Is This Normal? - South Lake Tahoe, CA

It's time for them to sleep in their own bed when you've had enough. You get a say in all this too. Have you had enough yet?

Any stressers in her life recently? New jobs, new home, new friends, or family members come into or out of her life, start a new daycare, or, maybe getting some teeth?? It may just be that it's nice to know mom's there.

You are going to get a really wide range of opinions, but remember in the end to do what you feel is right for YOU. When you go to transition her out of your bed it is going to be a bit of a culture shock. You are absolutly right in the fact that she isnt hungry. At that age you can bet that she is just used to using you for comfort and relies on nursing to fall asleep. We had a BIG struggle with breaking the habit. But heres how we went about it....

1) We moved our daughter into her crib, but still in our room so she could still see us if she woke up. She wasnt happy about it, but it was necessary. At first I had to put a shirt I had been wearing that day in with her so she could smell me. We just kept putting her back in her crib to sleep after rocking her or other forms of comfort.

2) After she got used to sleeping in her crib, we moved her into her own room. She now sleeps thru about 4 nights every week without waking. When she does wake up, its only once, and goes back to sleep within 20 minutes.

I decided to wean her at almost 12 months because she was still nursing every 2-3 hrs and didnt want to eat solid food. It worked for us and she is happy and healthy. She still wont go to sleep unless she has her hand down my shirt, but it doesnt bother me. Before I know it she wont need me anymore, so I enjoy every moment I can. I hope you get some examples or advise that work for you. Good luck!!!

P.S. I really like Bethany's advise.

thats rough. i nursed my son 14 months. he is 2.5 now and still wants to sleep inmy bed. as far as the nursing goes it may be time to wean. i dont know how you feel about that so its hard to advise but in my experience i intended to go 1 year and the extra 2 months were spent slowly weaning him. i began by giving him toddler formula in a sippy cup in substitute for 1 feeding. i made a big fuss over it being a big boy cup and such and then i did it for 2 feedings and then 3 and so on until we got him down to only nursing at night. this is tricky because it is easier just to let them nurse because it comforts immediately. so you just have to find other ways to comfort them. it was about a week of semi sleepless nights before he was through nursing but it was a fairly smooth transition.
the thing is, the kid is using nursing as a pacifier. it is just as bad as sending a baby to bed with a bottle of juice whenit comes to oral health. my son at 18 months had to go under annestetic at a hospital to have 6 cavities repaired becasue of the all night nursing. it is not good for them. i know it feels natural to do what your baby wants to comfort her but it is bad for her in the long run. "surgery" on my toddler was terrifying for me and i doubt he enjoyed it much. so consider that when you are awake a 3 am with a kid pulling at your shirt wanting to nurse. it is for her own good, and she will get over it much faster if you just set your mind to it and do it.
as for the sleeping in her own bed. try a consistant night routine. like for instance dinner, bath, stories, bed. it helps when they know what to expect. we actually got an extra crib matress and kept it under our bed. when our son came into our room in the middle of the night i pulled it out and put him there next to my bed. i even held his hand. then it got less and less that he would come in and now he knows he cant come into my bed at night so he just stays in his bed and goes backto sleep unless he has a bad dream or something.
good luck, wish i could be more help.

Hi A.,

I do think it's normal for toddlers to have phases where they nurse a lot again. My 15 month old son is there right now. Some common reasons are teething and being overwhelmed by all the new skills they're learning at this age. She will grow out of it with time. But, if it's bothering you, here's a good article I found on how to discourage night nursing. We've been having my husband go on duty at night and he has done really well with that. Good luck!

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070800.asp

We never tried co-sleeping, so I'm not any help from that perspective, but there are several times when kids' sleep gets disrupted. As others have mentioned, teething pain (and the molars really hurt) and growing pains can be the culprit, in which case you might want to check with your pediatrician about infant motrin or tylenol (though motrin works better, imo) and something like orajel for teething. Also, any developmental changes can disrupt sleep. Does your daughter already walk? If not, perhaps she is about to start. Or maybe she is ready to string words together into small sentences, or whatever would make sense for your particular child. If the issue is hitting a developmental milestone, you may just need to ride it out (though a month is kind of long for this type of issue I think). You might want to pick up the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby." You might not choose to follow it to the word, but it has lots of useful information and suggestions. I felt it went a bit overboard in one or two places (in terms of how long to let a baby cry), but other than that, it was a lifesaver. The author runs (ran?) the sleep center at the University of Chicago Med Center and has a wealth of both statistical data and anecdotal information.

Sounds like she's in pain somewhere...most likely teething pains.

Have you tried using a pacifier? There are alot of different brands, some very similar to a nipple, that might work.
Good luck!
-E.

Hi A.,

I am in the exact same situation! In an attempt to get my daughter to sleep in her own bed (this started 3 days ago)I have bought her a full size bed (so that it is roomie enough for me to lay with her) and similar bedding to what I have in my bed. The sheets, comforter, pillows, all just like in Mommies bed. I nurse her to sleep and then I get up and get into my own bed. She still wakes up and I go lay in bed with her but I think eventually this will work.
I think having a bed that is big enough for the both of you to lay will help you transition her to her own bed. That way you can still get sleep if she needs you to lay with her. Good luck!

