Input on Internal Dialogue

I totally understand that dynamic inside one's head 'cause I do it! With me, that negative self-talk often peaks when I'm on the verge to doing something different or facing a fear. Sometimes it's really helpful for me to use the yoga idea of just observing or noticing what I am feeling and doing. It's disengaging from the actual feeling--acknowledge that it is there without responding to it. Then, I can remind myself that those feelings are not facts and I don't have to act based on them. A second part to dealing with the negative voice is to take action, especially the one I'm apprehensive about. When I send out that email, start grading the first essay in the intimidating stack, or make the phone call, it relieves the stress and I get reminded that I actually can act in my own best interest. The initial step reinforces my confidence and shuts down the negative talk. Good luck! You are totally ON THE WAY up and out from this lousy situation.

I love this question! I have a couple of of thoughts that keep me sane in times of uncertainty. In the past 8 months I did a big career change, my husband moved out and my house is in pre-foreclosure, so I've had to self-talk myself through a lot of big decisions.

1) Action is the antidote to fear
2) I'm a smart, capable woman who has survived a lot of life-changing events. I can handle this too.
3) We're not doing open-heart surgery here...if I make a bad choice, no one dies. We'll adjust and move on.
4) Do I have a roof over my head? Food on the table? Kids are healthy? I'm able-bodied and of sound mind? Have everything I need? Yes? YES! Then the important bases are covered, I've got this.
5) Remember when you didn't know how to (give birth...shift the gears on your bike going uphill...ride a bike with your shoes clipped in...teach to a classroom full of teenagers...swim 1/4 mile in the open ocean...[pick something that scared you that you overcame])? You survived that and did fine...you'll master this next thing too.

Hope this is helpful, and good luck to you - you've got this!

This may sound weird, but my daughter is in an empowerment group at school - elementary age.

It's based on an adult course. It's about teaching kids how to rethink their internal dialog to be positive and helpful. To get rid of the negative thoughts that get in the way of doing what they want to do.

I have found it really helpful to work through the book with her. The whole family has tried it out. It works.

So you write down what you are thinking now. The negative stuff. Like "I don't think I have the skills".
Then write down what skills you have.

You have to be specific. So write down your fears. Why don't you think you'll do well in an interview. Write that down. Then write down what you would say to a friend who said this.

It's just to get you feeling that you can handle the worst case scenario. And you think of times you have overcome your worst fear (our worst fears rarely come true).

Basically talk to yourself as you would a friend. Be encouraging. Good luck :)

I like to do it with music. One, it distracts and re-routes me from my unproductive inner dialogue. Two, it gets me pumped up and moving around, which helps with nervous jitters or other unproductive behaviors.

Example----In preparation for my dissertation defense, I blared "I Won't Back Down" over and over while I was getting dressed and ready to go. I've always loved that song, and it just makes me feel good. It was a great song for me to play that morning.

Find some of your favorite songs that inspire you, make you happy, get you motivated and feeling positive. Make a playlist and jam on while you're reading through those job listings, while you're preparing to go for interviews, when you're out walking or exercising.

The more you do this, the easier it will be to pull up those positive feelings when you need them---even in the absence of the actual music. While you're waiting to be called in for the interview, just hearing the songs in your head will bring up the good, positive feelings associated with them.

Simple, but it works for me.

Good luck, and never let your fears hold you back. Just remember how much you have to offer and know that the right opportunity is out there for you.

Yeah, I have trouble with that one myself.
I lost my dream job several years ago - worked from home 30 hrs per week, decent salary - and I'd had that for 8 years.
I'd been continuously employed for 27 years - haven't had to look for work since college.
So when I lost it (it was off-shored) - I didn't feel ready to work with real people in an office again.
I didn't want to start over again with a new job with no time off (for years) while our son is still in school.
I wanted my time off to match his until he's off to college.
So I'm working at his school as a lunch lady.
It's such an awful job.
But I'm working with people again outside of home - and every time school is closed - we get to enjoy it!
One more year and he'll be graduated - and I'll be ready for a sit down office job again.
Anything after this has got to be a step up.

When I have a decision to make I've used several techniques to help me see what I want to do.

