Is She Too Young? - Arlington,TX

She's in her own, fenced in back-yard and you've already dealt with the issue of her leaving the yard, so I think it's an appropriate amount of freedom for her age. You're still keeping an eye and ear out while she's out there. I know I played alone in my back-yard when I was that age and we didn't have a fence. The world really isn't more dangerous today than it was 30 years ago, it just seems that way because television and the news exploit the horror stories to no end. I recommend a book called "Free Range Kids" which helped me put some of this stuff in perspective. Starts out with a radical idea, but addresses some interesting points that are important in trying to raise happy, healthy, safe, INDEPENDENT kids. Good luck!

When my son was 3, I'd always be outside with him. We'd pull weeds in them garden, look at bugs, blow dandelion seeds, after a rain we'd splash in puddles, when the season was right we'd catch lighting bugs and release them. He was never big on wanting to be alone. He always wants to be with me or Dad. Getting outside is wonderful for the kids, but it's great for me, too.
The housework will still be there when you get back. It's not going anywhere.

Too young for my daughter to have been alone.

I really did not leave her alone outside till she was in school.

I think kids need lots of outdoor time so just check the gate each time

I think it is fine. I don't know about cost, but have you considered putting a window in? I agree with a previous post to just check the gate to be on the safe side.

I would let her play! Just check the gate. If you have a high fenced back yard you should be just fine.

I would be out there with her. Just grab a good book and enjoy the fresh air.
Not to scare you, but not too long ago we has a story in the paper about a guy trying to lure kids out of their fenced in backyards. Luckily they were older and knew better. Probably a rare thing, but it could happen.

Totally depends on both the child and the area.

My son is allowed to play out back as much as he likes, but not out front (busy street. His friend, however, does NOT listen to nor follow rules, and even with me (r his parents) watching him in our back yard or theirs attempts to leave.

You know your daughter best. Follow your gut.

Hi, In my opinion, she is too young to be left outside by herself! What if someone, a stranger came and started talking to her or tried to abduct her! You would feel beyond awful-----protect her and be out there with her every time. Its not worth the risk-no matter how "safe" your neighborhood is, these are the opportunities that bad people look for. Don't give them a chance.

M

Put a lock on the gate (always a good idea anyway) and check on her often. Give her the "rules" about not talking to anyone - even if she knows them. She should learn to come in the house immediately if that happens. I taught my daughter from a very young age that she is NEVER to go anywhere with anyone - not even a family member - without coming to tell me FIRST. When she was about 4 or 5 we were at a friend's house for a family party. I was in the house watching her play through the window. My friend and I were talking about whether our kids would go off with someone they knew. My friend bet me $1 she could get my daughter to go out to her car with her. I watched through the window as my friend tried to get my daughter to go to her car with her. My daughter told her she needed to tell me where she was going first and came in to tell me. My friend couldn't believe that such a small kid wouldn't go anywhere with my best friend who she had known her whole life. My daughter is 11 now and I still remind her once in a while about the rule. Make sure your daughter knows and practices the rules.

Two out of my three were just fine at the age and situation you describe. The middle one could not be trusted (would be three counties over the second I turned my head).
I think it's a question of your own comfort level. You know her best. If it feels right to you.....

:)

I didnt read the responses so sorry if I repeat. My dd has been playing outside since she was about that age. We did have windows and I kept the door open like you. I never wandered too far in the house. We also decided to put a keyed padlock on our gate so there was no worries about getting out and nobody coming in unexpectedly. My dd would spend all day outside if she could :)

Without windows no , I wouldn't.
something can happen in a moments notice and something that doesn't seem dangerous can turn into something dangerous VERY quickly at the hands of a 3 yr old.

WAY TOO YOUNG!!!!!!! Please be with her when she goes outside...

My daughter was 3 1/2 last summer and I do let her play outside by herself. The backyard is fenced in, only opening is between the house and garage, which is where the side door is located that is left open to hear her. Like you we had one of those 'where is she!?!?' moments, but was in the front yard playing with the rocks. We also had the talk that playing in the backyard without mommy/daddy watching is ok, but to not go in the front without one of us. I also had the stranger talk that she is to yell loudly that you are not mommy/daddy if a stranger approaches her and to never leave the backyard to go with anyone but mommy/daddy.