Hi, I have a daughter. She sleeped in our bed until about 9 months old. I was really worried about moving her to her own bed because she would nurse all night as well! But we put her in her own bed and she sleeped all night long. She stopped her night feedings and was breastfeed until she was 14months old.

Good luck,
M.

Hi A.,

I was dealing with the exact same thing. My other kids quit nursing early but my son (now 2 1/2), kept nursing and nursing as well as not sleeping through the night. I went 2 years without sleeping more than 2 hours. Here's what I found out.

The nursing and the lack of sleeping in the bed go hand in hand according to the doctor and " Good Night Sleep Tight" Sleep Lady's Guide to sleeping. This is an awesome book!! Read this and only need to read the chapter corresponding to your child's age. 3 days and it will change!! My son's doctor doc says that any healthy child above 6 -10 months is completely able to sleep throught the night (12 hours) without nursing or bottle. He agrees with the book and sugggestions for change.

Anyway, back to it. babies want the comfort of the breast (like a pacifier) and will wake up to nurse as comfort instead of independently learning how to get themselves back to sleep. Learning to put themselves back to sleep is CRITICAL skill and your baby needs to learn or will create all kinds of sleep pattern problems. I avoded handling becasue I just couldn't let my son sleep alone--but after 2 years I was exhausted and wrecked. Good news, after all the fussing and stress and no sleep, it only took 3 days to get the new habit of sleeping alone done!

Tips from the book--Just put them down sleepy not asleep, DO NOT nurse at night after 6 months. Let them get adjusted to the crib alone for naps first and after sucess for a couple of weeks, then move to sleeping alone in crib at night. Remain committed to her sleeping at night in the crib. Have your husband get her at night and nvolve him in the plan. If she sees you, she'll want to nurse and it will be tought to resist. Try to stick with it for 3 weeks (no overnight). Same schedule each day. If illness hap[ens and she is in your bed, go right back to crib sleeping as soon as well..your doing this won't harm your nursing during the day.

About me, mom of 4 ranging from 21 2 years old. Teacher, coprporate trainer workign full-time. Second marriage, Great husband.

I never co-slept and my daughter stopped breast feeding in the night at 7 weeks. She has alwasy slept in her crib. So I can't really relate in that aspect, but she did start waking in the night up to three times when she was about 4 months. I would run in and give her a binky - total nightmare. It was teething - I never fed her in the night as soon as I was aware that she did not need to eat. Anyhow, I ended up buying the Ferber book - seriously best thing for me and a few friends have also used this method. It worked in 2 days - I started at nap time as I knew my patience level would still be high since I was not tired. You may not chose to go with this method but I would recommend reading a couple sleep books and then at least you have the information.

I also noticed someone else on here mentioned Motrin - be very careful with Motrin as there is a side effect that causes blindness in some childeren and it is not written on the packaging.

Are you also giving her whole milk?

Yes it's normal. :)

It sounds like she may be having molar pain or some other disruption, maybe growing pains, and needs some comfort to get back to sleep. But I understand 4x a night is too much for so long. You can choose to nightwean without moving her. Dr. Jay Gordon has a gentle nightweaning plan that you might find helpful. She's practically there anyway if she isn't actually nursing when she latches on. Here's the link - the entire site is a great resource! http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

For support and advice from other moms who cosleep and have similar issues to solve, there's a great forum here: http://mothering.com/discussions/forumdisplay.php?s=&...

In transitioning a child from the family bed it's important to remember that while it seems a simple change to us, to them, we are asking that they make two big changes at once - sleeping in a different location, and sleeping alone. If you can break the transition into two phases to work with each change separately, it can be a gentler transition.

Well, you have gotten a lot of different repsonses, but here's my 2 cents :) She needs to be in her own bed and learn to Self-soothe. Meaning that if she wakes up (As I think we all do from time to time) she needs to be able to go back to sleep on her own. Right now she is just nursing for comfort and using you as a pacifier. The longer this is put off the harder it will get (I know get ready for a few sleeples nights) Also, I am pretty sure most kids at 16 months have been sleeping throught the night for a while. I know that breast milk doesn "fill" thier belleis as well as food, (it breaks down in their system much faster) so maybe she still wakes up because she becomes hungry? I know its hard to "let go" of the little ones needing you as a Mom, but maybe it's time move away from the co-sleeping and breast feeding, and help her become a little more independent? It will be the best for her in the long run... The longer you put it off, the harded it will be to break the habit. If she does need the "latching on" to sooth her a pacifier is great "tool" as there are no negative affects and there are many different types, if she doesnt like one type. Good luck with your little one...