I've made lists. Pros/cons, costs of one over the other, stresses of staying verses the stresses of changing, and more. These help me see more concrete issues that are effecting the whole thought process. This often helps calm my mind. I can mentally go over the lists and resort it, add something, discount something else that I thought was important but doesn't seem that way anymore.

I've done stream of thought writing, getting all my fears and frustrations out, onto paper, and I wrote and wrote and wrote until my arm was falling off and wishing it would fall off from the pain. Then I read some of it, felt it creeping back in, so I took it and burned it. Then it was gone. My mind was clear.

I have gone to a therapist and told them I had to make some decisions and felt like I needed a sounding board, for just a couple of months at most. It's their job to be that sounding board and see where your blocks are and what you can do to move forward. That worked really really well. I'm really really audio so even hearing myself telling someone all about it helped me to figure it all out. I'd have never got through it if I hadn't heard it for myself..lol.

Then there is always just going to a quiet place, if you pray just bow your head and talk out loud to Him. Tell him your fears and frustrations. Ask for help. Then sit and listen. Be open to thoughts and promptings of the Spirit.

If you don't pray then go and do a similar thing but sit quietly and say it all out loud. As if you were a friend listening to another friend. Then you can hear it and think on it like you're helping someone else. That often gets "us" out of it and we can see solutions much clearer.

Finally, if you have an old professor or business friend that you can confide in, someone that works in a similar field, someone that is able to 90% see your dilemma, talk to them. Ask them for their honest opinion. Ask them if you need to take more college courses, update your skills, get a master's degree, etc...what can you do to make yourself more valued as an employee.

Find out what they think you need to do. I don't know what field you're in so I can't say if I think you'd need to go back to school or not but I don't think it's a bad idea, if only continuing education sorts of classes.

I think leaving your job is hard. It's the devil you know. Leaving it then going to another place that might be worse is terrifying. BUT it could be completely wonderful too.

Look online for common interview questions and sample responses....there are tons of resources out there. The more prepared you are, the more confident you will feel.
A job is not worth that amount of stress. I left a 20 year job after a corporate buy out. Best thing I ever did. Now I work part time
I have more time for family and it's fine financially too

what i use, involving archetypes and telesmatic images may not be everyone's cup of tea.
but i think you are already moving down the right path. you clearly recognize what's going on, and that you need to be telling yourself a different and better story about yourself.
sit down and make a short list of things you want to accomplish in the short term, where you want to be. not steps to get there (the universe will take care of that once you've got the endgame visualized)- just 3 or 4 things that will put you back on top. this will help you identify what your primary stressors are. for example, is it the commute? if so, your list will include 'job within a half hour commute.' but maybe when you make a list and start whittling it down to its essentials you'll realize that you'd be happy to commute an hour IF you had flexible hours, creative control and upward mobility.
or whatever. you get the idea.
once you have a short list of musts, picture what it looks like and take a mental snapshot of yourself in the middle of a new day in your terrific scenario, smiling, confident, accomplished, recognized. whenever the the angstiness starts to overwhelm your inner dialogue, slap that picture of yourself right into your third eye and beam light into it.
down the road you and incorporate longer term goals and tweak it, but for now to get you over the hump, just get that one shining image of yourself conquering this immediate challenge, and let this heroic YOU take care of business.
and, of course, along with the visualization to counter the negative dialogue, keep taking practical steps toward your goal.
you got this!
khairete
S.

1. Weigh the discomfort - what is more uncomfortable this job with the potential of a longer commute and unsatisfactory work conditions or an interview for a potentially way better job, shorter commute and more money (all of which you get to negotiate and agree to).

2. How is your being stressed out about work and the long soon to be longer commute impacting your family? What lessons are your children learning by watching you. (Some things are taught and some things are caught).

3. Write down a list the best possible outcomes from finding a new job.

4. If you happen to not like the new job you already climbed the hurdle of job searching and getting an acceptance not it wouldn't take much more to look for another new job if the one you select that selected you isn't a good fit or match.

5. Life is too short to be stuck in a unhappy job.

6. Face your fears, get that resume out there and don't stop until you find the great opportunity that matches your skills and temperment.

I don't not know about changing your internal dialogue but I think if you send out your resume and start getting interviews that will be proof that your skills are up to snuff...at least your resume was good enough to get you an interview.

Best of luck!!