Now our neighborhood is safe, the next door neighbor is nice and is aware of 'new/unusually' people in the area and always mentions something to us if he saw someone he did not notice in the area, and my daughter understands that there are rules and if she does not follow them then she can not play outside unless mommy is free to be outside too. Of course I love beint outside so I always try to find something to do outside when my daughter is outside (pulling weeds, sweeping, trimming, watering, planting and so on) OR I sit in the shade and read a good book while my daughter plays around me :)

I started letting my son play outside by himself when he was 5 years old. I explained the rules of playing outside with him. 1. Stay in the yard and inside the fence. 2. If someone tries to talk to you come in the house and find me 3. If someone wants you to go with them even if you know them, come in the house and find me I asked everytime he went out if he remembered the rules and made him tell me every time. He is currently almost seven and I still ask him what the rules are when he goes out. If my youngest (she'll be 4 next week) wants to go out too I go outside and sit so I can watch them both.

she is old enough to be out there with you having the door cracked and checking on her every so often if i had a fenced yard i would do the same thing. but I would lock the gate paddle lock so a repair man cant do that again. you got lucky that time consider it a warning

I think it depends on your individual child and the safety of your yard and quality of your fence. We had an enclosed back porch and I would let him out to play in his sandbox and "feed" his toy horse when he was 2, while I would alternately play in the grass with him and then slip into the screened porch to watch him where he couldn't see me. I was curious to know what he'd do, and also it was just really sweet to see him play and develop his independence when he thought he was alone. I could get a peek into his personality that I didn't get otherwise because he leaned on me to lead the play. When he was 3, I did let him in our backyard alone while I was in the house but we have a sturdy fence in good condition, there were no toys to hurt himself on (a push car, a wagon, and a toybox of outside toys like trucks/cars, plastic horses and people, and balls). I also put a little padlock on the fence so he couldn't reach to escape, and I always always always set my egg timer for 20 minutes. He was never alone for more than that. I was good about keeping an eye on the time, but I think timers are really good for insuring that no chore, phone call, or other distraction would let me lose track of time. My son REALLY loves being outside. It makes him happy to watch the clouds and make pictures with them, play in the grass, and have his own little world where he has room and (he thinks) privacy. I still sneak out to watch him because it's sweet, and of course I still play with him too. Kids don't need to be held down for safety's sake (in my opinion); they need room to grow and bloom under your supervision, not your thumb. Obviously the amount of freedom your child has is dependent on their individual needs and maturity and how safe the yard, neighborhood, community are. I lived in another community about 10 years ago that I admit I wouldn't leave my son out until he was 10, but it was.....more urban, less private, a lot less child friendly. I think you actually thinking and being concerned about it shows you have some common sense and can make the right decision for your child.

Too young to be unsupervised outside. Sorry, but if your fence has a gate that means someone (including your little one) could get in or out quickly and without you knowing. You cannot actually see her (even with door open) so this is entirely inappropriate and unsafe. She's three- if the gate is open, she's going to go out and she has likely already forgotten about that "talk".

I would suggest working to teach your daughter appropriate "inside" behaviors rather than encouraging the continued "rough-and-tumble" style play as her only play style. Kids really need to have both skill sets- subdued indoor play (including lots of tabletop activities and imaginative role playing) as well as the gross motor "run around" play.

I would say it's ok if you're in hearing range, it's totally fenced in, etc. BUT you need to get a spring closure and lock on that gate so regardless if someone opens it it closes by itself - and of course have the closure up high and on the outside so she can't reach it.

My daughter, now 16, was let out in our fenced yard at that age (locks on the gates). But I have alot of windows and checked on her every few minutes, and she never stayed out long (20 minutes maybe?) at a shot. It was a gradual thing for both of us and we never had an issue. We have a quiet neighborhood with alot of similar aged kids, many people out in the yards...and we had a 160 pound dog everyone was "afraid" of (even tho those who "knew" him knew he was a big baby). I always felt comfortable with him laying at the one gate...and there was always cars and snowmobiles and things parked in front of the other.

It was letting her go off-property that I always had issue with.

The issue with the exterminator should tell you that anyone could come in to your yard in an instant. What if they leave the gate open? What if they take your child? Anything could happen. I don't think your child needs to be visible to you every single second of the day. I mean, I leave my son downstairs when I go upstairs and I can't see him.I don't make him stay in the bathroom with me when I take a shower either. BTW, he is almost 3. So I think the idea of windows and a gate that is more secure (like with a key) is a good idea.

I say too young....... But if you still plan to do it, put locks on the gate.

My son has always been an escape artist. The fact that you said she gets in trouble in the house makes me think she will outside as well, just their nature! Telling her not to leave the yard without you is wonderful but she's 3, impulsive and too young to have "common sense". As far as nothing dangerous in the backyard, you will be surprised at what she can manage to do when you are not watching. I hate, and I meant hate, being outside in the cold with my son but sometimes you just have to bite the bullet for their safety.

