I recently learned that my FIL has a unflattering pic of me (taken shortly after giving birth) and my fam on his bedroom wall. It made me really mad at first, but I guess w/o knowing the backstory it sounds like I am being silly...
Also my MIL has other unflattering pics (specifically of my baby-such a bad pic my hubby didn't even know it was him) on display in her house. I have provided her w/ good/cute pictures-not sure why she chooses to display bad ones for vistors to see.
And last but not least my SIL posts horribly unflattering pics of my fam on FB (as well as of her own fam) and we are really not cool w/ it.
Do you mamas think this is weird? I like my far away friends and fam to see me and my fam at our best-or at least w/ our eyes open and faces clean (and free of the sweat/ick of childbirth)...
Is this just getting under my skin cause they are IL's?
Whadaya think?
Thanks for your responses. :)
Just to clarify, I said JFF because there is not much I can do about it-it has already been addressed (by DH) and ignored. I was just curious if you mamas feel the same.
Again, I have given both MIL and SIL some great professional and candid pictures. Literally TONS over the past 5+ years...
And as far as the baby pic is concerned I think she put it out cause it fit in the frame. Dumb reason, IMO.
I am not so vain that they have to be perfect-we have (and they have too) a framed studio pic of our DD screaming her head off
from fear of the photographer-it's hilarious. I love it. And lots of smooshy food faces...Love those too. Don't misunderstand me-it's not that they have to be perfect-just would prefer not to have deletable pics displayed as art. Especially when I have provided nice ones.
I am not particularly close w/ my IL's-my MIL burst into tears when DH told them he was going to propose. Not happy tears. Lol.
Oh and I completely agree you shouldn't post pic's of other ppl online. :)
I hate most pics of myself, so it would bug me too! The ones in their house, I wouldn't worry about. The ones on FB...I'd "untag" myself!
Some people just see the 'moment', not the perfection.
We had my kid's picture taken for my daughter's first Christmas. There was one that as my son bent down to kiss her head she busted out crying. It was too cute and hilarious!! I asked them for a copy of it. The lady doing the package just 'knew' that I wouldn't want that and deleted it before asking!
I was a bit miffed because that moment was lost.
Personally I've never seen a picture of ME that ISN'T unflattering, so yeah, they do not have the same (negative) opinion of you as you do.
:)
ok had to share, my dad's wife kept asking for a pict of my first born but she didn't want a snapshot she wanted a professional pict. some people probably do but i wasn't taking a new born to the mall for picts before he was a month old. So we gave them the code to go online and buy the hospital picture, we got one free or something but didn't buy any more, since we had tons of snapshots. So when my son was a month old we had a meet the baby shower and invited my dad and the wife etc. along with about 30 other family friends.
so dad's wife is sooooo excited for the gift she had brought me, I open it up in front of every one and there is a beautiful machine quilted fancy dancy echru crib quilt and matching bag to store it in. YEAH only the bag has a iron on picture of SOMEONE ELSE's BABY ON IT! I almost died. seriously, my son was totally bald at birth and still a month later had only the very lightest peach fuz. The kid in the picture had a FULL shock of bright red hair.
thankfully no one said anything in front of her and to this day i don't think she knows, but wow!
to answer your question though, weird but not worth it.
Personally I would let it go- unless you feel this is part of a pattern where you are negatively singled out in other ways.
You can't manage your SILs facebook page, but you can change your own FB privacy settings so that photos in which you are tagged don't show up on your page. And you could "ignore" your SILs page (maybe out of sight out of mind?).
I think good Christmas and mother's day gifts would be nicely framed family portraits. :)
I think we all have different ideas of what looks "good". I know some of my fav pics of my son are not the same favorites of my mom or MIL. I doubt they do it on purpose -- who'd want to say "Here's my newphew!" if it's an ugly picture (in their opinion)? I bet they pick the pictures that they're most proud of to post. In the future, don't send them 'okay' pictures, but just the ones you really like. Better yet, mail them an 8x10 or 5x7 of a really good picture. Those are more 'frame-ready' than a simple 4x6.
Well of course it gets under your skin! No one likes an unflattering picture displayed for all to see. I don't know your family, but I doubt they are doing this to be mean. There have been plenty of times I will put up a picture of friends and think it's a cute shot, only to get a bunch of "OMG take that down! I look terrible, my eyes are half closed!" messages! We are our own worst critics, so it's entirely possible that they just don't see the pictures as bad. Maybe your in-laws like those pictures for the time they represent and not the actual image they show? If it's really under your skin you might try giving them already-framed pictures to hang up in their house. As for facebook, just counter the pictures you don't like with all those amazing, clean faced ones you do ;)
WOW, id freak, everybody knows to ask a girl before a pic is posted
I don't think it's weird. I actually don't post pics of other people's kids on FB without asking them first and if I do post pics anywhere (home, FB, or whatever) I would never put up anything they themselves didn't like. It seems really passive aggressive. Do you have a good relationship with your in-laws? I think people have gotten way too comfortable with other people's images. I would flip out if my in-laws were putting up pictures of me right after I had a baby. To me the idea of privacy and "personal" moments seems to have disappeared. Just because someone can take a pic doesn't mean they should.
