So i dont have such a great relationship with my inlaws especially my mother in law ..And i'm not sure exactly why she doesnt like me but over the years i've heard alot of remarks so it could be anything ..The problem I'm having now is that they both came up from North Carolina to visit but not there grandkids "sad" you would think after 6 yrs of not seeing there grandaughters they would be anxious to see them but when they did come to the house which was briefly they spoke to them for 1/2 hour ..I wasnt there "think that was purposely " so i didnt see them but my daughter was so sadden at the fact that grandma didnt really show her she was missed ? This really upsets me Im wondering if by chance they are by my house when they come to say there goodbyes "if they even do that '" Should i say something ? or just bite my tongue ? My husband thinks that i should leave it alone because it's common for them to do this with the the other grandkids ?? Which is true but i'm so disgusted I dont think anyone has ever said anything to them ..Ugh! What do you guys think ??
Leave it alone. Not all grandparents and kid people. You cannot force them
to do something they are not comfortable with. Move on.
I don't think you will change their behavior. however - I would take this fantastic opportunity to teach your girls that people show and express love differently and that just because Grandma and mama are different doesn't mean that Grandma didn't miss her.
You can't expect they will behave the way you want them to if they don't have that value system in their hearts and don't feel it's important - which if they treat all their grandkids the same way obviously they don't. they may just be 'love from afar' kind of people. This is a great lesson for your girls to love and accept from people what they can give - not always what you think is appropriate.
Good Luck.
I am sorry:( The relationship between grandchildren and grandparents can be so special. But, I don't think she's going to change. I would call your MIL. You have nothing to lose--she doesn't like you and doesn't see the kids as it is. So, tell her how you feel. Tell her you don't know why she doesn't like you and that you're disappointed that she doesn't have a relationship with your daughters. At least you can say you tried. My mom and in-laws live in a different state and we see both sets of grandparents several times a year.
I think that they're like one set of my grandparents were. They didn't care for their own kids let alone their grandkids. I wasn't hurt by it. And I don't think anyone said anything to them... It wouldn't have changed anything.
well my in laws live one hr from us. my kids dont see them as much as i would like. now they are in horrible health but when their health was better..they really didnt seem like they missed my kids. they do love my kids in there own way. my mil and i are different but despite that i always held my tongue. i wanted her to have a strong relationship with her only grandkids they ever going to have. my children love my in laws. and we pray for them every night..but its not the type of relationship they have with my parents. i would just be gracious. dont say anything that you will regret. remember they are still are your husbands parents ..and your children grandparents. its possible its has nothing to do with you or your children..it could just be her own selfishness. just pray on it and treat them with kindness. for many yrs i craved for a close bond with my in laws. i am not guilty any longer for the lack of the relationship. i know in my heart i wanted only the best for them. their issues were their issues and not mine. god bless.
I would definitely say something. I would tell her that you are sad that they didnt seem to show an interest in the children. 6 years of not seeing someone is sad, and even now they dont care how sad for your children. I would tell her that I think its rude and inconsiderate of her to only want to spend a half hour with them and that the girls feel like they dont care. How awful. You have nothing to lose like Kristen said, so go for it. Tell her how you feel.
Best wishes, and maybe you telling her will make her think about how she has been treating you.
Very sad situation all the way around. Normally I would suggest that you let it go and move on with your life. You were happy before they came to visit and will be happy after they leave, but in this case I would say something. It's not like you have a relationship to "lose". Be tactful and respectful so you don't give her another reason to dislike you, but by all means let her know that your daughter commented to you that she really wished she had been able to spend more time with them when they visited. Let her know that the next time they visit you would like to have them for lunch so that they can spend some time with the children.
I would also suggest having your daughter write them letters regularly or email so that they feel a sense of connectedness too.
If it were just your children then did this to, then I would say something, but since it just seems to be their way, there's nothing you can do to change them, so saying something will only aggravate an already tense relationship. It's almost a good thing in this case that they live so far away. A sad experience, certainly, for your daughter, but unfortunately she will have to learn that some people are not affectionate like others. I would have a talk with her and explain that; throw in a "little white lie" if you'd like and tell her that her grandparents do really love her, but are just very uncomfortable talking with people and sharing emotions. It might not be a white lie after all....