I believe in safety in numbers. I used to let my 2 little girls play in the fenced in yard solo and was told my a few people (including my mother) that they were too young to be out there solo, BUT... nothing ever happened. They're smart kids. They know if they see a stranger they run like hell back inside, or if someone comes at them they run like hell and scream like fools!! BUT while they were out there alone, I can see them through the windows and often keep only the storm door open so I can hear them as well. I'm fortunate enough now to have fantastic neighbors that keep an eye out too (even though they don't feel obligated to do so; that's just how my neighborhood is).

Personally, when my brother was about 3 and I was about 5, my parents used to cut us loose from sun up to sun down. We had free range of the entire neighborhood (including the lake). Same kind of situation; neighbors always watch out for each others kids. We couldn't get away with anything that we weren't supposed to be doing!! I know times are different now, but I firmly believe that if you teach your children how to respond to certain situations (including stranger danger and first aid), and depending on your neighborhood, they'll be fine. We live in a world now of paranoia and fright. I hate that I have to fear for my children when they play outside by themselves. I am constantly alert and aware. It sucks. I wish so badly that things were different. I hate that I scare them when I teach them to be responsible and aware of their surroundings. BUT... I still want them to be carefree kids (as much as they can be in this world), and I want them to have the freedom to play alone in the backyard if they want!!

I think she is old enough to play in the backyard, have you see the movie "Babies" ?lol.
She will get dirty and she most likely get scratch and get hurt sometimes. She would do that too inside, lol.
My biggest concern is:
a) Somebody kidnapping her.
b) My kid running with a stick and falling
Because of these I would not let her be outside on her own yet.
Perhaps I would make a window and invest in a good yard? The first one would keep me too worry to be honest.

I wouldnt let her play outside by herself. I know your saying you check on her frenquently, but she was still able to escape. Last year a 4 year old girl from our state got kidnapped in her front yard while she was outside playing with her brother. The brother saw his sister get kidnapped!! Its not worth it to me. My daughter is 6 and I dont let her outside without an adult.

I don't like the idea of her playing back there alone until you can have someone install a window in the back of the house where you can really keep an eye on her. Why not just throw out a blanket for yourself and bring some magazines for you to read outside while she's out there?

I have a 3 1/2 y.o. and I would not leave him alone in your situation unless I was running in to pee real quick. Without being able to see him, that would make me very uncomfortable! I am overcautious about those kinds of things. My Mom had a very close call with someone almost taking me when I was around 5 years old at one of my brother's basketball games, so I am very leary of not having my children in my sight! It is to easy for me to get involved in something and not really be listening or remember to check up on them if I'm not "watching" them.

PS. That "where is she?" moment could so easily be something horrifying. I don't think that's worth the chance!

She's too young in my opinion to be out there alone. I'd rather be safe than sorry. It only takes a split second for something to happen that could possibly change life as you know it.

my kids are 6 & 4. i don't let them play outside by themselves, but we don't have a fence. plus, i don't trust people. my brother lets his kids play outside by themselves they are 6 & almost 4. my mom used to let us roam the neighborhood when i was 4, my sister was 3, my older sister was 7 and my brother was 10. we were usually together, and it was a different time back then. i would love to be able to let my kids go outside by themselves, but too many bad things happen when you least expect it. i guess what i'm saying is in my area, and with no fence, no i don't let mine go out. you have a fence and if you live in a good, safe neighborhood and you're comfortable doing it then do what works for you.

I can't think of anything more fun or important than being outside with your daughter. Enjoy the time with her!

i let my son play outside by himself at that age (in the backyard). kept the doors/windows open, TV and radio off and kept an 'ear' on him all the time and an eye on him about once a minute. he did great and it's great for them to learn how to play by themselves.

Go for it. I truly think that kids today are not good decision makers because we don't let them make decisions. Like another mom said, watch the movie "Babies". It really puts it in perspective.

well, I didn't read the other answers, since there are already so many... but another option for you might be to install a security camera (or even use a video baby monitor) in the backyard, along with an alarm on the gate so you will be able to see what's going on back there, if going through the expense of installing windows is too much.

BTW... I used to let my brother (While I was his primary caregiver) play outside all the time at that age. As long as you know she's in a safe area, it's fine.

I dont think she is too young at all. My son is not yet three and he plays in the back yard by himself and with the dog. We can look out the window at him, and check on him regularly. He is happy as he can be messing around in dirt and with sticks, pushing trucks and digging in his sand box.

It is scary that she went out the gate but you could have had the same problem in the house. My son has gone the front door himself many times and we find him in the front yard. We deadbolt it, but sometimes forget and out he goes!

We keep a lock on the gate in the back yard so he cant get out.