In Need of Venting About Angry Husband

I don't think both are probably as bad as he thinks they are, but depression will do that. Nothing is fun or enjoyable. He should get to a dr. and get a full health workup. He also should seriously talk to him/her about possible depression. I think he's jealous, because you have fun and connect. It is incredibly difficult to truly connect and enjoy anything, when you are unhappy. He sounds unhappy across the board.

Having had a husband who hated his job, two things I can tell you:

1) Press him to look for a new job. I wish I'd done it sooner.

2) Instead of trying to tell him it doesn't seem that bad, mirror his feelings. "Man, your job sounds really, hard/stressful/unpleasant/whatever." And "It sure would have been nice to have you at the park, too."

I still suffer husband's annoyance at not understanding how bad it was, because I tried to get him to see the positive side, but the one time I mirrored his feelings, he responded with "Oh, it's not so bad."

Mirror his feelings to the extreme! It really works!

And support him in looking for a new job .

He sounds generally unhappy or depressed. Is that possible? Maybe he doesn't know why he's not so happy, so complains about what is going on - even though that's not the real cause??? Talk to him about what would make him happy... and DON'T give up the time with your kids. You can afford it - and enjoy it and THEY LOVE IT!

As a wife you are totally picking up on your husbands frustrations. He sounds jealous of not being able to spend time with his family, and they are living life without him. My husband use to be somewhat that way. He would not ever not talk to me, he would just not show any interested in what we did. He worked weekend and hated his job, and working around the people. After lots of prayer and years of being faithful he finally got the job that allowed him to be off weekends. I think this is the 1st summer that we have had him home with us every weekend. It's been a little bit of an adjustment because he worked weekends for over 8 yrs.
Sounds like he wanting you to feel is pain, but really tell you in the hurtful way. Maybe start planning some of the fun short trips to beach or museum when he is off. Start including him. He has chosen to stay with a job he don't like, for his family. That is awesome, and make sure you share that with him. How great he is for well... suckin it up for the sake of the family. Amazing what happens to our men when we praise them just a little. Good luck.

Sit down and have a heart to heart - talk to him about finding a new job and encourage him to be happy at work. That is sad, and he should be thrilled that you do things with your kids. I also, work part time (I'm on maternity leave now, since April) and do alot with my kids, beach, zoo, aquarium, parks, playdates and so on. DH is never jealous. Happy, and feeling like the kids are being brought up in a great way. We both want them raised with our values and our influence, not someone else's and we're both sacrificing in order to do this. He works his butt off to support us. I work my butt off to raise our kids.

I understand what you are saying however I do not think you are hearing what your husband is saying. I think you will get further with him by acknowledging his feelings and maybe coming up with a solution and a plan together rather then telling him it doesn't seem that bad. It sounds like he is in a rut and needs the change, there is nothing worse then going to a job you hate, no matter how much money you are making. It sounds like he is resentful to you period, because you are not hearing him and everything else is a symptom of it so he is picking at things he know will get your attention. I would really have a sit down with him let him have the talk he needs and wants to have, just listen and let him talk. His feelings are his feelings, even if you don't agree you can't change how he feels, just as he can't change how you feel. I think if you work together on a plan and a goal he will feel better because he will know change is coming. Remind him it is soooo much easier to find a job when you have a job. Get his resume updated and start looking. Good luck!!

what if you were to plan a few things for him to do with the boys on "his" days? get everything laid out, lunch made (if it involves lunch), tickets purchased, beach bag packed, whatever the plan is have it completely taken care of. all he has to do is take the kids and go. tell him that you know how much he hates missing fun stuff with the boys and you planned this for them. maybe that would help?

I'm sorry--I'm kind of stuck after the "day care costs more than my full time salary" and you work 3/4 time........

I'm all for self actualization and fulfillment, but it s costing you money to work right now....I don't get that financially.

Also, your husband sounds miserable--in his job---in his life in general.
He doesn't want to be at work and he doesn't want to be with the kids....what DOES he want?

Do you all do things every week, as a family? Does he 'like' that?

could he be jealous that he doesn't get your undivided attention anymore?

This... has had to have gone on... for awhile?
Not only now.
It is his... gripes and his personality tendency.
Regardless, it is really maladjustment.
And really, negative upon you and the kids.... and him.

He needs, to see a Doctor. To rule out depression or any other mental malady.
He... will not be satisfied with anything.
Nothing, satisfies him.
And, his deep seated hang-up... about your time with your sons.... is really abnormal.
He doesn't want you to spend time with them, but yet, he doesn't want to spend time with them either. Once he does have to babysit.

