JFF -- Open Mouth, Insert Foot

Shame on you, Carrie B. You need to leave.

aaaannnnnd, gone! Boy, I'm good at this! Will it work if I say.......... "I need a million dollars!" ? :)

Just recently, in fact, and I've lost sleep over it actually. My BIL and his wife just had their first baby a couple days ago. Yay! They live on the other side of the country so we don't see them often, nor do we really talk that much, frankly.

Anyway! My BIL calls me and is sharing his great news. I'm so excited for them. He is telling me that the delivery was hard on his wife, 4 hrs of pushing labor and they had to use the vaccuum to help things along.

This reminded me of my daughters birth (7 yrs ago) and how the cord was wrapped around her neck 3 times and they had to do an episiotomy to deliver her immediately since her heart rate was dropping with each push.

Well, I begin to tell him, then realize it's my BIL that I have only luke-warm feelings for and I actually didn't want to tell him about my episiotomy at all, as it's just TMI in this case, so I say, stupidly, "... and they had to use the clamps to help her out." Which, of course, they do not use anymore for good reason, to which he was sure to remind me of. I then backpeddled and said, "she just had to be delivered very quickly" without going into why.

I turned it into a very awkward conversation in which I looked like a liar. Not only that, this particular couple thinks they are smarter than everyone, so now I'm sure they think I'm even more of an idiot on top of it all. Ugh - I wish I had that 5 minutes back!

Funny! Good save and nice that the Brigadier General agreed.

For my son's class party, one of the mothers came to the room dressed as the Wicked Queen from Snow White to read stories. (Her son and mine have had a playdate together and like each other.) The mom did a great job of reading the story and keeping the kids engaged; when she was done, I smiled and said to her son "Your evil witch mom picked some great books!" ( I told her of my faux pas later... I still think of the Queen as an Evil Witch like I did as a kid.)

Carrie, I think you've hit the limit of disgustingly rude and disrespectful. Please stop.

This isn't something I said, but something I wrote.

I was a brand new writer in a big company. They asked me to put together some product descriptions that they could show to the clients.

I worked hard on the descriptions, and the printed them out and EMAILED them to the clients.

What I didn't realize that instead of "birch trees" I had written "b*tch trees."

They made fun of me for a long time about the b*tch trees!

DH and I were at a church function many years ago. He introduced me to an older woman he had met in Bible Study. So we're chatting away and she told me she had noticed how happy DH and I always looked when she saw us together and how nice DH was. So I quipped - don't let that act fool you, he beats the heck out of me when we get home. I thought I was being funny, but the woman got VERY quiet very quickly and made an excuse to walk away.

DH explained later that she had confided in him that her now ex-husband used to beat her senseless. I still cringe when I think about it. I don't know what I was thinking.

I have had this friend for a long time. She has two dogs and when they act up they alwlays say "Sparky Kettlelynn" or "Jenn kettlelynn". Sooo for the longest time I did not understand what they were doing. I often wondered why they gave thier dogs Middle names.
Sooo sitting around the campfire one night we were cooking hog dogs. About 12 of us. I hear my friend say to her dog...Sparky Kettlelynn. So It was quiet and I asked her. Why did your give your dogs middle names and its the same middle name for both dogs. The laughter was loud and long. I did not get why they were laughing at me and really loud too!!!
In between laughing it was explained to me. They do not have middle names you silly women!! We are telling the dogs Kennell In...meaning go the Kennell.
Well to this day I will never live this one down. I good for a reall laugh that night. lol

Sorry, I'm so busy laughing at your post that I can't even think. I grew up in a military household in a military community - and oh the horror you must have felt!

The only times I can remember off the top of my head where I felt horrified were the times I called my current husband by my ex husband's name (thank goodness not in passion though!). I know there were other times, but I'm still mind numbed from imagining your story!

I was in a meeting with all the Big Wigs and some new Clients. I was also the only female. I had to order food to host a luncheon. A new client had a plate full of food and some meat was hanging over the side. I simply said "Your meat is hanging". Took me a second to understand why everyone was cracking up.

A couple weeks ago was my son's 2nd birthday. We were at his party at my MILs house. I also had to bring 2 of the kids I nanny to the party because their parents needed me to work last second.

All in all there were 6 adults and 7 kids. The kids were eating in one room, adults were eating in the kitchen. I kept checking on the kids because I didn't feel comfortable leaving them alone for too long. One of my SIL's kids wasn't eating. After telling him 7 or 8 times that he needed to eat, I went and talked to my SIL. My SIL is pregnant and a bit hormonal.

What I said was, "I don't know if you care but Timmy isn't eating."

What I meant was, "I know that Timmy is a picky eater and he is always refusing to eat so this is probably normal but Timmy isn't eating so I don't know if I should keep bugging him to eat or if I should just let it go."

I still feel like I should apologize to her for that mistake. Lol

I was playing Scattergories with my husband, sister-in-law and her hubby (who I must add is black, the 3 of us are white). The letter was W and one of the things listed was "ethnic food"...as we were going through and sharing our answers, I innocently asked..."Is Watermelon an ethnic food?"...My hubby and sister in law BUSTED out laughing and Tracy (SIL hubby) jaw hit the floor.

Honestly, I didn't know that watermelon fits into a category with fried chicken and grape koolaid - didn't know the connection of those two foods either! :-) We still laugh about that moment to this day :-)

Just recently, my BFF and I were warming up in the dry sauna at the gym before our workout. I was griping about my toes being cold and blamed it on the breathable mesh part of my shoes. I said, "Oh well. It's not like I'm gonna wear those ugly, all-white, leather old man shoes instead."

Then, we both looked down at her feet . . .

Bah!!! I felt like an idiot. We laughed pretty hard. God love her!