I'm Getting Married June 16, 2007...

Hi C.,

Since it sounds like he and his family are in a position to be financially helpful, why not talk to him about sharing the expense? It used to be that the bride's family paid for almost everything, but it's not like that any more. Many brides and grooms pay for their own weddings. Yes, if he helps to pay, he will also get to have some input on the details, but if you're going to be married, you might as well learn to compromise now! Also, if you start now, you'll have time to find the best prices available for the big stuff.

Good luck and congratulations!

Let me start off by telling you about what lead up to my wedding day.......I moved from IN to SC with my daughter (she was almost 4 at the time)in March of 04 to be with my now hubby. We had talked about getting married in the court house at Christmas time so our families could be there but we found out mid Oct that he was going to be deployed to Japan for 6 months. I wanted to live in base housing (we are military) since I wasn't comfortable living in a strage town with just my DD while he was gone. So we decided to get married the night of the Marine Corps Ball in Nov 04. He was in his dress Blues, I was wearing a formal dress and I got a fancy dress for my DD to wear. We did it at a boat launch in housing and it happened to be at sunset so we had the sun going down behind us-it was beautiful!! My dress was given to me by one of my good friends, I browed a pair of her shoes and my DD and another friend took pictures. And we had 6 couples there watching. We didn't have a cake, we didn't have a reciption. Dh's parents did get us a very nice cake when we went home for Christmas though. All in all, it cost us $90 between the notary and the marriage license!! It was the most beautiful wedding I could have had-why? I was marring someone I loved and people that we cared about were there to see it. It doesn't matter how much money you spend, how fancy your dress is, how many people are there...what matters is you and this man love eachother and he loves your little girl. Love is blind to money and fancy Cindarella weddings, love is two people coming together to share a life and all the rollercoaster rides it has. I wish our families could have been there to see the wedding but that's what happens when you live 1,000 miles apart. Since it is you and your mom picking up the tab for this then you do what you can to make this a beautiful wedding for your and your soon to be husband with out breaking the bank. If he wants the Cinderalla style wedding then you both need to sit down and ask his family to help contribute to the cost. You have a greater responsibility than impressing his family and their friends-your daughter and your education. Besides, he asked you to marry him, that should me he loves you for you, not how much money you have or what your family does for a living.

Congratulations and I hope the three (your DD included) have many wonderful years ahead!!

S.

Hi C.,

First of all, you need to keep in mind it is your day. Don't get in a situation that will start your marriage off in a financial bind. Express your concerns to your finace. Believe me he will understand. As a bride you should be happy of the event. I planned my wedding as I chose to plan it. I knew I had a budget and I stuck to it. Bottom-line it is about you and your future husband. It is not about making the family happy, but you. You are giving them the priviledge of sharing a personal and intimate moment with them. If they can't understand that then it is their problem. Don't get caught up in trying to please the family, it is a job that will never be accomplish. Be true to you, your daughter and your future husband. Do talk to him. If he wants a big wedding let him know now that it is causing a financial burden for you and your mother. These days it isn't unheard of to ask both bride and groom to split the cost. You are going to marry this man and if he is as wonderful as you indicate he will understand and assist with the planning and cost. Good Luck to you and remember it is about you and him. No one matters that day but you two, who will become one and your family will be built. Congratulation and many happy years of blist.

If you are worried about the expense of the marriage because you want to please HIS FAMILY, then alot of the things, if not all of the things that occur in your marriage and all of the holidays will always revolve around what is acceptable to THEM. if this is the case, you shouldnt get married at all. your wedding should be an occasion YOU enjoy, and an occasion that is acceptable, but not overly expensive. You do the best you can, they should know that you cant afford 300-550 guests, your not a doctor, they are, you dont get their paycheck, so throw the wedding of YOUR dreams, not THEIRS, and dont over stress yourself, if they dont accept you beause you cant afford a lavish wedding, then they are not worthy of being at the wedding, good luck!!

Well if he wants a bigger wedding than what you are seeing as your financial budget then he may need to pitch in and help out a bit. It is his duty anyway to do the rehersal dinner, the flowers for the wedding, the tuxes for his groomsmen, and pay for the honeymoon. You can also cut expenses by either having the bridesmaids dresses made by a local seamstress, or asking each girl if they can pay for it. Then have the wedding at an off time so that you don't have to serve a meal just appetizer things. Get as many of your friends involved as possible to avoid having to pay professional people for different things. But in the end this is your wedding and if you only want 50 people there then you should have what you want, don't stress because of what other people have done. If you start playing that game you will end up way over your head and really dreading your wedding day. congratulations to you.

