OK! Just seeking some opinions here!! A little background-my inlaws basically have raised my brother inlaw's 2 children. They each have a different mother and these 2 women have given complete control of their children to these people. The grandma tells the moms what the children will be doing instead of the other way around (though both children live w/their mothers). When I had my first little girl my MI tried to be the same way w/me, but considering I would not put up w/it she kinda stopped. They live about 3 hours away, they have not seen my child since Christmas (my husband is a coach and out of town on weekends, from Oct until just last weekend). We used to go up there all the time, and they have come here maybe 5 times in the past 18 months! OK...so, we are pregnant w/a boy due in June, and my husband has a stepfather who married his mom when they are all pretty small. There are 4 of them. However, his stepdad does not call us, come to see us or even try to maintain a relationship w/my husband or myself. His younger sister no longer speaks to the stepdad and has not in over a year. His mom is still married to the man, and he's very nice to me when we see him. MY MI called me yesterday to tell me to "MAKE SURE" I included the stepdad's name somewhere in the new baby's name b/c he has been talking about it a lot, and would really like that! Let me remind you that my husband has 2 sisters that have not had children yet, but wish to, and I am in the same sitution w/my stepfather. My dad died when I was 2 and my stepfather married my mom, and never had anymore children, but I have not even mentioned using his name! My daughter is name saked after my husband, and I wanted to use my deceased grandfather's middle name somewhere. I think it's only fair! My husband has even jumped on the bandwagon, and I REFUSE!! I told my husband that I don't appreciate anyone calling me and telling me to "make sure" that I do anything when it comes to my children! Please tell me if I am making this more than is really is.....Thanks....sorry so long!! I rant when I talk about these people!!
Hi Cari,
DO NOT give into your MIL. It will only open the door for her to attempt to make other important decisions in your families life down the road. Name your baby what you want. This is a decision you have to live with and be happy with. Your MIL will probably be upest at first, but, if she is any kind of mother and grandmother, she will get over it and understand why you chose the name for your baby that you did. Good Luck!
OMG! The nerve of you MIL. How rude! This is your child not hers and if she thinks the guy needs a namesake maybe they should have their own child and give the baby his name. But in no way should you feel obligated or guilty or anything like that for using this step fathers name. JMO.
Here is my husband and my rule. If you were in the room when we created the child then you get to name and be in the delivery room when the child is born............. We were alone so sorry. We didnt allow either side in the delivery room while the baby was being born nor did either side get to choose names. We all respect each others boundaries and suprizingly get along very well. Good luck your not alone.
NO, NO, NO absolutely DO NOT let your MI force you to name your own child after someone who's not even a blood relative of yours! It's your child and yes your husband should agree on a name with you but not choose the name it's going to be.
I'm due to have my 2nd son in April and as much as I'd like to give him my Dad's first name as his middle, it just doesn't go with his first name so we're not going to give him my dads name at all.
My dad hasn't even mentioned this being an option in my son's name. He knows it's mine and my husbands choice and ours only! Your husband probably is only agreeing with his Mom because he doesn't want to offend or upset his stepdad.
Either way, it's still your child and no one needs to "tell You" what to name him!!
Good luck to you and hope everything works out ok. I know how hard the naming process can be "w/out" any pressure from family. : )
Congrats on your pregnancy!
That's ridiculous. She's already had her turn to name babies. If it is important to your husband, then perhaps it should be up for discussion, but it certainly is a bit pompous of this woman to make demands in regards to your son's name.
Ignore her.
I am very very close with my family but did not name either of my children after them. I don't think that a name will make them love your children any more or any less.
I agree with you,
You and your husband are the only ones that can name your child. I would be upset too if my mother in-law would ask me something like this.
Without getting upset just tell her that you and your hubby had a name picked since the moment you knew it was a boy.
Good luck and stay firm!
When we were expecting our first baby my father-in-law was very hurt that the names we picked out did not include his. It was easier for us though, both my parents were dead, so no one would dare say anything about naming our child after one of my parents. We knew we would have more, and if we had 2 boys then the second boy would carry my father-in-law's name. As it turned out we had one boy and one girl, so neither one of my in-laws has a child named after them. That has not affected how they treat them, or how much they love them. Oh, and just food for thought: my children have their own first names, it was the middle names that we used to name after my parents. Pick the name you want, your FIL will live with it.
OMG I can't beleive people would do something like that. You poor thing.
This is your son. If you want to name him after your IL, then fine. But if you don't, don't. Ultimately, it's your decision. Hopefully your ILs will be able to see past this and enjoy your little one, no matter what his name will be.
Wow. I think it is a good thing you live far away from her.
You are the mommy. This is your child.
When you pick a name you do not have to tell anyone what it is until you say, "Grandma, this is James William" IF she says anything then, she is the meaner because she is talking bad about baby's name.
Just stand your ground. You can do it.
I say it's up to you and your husband ONLY for naming your child. I was in similar shoes with the birth of my son last year. My father passed when I was 13. I know that my mom expected me to name my son after my dad, using his first name. Once this issue was brought up, when we had just learned we were having a boy, my husband and I agreed to keep the name that we decided on a secret. So, up until the moment our son was born, we didn't dicuss his name with ANYONE. My mom was upset and actually told me during my pregnancy that by keeping his name a secret it wasn't allowing her to develope a bond with him!!! I told her to pick a name and call him whateve she liked until he was born if she thought that would help her bond more. We did not use my dad's first name, but did use his middle name. Part of our decision was based on the fact that I have a younger, unmarried brother and one day if he has a son, he should get to use my dad's name. My mom might not have been 100% happy with my son's name, but she came to understand and accept that it was my turn to name my kids, she'd already had her turn.
Stand your ground!! This is YOUR SON, not your MIL's son.
Good luck!
I'm sure you got the message about it being your baby and your right to name it. Just a question, is this guy's name Buford or something equally outdated? Do you hate the name or is this just the principle of the matter?
MIL way out of line!
After 9 months, no one has the right to tell you anything. :) Definitely your choice and anyone else can deal with it!
Hello Cari,
Congratulations! It's your baby. Make sure you pick a name that you both like and that you will not regret later. Maybe you can use the letters from their names to make a new one --that you like, of course. Good luck and my prayers go out to you. ~C.~
