JFF (Well Sort of but Curious on Your Opinion) Brilliant or a Little Rude?

Very rude.
I'd not be going to any more parties thrown by her anymore.

Additional:
I don't think shunning someone who has no respect for others time constraints is unreasonable.
I need a firm start time and end time.
I show up a few minutes before the start and leave promptly at the end.
I don't need others second guessing what my response will be to the times they have stated.
It makes things way BEYOND confusing if a start/end time is not really a start/end time.
As for those who can never be on time for anything - bummer for them but if they show up late then THEY miss out - that is on THEM and not on the hostess.
And if they think they are STAYING late because they arrived late - not going to happen - they get shooed out the door at the stated end time regardless of when they arrived.

RUDE.... You put the correct time on the invitation and those who are rude enough to show up late just miss out on part of the festivities.

Who does she think she is to manipulate people like that? Her boy won't have many friends if she does things this way for long.

People who show up late are disrespectful of the host/hostess. People who are mislead by a host/hostess in this way are being disrespected by the host/hostess.

I just might have left and told her I planned my day according to the time on the invitation.

It was rude in this situation. She assumed some might be late so she forced others to be super early and have to sit and wait. It would not have been as bad had the party end time still been the same as on the invite, but to move that back more then likely messed up the schedules of several people. It sucks when people are late, but that is their problem, you don't punish everyone for those rude few.

Now that said, if you have a friend that is consistently 30 minutes late to EVERYTHING, which I find to be incredibly rude (thinking their time is more important then everyone else's ect) then I find nothing wrong with telling just that person something starts earlier then it does, because that person has proven to have issues with timeliness.

I have no issue with the start time (some venues do the same thing) but she should have communicated an accurate end time. We've done a few birthday parties at a trampoline place and the party time might say 2:00 - 4:00 but the kids don't start bouncing until 2:30. The initial half hour is to make sure waivers are signed, give the kids time to stash their belongings and change their shoes, etc. Invariably, several people are 15-20 minutes late so the 30 minute buffer works out well. But you have to end the party when you say you will.

Why does it have to be brilliant or rude? She did what worked for her, she was paying, she likely didn't want kids to come in later; a lot of times, those places have waivers to sign and sometimes, a video the kids have to watch for safety reasons. (Some places here do this.)
I don't think it was a huge, big deal. Really, nothing to get upset about. You had the choice to take your kid earlier if that was what worked for you. That's life.

So rude especially given the end time was wrong too?? That was just stupid. And who cares if people are late to a bounce house party? I've been to a ton and the kids who are there start bouncing and latecomers join in when they arrive. Not like a restaurant who won't seat a party until everyone is there. She could have at least said 1:15 and given the correct end time.

I would think that the "party" started at the time everyone arrived at 1:00, when the kids all got together and greeted one another. The planned "activity" started 1/2 hour into the party. I think it is quite reasonable to have everyone arrive and be ready to start the activity before the actual start of the activity. I would have made the invitation for 1:00pm so I had time to greet the kids and parents, put the gifts away, have kids remove shoes, check that everyone has appropriate waivers signed, take food and drink orders (if applicable) and the kids have a chance to "mingle" before they start bouncing. The invitation should have stated the actual end time of the party. If the invitation said 1:30 too much bounce time is wasted waiting for stragglers and taking care of details. At least 15 minutes early would be appropriate.

In all fairness, here it's pretty typical to request kids arrive 15 minutes early for things like swim parties, or bounce houses, movies or hockey parties etc. so the kids can get ready before hand for when the venue becomes available. Especially if they have to get the kids organized first and go over rules, or sign waivers, or put on gear, etc.

Some of those places actually suggest it because once the kids go in to the venue, they need so many parents to supervise. They can't leave to greet kids.

So that I've seen. It's usually worded "Drop off at 1:30, party to begin at 1:45, pick up at ..".

And it's very common for those kinds of parties to run late. The venue may be 1:30 -3:30 but it could take ten minutes or so for kids to come out. I guess we know that going into it. Every one we've been to generally runs a bit behind.

I get why she did it but 1/2 hour sounds a bit much but so long as the kids were entertained or having fun, not sure it's a big deal. I can see where you were rushed it would be annoying.

