Internet Access for Tweens

I know this probably won't be popular answer but I'd invest in a high quality spyware. I wouldn't tell her I had it but you can see every keystroke that passes through your home wi-fi connection.

She can continue to think she has her privacy and you will be able to know if she is in danger. You will have to be sure to not let on what you know.

She is emotionally fragile right now. You are her mom and responsible for protecting her from herself and others. I'm all for privacy and allowing age appropriate freedoms but now isn't the time for that.

How is she accessing the apps? Does she have a smartphone? Is it on her ipod? A laptop? Where?

At 12, you can take her access away. Do not think you can't. I don't know of a school that allows kids to use their phones at school. They will be confiscated if they do. If they go to the media center in language arts class, if they are caught on sites other than what they should be on, there are stiff consequences for that.

Take the ipod.

I am not a psychotherapist, but I'm sorry, I would not be dictated to by one who tells me I cannot discipline a 12 yr old with common sense consequences.

Keep her in therapy, yes. But you still have the ability to remove her access to these social sites. In a few years, you won't. But for now, you still can control it unless she is at a friend's house--and at 12 ( I certainly hope!) you still control when and if that happens.

I have been teaching parenting on and off for 20 yrs. It is horrible to see what the kids are getting their hands on today.

What I have found is that kids FIND ways around these blocks.

You are the parent...She is a kid. She should not be allowed to block u from twitter, etc. at 12. I am kinda old-fashioned, but, I have seen too, too, too many kids step on their parents at age 12... You are not her friend.

I would talk to the therapist and tell her that u are not comfortable w/ her blocking you and tell her what u would like. I am not a therapist, but, I did not allow my kids do do any of that at 11 and 12. If they chose to, my husband walked up to them and told them that they were not following the parental rules and it was taken away. Period.

Keep us posted. I am so sorry that parenting has gotten really hard for so many of us. I still keep in touch w/ a group of parents who had "challenging" children over the last 15 yrs. It HAS NOT been easy for THEM. You do have your hands full and I am glad u have sought out help. Not all kids are EASY...I know. I have worked w/ many, many families over the yrs.

All this technology is making kids grow up way too fast, teaching disrespect and teaching kids to lie. Of course, not in all case...but many !

I hope this helps.

One of the Moms I did work w/--Her daughter is 16 and was cutting. In fact, it sounds like a ditto situation. She took her daughter to therapy, too.

There is a game app called "SuperBetter."
It was designed by a genius professional Game Designer named Jane McGonigal. She designed the game app herself, while undergoing a debilitating head injury and was herself depressed and suicidal.
She designed it, to help, herself. And she found that it was very productive and "cured" her. The game app, has since helped MANY people with debilitating illnesses and depression. And is highly successful.
The game app is free.
Here is the link for it:
https://www.superbetter.com/

And here are articles about it:
http://mobihealthnews.com/21230/superbetters-mcgonigal-ga...
http://www.gamesforchange.org/play/superbetter/
http://lifehacker.com/5902598/superbetter-is-a-game-that-...

Before you dismiss, any game/apps social media type things, realize that technology and "reaching out" online, is very therapeutic for those individuals. Especially then they have no one that can understand them etc.
Your daughter, is reaching out. And she is needing a place to vent. And she is using Twitter or FaceBook to do so.

It has been proven, that some online game apps, can very much help individuals... and helps them to grow, personally, and heal.
But the key is to, direct, the person to positive... avenues of online activity or game apps. Not all technology, is "bad."

I would really, look at the SuperBetter app.
Let her get it.
It has helped, many.

She needs this other site so she can talk freely about what is going on with her. If there are other people who are going through similar things then she really needs this.

By taking it away and not allowing her any privacy she is now taking away your entire parental control.

All she has to do is use anyone's device and she's anywhere she wants to be. I think the therapist is right in this case and if you punish her for this it will backfire on you in a possibly fatal way. She is mentally unstable, she is/was cutting herself. The therapist says she needs this, listen to those who are telling you this is NOT about you and your rules. This is about her staying alive and finding support that isn't all about you.

You're going to have to let it go. Totally.

Do you know if she has posted questionable stuff on Twitter? I think you should control it. I would probably take away that before her other one. I just think that it's probably more public. What kind of responses did she get on gifboom? I wonder if people are giving positive advice. Hopefully, they are not encouraging cutting.
My son is too young for this but my nieces are not allowed to have Facebook or Twitter accounts or talk on Facetime. My oldest niece is 17. She has a boyfriend and they can only date in public places. Neither of them drive yet. I think the rules are pretty strict but it works for them. I think 12 is too young to be very into social media. Maybe you can get her interested in other things. Good luck to you!!

I had similar rules for my daughter at 12. I had to have all of her passwords and had the right to check up on her any time I felt the need to. I didn't install filters, keystroke loggers, or other nanny programs, but she knew that there were certain sites I considered unacceptable and that she was not to download anything without permission. Also, I was the only one allowed to clear the cache and browser history, so if I found those empty, I would know that she was trying to hide something. Violating those rules would result in an immediate revocation of ALL her internet access.