Hi Mommas and Daddys,
My boyfriend and I are both 22, he loves my son to death and often will let strangers believe that he is my son's dad. However, the subject of having kids has gotten brought up a couple of times in the past and he claims he does not want any. Yet if we see a cute little girl he always fawns and leans over and says I want one. He mostly says he does not want kids when he sees kids misbehaving. My question is have any of you said no and then changed your minds as you got older? Also, Do you think a man's need to have children come later in life (as compared to women)?
My boyfriend and I are in no way ready to have children right now. I am on the fence about having any more, although I do not want my son to be an only child I also want my career so personally I have decided to leave it up to fate since fate has already done a wonderful job of delivering my beautiful son. I was just asking because his actions tell a different story from his mouth and was curious to see if anyone had experienced that as well. I have not asked him for anything he has not freely given and I never will, therefore I will not ask for a child if he does not freely give one. Besides, the way I see it I have 18 years to decide if I want another child biologically and my whole life to decide if I want a child.
Yes, I think he might change his mind as he gets older. 22 is still really young - a lot of people don't have kids until they are in their 30s these days.
S.,
Do not count on him changing his mind. He may or may not. If that is a deal breaker for marrying him, then don't.
I love to pet other peoples dogs, but I don't want one of my own.
Victoria
A lot of guys don't want kids when they're young, but they can appreciate them. He's a smart guy. Heck I used to be the kind of person that every time I heard a child screaming in a store I'd look at my hubby and say "And you want one of those?" But here I am at age 30 with a beautiful 8 month old girl.
Just give him some time. If you start to talk marriage though you need to make sure your priorities are in line. Don't ever marry someone who wants different things than you (speaking from experience). It just spells disaster. If marriage becomes a serious consideration and he says that he will never want kids, don't hinge on the fact that he might change his mind. If you're not on the fence about the topic and now for certain that you want more you can't marry someone who says they don't.
they all say that wether its true or not :)
Yeah, give it some time. You guys are so young! I had a 4 year old when I was 22 and we finally decided to have our own child when I was 24, and he was 28. Take your time. No rush!
I did not want kids at all! no room for negotiation lol! but then I met my husband when I was 22 and he told me that he wanted 4 or 5 kids, I laughed and told he was not getting them from me. (you have to understand that my husband was already 39 at the time and had been waiting a while to start a family. me being only 22 was in no rush) then when I reliesed that he was the one and not only how much I loved him but how good he was with kids ( we lived next to a family with 5 kids all under 10. and they all adored him ) and I changed my mind. Now we have a soon to be one yr old and that little boy is the best thing that ever happened to me (even if he is currently eating my tuperware and making weird growling noises at me) I still dont want 4 or 5 I couldnt handle that, but my point is, is that when you are younger you think you have plenty of time for the family thing, as you get older your priorities shift and you reliese hey kids may not be such a bad idea after all.
I agree with the others. He'll come around when he's ready. In the meantime, just enjoy the good thing you have going.
Wow he is a smart man. Having a kid at 22 is not easy & he probably sees that. Also maybe he sees how your son is losing out not having both his parents together married & your BF doesn't want to make the same mistake. I say slow down & enjoy each other, there will be plenty of time to have more kids.
I had my daughter at 18, left her dad at 20, stayed single for many years so that I can put all my energy into a career & into bonding with my daughter. Then I built my 1st home at 22 & enjoyed hanging out with friends & traveled. I didn't think I was ever going to get married & definatley not have any more kids. But then I got married at 31 & had 3 more kids by 35.
So yes he will more than likely change his mind. But do things right in this relationship so you don't find yourself in a cycle of having kids by different fathers.
We currently have some friends that we met several years ago, and did not know them when they were younger and got married. When they married, neither of them wanted children. They spent many happy years together and then BOTH decided they were missing something in their lives, and decided to have children and our fantasic parents. So yes, sometimes as you get older your goals and needs change, for both men and women. But sometimes they don't.
If he has told you he doesn't want any children, you need to listen to him and not think about "well maybe someday" or "I know I can change his mind". It doesn't work that way. If you're positive and he's not, you need to continue your relationship as if you'll never have children together. If you can't do that, then it's time to part ways.
My husband is almost 35...and NEVER wanted children. He told every girlfriend that he had that he never did...so everyone knew he was clear cut on it. Well....we have a 3 week old son now. So, men can change their minds. I won't say 22 is so young...lol...but guys have such a different maturity level than us women at that level (I'm 25 so I'm around your age)...anyhow, I'm sure as he gets more mature and a bit older and more stable, he'll see that kids complete the family and will probably want them.
Updated
My husband is almost 35...and NEVER wanted children. He told every girlfriend that he had that he never did...so everyone knew he was clear cut on it. Well....we have a 3 week old son now. So, men can change their minds. I won't say 22 is so young...lol...but guys have such a different maturity level than us women at that level (I'm 25 so I'm around your age)...anyhow, I'm sure as he gets more mature and a bit older and more stable, he'll see that kids complete the family and will proba
I don't know if we can pin down certain characteristics that are always there for either men or woman. People have their own ways of looking at things.
I do believe that many men that feel the deep responsibility to make a good living for their family suffer with the desire to put it off or just not have more then one or maybe even have no kids.
Then there are the ones that don't feel they would be able to handle it. Then somewhere a long the way they get close to someone elses child and suddenly they can picture themselves being a parent.
Then there are those that have a full life or want to have a full life at some point that includes travel and basically living only for themselves. They either don't want kids at all or they want to have one or two and do it early and get it out of the way so they can enjoy their 40's without children in the house.
In our lives my husband came from a large family. He saw a lot of struggle with his brothers and the ways they took advantage of his father. I believe he went into parenthood dreading the teenage years. Then we went through those years with a couple of our daughters and he's convinced that they were terrible teens. In reality they weren't that bad at all. But he's been traumatized. I'd love to have another before menopause creeps in. But he's so done.
