great tips on rewards systems: http://www.supernanny.com/Reward-Charts.aspx
here are chore ideas from http://otexchange.com/docs/Household%20Tasks%20-%20Teresa...
Expecting Your Child To Do Chores-Should You or Shouldn’t You?
Household tasks build the vocational skills needed later in life to be successful in a work environment. Current research tells us that the key to success in later life is participation in household tasks beginning at ages three to four years. The older the child is when you begin expecting them to participate in household tasks, the more resentful they are about doing them.
What parents need to know about teaching a task?
Learning the task will take considerable time.
Decide exactly what needs to be done.
Divide tasks in manageable steps and size – “Hang up the clothes you wore today” rather than “clean your room”.
Introduce the task using the child’s particular learning style:
Describe the big picture. Start on the first step with no overview. Give a demonstration showing the child how to do the task. Write out the steps to accomplish the task. Leave the child alone/Stay with the child to supervise. Expect to have to repeat the instruction
Communicate requests clearly and succinctly, trying not to give a lecture (say “wet towels on chair!”)
Develop reminder systems: Charts, Plans for someone to remind the child, link the task to associations, such as do the task before you leave for soccer.
Give appropriate rewards Say thing like “Thanks”, “Well done”, “I’m grateful to you”, “You’re really helping this family”.
Give lots of hugs and kisses-the best reward is affection.
Provide supervision: Don’t hover, don’t help too much after initial instruction
Give appropriate negative feedback along with sufficient encouragement
Say “the bed looks ok. Next time, be sure the sheet is pulled up before pulling up the spread”
Twenty ways to get a reluctant child involved:
Understand the capability of the individual child: allow for differences among children in the family.
Begin early: By two most children can, with help, pick up toys, take off their clothes and put in hamper.
Get all family members involved: parents share tasks with kids, model how to do the work, provide company to make the tasks more enjoyable. All members in the family should be assigned tasks.
Offer encouragement: thanks, hugs, and pats on the back. Use check lists, stickers, and charts. Intermittent rewards are best, the goal is for intrinsic rewards (coming from within the child) to take over.
Communicate a lot about the reasons for being involved in the work of the family. Ask rather than demand and give reasons.
Make gender-free assignments: Garbage and dishes can be done by either boys or girls.
Establish realistic standards for the job: Perfection in towel folding may not be necessary for family functioning; consider if standards are being set by what others will think or to fit your family.
Use common sense about the number of tasks expected of each child.
Ask for volunteers and rotate jobs; vary the tasks to avoid boredom or getting stuck with an unpleasant job.
Set an appropriate time, with the child’s input, for the work to be done; routines help everyone to know what to expect.
Consider having children who can read and write compete a weekly contract that says what they plan to do and when the task will be completed.
Avoid blaming or labeling: saying you inherited your slob tendencies from you father, doesn’t get the job done.
Use humor: Are you leaving your clothes to be picked up by the clever invisible elf?”
Set rules for the shared spaces in the home: All homework must be picked up by bedtime or they’ll be tossed.
The child’s room is their sanctuary, within reason: General room cleaning weekly, no food in room.
Make a place for as many things as possible: Label shelves, boxes and drawers so everything has a place.
Don’t give in to bribery and inevitable bargaining.
Don’t argue, refrain from confrontations. Explain the consequence and walk away.
Avoid tying allowances to household tasks: everyone has to pitch in for family functioning, parents don’t get paid for tasks, allowances are important for learning money management, consider extra pay for some jobs.
Don’t despair if the child backslides-all children go through periods when self-preoccupation is intense.
Principles of parent-child relationships that apply to household tasks:
• Children have rights and parents have rights too.
• One of parents’ most important goals is to teach their children to be responsible.
• Children learn a lot about responsibility by watching their parents and modeling their behavior.
• Parent-child relationships are reciprocal-if a parents respects the child, the child respects parent.
• The ability to participate in household tasks increases with the age of the child.
• To achieve eventual independence, all children need to know how to run a household.
• Convey respect by allowing children choices about which jobs they would like to do and how
tasks should be done-but they can’t choose to opt out of household tasks.
• Consequences should follow logically, and should, if possible, be identified by the child.
• Try not to do anything for the child that they child can do for themselves!!!!!
Reprinted with permission of Marty Rossmann, Professor Emeritus, Family Education Program, College of education and Human Development, University of Minnesota
Appropriate tasks for children at various age groups:
Ages Two-Three:
Pick up a few toys with help * put soiled clothes in laundry box * take used cup or bottle to sink * Put trash in the waste basket * help to prepare meals (clean vegetables, put salad
ingredients into bowl) * sweep the floor with help * wipe up spills with help* put on clothes with help
Ages Three-Four:
Put away toys * set the table * take used dishes to sink * pick out clothes to wear with help * dress themselves with help * pull up covers on bed * empty wastebaskets * dust their bedroom furniture * shake small rugs * pull weeds or outdoor planting with help * water lawn and garden * find items at the grocery store * put groceries away with help * help to cook (make desserts * hold mixer * make sandwiches * get cereal and milk * get the mail * talk with extended family over the phone
Ages Four-Five:
Put dishes in dishwasher * care of pets with help * plan one family meal a week with help * dust the family/living room furniture * sort clothes for laundry with help * water indoor plants with help * clean sink and tub after using
Ages Five-Seven:
Remove dishes from dishwasher and put away * cook simple meals using microwave * fully responsible for care of pets * wash and dry clothes with help * fold laundered clothes and put away with help * make a grocery list for one meal with help * manage a small weekly allowance (% to save, spend, and give) * vacuum the family/living room area * take out the trash * fully responsible for watering indoor plants * clean their bedroom (put away things where they belong, dust, vacuum)
Ages Seven-Ten:
Cook simple meals using the range and oven * make a grocery list for family meals for one week * simple home repairs (cleaning sink drains) * family laundry * clean the bathroom * recycle cans/ bottles/newspapers * Answer phone/take messages * help with yard work * write thank you notes for gifts * clip and use coupons * shop for clothes with help * help to clean the car * help to paint their own room * prepare own school lunch * care for their own bike
Ages Ten-Thirteen:
Write checks and balance a checkbook * help needy neighbors with snow shoveling * shop for family groceries with help * rake the lawn * help parents with bill paying (witnessing) * clean refrigerator * simple ironing * sew buttons and other simple repairs * change sheets on beds * arrange flowers * settle arguments peacefully
Ages Thirteen-Eighteen:
Wash kitchen floor * change a tire * mow the lawn * shop for clothes on their own * clean stove and oven * arrange for own doctor and dentist appointments * short term care of younger siblings * run errands
References:
Carroll, D. (1997). Teaching your children life skills. NY: Berkley Books
Lott, L. & Intner, R. (1997). Chores without wars. Rocklin, CA: Prima Publishing.
Thornton, J. (1997). Chore wars. Berkeley, CA: Conari Press
GOOD LUCK!