Well, unfortunately, regarding the in-laws, it's their house, so there's not much you can do. Regarding FB, you can ask SIL not to post pics of your family, but you can't really stop her (I don't think?).
My MIL, a sweet wonderful woman in almost all ways, will invariably choose family portraits where she looks her best, even if everyone else in the picture is looking their worst, and she'll say that she thinks it's a great picture. She just has blinkers on, in that regard.
My in-laws have an 8x11 pic of my son with baby food smooshed all over his face, really super close up so it's not even his whole face. He's not smiling, and doesn't look particularly good, but I just let it go.
Flattering/unflattering is a matter of opinion and in their case perhaps sentiment. Your FIL probably loves that picture b/c of the day it was taken. My MIL has the UGLIEST picture of me taken about a week before I gave birth. I am swollen, pale and wearing some god-awful moomoo tent thing b/c I hadn't actually gotten dressed for the party yet. She took the picture and b/c it was so funny and so out-of-character it's on her dresser framed. We get along really well, but if that photo ever came out in public... oh wait, it did. Oh well!
Give your MIL some framed photos of your family as a gift or offer to switch them out the next time you are there.
Better yet, ask them why they love those pictures so much and then maybe offer to help them scrapbook the pictures so that they have the memories, just a little less visible.
I think you're making a big deal out of a small and easily rectified issue.
I have learned, through the "help" of my dear husband, that I am too critical of myself in pictures. =) Who isn't. So, you probably are reading too much into it. It is likely your in laws are hanging the picture because of what it represents (the moment, time, etc) rather than what everyone looks like. My mother in law posted all over facebook a pic of me right after I had given birth and been in the hospital for over a week. I wasn't thrilled, but I sure didn't let it bother me. I even got some compliments on how good I looked after just giving birth. Others see the beauty in things we fail to see.
I agree with Dawn - frame some good ones and give the framed pics as a gift. Hope it works!
I do hate this... the ones on facebook make me upset as I have friends/relatives on my families side that I would rather not see any images of me. I've asked my relative to take them down, but so far she hasn't. I don't think there is anything wrong with asking for photos of you and the family not be posted. I don't post other people photos online either, I think it's inappropriate and disrespectful.
As for the ones displayed in their home... it's not as big of a deal as the ones posted online (to me anyways). I would probably, casually and nicely bring it up that it makes you uncomfortable and ask them if they liked the other photos you sent. But keep in mind, they probably see beauty in the images that you don't see. We tend to be extra hard on ourselves.
hehe, i have a 3 month old and I gave my aunt a stack of pics to take what she wanted, only I missed a group shot taken minutes after my older kids came into the delivery room, I totally snatched it and told her she couldn't have it, AND she argued with me! I totally feel your pain.
When you go visit, take your new picture(s) and say LOOK! after they ooooh and awwww, grab a frame and change it out! I get you on the FB pix..my SIL untags herself all the time if she doenst like it. Im pretty conscience of what I post, especially of other people. and if I dont like a pix someone posted of me, I always comment on it like 'ew! take this picture off, i look (insert here) fat, terrible, drunk etc
I think part of it is the in-laws getting under your skin. I would want good pictures of me to be displayed. On the other hand, sometimes "bad" pics are kind of fun. You can be like, what the hell happened to me? sometimes its funny but if its a picture shortly after giving birth, I don't think I would care as long as it wasn't for just anyone to see. If was sitting out in the living room where their friends could see it I wouldn't be too happy. I think I'd be more embarrassed.
I don't really have any advise to give, but wanted you to know that I understand how you feel. My mil (to whom I don't have a very good relationship with) blew up a poster sized picture of me right after giving birth to my son and put it in her back window of the van for the whole town to see as she is driving around! I was livid. Those kind of pictures should be for me and whomever "I" choose to see them. If she had them just in a photo album, I probably wouldn't have cared so much........but in a van window for everyone to see?????
We had a disagreement about that poster and now she will not accept or display any pictures with me in it. lol Oh well, now I don't have to worry about it. ;)
It is the in-laws house, they can pick what pictures to put up. Now if it has to due with showing more skin then you are ok with then I think it is ok if you ask them to change it out because you are uncofortable with it.
With facebook, if you are tagged you can remove the tag of yourself. Under the photo or the photo's caption should give you that option. If there are no tags and you want the photo removed then polietly ask sister-in-law to remove it and in the future ask your permission first before posting photos of you or your faimly. Tagging is the way everyone you know gets to see the pictures so remove that and they will not see it. With family they have already seen you at your best and worst so they will not think anything less of you (or at least they should not if it is not your best photo).