My son is only 7 months old but the times that he has the hardest time sleeping is when he's teething. Recently, I kept him in bed with me and my hubby so that I could comfort him and breastfeed him in the middle of the night. As his teething got better, he would keep waking up crying and sound frusterated. I finally put him back in his crib and he sleeps all through the night. I think it was because he would try to roll around to get comfortable and there wasn't really any room for him to do so. I would try putting her in her own bed for about a week to see if that's what it would be. Goodluck fellow mama!

I really bristle at the idea of folks telling you this is normal or not normal. It is your family and ultimately, if this is what works for you, so be it. However, something's not working for you, otherwise you would not be concerned. Nursing is for nourishment, development and comfort and it sounds like your daughter is getting that, but I needed more sleep than it sounds like you're getting and your needs are important, too! And, while co-sleeping (as in, the baby in her crib in your room) can be mutually beneficial, sleeping in the same bed might not be giving you both the space you might need to get good sleep and there are *some* risks of SIDS. Have you tried leaving her in her crib and perhaps letting her try to soothe herself back to sleep? It's hard at first, but an important skill for little ones to learn. Also, if your experience is anything like mine, you may need to learn how to tell the difference between her crying out but still being asleep (my son still does this at almost 3) and actually being awayke. By 16 months, she's developed some trust and letting her go back to sleep without responding right away or nursing her, even if there are some tears at first, can be good for both of you. Could be worth a try. Good luck to you!

It's normal for a child to go through periods of restless sleep and it's definitely normal to have a sixteen month old in your bed, if you have any doubts about that. If you're finding it difficult now, imagine how tough it would be to transition her to her own bed when she already isn't sleeping well.

My son slept with us until he was around two and a half, and everyone who told us that it was going to be a nightmare getting him to sleep in his big boy bed was wrong. He had no trouble transitioning to his own bed because he was ready. If your little one can't soothe herself to sleep on her own yet, and she doesn't show signs of being ready to learn, she is not ready for her own bed. I'm not saying she couldn't make the transition, I'm just saying that it would be very difficult for everyone involved. If you're miserable with bed sharing that's one thing but if you've simply hit a rough patch you might just try riding it out.

Encourage independence in small increments. It will happen. My son is five and sleeps fine on his own. He never complains about going to bed and has transitioned into Kindergarten with little stress. Looking back, I'm so glad we chose co sleeping despite the inconveniences. He's very independent. Best of Luck!

I think it's because she needs to be sleeping in her own bed. If you don't transition her soon, it's only going to get harder. It's too convenient to nurse when you're right there, and probably none of you are getting the quality sleep you need. My son has been sleeping alone since 7 weeks of age, and sleeping all through the night (10-12 hrs) since he's been 4 months old. Good luck.

I would move her to her own bed and get her a special stuffed animal or blanket to soothe herself with. She could be hungry even if she fdalls back to sleep so you can try to give her a spoon of cereal before bed.

Wanted to add my 2 cents since I went through them same situation when my daughter was 14 months. I actually wanted to wean her at 12 months becuase that was my goal of breastfeeding and she was sleep eating all night with me in bed. I could not break the habit until I went for 2 nights on a business trip. (my first time away from her). This was the best thing ever. I came home and she completely forgot about my breasts and she was now sleeping in her crib.
This would be my recommendation but to also pack a sports bra to wear when you become engorged as it is very painful.
Good luck!

Yes, it is normal. My kids did the same thing, though much earlier and I took it as a sign to move them out of our room.
The thing is they nurse and fall asleep by doing it. During the night everyone wakes up and goes back to sleep. You may turn in your bed, or something like that. The thing is that you go back to your techniques for falling asleep. Your daughter does the same thing. She goes back to sucking on something and falling asleep. the side effect is that she wakes you and she herself has to learn to fall asleep. find her own comforting way and her own sleeping routine. When I moved my son out of our room he started to cry. I let him try to find his way for 10 to 15 minutes and went back in if he didn't sleep by that time. I didn't take him out of his crib, but talked to him and tried to comfort him with my voice telling him to go to sleep and left him for another try. Again I gave him about 15 minutes, coming back in if he didn't find "brother sleep".
It will be hard to listen to your child, but they have to learn. We had to do it and stick with that program for about 4 - 5 days, and then it was easy. You put him down and he slept. So if you make the calcuation he cried for 5 days 30 minutes = 2h 30 minutes. But I had a friend whose daughter hadn't learned to sleep on her own at three years old. The whole family was on raw nerves. The couple didn't have any time for themselves and when their second child came they were forced to do something. They ended up going to a sleeping clinic where they basically did the same thing I descibed. I just think for everyone involved it was much more dramatic. Their daughter cried for 10 to 20 minutes every night and that for 3 years... You make the calculation... This won't be the easiest thing you do but sleeping is one of the things we do the rest of our life and it is worth learning to do it. I hope this helpes. Greetings, A.

Be sure when transitioning to her own bed, to give her one of your shirts that you've already worn so your smell is with her. Wear an old t-shirt around one Saturday all day long. Then give it to her for comfort.
Good luck.