Is He Just Being a Boy??

Updated on April 09, 2009
H.H. asks from Cedar Rapids, IA
17 answers

Help! My son is 20 months old. He is VERY energetic. I say the only time he stops is when he's sleeping (he sleeps well thank goodness) or he's strapped in his car seat. When he's not doing either of those, he's constantly climbing, making messes, pulling things off the counter, opening the dishwasher, turning on the tv, trying to find electrical cords to chew on....I know, it sounds like he is bored to me. We have plenty of toys (ride on, rocking horse, blocks, books, musical...)and when I (or his sisters)sit down to play with him or read to him he still continues this behavior along with hair pulling and biting. He does these things if we are outside or inside. I can't hold or read to my other children while he is awake because I have to constantly jump up to redirect him. He really isn't a little monster, he's happy and fun. We do have limits for him. We tell him "gentle touch, that hurts" and do redirecting. I've even started sitting him in a chair for a minute just to try to refocus him. I am exhausted and want to help my little boy (and our family). (he can climb out of his pack and play and crib also) Thank you for any ideas or things that have worked for you.

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T.A.

answers from Minneapolis on

I wish I had better advice for you but all I can say is this is exactly how my son is. He is 3 now and never stops, always on the go. I think some kids just have more energy than others and I have to make a concerted effort to plan activities for him and we are outside all the time, even through the winter. I think it is good to find something to refocus him. For my son it is reading, he will sit and listen to books and that is how I can stop the craziness sometimes. Good luck!

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A.F.

answers from St. Cloud on

Hi H.! First of all, you don't have to ship him off to daycare! He doesn't "need" to interact with other kids. Good grief.
Second, it's not a boy thing! It's a personality thing! My little girl has so much energy that it's practically a super power :)
I agree with the posters that mentioned sugar, food dyes and wheat allergy. Many behaviours are related to the physical.
That being said, redirecting him is fine and getting outside more will probably help but I would recommend finding a method of discipline that works for you and do it consistently for as long as it takes. High energy is great and creativity is fabulous but when it turns destructive or he starts pulling hair or biting then that is cause for some discipline. It sounds like you are doing that but keep up the good work! He needs good boundaries in his life and you are helping him develop them!
Definitely get him checked for food intolerences and such. Or even blood sugar problems. Low blood sugar and diabetes can cause terrible, exhausting behaviours.
I hope you find something that works for you!

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L.T.

answers from Minneapolis on

I'm sure he's just being a boy. Sounds a lot like my little boys. But I'd like to second another mom's advice of evaluating what he eats. Especially dyes (red 40, yellow 5, ect.), since these have been linked to hyperactivity in children.
Make sure he's getting plenty of fresh air now that the weather is warming up, winter makes us all a little crazy!
Good luck.

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T.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

Hi! I have a great little boy who's 2 1/2 that is very similar. Although Zachary will sit to read books and to watch a 30 minute video or PBS show. That is a special treat because we don't watch a lot of TV. I know that it does get tiring chasing around & protecting and redirecting your little one - hang in there. Try to NOT give him sugar or prepackaged foods - they contain all kinds of stuff that leads to hyperactivity. Here are some of the things that I do with Zachary when I need some down time/quiet time. I put Zachary in his highchair and let him play with something special that he only gets to play with in his highchair such as: Lego's that are too little for his 14 month old sister to be around; play-dough; paper and washable markers or to have a special snack like a frozen juice/smoothie pop. We live in Minnesota so the winters are cold and we play with bubbles inside in the winter time - Zachary will sit still for bubbles. So, I let him play with them in his highchair with a battery operated bubble gun and some regular bubble toys and stay in the same room with him - just to make sure he doesn't rub his eyes when he's messing with the bubbles. Some of the things he can do are messy, but that's okay. I'd rather him have fun, me stop chasing him & telling him "no" every few minutes and have some peace & quiet and be able to get things done with my baby or even to do the dishes. I can always clean up the mess in a few minutes after he's done playing. Zachary doesn't mind sitting in his high chair for these things because they are special treats to him. He typically gets to be in his chair for something special like this every other day, so I don't do it all the time. If I ask him if he wants to play with play-dough or have an "ice-ice" he heads right for his highchair.

Another thing I have done is enlist Zachary to be Mommy's Big Helper and he helps to pick up toys; throw away diapers; wipe down toys (with water & a rag or paper towel), sweep up the floor with his own special broom & dustpan etc. so he cleans like Mommy does. He loves that & it will keep him busy for short stints as well.

Good luck & hang in there!!!

