Interview Anxiety

you sound exactly like me, and I cannot explain to you why I get that way but am working in a job that is less than what my education calls for (and am grateful at least for the job) but feel I am at times wasting my education and brain. I interviewed for many jobs but was told I had little experience, but think it is more than that, because I would hear about other people hiring inexperienced neighbors or friends and they were twelve or something. But I do no know this in addition to the other posters good advice, is that I -well my body makes these things life or death situations. Not literally. But my body appears to act like that. I too am able to speak in front of loads of people, have acted often in my past, taught, and so many things and never quivered. I choke when I speak to people one on one. Do not understand that. I am looking forward to hearing how we really can conquer this. I am wishing to overcome that life/death flight/fight syndrome that I get from my anxiety. I will be watching. Please share with us how you overcome it.

If you find that you have stress when doing anything like public speaking (not just interviews), then I HIGHLY recommend finding a local Toastmasters. It's a public speaking education "club" - here's the link for culver city clubs - http://reports.toastmasters.org/findaclub/searchresults.c.... I did this for a couple years, and it was very fun and educational. Membership dues is about $50/year - visit www.toastmasters.org for info.

I found the most life changing revelation re. speaking through this group - one of the things done at the meetings is critiquing each others speaches - positives, negatives, suggestions, etc. Everyone has a chance to speak, and to critique. The first time I critiqued someone, I realized after the meeting that I had forgotten their speech - I enjoyed it, payed attention, took away some facts, etc. but once I left, it wasn't important to me anymore. THIS GOES FOR ME TOO! I realized that people did the same thing when I gave a speech as well. I figured as long as I wasn't unbelievably insulting, or hysterically funny, there was no reason for me to panic when speaking. It is AMAZINGLY freeing to realize that people don't take you're "stuff" home with them.

I hope this helps a little - try Toastmasters. You'll learn a lot, it doesn't cost anywhere near as much as medications and no side effects. You can make new friends, and get more comfortable. Feel free to send a message if you want to hear more about it.

Good luck and take care!

Lynne, I am sorry you're going through this, so let me try to help you some. Antianxiety medication could make you too calm, and get in a way of your personality.
I think you have gone too far talking to therapists and people and faux interviews trying to prepare. From you last experience, you prepared too much that by the time your interview rolled over you were all over the place. I recommend you take it easy. Remember, whatever you have learned by now, you have learned it. You won't learn more from now until the interview. Instead, get a good book, nothing from your field of study, something easy, that doesn't require you to put too much thought on. Start reading it. Take it with you to the interview, and go through pages before you're called in. Then go in. Take a deep breath, shake hands firmly, look at people straight in the eyes, and answer questions. Remember to answer questions to the point. If you start going off in very directions, your train of thought will be lost.
I am very happy to hear a mom taking this step towards PhD. I applaud your dreams and you too. But you have got to relax. More you dwell on this, more you talk about it, more you think about it more anxious will you get.
I went through a very important interview a few months ago. I spent so much time stressing over it, that by the time the interview day came I was a nervous wreck. I didn't eat that morning, I had not slept the previous night, and my interview went to hell. I don't regret it because I was to blame. I was not relaxed at all. I, plus say, it was not meant to be (I say this about a lot of things when they go awry because I cannot beat myself over things that don't go my way).So, try to relax as time approaches. Stop preparing for it. You will get through this.
And when you do, post an update. I would love to hear you got into the program.
You will right, soon to be dr.
:)
all the best
L.

Find a therapist, hypnotherapist, life coach or EFT practitioner who will teach you EFT. Emotional Freedom Techniques also known as energy tapping is a powerful tool to dispel negative feelings such as nervousness, worry, fear, grief etc. It is based on the same energy meridians or pathways used in acupuncture. You will experience relief in the first session and learn to calm yourself within minutes anytime. anywhere. An excellent resource is the book Energy Tapping by Fred Gallo. You can find much more info including case histories and a demo video on emofree.com
Good luck to you!

Not sure about the anti-anxiety medication, except I thought it was great when they gave it to me before my Lasik eye surgery! Please, please, please, try not to put so much pressure on yourself. You are just going to over-analyze and beat yourself up for every single thing and that definitely won't help!

