides that kind of thing. Thanks for your help!
Skinny dipping after the kids are asleep (if you have a pool/jacuzzi)
Picnic in the park when the weather cools off
a long walk (after it cools off)
picnic on the livingroom floor
bubble bath together
these are the *free* things at home that I can think of. Good luck!
My wife and I like watching movies together. Its part of our together time. We have dvr as part of our cable system and I select which movies to record and my wife chooses (for the most part) which movies to watch.
We take walks around the neighborhood when the weather cooperates. With your children being 8 and 11, they are old enough to read a note on the door that says "Mom and had have gone for a walk or bicycle ride. We have our cell phones."
Or that you have gone to the neighborhood ice cream shop, or etc. I wouldn't be gone for more than 30 minutes or farther than 1 or 2 miles. That will get you two "out". I would also set a picnic blanket out in the back yard and watch the stars if there isn't too much light pollution in your neighborhood. If you have a backyard pool you can go for a quick swim. If you don't have a back yard pool, you can get one this time of year on a real good sale. It will probably cost less than two "out to eat" dates.
Just some thoughts. Good luck to you and yours.
(We just celebrated our 39th anniversary.)
my dh and i enjoy each other's company, but like you i'd feel a little put upon if he wanted to do something specific every day. during the week we eat dinner together and watch a little tv, and sometimes go for a walk or a run. and like you, i need a lot of alone time.
maybe you can work in activities (he seems most interested in sports stuff) once a week. i think he's right that movie watching, which isn't interactive, isn't a true 'let's do something together' thing, but trying to work in an activity later in the evening when most of us are winding down is probably unrealistic.
maybe have him give you his top 3 picks for Things To Do Together, promise to do one per weekend, and keep the weeknights for watching a movie.
khairete
S.
Doesn't sound like your kids are real young
puzzles
board games
cards
wii games
documentaries are better than movies, gives you something to talk about
project such as spruce up an old item or paint an old dresser
read books at the same time; this will help to not have to have long winded conversations
join a bowling league
take a dance class
have another couple over for wine & dessert, rotate houses
do fun marital workbooks together, yes there are some, or even premarital workbooks, since people change
cooking class
try new recipes at home
volunteer work together
there is a website where a person can take an online class to learn about the constitution, it's free....but you can do this together
Okay for ideas at home:
-beer tasting or wine tasting (whichever you both prefer)
-game nights (just the two of you w/a fun game)
-Do you have a Wii? Try a bowling game.
-Go for walks together with the kids even.
-find a hobby together you can do from home: puzzles, photography,
create cards online together, create a fun family website for your friends
& family, competition night: how many push ups can you each do etc.,
brew beer together at home
-cook exotic foods together
-collect something together (stamps etc. Not that but you get my idea.)
-trace your geneology (sp?)
-start a new family tradition
-plan your next family vacation
-do a home improvement project together (outside or inside)
Still take "your" down time. You don't have to be "with" him 24/7 all day, all night long. Just spend some quality time together.
We've been married 21 years this month, know each other for 21 1/2 years. We've been so busy the last couple years trying to start a business it hasn't had time to get stale. Plus, our kids are just entering the ages where they can be left alone sometimes. (13 & 11.) Our biggest issue is time - we have so little to spend together, and then we are always making up for time lost with the kids.
What do we do? Well, we find we get a lot of quality time as a family doing DIY projects. We like to camp (haven't been able to this year however due to time issues) and that gives us a lot of quality time as a family and as a couple. Kids like to swim, we like to go on hikes, etc.
We also like to upland hunt with the kids or just ourselves.
I guess what I'm saying is find your hobbies you have in common and make that the source of finding new things to do. One couple we are friends with takes a trip to CO each year to hunt. Or, find a new hobby you can do together. Wine making? That could lead to taking classes together, touring vineyards together, building a cellar together, etc. Turn off the TV and start living!
My husband and I have been together for 25 years, married for 17. He works evenings. We go out to lunch together once a month while the kids are at school, and we try to pick a different restaurant each time to keep it interesting. We usually watch a DVD together on Saturday night while the boys watch their own DVD downstairs. We read the newspaper together every morning, and usually talk about what we've read. Twice a year the kids stay the weekend with my friend and we go to a hotel in a town at the lake for an overnight mini-vacation. (It's a Sweet Deal special that includes dinner for two, breaky for two and one night stay for $109) Most of the active stuff we do is stuff that is fun to do with the kids, so we do it as a family. You could work out together, get a family membership at the Y and while you and your husband work out the kids can participate in their own activities.
My husband and I go into our hot tub a couple nights a week together.
There is just nothing like sitting under the stars in such a relaxed state for an hour or so without any distractions. Not only do I think a hot tub is great for a marriage but it also is great for getting your kids to open up and talk about their lives (especially my teenager). FYI... We will be married 17 years in the fall.
My hubs and I do lunch dates. It ends up cheaper and it really is the only time we have with each other. We have 3 boys with crazy schedules, and, even though the oldest is old enough to babysit, we have no desire to go out at night.
We will occasionally go out shopping together, to the movies (rare) but that's about it. We are boring people :)
only married 13 been together 15.
I wish we coud go for even an 8 min walk everynight. that would makek me feel connected and let us talk a bit,
lol we go out to dinner and have nothing to talk about, so maybe i'm being optimisit with the walks.
Maybe look at what your down time entails, is that anything you two can do part of together, mine is mamapedia and i need to cut that wayyyy back,
weekly massages?
I have been married 30 years and found that nothing will keep your marriage strong than time together. Men need to know that they are your "knight in shining armor," your "stud," your "appreciated provider," and your best friend. If you focus on your alone time at the end of a day, you will find yourself "alone" in your marriage later on, even just emotionally.
Find things to do that are fun and fit both of your needs - some days, go for a bike ride or kayaking. The exercise will produce endorphins (a pick-me-up) and is great for your health! Other days, bring out some wine and cheese and have a date night in front of a movie so you can wind down. Do you like to do puzzles, play cards, or play games? Let him do the planning sometimes and tell him that you would like him to surprise you, so you can see what some of the things are that he enjoys. Going for a walk along a river or bayou is inexpensive or is there a place to hike near you? Do you have a fire pit that you can roast marshmallows for s'mores? My husband loves going for drives. He also LOVES having his feet tickled and rubbed while we watch TV. See what your husband wants to do and make it happen.
After a long day, it is great that he still wants to spend time with you. Let him know that there is no one or nothing that you would rather do than be with him. It is totally worth it! Then on those days that you need to have for yourself, he won't mind as much. Just don't make it sound like whatever you want to do is more fun or desirable than being with him.
We go for a walk by the lake, strolling really. Gives us time to talk about stuff.
We also try to go do something while the kids are at school. Takes our minds off the to-do list of things that seem to take over the minute we have one free second.