The thing is: you said he would love for you to work 12+ hours a day... and NEVER see your sons.
... THIS, is really, abnormal.
And he gets 'jealous' about any time you spend with them.
THIS is abnormal.

You are not dealing with normal irritations here.
Your Husband... needs mental health Therapy.

It could be depression, or it may not be.

How as HE raised, himself??? Any siblings?

I'd say, he's pretty toxic.

He is really a Negative-Nelly, to say the very very least.

I would, pack my bag and take a vacation with my sons.

tell him to grow up and make up his mind. keep things the way they are and if he is unhappy then he should deal with it like a big boy.

It sounds like he is just unhappy and nothing you can do to change that. It could be depression, or he could just be a negative person, you know the one's who always see the glass as half empty instead of half full. That being said, if you make changes that make you unhappy, you both will be unhappy.

Of course he should see his doctor and maybe a therapist to try to figure out on his own what would make him happy. while he is working this out, your job as a mother is to stay positive and keep doing the best you can for your children.

Whatever you do -- make your choices based on what's best for your children. Do not cave in to your husbands negative perception of your really valuable and wonderful involvement with your kids. If your family can make it financially on one salary -- by all means do it and be available to your children.

You husband may be someone who is just fundamentally unhappy, and wants to attach that generalized malaise to something specific -- like his job, you, etc. Don't make choices to "make him happy" -- because that is a bottomless pit -- and your children shouldn't suffer by being deprived of a great, involved, caring mom -- to satisfy a depressed man who will never be satisfied

I'm just sorry you're not being appreciated and acknowledged for all that you do. Don't let your husband devalue your contribution. Stay strong, trust your instincts and get him into therapy

I agree with Bug...that sounds a lot like depression. He should talk to his doctor. He should ask to have his thyroid and vitamin D levels checked (and anything else that can cause depression) before starting on meds for depression because it could just be a symptom of something else.

Best wishes! =o)

I would agree with DM. It is no so much that he is jealous of your fun times with the kids as he is jealous that you are having fun.

My ex was like this, apparently he had more issues that just being miserable with work cause he is my ex, at one point I said I would support the kids so he could find the work that made him happy. Yeah, apparently he was just too lazy to find work he loved or he simply didn't love to work. I don't know, I grew tired with it all and divorced him.

So anyway, if he is that miserable with his work you do need to step up to the plate and offer to take on the lead role. Ya know, support the family, allow him to find his place. It really isn't fair for anyone in a family to be soooo miserable just to make life easy on the rest. If he doesn't take the bait then you are free to tell him to put on his big boy pants and suck it up.

I think he is jealous because he can't find fun when he hangs out with them. When you tell him about the fun you had he is like what am I doing wrong that I can't have fun with them? Maybe he doubts he can be fun with them. I would try to talk to him because that is very unsatisfying (to me) if I couldn't tell my guy about the child me I had with my daughter. I love telling my best friend or my folks the fun time I had with my little one and I love it when my dad tells me about the fun time he had with her at the park or where ever.

I'd encourage him to find another job, but gosh with the freedom he has now I don't think he will like a structured job that doesn't let you come and go as you please. I think he needs to find a stress outlet. My uncle is a chemical engineer. He hates his job. He thought he'd love it and he is really good at it, but it is not satisfying to him... he stays there because it is stable and it makes a lot of money and benefits. My uncle has his family that he goes out with and has fun with. He also does some other recreational stuff to just unload after work is over. I mean some weeks he works every day for 10 hours when developing a new project, he has to have a stress outlet. Maybe your husband needs to find his own personal outlet too.

I understand how frustrating it is to have that negativity pushed at you.

However, just because you don't see what your husband could dislike about his job doesn't make his unhappiness/misery at that job any less valid. He sees you being happy and having a good time with the kids, while he is miserable in what he does all day. No, it's not right that he takes it out on you, but a little sympathy and empathy would go a long way.

Sit down and talk to him about his job. He probable feels trapped--like he can't quit even though he hates it. Let him know that his happiness is equally as important as yours. Let him know that you support him looking for a new job, or changing the arrangements so that if need be, you both work (so he can find a job and not be miserable). Do let him know that you see his misery and you want to help him. But do let him know (in a kind and gentle way!) that the way he shows you this (by not talking to you) is hurtful (but remember that the point of this conversation is not about you, but is about him).

Make an effort to include him in the fun trips (zoo, pool, etc), and strongly encourage him to take a day or two off here and there to go and be with his family.

Your husband deserves to happy in his work, if its possible. And that may mean that he needs to find a new job. You are happy in your work--your parttime job and your work with your kids--so why shouldn't he be allowed the same?