Don't know if this will help or not, but my 13yo daughter wants to be a singer when she grows up. She's blessed to have a tremendous voice. Like most people, though, she is extremely nervous before she goes on stage. So nervous, in fact, that she almost quits five minutes before the show. She's been told by a few different professionals that she should channel the energy differently, from a scared, nervous energy into an excited, 'can't wait to get out there and do my thing' kind of energy. She says that this does help her. Also, when I tell her that she'll regret it tomorrow if she doesn't do it, she realizes that she will regret it and is able to press on.

Have you tried any creative visualization? As a psychology major, I'm sure you've heard or studied it. I swear that I taught myself one summer to not be afraid of getting off a ski lift. I'm afraid of heights plus had had a few bad experiences skiing. I just keep visualizing myself on the ski lift going up, approaching the place to depart (I'd start to feel the anxiety even tho I was hundreds of miles away), and then successfully getting off. I did this many, many times until I no longer felt anxious in my visualizations. Sure enough, by winter I was able to get off the lift very easily. I've also done it with my daughter before a talent show or whatever--visualize the before, visual the actual performance, visualize success and what success feels like, imagine what it will feel like afterward, etc. Give it a try. I believe in it. Hope it works for you, too. Good luck with this.

Lynne, you might want to try one or two homeopathic remedies that are specific to stage fright and performance anxieties. See more info here: http://altmedicine.about.com/library/weekly/aa091800a.htm

I've never used these remedies myself, but have used homeopathy for other problems, sometimes with amazingly good results. You can get a range of remedies over-the-counter at many pharmacies, and they only cost arount $7 each, so you're not out a lot of cash if they don't work. They have no side effects, so if they don't work, you won't notice anything. Usually you'll need only three little pellets under your tongue maybe three times a day while you're experiencing these anxieties. They won't make your underlying problems go away, but they might make you stress less.

The tactic of trying to be anxious is a good one. Can you find somebody to role-play with? Even just trying it in front of a mirror or a face in a magazine might give you a feel for its potential.

Good luck. I hope your interview goes well. One other thought I have is a memory of trying for a job that I just KNEW I woudln't possibly get. Because I knew I was without hope, I was actually relaxed and casual during the interview. I got the job. Maybe there's something in that little story that you can use.

Hi Lynne,
Something that is standing out in you description of yourself is how much you are preparing for these interviews: reading; research; etc.

Is it possible you are *OVER* preparing, and taking away your own natural spontaneity?

At this point in your career: you have already developed and gained vast knowledge in your field, and the interviewers will know this by your curriculum vitae: you should not be trying to prove yourself in this area. Rather, they are likely looking for applicants with fresh ideas; new approaches; and compatible personalities. They can only find that in you if you are being yourself, and not overly-focused on facts and theories.

As a professional with 15 years of experience in my field, I approach every interview with the idea that we are coming together to share ideas and approaches, and find if we are both compatible for *each other.*

In a bad recession, there are plenty of people who feel desperate: the idea is not to make yourself seem so: over-preparation may not help your cause.

Just a suggestion :)
t

Hi Lynne,

Congratulations on your potential Ph.D. interviews. The above postings have some good ideas and it is good to see people rallying around you. A couple of suggestions from my clinical experience as a psychologist who specializes in stress and anxiety. First, there is the medication route which has its pros and cons. The advantages are that it can be very effective at controlling the various neurotransmitters that influence anxiety levels as well as maintaining a lower heart rate, etc. The limits are that it can make you too calm, sluggish, etc. and that could hinder your interview success. Also, if you are taking other medications there could be negative interaction effects. The second route is to use a technique that I have used in my clinical practice for years with clients such as test taking anxiety, sports performance, public speaking, and other topics. This technique is called progressive relaxation and coupled with imagery it can be very effective! I developed a web site at www.stompstressaway.com that has a demonstration of this on there. Might be worth checking out. I wish you the best of luck and success and there are a lot of good strategies in these postings.

Kind Regards,
Dr. B.
www.stompstressaway.com

I agree with Lola. You are over preparing and thusly setting yourself up fro failure. Whenever I interview I bring a novel with me on the train and into the reception area and read till I am called in. The books never have anything to do with my interview/profession. You basically have to distract yourself FROM yourself. Interviewers today are looking for something different then automatic correct answers. This program is already aware that you have the knowledge what they are looking for is personality and getting a general sense of you. Relax don't take any meds and TRY to be yourself. Since you say you are comfortable in a bigger setting infront of other people maybe imagine that there is the one person you are meeting with and that there are 500 people behind a one way mirror watching as well. I wish you the best of luck! A. B,