Updated

In all fairness, here it's pretty typical to request kids arrive 15 minutes early for things like swim parties, or bounce houses, movies or hockey parties etc. so the kids can get ready before hand for when the venue becomes available. Especially if they have to get the kids organized first and go over rules, or sign waivers, or put on gear, etc.

Some of those places actually suggest it because once the kids go in to the venue, they need so many parents to supervise. They can't leave to greet kids.

So that I've seen. It's usually worded "Drop off at 1:30, party to begin at 1:45, pick up at ..".

And it's very common for those kinds of parties to run late. The venue may be 1:30 -3:30 but it could take ten minutes or so for kids to come out. I guess we know that going into it. Every one we've been to generally runs a bit behind.

I get why she did it but 1/2 hour sounds a bit much but so long as the kids were entertained or having fun, not sure it's a big deal. I can see where you were rushed it would be annoying.

Yes, it's rude to deliberately put the wrong time on an invitation. You put the right time and those who are late just miss out on part of the party.
As for missing lunch so as not to be late, unless the invite said lunch would be served, I would not assume any refreshments beyond cake and ice cream, regardless of the time of the party. I would have hit a drive-thru on the way and at least gotten the kid a burger or some chicken nuggets, even if it made us a few minutes late.

ETA: I personally HATE being late. I think it's incredibly rude to be late. If I had a friend that was consistently late? I'd have a problem with that. For her to assume that other people are late? Rude.

I do understand "mingle" time as suggested by another poster, however, she didn't communicate that to you and your son went without lunch. To me? A 1PM party is after lunch so all that will be served is cake and ice cream.

I get it - but it's rude. I'd be pissed too. Especially because my kid didn't get lunch and bouncey houses take a lot of energy!!! URGH!!!

It was rude. She could have specified that bouncing starts at 1:30 and whoever isn't there just doesn't get as long to bounce. I would decline all party invites from this family in the future. You ran to get there and then she didn't even have the end time right. That's a double no.

I think 1:15 would have been ok if the bouncing was really going to start at 1:30. It's good to have some time for getting ready, but 15 minutes is enough and 30 is just too much. Also, no matter what, there needs to be a correct end time (though perhaps she's also worried about people picking up late). For this party, 1:15 - 3:30 would have been appropriate for the invitation.

Knowing your son had gymnsatics until 12:45 and thinking the party started at 1:00, I think it would have been ok to communicate that to the host in advance. Just sending a quick email saying you might be a few minutes late due to gym is showing that you respect her time. You could say "My son has gymnastics till 12:45, so we'll be a few minutes late to the party. I'll walk him into the bounce room to meet up with everyone when we arrive." Then she knows you're not expecting them to wait.

ah, so this is the question that prompted the other.

yeah, that is pretty rude. i get being aggravated by people showing up late, but that's a fact of life with kids' parties. you don't discommodate all the other parents, and you definitely don't punish the on-time ones like this.

very different situation than a dinner party at one's home.

khairete
S.

The only time I'd do that is for my sister who is chronically, unfailingly, doesn't-give-two-craps-if-her-entire-family-needs-her-somewhere, late. I vote for rude.

That's rude.
I have always put the times, example 1-4 or something like that. If people show up late that's their problem not mine I will still do things as scheduled. I also only invite the kids that my daughter is good friends with, which is easier since we home-school.

Just because she's been burned before doesn't mean she gets to be rude to new people! The party starts at the time listed, unless it's something like a movie for older kids (and the invitation would say "Movie starts at 3 PM but please be in the lobby at 2:45 to get tickets and seats"). So she was wrong. She could have had another activity for those who arrived on time, and started the bouncy house at 1:15 if she wanted, but leaving you with nothing was ridiculous.

What's odd is that she didn't have an ending time - most parties especially for little kids say "1-3 PM", which would tell you exactly when it ended. Then you could have planned your day. Are you saying she put "1-3" and really meant "1:30-3:30"?? That's awful.

Honestly, I wouldn't go the next time if she invites you! You'll learn that you can't go to every single party out there, and it's not worth getting stressed over.

BEYOND rude!! Beyond the pale rude. wow....................

rude.
for family i say were gathering at 1 and eating at 130 so everyone knows if they arrive after 130 their food will probably be cold.