Congratulations on your engagement and upcoming wedding! Just as someone else responded, times have changed and it is not up to the bride or bride's family to assume all the financial responsibility for the wedding. When I got married in 2002, my hubby (not his family) paid for the entire wedding including my dress, the rings, the accomodations, the church and services, reception, etc...and he definitely did not have a lot of money to do so. Ask your groom to be and his family to help. It might be easier to be specific about what you want them to pay for: cover the bill for flowers, cover dinner, cover the DJ...

Also, do what makes YOU happy. Trust me, there is no pleasing the in-laws...you will be much happier in the long run if you take care of what you want. The rest will fall into place. Besides, a wedding IS fancy- period. Don't let others push you into going over the top. It is very empowering once you take back control and do things the way you and fiance decide.

One last ditch effort and a more modern approach I have been hearing about... ask the places that provide your cake, gifts, music, flowers, reception, etc to DONATE to you in exchange for advertising. You write them up in the wedding/ service brochure, you have little mentions on the tables at the reception, you mention them on the microphone during the dancing... you get the idea.

Best of Luck and Warm Wishes! A.

Hi C.,

I was a event director in Baltimore/DC area for 5 years. It is okay to ask his family to contribute financially. Even a very basic wedding for 200+ people is going to cost probably $10,000-$15,000 for a hotel ballroom type event.

I would first sit down and figure what it is that you want. When you imagine your wedding where are you, what kinda of food is there, what are the most important elements, ect...

On theknot.com there is a really good calculator where you can plug in your budget and remove the things you don't want or need and it will show you how much you should spend on each item and then as you spend that money you can update it and it will recalculate (just make sure to figure in tax and tip)

If you need anything just drop me a note. I am not doing events anymore but i will help you where I can. I am actually getting ready to go back to school at University of Phoenix in Raleigh for Accounting/Finance. How do you like it there?

My parents' wedding was like this. Since my dad's parents wanted the huge wedding, they paid for most of it. My mom's parents paid for what they could afford.
My husband and I had the wedding we wanted (mostly) and we paid for it ourselves. My father insisted we invite 50 more people than we wanted to, so he paid for that portion.
I know it's a difficult discussion to have with the in-laws, but if you want to have "their" wedding, then you'll have to ask for their help.
If you want a smaller wedding, then let them know that is your choice, and I'm sure it will be beautiful (even if it's not fancy).

I think that if your fiance's family want you to have a big wedding, and most of the guests are their family and friends, then they should help pay for the wedding. This is something your fiance needs to bring up to them. If they disagree, then have the wedding you can pay for, make it smaller if necessary. However it works out, it is your day, and nobody will want to take that away from you. Putting yourself in finacial jeopardy to pay for a wedding just doesn't make sense. One other idea is to have a destination wedding, have family and close friends go to a special place and get married there (Hawaii, Carribean, or even someplace closer to home). Congrats and good luck!

Hi there I have a few things that I did to have a NICE wedding without going broke. I had a little smaller wedding then 200 (like 100) I went to a place called bridal mart in NC. I got my dress for 300 and at David's bridal it was 800. Also check ebay ( i know it sounds nuts, but people buy the really fancy dresses and then don't get married,and you can get there 1200 dress for 300-500, sometimes less) YOu can also find left over things like bubbles,cameras ect. ALso maybe ask for things for the wedding for wedding gifts. I asked my grandparents to get my cake and not get me a gift. Do you have anyone in your family who makes cakes???? I had a family member make my cake for a dollar a serving. Ask around and try to find people from your work/church ect to help cut cost. Also does anyone in your family work at a resturant? My husband worked at a rest. and the boss ordered all our food, for what he paid (that saved use hundreds) I know some thing sound nuts but try sites like craigslist.com and freecycle.org to find wedding set for cheap. Also party city places will have a wedding section. WHere you can get items cheaper. Good luck.

i am a wedding planner the easiest ways to save money
1. have photogrpher only take wedding party pics and buy those cute little cameras and place them on the bar or other tables (cheap pics)

2. Find a place that offers an all inclusive package price for dinner drinks and your cake...lots of places will have wedding packages

3. use the same flowers for the church as for the reception
or use heavy sented candles for centerpieces

4. to make it look like you spent alot when you didnt
have either a chocolate fountain or a champaigne fountain most facilities have these or rent these and its about $200

5. serve wine with dinner (the extra settings on the table
make it look fancier

6. find local bands or musicians(like a harpist to play through dinner usually 100.00 an hour)