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E.B.

answers from Duluth on

I'd say he's just being 20 months! My boys both hit their "peak" of difficult behavior at that time; around 22 months, my oldest started settling down; around 18 my youngest is starting to settle down. For both of them, it was just a matter of being consistent, over and over and over and over...we could have childproofed EVERYTHING (well most things...I never could figure out how to babyproof a dishwasher) but then I think it would have gone on longer. My youngest is definitely into everything--he puts balls down our septic hole, lotion in the toilet, draws on our walls, opens the spice cabinet and opens spice bottles, broke a clock...and I really don't think I ignore my children!! I have found that it helps tremendously if I get them outside. They get the wiggles out and can explore and get dirty and it's not quite so difficult to be inside. Water (baths, or even just water play in the sink) also works well. Oh, and they both are hitters and are very physical. It took my oldest until he was 3 or so to outgrow hitting, and even now he's very quick to hit his 19 month old brother. If you can redirect his energy and curiosity into things that you and he can both view positively (we let our kids help cook...and garden...and clean...and play with animals...from a young age), it will go a long ways toward your tolerance of his activity. Also, I just tell myself that they're going to be these super-energetic, fun adults when they learn a little self-control, which is what we're working on...

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A.G.

answers from Minneapolis on

My son was/is like that also. It is exhausting! He just turned three and it is getting easier. It didn't matter how childproofed things were when he was in a get-into-everything mood. I find taking him somewhere to run and get worn-out helps. Also, we really limit his sugar intake - he rarely drinks juice, very little refined sugar, no artificial dyes (those really cause a reaction in him - especially red #40). I have just resolved to the fact he will always be active. It should be an interesting 15 years - or more! Good luck!

R.B.

answers from La Crosse on

You just described our 22 mo son to a T!! We have the house child proofed to the best we can with still living in the house and he still finds things!! Last week he figured out how to open the microwave and when you push buttons a light comes on and the buttons beep. Some times he is so sweet and will hand you things and sit and play and other times he will do it mean. He hasn't figured out what hurts yet. One thing that is working good for us is when he does something mean instead of saying no to him... that goes in one ear and out the other... we will say ouch and start to cry. That gets his attention so much and he stops right away! He has finally stopped climbing on the chairs to reach the counters and stays off the table. What helped us is that we brought in his little tykes slide and little pooh climbing thing( no clue what its called you can climb in it and play and then has a slide on the side). That way he still gets to climb the couple steps and it must be more fun than the chairs because he doesn't climb on the chairs anymore. His other favorite is balls so we now have the foam nerf balls in the house and the rest aren't allowed in the house. We still have to redirect him alot but its getting better. Give him some more time and he will start to calm down some. I can't tell ya if its a boy thing or not... my only girl is 7mo.. so I will find out soon enough, I think its more an age thing because all my boys and the kids I have babysat for all did the same type of things.

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K.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

Some kids require very little childproofing, other kids need everything child proofed. In your situation you need to child proof more thoroughly first. I had a friend who had to child proof her upper cabinets in the kitchen and her counters had to be completely clear of EVERYTHING because her son was an absolute monkey. Make a list room by room of things that he can get into that are dangerous then work on one room each week. You will need to go above and beyond the norm and get creative. Clear plexiglass can be used to cover TV knobs and you can still use remotes. Be sure all bookcases are screwed to the wall. Buy the corrugated tubes that can cover electrical cords and then tape them on so he can't remove them. Be thorough! While you are doing this think of things that are safe (though maybe annoying) that you can leave for him to mess with. Examples: books that he can pull off the shelf, a cupboard that has pots and pans or Tupperware containers he can pull out to play. Figure out what he IS allowed to climb in the house (aforementioned friend had built in floor to ceiling bookcases that her 20 month old was allowed to climb with spotting help at first until she knew he was really good at it, but he was never allowed to climb the stove). Also in about 4 months, pick one or two things that are tempting to him but are not allowed so that you can begin to work on setting limits with him. Right now he is a bit young and you have too many temptations for him that it is overwhelming you and is just confusion to him. And remember with kids this age you can't just say "Don't play with that", you need to give them an option they can lay with. Though I know my son was a very difficult child to redirect when he had his mind set on something.

And remember through all of this that this too shall pass :)

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E.H.

answers from Madison on

sounds like he needs to go to daycare, he needs to interact more children.

B.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

My boys seem to hit difficult phases at their 1/2 birthdays, so at 1.5, 2.5, 3.5, etc for a month or so around that time they hit a difficult phase... hitting, sassing, not obeying, etc. It definentely hits around thsoe 1/2 birthdays.

