jff-Kids Say the Dardest Things!

My husband and I were kissing each other goodbye as he was leaving for work. My 5 y/o asked why we kissed goodbye and my husband replied 'because we are married'. My son came to me, wanted a kiss on the lips and then he said all proud "Mommy and me are marrrrrrried!! Now she is my LIFE (instead of wife)" OMG I just thought that was the funniest and cutest thing ever! =-)

we had a fish and my daughter was 3 years old at the time. the fish died and went down the toliet. the next week, she went to sunday school and when someone asked how you go to heaven, she said.... " Down the toliet "

My 3.5 year old son was at my in-laws the other day, and some Jehovah's Witnesses came to the door. My FIL spoke to them briefly and then shut the door. My son said "who were those people, Grandpa" and he said "oh, they just wanted to come by and talk to us about God." My son replied, "Oh, you mean God Dammit?"

I about died.

my fav was when my brother was a baby, and we were looking at pillows at Walmart. He wanted to squeeze one too, and he said really loud "they're soft like boobies!" hee.

Yesterday I found my son trying to stuff a cheese stick into the pencil sharpener. I asked him what he was doing and he told me he wanted his cheddar "sharp". (me: palm smacks forehead, then uncontrollable laughter)

My four year old loves to watch me do my makeup. I usually put a little blush on her for dressup. I always tell her to back away from the mirror while Mommy does her mascara because if she were to bump into me I would poke my eye. While getting ready for church last sunday she said to me "Mommy does that scare your eye?" I said "no why?" She replied "Then why do they call it EyeScarea?" I laughed so hard tears were rolling down my face.

When my daughter was five, she watched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory a few times. One afternoon we went to Safeway and I said "Let's go to the candy aisle." When we got there, my little girl said in the sweetest (and somewhat loud) voice "Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker!" Thankfully I recognized the quote from the movie, otherwise I would've been a little shocked. Instead, I tried really hard not to react (i.e., I was trying really hard not to laugh because it was so funny to hear her say that). :-)

My four year old son just told me I have "BIG BOOBIES" and "I want to see the tops" (meaning the nipples.) Maybe I shouldn't have breastfed him for two years? My husband walked away shaking his head laughing.

My 5 year old told me earlier today, "Mommy, you just need to calm down because you are like an explosion".

my son says alot of things that blow me away with laughter,but there was this one time me and my mom had ...had a garage sale that day and that night were picking up and said to each other we are getting to old for this and to which he replied grandpa bill is old but he still works.....lol.

I have been teaching my kids the Lord's Prayer for the last few weeks. The first time I went through it with my 3 year old I had him repeat it after me phrase by phrase. So I started. "Our Father in heaven, (he repeated) hallowed by thy name." To which he said " No, Silas be my name" It was too cute.

when my son was little i had him in the woman's bathroom with me...he had to go bad so i let him go first in the stall with me. i told him to hurry up because i had to go too. he looked at me and said loud " why are you leaking, yet?"

another time we were going to the grocery store when the doctor called and said i was approved for a breast reduction so i called a friend of mine and told her i get to have my boobs cut off. so my son and i went into the store by the deli which was packed being a saturday morning and he said to me very loud " mom what kind of chain saw are they going to use to cut your boobs off?"

My son asked me what was the level AFTER heaven. :)

We were at the beach when a young woman comes walking down the beach in a skimpy bikini. My son jumps up as she walks by and screams "LOOK! SHE"S NAKED!" Then proceeds to point and say it again before I could get him to hush. She pretended like she didn't hear it, but on her walk back, she walked behind us! LOL

Last year, when my little one was 5, she said something i will never forget. She said "mommy i love your dinner". I said "that is because i make it with love." She proudly tells daddy, "mommy makes love in the dinner"! I love the hilarious things they come up with :) I live for these moments!

one morning, my 2 year old soaked through his diaper and his sheets and blankets got soaked with pee. I had a really rough night with our newborn and was running on fumes. So when I went in to pull the sheets off, my husband came and asked me why I was huffing and puffing and i said "his whole bed is f**king wet!". I wasn't mad at my son, and I thought he was downstairs and out of earshot. But later on while he was napping, I heard him over the baby monitor mumble, "dammit it's f**king wet!". Come to find out, his sippy cup had leaked all over his pillow

My son told me we need to go buy some more money.

Does it count if it's something they do instead of say, and is it okay if it's a girl that I nanny instead of one of my own?

The other day, I was with the 2 year old girl that I nanny. She never eats my food (Does that tell you how bad of a cook I am?). She was sick, so I let her pick out what we had for lunch in an attempt to get her to eat. She wanted a peanut butter sandwich with grapes. So I made the sandwiches and put the grapes on the side (Which were all cut in half). When I set the plate down on the table she got all mad and put the grapes ON TOP OF the sandwich. Only then would she eat it. Lol.

Later the same day, she was sitting on the couch. She took off her socks, smelled them, wrinkled up her nose, and then walked over to the trash and threw them away. Lmao!

My daughter is wondering about anatomy lately and I thought I had it covered. Then 2 days ago she tells me, "mom, boys don't have boobs b/c they have balls on their butts"...Im like okay time to buy a basic book about anatomy before she starts giving all her friends lessons :)

We were at the park when my brother was 3. My fiance was swinging on one swing while I pushed my brother on the other. The swing my fiance was on snapped in half while he was swinging, and sent him flying. On the way back home, my brother was riding his bike in front of us and I was talking to my fiance. I said to him in an undertone 'I can't believe that f***ing swing broke!' My brother stopped his bike, turned around, and said "Christina, you can't say f***... it's a bad word." then turned around and kept right on going.

Another time, (he was 4 then) I took him to get some ice cream at Baskin Robbins where I worked as a cake decorator. He was sitting at a table eating his ice cream (one of the employees was keeping an eye on him) while I was helping one of the other employees sort out a cake order. I come out to see my brother talking to a customer who was looking at the cakes on display. He told the customer "My big sister makes the cakes out of doggie poo and babies." LOL!!! He got that in his head because I made one cake for a dog-lover, that had 'dog poo' decorations on it (don't know why someone would order that... but hey, I aim to please! lol) and another cake for a baby shower... he must have overheard me telling my friends about it or something. lol.

I was pregnant with my 1st son and my 3 year old nephew was really intrigued with how he got there and how he came out etc. So over the first 6 months I'd get a couple of questions like where to baby AJ come from or how did he get in my tummy etc.? He's very intellectual and will process information for days sometimes weeks.

One day out of nowhere he asked me "Auntie Me me, how did the doctor get the vacuum cleaner in your tummy to get baby AJ out " I was floored and so baffled. I was like say what? Apparently, he over heard me telling some of our extended family members the reason my son was in the NICU was because of the injury from his "Vacuum" assisted delivery. He was so worried and looked so concerned about me having a vacuum in me. I finally starting laughing and then explained to him it wasn't like the vacuum we used to clean the floors it was more like a suction and it just helped the doctor pull AJ out of my tummy! Thank God he stopped there with the questions, and he was no longer consumed with how a vacuum was in my tummy..