Wow. that is rude. It's always frustrating when guests arrive late, but what should it really matter at a bounce house? The guest kid is the one who gets less play time. Since the kids play before eating cake, it's not like late arrivals are going to miss the actual "celebration" part.

We arrived late to a party recently. My kids have morning activities, and we left as soon as we possibly could to get to the party. Traffic and construction was awful, so we were 30 minutes late. I felt badly for my kids, but why should the birthday family care? They totally understood that we tried our best to get there at the start time, but it literally wasn't possible! My hubby even took the kids out of their morning activities early!

With that said, i lie about start time to one of my friends. She is usually 45-60 minutes late, so I sometimes lie to get her here earlier. But I couldn't imagine doing this on a formal invitation to a party. I mean, hello! If you show up on time, you have to tell your child they can't play for 30 minutes? No way I'd be attending another one of their parties.

I don't do "hurry up and wait" well. My time is minimal and is usually planned down to the 5/10 minute mark. Having the party that delayed purposely would have caused me to be late to another child's thing (and I abhor tardiness). So, I vote rude.

I just had a surprise birthday party. Party was from 6:30 to 8:30, and I stated as such. But I also requested parents arrive around 6:15 to fill out waiver and to avoid being late and ruining/missing the surprise. It seemed to go well.

I am curious because it has been forever since my kids were little. Don't they still put from 1-4 on the invitation? I can kind of get, well not really, lying about the start time but what would be the point of lying about the end time?

I think it is kind of a dumb idea because next year people are going to assume she lied about the time again and come even later.

It was very rude. Truly inconsiderate of other peoples' time. Also of the fact that there may have been hungry children. I would expect a 1 pm party to serve lunch. No way my son was waiting until long after 1:30 to have lunch.

What I don't understand is why the mother told the guests that the party didn't start til 1:30 when she wrote 1:00 on the invite. The party starts when the guests arrive. If they are arriving at 1:00, then that's when the party starts. And she should have everything ready. If she doesn't, then she's a bit strange. What was happening for that half hour? Was she just sitting down chatting with people?

I think she should have put a few more details on the invitations. An end time would be the most important thing in this case. Usually people will list the party start time and then request people arrive 15 min. earlier to prepare. In this case you probably had to bring lunch in the car and eat it when you saw that you had 15-30 extra minutes. Not ideal, since you had to plan ahead, but not a huge issue. As far as leaving early, it happens often. I've had kids stay for half of a party and I always love having them there. Leaving early isn't easy with a 4 year old, but again she should have told you up front when they'd be done. I always verify the end time when I drop my kids off too. That way you can double check that you'll be back on time. You probably aren't dropping your son off at age 4 though. :)

When I responded I would have mentioned that kiddo got out of gymnastics at 12:45 and that we'd be a little late. Then let it go. Hopefully she'd say that's okay, I put 1pm so everyone would be here when it's time to start at 1:30.

I'm just rude enough to start the party on time regardless of who's there or not...that's just me. People who're late are the ones that are effected by their tardiness, not me.

THAT WAS RUDE!!! You can't FORCE people to be on time to your party by making them early. Terrible. It's rude when people are late too, but that's no excuse. At a party, hopefully enough is going on where people are OK if some people are a little late. But inconveniencing EVERYONE by making them wait a half hour for party to start? Ad expecting them to stay later? Nope. Rude.

I do understand your point of view, I don't think it was rude or meant to be rude, but I don't think it's smart at all. I do understand the other mother's frustration in planning and this happened.
I just had a birthday party for my 9 year old, after inviting his whole class because last year I just invited the boys and only 5 showed up. This year I thought more would show up and celebrate with him and I didn't get my first RSVP until 9:30 PM the night before, then 3 called the next day after his teacher passed a reminder to them. I ended up with 11 kids, including siblings of classmates. Talk about heart breaking. He doesn't want another party. The place I was having his birthday party, they allow 1 hour before going into the party room to play on their jungle gym. I let the parents know that so if they couldn't be there right when it started they could still come and have fun. I think this other mother should mentioned something like that.

Once again, Nervy Girl gives the most sane and gracious answer of the bunch. Most of the answers? Yikes! Shun this woman's parties over a mistake that resulted in a half hour time discrepancy? Sad. If it bothers you, talk to her about it. It's okay that you felt the way you did, maybe discussing it will help her better plan in the future.