ANYWAY, I would watch his diet... too much sugar, red dye, over processed foods, really have a huge affect on children. You really have to be careful at what goes into their little bodies, as they react to things so much differently than adults, and you certainly don't want them to build up a tolerance to it. Stay away from the junk foods, overprocessed cereals, sugars, dye's, etc. Also watch his dairy intake too.... that could have a big effect as well.

Otherwise, sounds like he needs more time to run and jump and be a boy. Take him to the park at the times he's most active, let him run outside, adn give him lots of structure. AT this time we do this ,at this time we do this... etc. And make sure he has SOMETHING to do, don't expect a 22mo old to entertain himself all the time. Give him chores, tasks, and make sure he knows specifics of what is going on when. Like when we are otuside, we will play this game.

Sounds like he needs more structure, more time to run and burn it off, and maybe a diet change.

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A.T.

answers from Minneapolis on

you are not alone, this sounds exactly like my 2 yo tornado. constantly taking of his clothes, lamps off the table, flipping over the couch; climbing on everything, pushing every button on all applicances, TORNADO! i try to provide structure and activities, he eats the crayons or tears up the books, etc. we also have a 9 mo boy and i have to watch very closely for his protection! all i can really say is baby proof as much as you can and get that little guy outside to run run run. let him explore and try to be patient, it will slow down, i think... also, limit the sugars, especially in afternoons if you want a nap to happen. my guy has recently begun transitioning into 'big boy' things like his bed and tableware, starting to potty train and he starting to be more communicative as he is able to pay attention for more than 2 seconds. he will slow down a bit, sounds like he is close to the peak point for constant random activity. finding with my guy that it is now becoming more directed and intentional constant activity; not sure if it is any better or worse than his history of random activity all day long! good luck.

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C.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

He's a normal boy. That's just the way they are. It's only now that he's 4 that he can even sit still for long periods of time (30-45 mins) and color. Until then, 5-10 minutes was the norm. But when he's not coloring, he's running and running and moving all the time.

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K.B.

answers from Sioux Falls on

I have 4 sons. I would say he is being a 2 year old boy. He will probably be an althlete. At this age he can start hitting a medium ball with a kids bat. Playing catch or rolling a ball across the floor, running outdoors, competition is important, etc. It is ok that he falls down and gets scraps and even bruises. But discipline is a must. Different people are comfortable with different types of discipline but I will say conquer who the boss is or he will be! Then no one will be happy!
I have a neighbor with 2 daughters and then they had a son. He was 3 years old and she came over and said her son had taken their chair that was on rollers over to the counter and climbed up on the counter and took all the dishes out. My girls never did any thing like that. Sounds like a boy! Boys are wonderful! Read Dr James Dobson's book Bringing up boys. It will help.

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M.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

H. - on one hand I want to say he's just being a boy, but on the other hand - what else is going on? It sounds like he's the baby? Could he be craving attention? What's the sugar level of his diet? Redirecting is great - but at some time you need to start discipline. He is at the age where he should be able to understand a consequence. Granted, it can't be a harsh consequence, but a minute time out might work. It took my little guy (2 1/2) a handful of times of my sitting with him in the hallway, grabbing his shoulders, making him face the wall, before he grasped the concept. Good luck!

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L.C.

answers from Des Moines on

Is it a possibility that he may be allergic to wheat? As a former daycare employee,I have seen this with children who were very much like your son. When eliminating wheat products from their diets, a lot of their excessive behaviors were soon diminished. I have included a link to a site you may find helpful regarding wheat allergies. If eliminating wheat from his diet doesn't help, maybe it could be an allergy to another type of food or grain.
Hope this is helpful to you.

http://naturalmedicine.suite101.com/article.cfm/to_wheat_...

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L.

answers from Minneapolis on

He sounds like my youngest grandson! What a challenge, but on the bright side, they also have some special talents. For instance, I'm sure they will be great at sports when they get older.

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S.R.

answers from Appleton on

I feel for ya... my daughter is that way. So I can't say it is a boy thing. My husband and I have always joked saying that she is our boy and our son is our girl (he is sensitive, calm, everything just so... total opposite). She has however calmed down over time. She can now play on her own and keep herself occupied for a little while (she is three). I have always joked saying she is our spunky little monkey! I started her earlier than my son with the time-outs. She knew at an early age (don't recall... maybe 1 or 1+1/2yrs old?). We put a chair facing the wall for her time out spot. She learned quickly what a time-out was and sometimes chose to go there without being told. Now, I don't remember the last time I gave her one... she apologizes and says "I very sorry mom", and we talk about the right/wrong.

I know I probably didn't help you much, but wanted you to know you aren't alone. I hope you figure out something soon. I know how frustrating it can be.

Good luck,
~SR

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