Is One Really the Lonliest Number? Pros and Cons.

Updated on April 15, 2008
J.T. asks from Virginia Beach, VA
5 answers

hello and thanks to all who reply with advice! my husband and i are really on the fence about having another child. i was an only child and have few complaints but i do wonder if its better for my daughter to have a brother or sister to grow up with. my husband did have brothers and sisters and is also not sure if that was better for him. we could go either way but i guess im just wanting some different points of view since i really don't have experiences to compare. im really scared of making the wrong decision either way! however i do have fears also of "starting over" with another child and that another child may take away what we could provide for our daughter (attention, financial etc.) (i want to also add that my husband is military so he does have to be away leaving just us. would it be harder for me to handle two on my own? would my daughter handle deployments better with another child? also when we talk about another baby our daughter, from the age of 18 mos until now at almost three, has stated with conviction NO BABY! which further adds to our indecision! i feel like either way i am making the wrong choice. has anyone else had a child that hated the idea of another child and now couldn't be happier with one?) so if any moms of only children or multiple children have and points of view to share i would really appreciate it=) thanks to all! jennifer

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L.S.

answers from Norfolk on

Giving you child a sibling is the best gift in the world. Not only will they have someone else to play with all the time but they will also have someone extremely close to to confide in their entire lives.

I am a 40 year old SAHM with two small children ages 3 and 5 and not only are they brother and sister but they are best friends as well. They play together all day long, be it cars, barbies or riding their bikes. They have the best time in the world. I don't think it would have been the same had we stopped at one child. Believe me I didn't want to have my two so close together in the beginning but it has definetly paid off in the long run. Plus my 5 year old son explains things to his sister if she doesn't understand when I am trying to pick up around the house or cook a meal.

Hope this helps.

L. S.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.D.

answers from Norfolk on

if you are on the fence about having another child then don't you are not ready! Try waiting for awhile and see how you and your Hubby feel later on down the line.

1 mom found this helpful
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N.O.

answers from Norfolk on

We have one and likely will not have another. My opinion? Do what's best for YOUR FAMILY not YOUR CHILD. Having a child for a companion or a playmate doesn't sound very reasonable. If you want another child have one for that reason...you WANT one.

For what it's worth my dh and I both have siblings. Mine are much older so weren't really companions to me. I wasn't lonely or antisocial. I had friends.

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H.D.

answers from Norfolk on

I am the oldest of three (seven when you count my step-siblings). My husband is the oldest of four. And we have only one child. This isn't because we couldn't have any more; we just didn't want any more children. He is also in the miltary and gone often, and I do believe that you need two to get the process started!

The one thing I would say is that this decision is not fully up to your daughter. Yes, she can voice her opinion, but the choice to add or not isn't hers. The decision really lies with you and your husband.

By the way, our son is now 13, almost 14. He used to ask us if we could go to the store to "buy" him a baby brother!

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S.C.

answers from Norfolk on

I have 6 kids. I can tell you there are some things that my kids don't have because there are a lot of them but they are all happy and well adjusted. There best friends are each other. No one wants for love or attention. It is not utopia but we are happy. I can tell you my father was an only child and he hated and swore he would never do that to a child so I am one of three kids. I think you can raise happy children either way. I also think that one advantage to having siblings is learning to share with others and care for others. I know you can teach that to an only child but it is an everyday opportunity with siblings. I have seen some well adjusted only children but I have also seen those that believe they are the center of the universe. It sounds like you and your husband both had positive experiences as children. Whatever you decide I'm sure you will continue to be good parents

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